Heart Song

by Samantha LaFantasie

  “Marren.” I paused, waiting for him to look at me. When he did, I thought my heart would break free from my chest, much in the same way it felt like it would do when he and I first talked in my room after he rescued me from the Cyrs. I put as much love and faith into my words as I could, “I'm okay. The baby is okay. We're okay. Nothing is wrong with the baby. But I really would love to have her at home. In our own private home.” I realized that was the first time I thought of the baby as a girl. I smiled only to have it fade far too quickly.

  “We can't cross over, even if I wanted to, we can't. We have to make sure that Jiren isn't going to do anything and we have to find out how to finish him. The danger is too great for the baby. You could go into labor early or shifting into your normal human body could...” He choked off.

  I couldn't help the enormous guilt that filled the hollow pit in my stomach like an iron ball wedged in there. I leaned into him, wrapping my arms around his neck and shoulders, and then placed a long peck on his neck at the base of his jaw. I felt his arms wrap around me tightly, pulling me into him, so closely that our bodies seemed to blend together.

  I'm sorry. I used our private way to talk because my mouth was pressed into his body.

  Marren's body trembled slightly. It's okay. Gvgeyu, waya uwoduhi. I thought I wouldn't get to see this day. That you would die, along with me, and the child. I thought that I wouldn't see you again and kept feeling you somewhere near me. I kept trying to tell you to come closer, but when I realized what the forest was doing to me, I tried to keep you away.

  I knew I had a slim chance of repeating his words, his beautiful enchanting language. But I knew how it affected me. It calmed the angriest storms that raged within. I was sure it could do the same for him. At least I hoped. If he didn't die of laughing.

  I pulled from him, ignoring the hurt look in his eyes, and cupped his face with both of my hands. Staring deep into the black orbs I loved so much. I whispered, “Shh, gvgeyu. You have me forever, I promise.”

  His eyes grew wide with shock? Alarm? He was frozen in place. Stiff and unmovable. His lips were parted as if the words he searched for were lost in the wind. I feared I had screwed up and said he was the furthest thing from my heart. I felt my heart hang suspended, afraid to beat. Then he pulled me into him so hard and so fast I didn't have time to think. His lips pressed into mine and moved them to his will. His tongue slid over my lips and along mine. Such heat and such passion exploded from him. I felt the freeing feelings he had. It seemed like he compared it to the way the eagle feels when flying on the first spring day after a long and cold winter. A strange idea to me, but he was filled with so much love and joy, and pure elation.

  “Uh-hem.” It was Enid.

  We froze. So caught up in the moment we didn't hear anyone approach. Marren loosened his grip on me and helped me to stand. We faced Enid, who looked like he had been smacked in the cheeks with how red they were.

  “Yes,” Marren cleared his throat, “what is it, Enid?”

  “Okelo wishes to run through some of her last minute ideas with you, and A'lainn, here, is needed elsewhere.” His eyes fell on me and I knew what he meant. I had to be prepared for the ceremony.

  Reluctantly, Marren released me. All the while I felt his eyes on me, watching me walk away. I turned around, just before disappearing into the hall of the mountain. His eyes met mine and I knew that I had said the right thing at just the right time.

  24

  Naloud

  I felt like someone had tied my nerves and insides into knots. I was about to go through with the one thing I swore I would never do, until him. I smiled to myself. My heart raced through every panic stricken moment. Every piece of clothing that was placed on me. Every inch covered in white and bright beads. My body vibrated with the itching nerves that fired off. The white pants and soft knee high boots, the weird half skirt that wrapped around my right hip, even the white bodice over a white off-the-shoulder chemise. My hair was pulled back from my face with three braids—one in the back and one on each side with beads and white leather laces in them.

  Why are you so nervous? Marren said in our private way.

  “I'm not nervous.”

  Okelo looked at me with the other werewolf girl, whose name I didn't remember. Their looks spoke of worry and questioned the stability of my mind. I realized I had spoken aloud.

  I smiled. “Er...right? This is normal jitters? There's no real reason to feel this way, is there?” Both girls shared a smile and a giggle while Okelo shook her head.

  “You two could not be any more perfect for each other. It's probably that you're really anxious and can't wait to belong to him forever,” Okelo said.

  Right. Forever.

  I'm not nervous. I said, to Marren this time.

  I can't wait to see you.

  A nervous chuckle escaped me. I found myself bouncing a little. The baby kicked her annoyance.

  “Careful or you'll bounce right out of your dress,” the other werewolf girl spoke with the edge of a giggle at the end of her words.

  “I can't help myself. I'm scared.”

  “What for?” It was Okelo whose brows had furrowed together in the way one’s would while looking at their child who had done something they should have known better than to do.

  I opened my mouth to offer some form of explanation but only air escaped and an, “Um...?”

  Both girls really got into the giggling this time. I had to admit, even to myself, the idea of me being nervous was a little ridiculous. I’ve already given myself to Marren so completely and irrevocably that this ceremony should only make sense as just a small step towards forever with him. A bubble of giddy laughter sprung from my belly and out of my mouth. Loud and light.

  I felt my heart dance knowing Marren was doing the same.

  See you soon, I said.

  See you soon, Marren returned.

  With the final burst of laughter, my body had calmed and, with it, a serene peace covered me.

  ***

  I stood at the entrance to the Circle of Gathering. A place where Marren's, and soon my, people gather to celebrate, mourn, pray, and even prepare for battle. It is a place of great importance for the race of therianthropes. A sacred and special place.

  It was formed at the foot of the mountain under Marren's window. It was in a perfectly shaped circle and cleared of everything except a few toppled over tree trunks for benches, stumps for stools, and a large fire pit at the center. Lush green grass covered the ground in soft spikes, only fading as it neared the fire pit, which was blazing with heat and life at that very moment.

  All types of races showed for the ceremony. Many of the werewolves were dressed in strange and colorful garb, dancing in rhythmic ways around the fire, with beating drums and the sounds of other instruments. The songs they were singing were lifting and beautiful. It came as a surprise to know only a few people were actually singing, though it sounded as if everyone had joined in. Absolutely enchanting.

  I found the one who was directing the ceremony and then it struck me, the feeling and pull within my heart from the missing piece of my life. I had tried hard not to think of Danst and the gaping hole he left in my heart. He was supposed to be the one to oversee this. My heart sagged as a tear snuck down my cheek. I quickly smacked it away and took a deep breath.

  Then my eyes found his. The deep black orbs that reflected everything—never failing to absorb all within them. He looked almost worried, but when I found his eyes looking straight at me, I smiled. He smiled back in his brighter than the sun smile that nearly stops my heart every time I see it, even in wolf form. He matched me in the way that he wore white leather. His hair was also pulled back and braided with beads and white leather laces. The designs on his vest, pants and boots were far more detailed and intricate than I could ever describe. The blend of bright colors, blues, reds, yellows, and greens made it difficult to discern one from the other. I'm sure it was a special symbolic thing for him, even though he could've gon
e naked and I would have thought he was the most beautiful creature in the world.

  The music suddenly changed and I was drawn out from within the sheltering trees towards the center of the circle—towards Marren. He met me half way, taking my hands into his. His eyes filled with love and the distracting reflection of the fire. I couldn't help the blush that came to my cheeks. Marren lifted the back of his fingers, gently touching them, causing all sorts of flux emotions within me. After tucking my hand into the crook of his arm, he led me to the other side of the fire, under the window to our room.

  The man in charge spoke a prayer in his native language. The enchanting words danced around me as Marren explained that it was a prayer of blessing, symbolic of a lasting love and bond that would withstand the test of time, even death. Because that was way of true love. He did another blessing over the rest of the crowd as he walked around and moved his hands in an up and down motion. I turned back around as our hands were lifted and tied together with a white cloth that was soft as silk and reflected the orange-yellow glow of the fire behind us, shattering it into beams and tiny balls of light. When the man returned to us, he smiled and bowed his head.

  A woman approached with an oddly shaped leather flask with two spouts. The man directing the ceremony took the flask and said something in his native tongue. Marren moved our bound hands towards it. I helped him grab it and bring it forward to us.

  Drink, he whispered to my mind.

  It was awkward, but sweet in gesture at the same time. When the last drop was done and the flask lowered, a loud silence fell around us. We were beckoned forward then, and a blanket was placed over our shoulders. The man presiding looked at Marren and gestured to him. Marren faced me and grabbed a hold of my other hand. He leaned in, lowered his lips to mine and filled me with such joy and love. I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or kiss him back. I decided on the latter, stepping closer to him as the hoots and hollers of all the races filled the air.

  He pulled away from me slightly and rubbed my upper arm with his free hand. “We did it!”

  I smiled. “Yes. Yes we did.”

  The rest of the night was spent dancing, eating, and having fun. Marren sat with me while we watched all of the rhythmic dances that circled the fire, not moving until only bright red coals were noticeable. The loud, roaring commotion had dulled out to a quiet hum as the night grew late and many of the guests left. A bucket of water was poured over the coals, dousing them with a loud hiss and plume of smoke that headed straight for me.

  “Uh-oh,” one of the dancers had commented.

  “What?” I asked full of alarm.

  “You know what that means...” It was a statement more than a question.

  I looked at Marren, who chuckled to himself then said, “When smoke travels to a pregnant woman, no matter what the reason, she'll have an easy birth and it will happen on a full moon.”

  “Well it isn't going to be this full moon. It's too early still,” I argued.

  “It isn't really specific.” It was Okelo who walked up to us with Serid on her hips.

  “It is so amazing how much this boy grows when you are not looking,” I said.

  “I know. Soon we'll be going through his rite.” As she spoke the words, a flash of sadness crossed her eyes. I knew she was thinking about her lost love. I almost felt guilty for having saved mine, but she never seemed to mind and was thrilled to have been in charge of arranging our ceremony. She shook the sadness from her eyes and said, “At least we now know of a time. Helps us to prepare for the big event!”

  “But I thought you said it wasn't specific?”

  “Well, you aren't going for longer than another month! Otherwise, you'd be carrying for too long,” Okelo said. I gulped. She smiled with a slight bow of her head. “My master and lady, I bid thee a good evening.”

  “Thank you, Okelo,” Marren spoke. He sounded at peace, and for once, Jiren wasn't on his mind.

  Once she left, I looked at Marren and dropped my eyes down to our hands. “How do we get these off?”

  “I take them off...with my teeth.”

  I couldn't help the giggle that escaped me. He chuckled along with me. Our hearts dancing to the song of our joy. On that night, there was only us, together, with no one else on our minds but each other.

  ***

  The next month wasn’t spent in peaceful splendor. Marren made extra effort to keep himself busy, but he continued to use our private way of communicating. He was on edge about everything. Jiren hadn't made an appearance yet and that made it worse. I tried to comfort him as best I could, but he wouldn't stop worrying about the baby. Nor would he tell me why.

  All of the races had come together to form groups of Watchmen to actively patrol parts of the immortal realm in search of any sign of Jiren or his whereabouts. The mountain village was well guarded, especially my room. And I was never alone.

  Okelo had spent every waking moment with me, along with Serid, who had grown to the size of a toddler. He spoke in full sentences in common and his native language, and he was pretend fighting Enid in my room with wooden swords. Enid was on his knees with one hand behind his back, gripping his belt. The giggles that emerged from that small child could shake Jiren from his seat. Not that I would want to find out. The kid just had that kind of power.

  It was nice to watch the playfulness of the two, especially since being confined to my bed for the previous week. Horrid cramps, that would give changing a run for the money, would rip through my stomach and last for what seemed like hours when only minutes passed. And the baby had grown to a point where anytime it moved, it would hurt. Okelo insisted that I remain in bed for the remainder of the pregnancy. I was getting too close. But, the next full moon wasn't for another two days, which I took every chance to remind Okelo of.

  “That was only a saying, you can very well have your child in the next day,” she would always say. And this time was no different. “Besides,” she added as an afterthought, “The baby's movements have slowed. That is a sure sign of birth.”

  I tried to ignore the way that anticipating the amount of pain that I was going to go through made my body react. Like being constricted in tightly bound rope or being held under water with no hope of air.

  Enid, having lost his battle against the Great Serid, approached to give me whatever news he could. He had been bombarded by Serid the moment he walked through the door and begged for a practice fight before he talked to me. “How are you feeling?” His eyes were filled with the concern of a father.

  “I'm well, Athair. How are things in the outside world?” The outside world was everything outside the door to my room.

  “They found evidence of tracks just on the northern side of the dwarves territory. No one knows if they belong to Jiren or his followers.”

  “If he has any left. I hear they're coming in at a slow trickle, if they make it alive.”

  “It is true that Jiren's followers seem to be dwindling. As word of what you and Marren have proved to the rest of the Ancients travels through the remaining territories, more and more have decided to leave his lead. Though, none have been helpful in revealing the details of his plans.”

  I tried to pay attention to what Enid was discussing with me through the tapping of a wooden sword against the stone of the open window. I kept thinking that something was on the verge of my thoughts, inching closer with every tap. Okelo snapped something in the native language and stomped over to scold Serid, who looked like he had just lost his favorite toy in the world.

  Okelo scooped him up into her arms and then turned towards me with a smile. “I'm taking Serid to our room. I will return when he's asleep to check on you again.”

  I nodded and watched as she stomped with frustration out of the room. “Something is bothering her. Marren too, but they're not telling me. Do you know, Enid?” I looked deep into his blue eyes. He sighed, walking away from the side of my bed.

  “I'm afraid I do not, A'lainn.”

  I raised an eyebrow to
his back. “I will find out eventually. I'm just concerned. He's been so wound up the last couple of days. He's barely said anything to me, and although I understand the ways of his people, I still don't know why he won’t at least peek in on me.”

  “I wish I could tell you, but even I don't know.”

  I felt compelled to stretch, reaching my arms way above my head and curving my back just slightly. Instead of it feeling great, it felt as though a sword sliced through my stomach. I let out a howling scream, falling back against the bed and clawing the pillow in my tightened fists. The baby moved within me, sending another sharp slice. I laid there, writhing in pain, while Enid shouted something about getting help and disappearing into the hall.

  I felt one last slice of fire burn through my abdomen, followed by a huge warm gush of liquid pouring from in between my legs. It soaked the bedding and my gown, forcing them to stick to my legs. I reached down to feel what it was, only to bring my fingers up and see blood.

  Marren! The baby! I tried to put as much desperation into my unspoken words as I could. Within the time it took me to endure another agonizing cramp, he was at my feet, pulling the blankets from my legs and lifting the bottom of my gown up over my bent knees.

  His eyes never touched mine. He kept them on everything but my eyes. I felt scared and unsure of what was happening. “Push,” he told me with a sense of urgency.

  I inhaled a deep breath and pushed with all my might, grunting through the burning pain.

  “Again.”

  I pushed again, this time feeling like I was being torn from the inside out. A dark rim lined my vision, causing everything to blur.

  “Relena?” Marren called out, but it sounded as though he was on the other side of a cavern—much further away than just in front of me. Then, just before the blackness took over my vision completely, I saw his blurred mouth move. But no sound came out.