Three good giants

by Franqois Rabelais

  When the army was all got together, a troop of Light Cavahy, three hundred strong, under Captain Swillwind, was sent forward to scour the country of the enemy, and find out what ambuscades had been laid; but they could find none. Grandgousier's Shepherds were still peacefully watching their grape-vines, and looking out only for the bad starlings. When the report was made that the land was clear, Picrochole, all of a sudden bold, ordered a quick advance, each company marching under its own captain. Without any order or discipline, the army swept over King Grandgousier's fields, meeting no opposition; laying them waste ; sparing neither rich nor poor ; respecting no holy place ; carrying _jg^ away the bellowing oxen, mooing cows, roaring bulls, crying calves, bleating lambs, ewes, rams

  CAPTAIN SWILL WIND'S CAVALRY.

  crowing goats, cackling hens, cocks, piping chicks, goslings, ganders, geese, grunting swine, and suckling pigs; beating down the ripe walnuts ; tearing up the vines, and pulling all the fruit from the trees. Now and then, a frightened Shepherd would crawl from his hiding-place and beg for mercy, on the ground that he and the Bunmakers had always been the best neighbors together, and that it would be a shame to treat him like a foe. All the Bunmakers did was to laugh at so mean-spirited a fellow, while shouting that they were bound to teach him how to eat their buns. So, like a great wave of blood, they rolled on till they reached Seuilly.

  Then the mighty army, after sacking the town, rushed, shouting like madmen, to the very walls of the great and venerable Abbey of Seuilly, which they found very thick, and strengthened by a huge gate made fast against them. The main body marched away towards the Ford of Vede, leaving seven bodies of infantry with their standards, and two hundred lancers, to break down the wall, which they did very soon, with fierce cries of "Let us spoil the monks !"

  SPOILING THE MONKS.

  Of course, the poor monks were not fighting men. And when they found their convent walls broken through and their fields at the mercy of the Bunmakers, all they could think of doing was to go to their Chapel, from which they intended to come forth in a solemn procession to entreat the wicked men to leave them alone. While the monks, headed by their Prior

  FBIAR JOHN ATTACKS THE BUNMAKERS.

  himself, were singing psalms and getting ready to leave the Chapel, in rushed a young monk, with flaming eyes, who had seen what was going on in the vineyard.

  " That's very well sung, brethren ! " he shouted ; " very well sung, indeed ! But why don't you sing, f Good-by, basket, the vintage is over ' ? Don't you know that those fellows are breaking down our vines, and that we shall have no good wine this year?"

  Now this young monk, who was called Friar John, was, I am afraid, looked upon by his pious brethren as rather a black sheep. He was tall, straight as an arrow, strong as a bull, a little quick of speech, skilful in all games, and as brave as a lion. So, when he looked in upon the singing monks, and found them ready to give up everything, off came his frock, and catching up a great staff near by, which was as long as a lance and as big around as the fist, he rushed out and fell upon the enemy, who were thinking of everything save the praying monks in the Abbey. The flag-bearers had piled their flags all along the walls to work the better, the drummers had opened one end of their drums and stuffed them with grapes, and the very trumpets were running over with juice.

  Then it was that Friar John - - holding his staff high in the air — swept down upon the scattered Bunmakers like a hurricane ! It was "first come, first served" with Friar John. The first thwack crashed through the crown of a big-headed bun-man, and brought him down. Then the staff, with just a little blood on it now, went spinning around to the right and left — up and down, first on one, then another — in fact, everywhere. It broke the legs of this one, the arms of that one, and the neck of still another. It gouged the eyes, drove teeth down throats, smashed in ribs, and made jaws crack. If any one wanted to hide between the thick vines, Friar John was sure to spy him out and bring him to the ground with a broken back. If any one wanted to run away, the terrible staff would reach him, and he would fall, shout-ino-: " I surrender ! " When the slaughter had gone on for some time, Friar John stopped, and for good reason; for, looking around him, he could no longer see a single Bunmaker standing on his feet, and he was onlv giving wild blows in the air. Then he rested, and it was found that he had, with his single arm, killed the whole army which had remained behind in the vineyards of the convent, numbering thirteen thousand six hundred and twenty-two men. But Friar John had struck down some other things besides the army, and these were the purple vines loaded with the rich and juicy grapes, which made the delicious convent wine famous throughout all the laud.

  After all, the rascal Bunmakers had spoiled the vintage !

  FRIAK JOHN TO THE RESCUE.

  CHAPTER XV.

  HOW OLD KING GRANDGOUSIER RECEIVED THE NEWS.

  WHILE Friar John was cracking skulls, and breaking limbs, and flattening noses, and ramming teeth clown throats, Picrochole, King of Lerne, had, with his Bunmak-ers and in the greatest haste, crossed the Ford of Vede and ordered the town of Roche-Clermaud to surrender, which did not make him wait long before opening its gates to him. We shall leave him there while we see how King Grand-gousier had received the news of this sudden war.

  One rainy evening, the fine old gentleman happened to be in a very good humor. He was, as usual after supper, seated warming his knees, which were somewhat rheumatic, before a blazing fire ; and, while waiting for the chestnuts to be roasted to a turn, was passing the time by writing on the red hearth with a burnt stick and making Queen Gargamelle laugh by telling his funny stories of old times. While he was in the very midst of one of these funny old stories, and the chestnuts were smelling as if they wanted to be eaten, here comes a servant to tell King Grandgousier that one of his Shepherds was down in the court-yard begging to see him.

  T What does the varlet want ? " asked the old King. He didn't mean to be angry, but his surprise made his big voice sound very loud and very gruff.

  "To see Your Majesty."

  " And what does he want to see My Majesty for ? But bring him up. I shan't know any sooner by waiting for thee to tell me."

  Who should it be but one of the very Shepherds, who had been

  PICROCHOLE'S ARMY.

  watching the vines and the rich purple grapes when the trouble began ? He was full of it, — so brimming full that he could hardly speak for his eagerness to tell all he knew. At last, he managed to let the King know what the bad Bun makers of Lerne had done with his subjects' vineyards ; how the wicked King Picrochole had been running over his lands, doing pretty much what he liked in the way of burning houses, sacking towns, and tramping down vines ; and how he was, just at this time, shutting the gates of Roche-Clermaud against His Majesty. It was sad to see how the old Giant received this bad news. He was the kindest and friendliest of neighbors to all the Kings around him. He had never been known to go to war with any of them, and no neighbor had ever once thought before of going to war with him. What the good old man liked was peace, so that he could, every day after supper, eat roasted chestnuts, and tell fine stories of old times, while writing with a burnt stick on the red hearth.

  "Holos! holos!" cried Grandgousier; ''what is all this, good people ? Am I dreaming ? Or is this really true that I hear ? Can Picrochole, the dear friend of my youth, close to me in blood and alliance, mean to war against me and my people? Who leads him on ? Who has induced him to do this? Ho! ho! ho I ho ! ho ! May he believe me when I say that I have never done any harm to him or his people ! On the contrary, I have helped him whenever he wanted money ; and that was very often. Ho ! ho ho! my good people, my friends, and all my faithful servants, I cannot

  GRANDGOUSIER WRITES TO GARGANTUA.

  prevent your coming to my aid. Las! I am getting old. All my life I have worked for peace. Now I must have war. Las! Las!"

  While saying all this, he roared in his despair, without knowing it, so fiercely that the chestnut-roasters ran away in their fright, lea
ving their chestnuts to pop and burn on the griddles. Only the Council remained, who always made it a point to be present at supper. King Grandgousier at once called the Council together for special deliberation, by inviting them to sit at the supper-table without eating, and talk about affairs. After three hours of close debate, two points were fully agreed on : —

  1. To send an army to Picrochole to treat about matters.

  2. To write to Prince Gargantua.

  It was further resolved to send Ulrich Gallet, the very next day, with five carts full of buns, with instructions to tell Picrochole that the old King was willing to give these five cart-loads of buns to make good those five dozen buns which had been taken by his Shepherds.

  Then Grandgousier wrote a letter to Gargantua, telling about the war on his hands, in which he said: "My resolve is not to provoke, rather to pacify; but, if assailed, to defend myself. Come, my Gargantua, my well-beloved, come ! Thy Father wants thee ! "

  By this time the chestnuts were all burnt black, and there wasn't a single spark to be seen among the ashes.

  CHAPTER XVI.

  HOW GRANDGOUSIER TRIED TO BUY PEACE WITH FIVE CART-LOADS OF BUNS.

  ING Picrochole must have been a very mean man. You will begin to think so when you know how he treated Ulrich Gallet, who was sent by good old Father Grandgousier to make peace. Ulrich left the palace with five cart-loads of splendid buns, four of these carts being for the Bunmakers, and the fifth and last cart being filled to the brim with buns good enough to make any one's mouth water, being made of the purest butter, the most delicious honey, the freshest eggs, and the richest saffron and other spices ever known. As Ulrich went along the high-road, people would curl up their noses in delight, take two or three long sniffs, and then cry out: " Ah ! that last cart is the best of all."

  'Yes," Ulrich would answer; "the buns in that cart are sent by King Grandgousier to Marquet himself." "WhoisMarquet?"

  'Why, don't you know that he is the man who struck our friend Forgier across the shins and got beaten by our Shepherds ? His Majesty has given me seven hundred thousand and three gold crowns for him to pay the surgeon who nursed his wounds." " Oh ! how good a King we have ! "

  "Yes, and, what is more, His Majesty offers to give Marquet and his heirs an apple-orchard forever, so dearly does he love peace."

  "Was there ever such a King as ours ! " cried the people on the road, sending Ulrich on with another cart-load of blessings for each mile, so that by the time he reached King Picrochole's Court there must have been quite a train of carts.

  When Ulrich got near Roche-Clermaud, he began to fear that he wouldn't be allowed to get into it unless he could first show that he and his carts were the best of friends. So, just before reaching the limits, he placed all around his carts a great store of reeds, canes, and willow-boughs, and took good care to have every one of the drivers decorated with the same, which made them look very friendly, indeed. So great was Ulrich's desire to appear like a friend that he even held a branch of each in his own hand. At

  GRANDGOUSIER 3 EMBASSY.

  this sight, the people of Lerne did not curl up their noses with quite so much delight, nor take quite so many sniffs, as the good Shepherds who had already been enjoying the fragrance of the buns. But, without minding cross words and sour looks, Master Ulrich Gallet at last reached the gates of King Picrochole's Palace.

  Picrochole did not want either to let him come in, or go out to meet him, but sent word to him, instead, to tell what he had to say to Captain Touquedillon. Then the good man, clearing his throat, said: —

  "My lord, to take away all cause for any further trouble, and to remove any excuse for your master and mine not becoming once more the best of friends, I have brought with me the buns about which all this trouble began. Our people took from yours five dozen buns. Good! — your people were well paid for them. We love peace so dearly that we bring you five carts full of buns for the five dozen which we took. One of these is for Marquet, and, besides that, here are seven hundred thousand and three gold crowns for him, and also a deed to him and his heirs forever of one of our best apple-orchards. Let us live in peace hereafter, and do you return to your own country and leave this city, to which you have no right, as you yourself know."

  Now, this Captain Touquedillon was a snakish sort of man ; and when he heard honest Ulrich talk he went straight to Picrochole, and coiled and twisted what he had heard in such a way that poor Ulrich, could he have heard it, wouldn't have known it to be his own. The snakish Captain added that they had got into a trap in Roche-Cler-maud, and that those five carts had come in the very nick of time for the starving soldiers.

  'You say well," cried Picrochole, "seize the buns the rascal has brought! "

  " And the money ? "

  " Seize that too ! "

  Then Captain Touquedillon, without further ado, sent his men out of the gate to take the money, the buns, the oxen, and the carts.

  Good Ulrich returned to Grandgousier, and told him all these things. This made the gentle old Giant very sad. He stopped telling stories of old times, and took no more pleasure in roasted chestnuts. He saw that there must be a war, and a bitter one. He ceased to talk, and was always sighing. All that he ever would say, after long hours of silence and sighs, was : —

  "Ho, there ! Has my boy Gargantua come yet?"

  CHAPTER XVH.

  HOW GARGANTUA, WITH A BIG TREE, BROKE DOWN A CASTLE AND PASSED THE FORD OF VEDE.

  GARGANTUA was a good son if ever there was one. The minute he read his Father's letter begging him to come home, he ordered his great Mare to be bridled and saddled. It was less than thirty minutes after this that he was galloping on the road along with wise old Ponocrates, his faithful Squire Gym-naste, and the pretty little page Eude-mon. This certainly was not a very strong escort, but Gargantua's single arm was worth an army.

  The servants followed slowly with his baggage, books, and philosophical instruments.

  Having got as far as Parille, they were told how Picrochole had taken Roche-Clermaud, and how his men had been robbing and pillaging everywhere, and had been frightening everybody so much that nobody was brave enough to tell on them. Another piece of news Gargantua heard at Parille. This was that one of Picrochole's fiercest officers, Captain Tripet, had been sent to take possession of several points near the Ford of Vede.

  " Ho ! ho ! ho !" cried Gargantua. "Let us ride, then, as fast as we can to the Ford of Vede."

  "No, Prince," said Ponocrates; "what I would advise you to do is to ride on a few miles farther, to the house of the Lord of Vauguyon. He is an old friend of your royal Father, and can give us better counsel than we can get in this place."

  "Well, then, so be it." said Gargantua.

  The whole party galloped swiftly to Vauguyon, where they were received with open gates and a steaming supper. After wine had "been drunk, and the Lord of Vauguyon had settled down to talk, Gargantua was told that all that had been said was true. Picrochole's soldiers were both at Roche-Clermaud and the Ford of Vede. On hearing this, the Prince would not wait to sleep, so anxious was he to rush to the help of his good old Father. The Lord of Vauguyon tried to keep him in the Castle until after a great storm, which then threatened, was over. It was of no use, Gargantua would hear nothing.

  " To your saddies, gentlemen ! " he cried. " It is at - the Ford we shall hunt Picrochole's man- ^^US^M nikins !"

  Once more mounted on his

  GARGANTUA HUKRIES HOME.

  great Mare he started for the Ford. His lips were pressed close, and his eyes glared fiercely down from a height greater than that of the tallest trees. "His Highness is very angry," Ponocrates whispered to Gymnaste. (For the first time he was afraid of his pupil.) "His Highness is awful mad," Gymnaste whispered to Eudemon. On getting near the Ford, what should Gargantua do but tear up a fine and stately tree which he found growing by the roadside, stripping its branches and leaves till he made it a bare pole of enormous length and strength. "Just what I have been looking f
or ! " he said to himself; "this tree will serve me both as staff and lance."

  All this was being done under a fearful tempest of rain. The storm had burst, as the Lord of Vauguyon had foreseen. Ponocrates could hardly sit on his horse, for the heavy drops fell like so much lead; dainty little Eude- mon was quite crushed, and could only keep himself "O from falling by clasping his horse's neck; and all Hf^ Gynanaste could do to keep his spirits up and his blood warm was, every now and then, to turn somersaults on the back of his horse, stand on his head, on the tip of his thumb, and

  GYIVTNASTE WARMS HIMSELF

  skip from side to side like a monkey. All this time Gargantua, seated on his great Mare, did not feel the rain any more than if it was not roaring and hissing around him, filling all the streams along the road, and making a deluge around the Ford. He was soon to see, however, that if he himself, being a Giant, could stand this sudden flood, smaller men could not. The first thing he heard on going a little farther, from some people who were running to the high grounds for safety, was that the Ford was all swollen, and that thousands of men had been drowned in it.

  He could not understand this, — of course he could not, being a Giant, — but what he did understand better was what that sly little page Eudemon, who had galloped ahead to get shelter from the rain, told him. The news Eudemon brought was that Picrochole's men were in a Castle this side of the Ford, and that before his master could hope to reach it he must take ¥ the Castle, or they would take him.