Unmatchable

by Sky Corgan

  ***

  All of my fears that Colton was going to drop me as soon as we had sex are entirely unmerited. By the following day, he's blowing up my phone with all of the perverted text messages that I'm used to receiving from him. If anything, having sex with him seems to have made him want me even more.

  Now that I've been moved into the call center room with the other peons, privacy is a luxury I don't have. My days of sitting in my cushy office texting between appointments are over. Not to mention the fact that I'm a lot busier now that Colton's new chat system has been implemented. There isn't much downtime between chats. Usually only a minute or two. Sometimes fifteen minutes, when I'm lucky. It doesn't give me much time to respond to all of Colton's dirty text messages. Still, I do my best to stay engaged with him throughout the day whenever I get the chance.

  Colton: You were just using me for sex, weren't you?

  Ember: What in the hell?

  Colton: Now that we've bumped uglies, you don't talk to me anymore.

  Ember: LOL Bumped uglies?

  Colton: Now that we've buried the bone. Hit the skins. Roasted the broomstick.

  When I read that one, I laugh so hard that everyone in the call center room looks at me. Then I almost get my phone taken away. For the remainder of our chats, I have to sneak off to the bathroom. The call center manager probably thinks I have a bladder infection.

  Ember: Where do you come up with this crap? You almost got me in trouble, you know.

  Colton: While I'd love to take the credit, I can't. The internet is a wondrous thing. How did I almost get you in trouble? Did someone catch you masturbating to thoughts of me in the little girl's room?

  Ember: You'd enjoy that entirely too much. And no. Lloyd threatened to take my cell phone away for texting you.

  Colton: It looks like I'm going to have to have a talk with Lloyd. >:-(

  Ember: Don't make things worse than they already are. I'm fairly certain that everyone in this office hates me because I'm making more money than they are.

  Colton: Did I cause that many problems for you?

  I sigh. In truth, I'm grateful that he found a place for me in the company. I shouldn't be complaining at all.

  Ember: No. It's fine. I just need to get used to all of this.

  Colton: So when do I get to see you? I want to play hide the bishop again.

  I roll my eyes.

  Ember: I'm sure that's all you want.

  Colton: You wound me. What will it take to prove my affection for you?

  I can't tell if he's serious or joking, but hearing him say that does make me feel guilty. Still, there's no doubt in my mind that when we see each other we'll have sex again, and I'm still sore from last time.

  Ember: How about Friday?

  Colton: But Friday is so far away. If you could only see me pouting right now.

  I can imagine it well enough, sexy and adorable at the same time. For a few minutes, I think about caving. Then my resolve kicks in. He can live without me for a few days. Besides, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Little did I know, those words were about to be thrown back in my face.

  ***

  It was an unexciting afternoon like any other. The only thing different was that my mind was constantly occupied with thoughts of Colton. To be honest, the second I set my purse down and went to sit on my sofa, I regretted not agreeing to see him tonight.

  Kitty needs a rest, I remind myself, squeezing my thighs together. But that rest was going to cost me a night of wanting to be with Colton. And a second night as well. Why did I say I'd see him on Friday? Is it too late to ask if he wants to get together tomorrow? Probably not. But I need to hold my ground. If we spend too much time together, he might get sick of me, and I definitely don't want that.

  Even though it makes me grumpy, I submit to the idea of staying home and nursing my sore vagina. I'm not in the mood to read, though. Tonight, I want a mindless distraction. That's why television was invented.

  With a sigh, I lazily scan through Netflix to see if there's anything of interest that I haven't watched yet. There's not. I keep meaning to switch over to Hulu but haven't gotten around to it yet. I typically switch back and forth every six months since one has shows that the other doesn't and I'm too cheap to have a subscription to both at the same time.

  Around 7 PM, my doorbell rings. My heart flutters in my chest as I immediately think of Colton. It has to be him. No one else would come to visit me this late.

  With a smile on my face and pep in my step, I practically skip to the door, way more excited to see him than I should be. That boy has done something to me—made me crazy. Crazy for him. It's a nice feeling, especially since I'm really starting to let my guard down.

  When I get to the door and glance out the peephole, my heart drops to the pit of my stomach. Every pleasant feeling inside of me drains away and is replaced by dread. While I don't hate the man on the other side of the door, I still go into a panic wondering how he found me. For a moment, I think about not answering—pretending that I'm not home or that he has the wrong address. I can't do that, though. This is one of the few people from my past who has never harmed me, and I feel like I can't, in good conscience, turn him away.

  I take a deep breath and unlatch the deadbolt before opening the door and gazing into the eyes of the man who was my sanctuary for so many years when I was living in hell.

  “Oh good, I have the right address.” Alex gives me his signature charming grin that used to always melt me to the core. There's absolutely nothing threatening about him, but I can't help feeling threatened by his presence.

  “Alex. What a pleasant surprise,” my sentiment doesn't make it into my voice.

  “Is it pleasant?” His question catches me off guard and stabs at my heart. I have a whole lot of explaining to do.

  “It is. It really is.” I smile warmly at him.

  The tension between us seems to break for a moment. “Does that mean I get a hug? It's been three years.”

  “Of course.”

  I step in to him, and he wraps his arms around me like he's scared to let me go. Repressed memories flood back into my mind. Not just the bad ones, but the good ones too. Hanging out at Alex's house whenever my parents were fighting. Playing Nintendo with him. Wrestling on the floor of his bedroom. All of my best childhood memories were made with him.

  “Wow. You look great.” He holds me by the shoulders to look me over.

  “You look good too.” Even better than I remember.

  He used to be such a scrawny little thing, but it seems he's been hitting the gym. He felt solid against me. A wall of muscle, much like Colton. He has still retained his boyish good looks, though. Still wears his ebony hair the same way, slicked to the side. The only other difference is that he's impeccably dressed. Designer everything from head to toe. It looks like I'm not the only one who has changed.

  “May I come in.” He gestures into my apartment.

  “Of course.” I shake my head, feeling rude for not inviting him in sooner.

  “So this is where you live now.” He takes in my apartment as I lead him into the living room.

  “Yeah. It's small, but it does what it's supposed to.” I lower myself onto the sofa and he sits beside me, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together.

  “I like it.” He nods approvingly.

  “It's better than being at home, that's for sure.” I sigh before getting to the question that's been bugging me ever since I first saw him standing on the other side of my apartment door. “How did you find me?”

  “It wasn't that hard. The internet knows all. I've actually known where you were for a while. I just haven't been this way until now.”

  Fear assaults me at what that might mean.

  “Does my family know?”

  “Yes.”

  “And they didn't come after me.” I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse.

  “They didn't know until recently. At least, I don't think they
knew. I just told your brother when we came to Houston.”

  The hair on the back of my neck bristles. “Which brother?”

  The answer is obvious. The brother who can function on his own. The brother who is well enough to travel without my mother. The brother who sold me.

  Alex's expression is earnest. “Nelson has changed, Ember. I know it might be hard for you to believe, but he has. These past two years, he's really cleaned himself up. Found God. Got an honest job and become a productive member of society.”

  “I don't care.” I stand and walk a few feet away as if Alex disgusts me just as much as my brother does. I don't want any part of Nelson. And if Alex and Nelson are now friends, then I don't want any part of him either.

  “Don't think I don't remember what happened. I would understand if you can't forgive him.”

  “I'll never be able to forgive him. Not ever.” I wrap my arms around myself. “What are you doing here anyway? In Houston, I mean.”

  “I'm here on business. I'm the manager for a traveling inventory company.”

  “I'm glad you've done well for yourself.” I mean it. Alex has always been a great guy. Out of everyone I know in the world, he deserves good things most of all. He's never had a bad word to say about anyone. He's the kind of person that would give someone in need the shirt off of his back even if it meant he would freeze to death.

  Back when I lived in North Carolina, I had a huge crush on him. I always thought he deserved better than me, though. A tainted, spineless girl. That seems like ages ago. My feelings have changed. Even though he was always kind to me, I've lumped him in with all of the bad things in my life.

  “I'm doing as well as I can do for someone who hasn't gone to college.”

  “I always knew you were destined for great things.”

  “This is far from great. Trust me.” He rubs the back of his neck.

  “Well, I'm sure you'll succeed at whatever you do.”

  The only thing keeping my apartment from filling with awkward silence is the sound of the television in the background. My tension is building. I don't know what to say—what Alex expects from me.

  That's not exactly true. I know he wants an apology. I can't give that, though, because I'm not sorry for leaving. I'm not sorry for not telling him that I was leaving—for not telling anyone that I was leaving. I couldn't tell him—couldn't be sure that he wouldn't just run to my parents with the information and then they'd come to get me back. Being discrete about my decision to run away was my only chance to start a new life. There will never be a day when I regret it.

  Alex takes a deep breath. “Nelson is here too.”

  My blood pressure spikes from that information. All of the safety I've felt for the past few years disappears in the span of that one sentence.

  “Here. In Houston?” I point to the ground.

  “Mhm.” He nods. “He wants to see you.”

  “Absolutely not.” I couldn't emphasize the words any more if I tried. It's out of the question. I don't even want to see my brother at his funeral. That's how much I loathe him for what he put me through.

  “Just consider it, will you? He feels incredibly guilty for what he's done.”

  “He should feel guilty,” I raise my voice, unable to contain my anger any longer. “The guy ruined my life. Ruined me.”

  “He knows that. And he's been wanting to make amends.”

  “Make amends?” I snort. “Does he really think that saying he's sorry is going to make it all better? Make the years of abuse go away?”

  “No. But it's a start.” Alex stands. “For both of you. He's your brother, Ember.”

  “He's dead to me,” I say with as much spite as I can muster.

  “I know that you're upset now.” He places his hand on my shoulder, and I immediately feel the urge to cower, but I don't. Those days are behind me. I'll never cower again. Never let anyone walk all over me. “But consider it. He really has changed. We'll be in town for about a month. Here's my card if you want to get in contact with me.” He reaches into his pocket to pull out his wallet and extracts a business card to hand to me. It's not the most expensive card stock, but it's professional enough with the name of the company that Alex works for on the front and his name and phone number at the bottom.

  As soon as he places it in my hand, my first urge is to toss it in the trash. I won't be so rude as to do it in front of him, though.

  “Can I get your phone number?” he asks as I walk him to the door.

  Begrudgingly, I give it to him. I have no intention of answering any of his phone calls. As far as I'm concerned, the second he walks out of that door it will be like he never came in the first place. Out of sight, out of mind. Perhaps I wouldn't think so bitterly if my brother wasn't here too, but knowing that they're together makes me file Alex into the enemy category.

  “Thanks for stopping by,” I tell him when he steps outside.

  He turns to me but gazes out towards the street. “I know that you've done a lot of healing over these past few years. Lord knows, it has to have been hard for you. I'm sure you're still hurting over everything that happened. But Nelson is hurting too. He needs your forgiveness to truly move on with his life.

  “I know that means nothing to you right now. After all, you were never anything other than a victim in all of this. But Nelson was a victim too. The drugs controlled him. They made him do things that he deeply regrets. Things beyond what he did to you. Unspeakable things he'll never be able to fully atone for.

  “Your forgiveness could help him a little. If you would just agree to see him. Just talk to him. If only for a little while. I'll be there too if that will—”

  “No.” I cut him off.

  “Just think about it. Okay?” His expression is hopeful.

  “I've had three years to think about it. He'll get no forgiveness from me.”

  I close the door and turn away without even the smallest inkling of an urge to look back. Good or not, Alex is in my past. And the past needs to stay where it is. Dead and buried like the parts of me I can never get back.

  ***

  I try not to be rattled by Alex's visit, but that's far easier said than done. For the rest of the night, I cycle through moments of strength and weakness. I'm proud of myself for putting my foot down and refusing to see Nelson. But I also feel guilty for abandoning Alex without a trace. I may not regret it, but I do feel guilty about it.

  He was my best friend for most of my life. My rock in a sea of constantly crashing waves. He held me when I cried. Licked my wounds and put me back on my feet whenever I'd fallen. And I had just...abandoned him without a word. Without a clue as to where I was going.

  Surely, he understood. My home life was absolutely horrible. Between my drug addicted mother, my abusive father, and my gangster brother who used me, it made sense that I would take the first chance available to get out of dodge. And it would also make sense that I wouldn't want to be found.

  I could have told him, though. Could have confided in him. I didn't out of fear. It was my one and only chance to escape, and I couldn't ruin it for the sake of sentimentality.

  There was my chance to apologize, and I blew it. I was so caught up in thinking about my brother that I didn't even take the time to consider Alex's feelings in all of this. And he was too kind to bring it up. Or maybe he forgot. Whatever the case, it's over now. It's over, and I just want to go back to living my life.

  A good night's sleep should have cleared my head, at least a little bit, but it didn't. I'm so distracted by my thoughts that I can't even concentrate on my texts with Colton. It's as if my feelings for him have been put on the backburner and new concerns and fears have taken their place. My mood is short and so are my responses.

  Colton: I can't wait to see you tomorrow.

  Ember: Yeah.

  Colton: Do you want to come over to my place or do you want me to come over there?

  Ember: I don't care.

  Colton: If you come over here, I can tr
y cooking you one of my five star dinners again. If that's not motivation, then I don't know what is.

  Ember: Whatever you want to do.

  Colton: That was a joke, I hope you know.

  Ember: Yeah, I got it.

  Colton: Is something wrong?

  Ember: I'm fine.

  Colton: You don't seem fine.

  Ember: Can you read my mood through text now?

  I look at my phone in annoyance.

  Colton: No...

  When he doesn't say anything else for several hours, I start to feel bad. I should not be taking out my crappy mood on him. He did nothing. Has no part in what upset me.

  Before I leave work, I text him back.

  Ember: I can't wait to see you tomorrow either.

  Except for there was no way I could enjoy it if I was only going to be obsessing over Alex and my brother the entire time that I was with him. My mind was still reeling even after a whole day to process things. I was anxious and paranoid and unhappy. Something had to give.

  With a sigh, I call Doctor Spalding, hoping to leverage our newfound link to schedule an emergency appointment. By some miracle, it works. Without asking any questions, she agrees to see me after hours. Probably because she assumes it's about Colton. I can't help but wonder how pissed she's going to be when she realizes it's not.

  As soon as she lets me into her office, I practically throw myself onto her sofa, sinking into it and grabbing one of the decorative pillows to hug to my chest. I've spent the past three years working on being an independent woman, but right now I feel like a child. Hopefully, I've come to the right place to be consoled.

  “Did something happen?” she asks, taking a more conversational tone than normal.

  “I wouldn't be here if something hadn't happened.” I cringe as soon as the words leave my mouth. She agreed to see me after hours, and I start off by being a bitch. At least, I'm paying her for it this time. It's not a freebie appointment like the one after I saw her at the gala.

  “Tell me all about it.” She sits across from me, looking infuriatingly smug.