Now or Never

by A. J. Bennett

  “It looks better down.”

  Grayson touched her hair, unsure what to say or do. “Thanks, I guess.”

  “Be careful, Grayson.”

  Grayson looked into his serious green eyes, and before she could think it over, before she could stop the words from spilling out, she said, “Let’s get out of here. Together.”

  Derrick’s gaze locked on hers. She hated how his eyes seemed to look deep inside her, like he would catch a glimpse of the insecurity she was trying desperately to hide. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “Why not? Is it your girlfriend out there? I thought you didn’t do serious?”

  He didn’t acknowledge her dig. “All the guys from the team are here. Ethan would find out before we walked out the door.”

  She’d forgotten about her brother. Not that she really cared what he thought, but it brought her back to reality. She really didn’t want to get involved with anyone this soon. It would be crazy. This was supposed to be her experimental phase, nothing long term. Hell, as far as she was concerned, she didn’t want to start anything local—just passing through strangers.

  “What happened to screw the rules?” Grayson asked.

  Derrick gave her a lazy grin. His hands were now in his pockets, and he looked so relaxed and casual. It irked her, for some reason. She was a ball of nerves around him, and he was as cool as a cucumber.

  “I work with your brother—life or death situations. I’d rather not piss him off. But, if you call me, we can definitely get together tomorrow.”

  “Ah, Derrick.” Grayson reached for false bravado, leaning against the wall and holding a hand up. “You hesitated and lost. I guess I’ll have to go home with Jerry.”

  His body remained relaxed, but she saw the twitch in his tightened jaw. “Your call.”

  “I asked you first,” Grayson said and walked away. What the hell was she doing? It was like some alien had invaded her body. She took a deep breath and headed back to the table. Luna had wandered off to the pool table with Steve, leaving Jerry waiting for her.

  Great.

  “Your sister told me if I made you laugh, you’d let me take you home.”

  “What?” Grayson was so caught off guard by the bold statement that she actually did laugh. Her sister never ceased to surprise her.

  “Yeah, she said you have an ‘off’ sense of humor, and if I wanted to take you home, making you laugh was the way to do it.”

  “My sister is crazy. But, I guess she’s right. I do like to laugh, and I do have an unusual sense of humor.”

  Jerry launched into a long, ridiculous joke that wasn’t even funny, but it humored her that he tried. She just smiled and shook her head at him.

  Grayson eyed the guy sitting across from her. He wasn’t overly attractive, but not too bad looking either. Average, really. He had brown hair and light brown eyes. His nose was slightly too large and crooked. He obviously spent a lot of time at the gym, so he had that going for him, and he was attempting to be funny. Could she really have sex with this guy? She knew nothing about him.

  Another glance at Derrick did the trick. By this point, the blonde was practically sitting on his lap, and he didn’t seem to be pushing her away. His attention was focused on the chick.

  Disappointment filled Grayson, but instead of moping, she decided she might as well have a little fun.

  It was reckless, and she knew it. Leaning in, she yelled over the music. “Where are you staying?”

  Jerry grinned. “At a hotel within walking distance from here.”

  Grayson grabbed her drink and downed the rest of it. “Let’s go.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Seriously.”

  He grasped her hand and led her past Derrick. They locked eyes, but he didn’t say anything. Grayson waved at her sister who tilted her head back and laughed.

  Grayson was now on the way to her second one night stand within two weeks. Part of her wanted to tell him she’d changed her mind, but a bigger part of her thought, what the hell. Even her own mother said she was only young once.

  They walked through the front door of the hotel and the woman behind the counter gave a knowing glance. More like a glance of disapproval. Whatever. She’s probably just jealous.

  “My room’s a mess. I wasn’t expecting to bring anyone back.” Jerry looked embarrassed as they walked down the hall.

  “I don’t care.”

  He pushed the door open, and he wasn’t exaggerating, the room was a mess, but at least the bed was made. It was somewhat reassuring that he hadn’t gone to the bar to pick someone up.

  The door closed loudly behind them.

  They stood in awkward silence for a moment. Grayson thought about bolting. Finally, he took a step forward, and his hand slipped behind her hair, his thumb rubbing the base of her neck.

  His lips met hers and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. Where was the sense of excitement? Grayson wondered. Their clothes quickly dropped to the floor.

  Jerry stood back to take her in. “Beautiful,” he whispered. She didn’t even feel self conscious since she knew she would never see him again.

  His lips trailed down her neck. She closed her eyes. Derrick flashed through her mind, and her body tensed.

  Jerry stopped. “Everything okay?”

  She nodded and trailed her fingers down his muscular chest. Continuing down, Grayson’s fingers slid over his hard cock and felt it twitch in her hand. It was crazy how much power women had over men when it came to sex. One look, one move or touch was all it took to make them go crazy.

  He began to use his tongue to descend down her body, devouring her as if he never tasted anything so good. Why wasn’t she into it? She needed to focus. She wasn’t going to let Derrick ruin her night. He took up way too much of her mental time as it was.

  She leaned into Jerry before they tumbled onto the bed. His large hand squeezed her breast as he wrapped his tongue around her nipple and sucked hard. Her body finally responded, her back arching as she moaned softly.

  Grayson went through the motions, but wasn’t able to climax. Her mind kept wandering to Derrick. Jerry seemed to enjoy himself though. That should have counted for something.

  The sex was just okay. Nothing earth shattering, and once again, she left without exchanging contact information. She should have felt like a whore, but instead she felt confused—confused by the fact that she let Derrick cloud her chance of no strings attached sex with a man who clearly wanted her.

  Grayson rubbed the back of her neck, her muscles tight with tension.

  Maybe it wasn’t really Derrick. She could blame the call from Joshua instead. Her mind just wasn’t where it should have been in the heat of the moment. Her emotions were all over the place, so of course she wasn’t into it.

  It had nothing to do with a certain rusty-haired guy who kept unexpectedly showing up and causing the ground to tilt beneath her.

  Right?

  CHAPTER 15

  The next morning, Grayson’s mom left early to run errands, and she was alone in the house. At any other time, she would have loved the solitude. Today, however, she had way too much on her mind.

  It started with a phone call while she was cleaning up the kitchen after breakfast. The first ring tore through the silence like an alarm, instantly raising her body temperature. Grayson put down the towel she was using to wipe the counter and slowly made her way to the phone. She paused; her hand hovering indecisively over the cordless phone nestled in its base. Three rings later, she was glad she hadn’t answered.

  “Grace. Baby. Please come home.” Josh’s smooth voice filtered through the answering machine. “I can’t live without you. I need y—”

  On a wave of hot rage, Grayson slammed a finger to the “stop” button and cut off his message mid-sentence.

  How dare he call here again begging for her to come back? Had their conversation the day before not been enough to prove she was serious? Grayson stomped down the hall and jerk
ed open the closet door, removing her mother’s fancy, ball-bearing vacuum cleaner. The obnoxious whir of the machine had to be better than her own thoughts; she needed something to drown out the endless clutter in her brain.

  She started with the bedrooms, tediously moving furniture and picking up cat toys as she moved along. She tried not to think about Josh and what would happen if he showed up. However, trying not to think of Josh made her obsess on the awkward sex she’d had the night before, which wasn’t a better train of thought.

  Jerry wasn’t a bad guy. He was actually pretty nice and a bit attractive. Between Derrick’s random appearance at the bar and Josh’s phone call, Grayson never had a chance to truly enjoy herself.

  Twenty minutes later, the living room floor was done, and Grayson felt better. She decided to go one step further and vacuum beneath the couch cushions. It wasn’t that her mother was dirty, per se. She could clean with the best of them. But she wasn’t thorough. She didn’t get the nooks and crannies, which meant dust bunnies often accumulated beneath counters and furniture, and the couch cushions tended to collect coins, pens, and various other items nobody ever missed.

  Grayson lifted the first cushion and removed long lost items—one of which was the small remote control to her mom’s stereo—and then used the hose to vacuum the corners. When she moved to the second cushion, she froze, staring down at old, faded receipts, a dollar-fifty in change…

  … And a Starbucks sleeve with Derrick’s number scrawled across it.

  She picked it up and stared at it for a long moment. She’d completely forgotten about shoving it in the cushions the day after she arrived in town. Why had she kept it? She wasn’t going to call. Before she talked herself out of it, she tossed it into the trash can and returned to her cleaning.

  But, she didn’t even make it halfway through dusting the living room. It was like the damn coffee sleeve was calling her name. Sighing, she put down her rag and can of aerosol wood cleaner.

  Don’t do it.

  Grayson took a deep breath, walked back over to the trash, and grabbed the sleeve out of it. Obviously, self-control was not one of her strong suits.

  She had a feeling she was going to regret it, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. Flopping down on the couch, she pulled her phone out of her pocket. Before she could change her mind, she quickly dialed his number. It rang three times, and she was about to hang up when his clear voice came across the line.

  “Hello?”

  Say something, you idiot.

  “Umm, hey. It’s Grayson.”

  She was met with silence. Did he really not remember her?

  “Umm, you know, Ethan’s sister?” she went on, cringing at how upset she sounded. He was a complete stranger, she told herself, of course he didn’t remember her.

  “I know who you are.” There was nothing in his voice to show her he was happy to hear from her. If anything, he sounded gruff and distracted.

  Horrified, Grayson spoke in a rush. “I shouldn’t have called. Sorry.” She hung up the phone before the entire word “sorry” even came out of her mouth.

  I’m such an idiot, Grayson thought to herself, jumping when she heard her phone ring.

  It rang within seconds of her hanging up on Derrick.

  “Why did you hang up on me?” Derrick asked, amusement lacing his tone.

  “You didn’t seem like you wanted to talk.”

  There was a slight edge to his voice when he spoke again. “Did you have fun the other night?”

  “Probably as much fun as you had.”

  “I kinda doubt that; I went home alone and you, well, you kinda did the opposite.”

  “I’m sure your girlfriend was disappointed.”

  “She’s not my girlfriend; I thought I told you that.”

  “Oh. Well, you might want to tell her that then.” Had she really misread the situation?

  “Why did you call me?”

  “I don’t know. Well, I do, but it’s stupid. You’ll probably laugh at me.”

  “Try me.”

  “I don’t really know how to explain it.” She paused, gathering her nerve and blew out a breath. “What you saw the other night—that’s not me, but I feel like it’s becoming me. And I don’t like it, or maybe I like it too much. I’m not sure which.”

  “What do you mean?” She could hear the curiosity in his voice.

  Her stomach twisted as she continued. Her mind was rapidly trying to sort through her thoughts to get the right words out. “I moved here, because I was getting out of a bad relationship, and now well, I’m…turning into my sister.”

  “What does this have to do with me?”

  “Well, that’s where the crazy part comes in.” She took a deep breath and then the words that had been playing over and over in her head tumbled from her lips. “I’m obviously attracted to you, and I was hoping it might be mutual so, I was thinking we could maybe have sex. And if it was good, we could continue, and I wouldn’t end up leaving with strange men I met at bars. If it wasn’t—enjoyable I mean, maybe we could just be friends?”

  Had she really just said that out loud? Her pulse raced while she waited for his response.

  The line went silent for a moment, and then Derrick said, “Okay.”

  CHAPTER 16

  Excitement raised goose bumps on Grayson’s arms. “Okay? You don’t think I’m insane?”

  “Well, this is definitely a first for me,” Derrick said with a laugh. The sound brought a smile to her face. “And yeah, it’s a little crazy.”

  Grayson couldn’t argue with him on that point. She was still reeling that she’d even suggested such a thing.

  “We’d need some rules though,” Grayson said. She wanted to get that out in the open before anything happened between them. If they set up boundaries, this would work better.

  “Rules huh…Such as? I’m not a big fan of rules. After all, if I was I wouldn’t be having this conversation with you right now.”

  “No falling in love.”

  Derrick laughed.

  “I’m serious. I’ll just hurt you. I can’t do a real relationship right now or maybe ever. No dating. No romance. Just sex, and maybe friendship. You know, the whole cliché ‘friends with benefits’ thing.”

  “I’m coming to pick you up,” he said, not acknowledging any of what she just said.

  “Now?”

  “Yes now, before you change your mind. What’s your address?”

  Grayson rattled off the address, her heart in overdrive, and her knees felt like they might buckle.

  “OK, I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

  “Alright.” Grayson hung up the phone and wondered once again what the hell she had gotten herself into. Realizing her time frame, and the fact that she probably stunk from obsessively cleaning the house, she ran into the bathroom jumped in the shower and rinsed off quickly. Grayson never brushed her teeth so thoroughly in her life; she then changed into a bra and panties that matched. She sprayed on a woodsy perfume, her hands shaking the entire time. What if Derrick was a dud like Jerry, and Todd was an anomaly? That would be awkward. What if her brother found out? He would be so pissed.

  Whatever, Grayson told herself, laughing out loud. She was a grown woman. She didn’t have to listen to her older brother.

  By the time Derrick pulled up in a black SUV, eagerness and a low simmering of excitement had started to make her feel like a live wire.

  Grayson ran out the door before he had a chance to get out of the car. This needed to be pure sex, no boyfriend type moves like opening her car door were going to happen as far as she was concerned anyway.

  “Hey,” she said breathlessly, meeting him at the passenger door.

  Derrick just lifted an eyebrow with a slight twinkle in his eye and opened the door for her.

  Damn it, Grayson thought, there goes that plan.

  The sleeves of his cotton shirt were pushed up, revealing his muscular forearms. He looked even more handsome then she remembered, if
that was even a possibility. She wanted him bad, and now.

  Grayson slid into the seat, wiping her sweaty hands on her jeans as he closed the door behind her. This had to be the craziest thing she’d ever done in her life. Well, maybe not the craziest thing, but close to it. All of the wild moments in her life seemed to be increasing since leaving Josh. She didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

  Grayson needed to mentally check herself. Whatever, she told herself, just go with it, and shut your damn brain off already.

  Derrick put the SUV in drive and then took off down the road. They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few moments. She looked out the window and watched as they passed rows of houses and a blur of colorful, fall trees. Finally, Derrick broke the ice, and Grayson couldn’t help but let out a small sigh of relief.

  “So tell me, Grayson. What do you do with your free time?”

  It was a positive sign that he asked about her. Unlike most guys who liked to talk about themselves. “I don’t know. Read, hike, and other lame stuff. Nothing very exciting.” Ugh, she was such a dork.

  He turned slightly. “I love to read, too.”

  Grayson remembered. He’d had his face buried in a book in the coffee shop the day he’d scribbled his name and number on her cup. “Really? Who’s your favorite author?” Grayson asked. A person’s favorite author told a lot about them.

  “That’s a hard question to answer.” Derrick paused; one hand tossed lazily over the steering wheel. “But a gun to my head, I would have to say Dostoyevsky.”

  “Really? I loved The Brothers Karamazov.” She was impressed. No mainstream, millionaire modern author for this man.

  They fell silent.

  Derrick cleared his throat. “So where did you move here from?”

  Grayson turned to the side to look at him. He had a great profile, and she wanted to run her hand down his jaw line. But, she resisted. “Arizona. I was going to college there the last three years.”

  “Why did you move?”

  “I’d rather not talk about that.”