Beside the Brook

by Paulette Rae

  “Oh, you haven’t seen me cranky yet,” Jamie teased. He laughed and Kirsten felt the vibration all the way to her toes.

  Withdrawing, Jamie turned and lay next to her on the other pillow. She rolled and snuggled into the crook of his arm. His hand found the small of her back and he rubbed the skin there with his fingers. He pushed himself back, tugged at a second pillow to prop under his shoulders and Kirsten let her head fall onto his chest. As he moved, his jacket fell from the end of the bed, landing with a thump onto the floor. The sound was more than Kirsten would have expected to be just the soft cloth of his jacket.

  “What do you have in your pocket?” she murmured against the fair hairs around his nipples.

  “Oh shit, I forgot about that.” Jamie squeezed her around the waist. “That’s for you.”

  “What?” Kirsten pulled back onto her elbow, resting her head in the palm of her hand as she looked up at Jamie.

  “Yeah.” He grinned. He slid his arm from under her and moved to retrieve the jacket from the floor. He pulled a small black velvet box from the outside pocket and threw it across the bed. “I saw you admiring them today at Michael Hill, and seeing as you wouldn’t let me compensate you for this weekend, then this is my way of saying thanks.”

  Kirsten stared wide-eyed at the box. She smiled as she opened it. A small pair of silver rain drop shaped earrings, implanted with tiny emeralds, twinkled in the dim light of the bedroom. She was stunned. She did remember seeing them, even paying particular attention to them as they passed, but she had no idea he had watched her, or that he even knew which pair she had been admiring.

  She looked up at him, her eyes misting slightly as she said, “Jamie, you’re amazing.”

  “Why thank you.” Jamie climbed back onto the bed beside her, looking pleased with her reaction.

  She reached over and smacked him with a kiss. “I can’t believe you did that. Thank you.”

  “Hey, gotta keep you on your toes.” He smirked as he took her into his arms once more.

  “Well, you certainly do that.” she frowned. “You’re so full of surprises I’m not sure what to expect next.”

  “I think next we should think about sleep. I hate to be the realistic one here, but Sarah will be awake early.”

  Kirsten giggled and crawled beneath the blankets while Jamie got up to turn off the lights and the television. She placed the earrings on the night stand.

  “I can go back to the other room if you’d prefer.” Jamie stood in the doorway, looking down at Kirsten.

  “No, don’t be silly.” Kirsten patted the pillow. “Please.”

  Jamie climbed into the bed next to her and she pushed herself back into his arms. His body curved around her and his arm encircled her waist. She took his hand in hers and cupped it to her chest.

  “Jamie?”

  “Yes?” His mouth was close to her shoulder and she could feel his quiet exhalation on her back.

  “What happened with you and Leigh?”

  She could tell by the way his body moved he was laughing. “How did I know you were going to ask me that?”

  Kirsten smiled in the dark. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer.”

  Jamie sighed. “It’s not as exciting as you might think. I met Leigh in Nelson about three years ago. When I took her home she met Tyler, who consequently offered her a job in one of his restaurants. I guess his bed was warmer than mine, because that’s where she ended up. Tyler did everything he could to lure her away from me. He’s despised me ever since I married his sister.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, he and Brook were extremely close. He always treated me as though I came between them.”

  Kirsten sighed. “I don’t understand that.”

  “Well, he’s always been overbearing and protective when it comes to Brook. She was molested by their father and I think he’s always thought he had to protect her.”

  “Beth told me about that.” Kirsten cringed as the lie rolled from her lips. She certainly didn’t want Jamie to know she had heard it from Brook herself.

  “They both had counseling for a long time, but sometimes I think Brook got over it better than Tyler did.”

  “Well, possibly he felt partially responsible. A lot of people close to the victim do in those kinds of situations. They hold a lot of guilt for not preventing or even being aware of what was going on.”

  “You sound a lot like Freud.” Jamie laughed. “Whatever it is, he can’t let it go. Even now Brook is dead.”

  Kirsten shivered as she thought about Brook. She had been Jamie’s wife, and now Kirsten was here with him, sharing their intimacies.

  “What was she like?” Kirsten whispered.

  “Brook?”

  “Yeah.”

  “God, you’re one out of the box Kirst.” He kissed the back of her ear lobe. “We’re in bed together and you’re asking me, first about Leigh, and now my wife.”

  Kirsten turned to face him, touching his face in the dark. “Is that wrong?”

  “No.”

  “It must have been hard for you, losing her when you did.”

  “We were both so young you know,” Jamie murmured. “Sarah was born a week before I turned twenty one. Brook was the same age as you are now when she was killed. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we didn’t get married when we did. She might still be alive.”

  Kirsten was bewildered. What could the two of them getting married have to do with Brook’s death?

  “Why would you say that?”

  “Oh, I’m just being philosophical really,” Jamie answered. “But with Tyler being so in the picture I often wonder what would have happened if I had walked away and let them be.”

  “You shouldn’t walk away from love, don’t you know that?” Kirsten smiled. She rolled back to her other side and nestled back against him once more. Jamie didn’t reply, just kissed her softly on the shoulder blade.

  Kirsten closed her eyes and listened to him breathing. She wondered what was going through his mind, but she didn’t ask. She had needled him enough for one night. She wondered what this meant for them now; how it would change things. A part of her felt guilty that she had let this happen with Sarah’s father. It was something she had vowed would never happen. But it was too late to worry about that now. She had let the physical attraction between them rule her head and passion had set her on an unknown path.

  She would worry about the finer details when morning found them. For now she was happy just to go to sleep in Jamie’s arms.

  Chapter 10

  The deep sound of a truck horn woke Kirsten the next morning. Remembering what had happened the night before she smiled and rolled over to find the bed empty. She stretched, sat up and looked around the room. The only sign that Jamie had ever been there was the handful of coins, strewn over the floor, and the smell of him which lingered on her skin.

  As her mind focused she could hear voices from outside the bedroom door, which had been closed at some stage.

  Jamie and Sarah were in the kitchen, their voices muffled but distinct through the thin paneled door. Kirsten climbed out of bed, pulled on her jeans, quickly buttoned her shirt, pushed her hair back from her face and ventured out to the lounge. Both Sarah and Jamie looked up as the new door squeaked on its hinges.

  “Good morning, Kirsty,” Sarah beamed under a chocolate milk moustache.

  “Morning sunshine,” Kirsten replied.

  “How did you sleep?” Jamie’s mouth curled into a crooked smile.

  “Very well thank you.”

  “I slept with dad,” Sarah said matter-of-factly before she shoveled a spoonful of cocoa pops into her mouth.

  Funny, so did I, Kirsten thought. She looked up at Jamie, who winked as though he had read her thoughts. She was not surprised that Jamie had snuck back to the other room before Sarah woke. It wouldn’t have been the easiest thing in the world to explain to an eight year old why dad was in bed with the nanny.

  “Cool,” Kirsten
looked up at Jamie, who stood barefoot on the tiled kitchen floor. He wore faded denim wranglers and a clean blue shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbows and hair still damp and tousled from the shower.

  She walked to the front door which had been opened to the mid morning sun. A cool breeze wafted in as she stood in the rectangle of sunlight cast onto the carpet. She curled her toes as warmth emanated up through her feet. She turned to see Jamie watching her with interest. As she stretched she remembered she had not put any underwear on yet, so he could probably see right through her top as she stood side on to the door.

  “I might go have a shower.” She smiled back at him.

  “Good idea.” He turned his attention back to the morning paper as she padded through to the bathroom.

  * * * *

  When she returned Sarah was in front of the television, eyes glued on a cartoon as she sat, cross legged on the sofa.

  “So, what’s the plan today?” Kirsten asked Jamie. She scrunched her hair gently with a towel, in an attempt to dry without turning it into a frizzy birds nest.

  “Well Sarah wants to go to Pollard Park. Do you have anything you want to do?”

  “I thought I might look for a nice dress to wear to Beth’s birthday party next weekend.”

  Jamie grinned. “Good luck with that. I should have told you yesterday, but Blenheim is a ghost town on a Sunday.”

  “Oh bugger.” Kirsten pouted. “What about the supermarkets?”

  “They’ll be open, but I doubt you’ll find much to wear there.” Jamie grinned.

  “Oh, ha ha.” Kirsten smiled. “No, Craig gave me a list of stuff he wants, that’s all. At least I can get that done.”

  “Well, how about we all go to the park first?”

  “Great,” Kirsten answered. “I’ll shoot into the supermarket before we head out of town, there’s one in Springlands isn’t there?”

  “Ah-huh.” Jamie reached across the counter and touched Kirsten’s hand. “In case I forget to tell you later, thank you for coming out this weekend. It’s been great to spend some time with Sarah, away from the house.”

  “It was my pleasure.” She rubbed Jamie’s fingers with her thumb. Remnant thoughts of their night spent together surfaced in her mind and she smiled. It was clear that it was to be their secret, at least for now. That suited her fine. She needed time to process what had happened between them, and how she felt about it.

  * * * *

  After they had eaten they packed their bags and Jamie checked out while Kirsten and Sarah milled around the car. Kirsten leaned against the boot and watched Sarah jump between the coloured stones which decorated the driveway. The little girl hummed under her breath, her pigtails bounced behind her while her arms stuck out at a forty five degree angle to balance herself. She glanced up at Jamie as he came back from the office. Kirsten mused over how relaxed he appeared to be. He was a different person away from the house; away from Tyler. Still she couldn’t help wonder why he continued to stay there, let Sarah stay there, if it was so uncomfortable for him. Did he stay for Beth? Did he know, despite their differences that Beth was terrified he would take Sarah away from her? Is that what made him stay? He didn’t owe Beth anything, did he? Surely she could still be a part of Sarah’s life wherever they were. Kirsten took her sunglasses out of her handbag and slipped them on.

  “We’ll take my car to the park if you like. I’ll drop you back here later.”

  “Okay.” Kirsten helped Sarah into the back seat then settled into the front beside Jamie. The diesel engine rattled to life and Kirsten glanced around as Jamie drove through town.

  “Is that a CB radio?” Kirsten asked, pointing to a black box with small white buttons along the front.

  “Yep.” Jamie smiled. “It’s a marine one. I did a big stint a few years ago, photographing marine life off the Nelson coast.”

  “Oh wow, that must have been interesting.”

  “Yeah, it was. I’ve just always kept the radio.” He looked into the rear vision mirror and winked at Sarah. “Besides, I can use it to chat with Sarah sometimes. Tyler has one in the office, and on the boat.”

  “Doesn’t that mean everyone who has one of these can hear you?” Kirsten asked. She was not that clear on how they worked.

  “On certain channels they can. But you can have your own private channel.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  “If I want to listen to the coast guard I can go to this one.” Jamie pressed a button and the radio buzzed with static.

  “. . . think we’ll stay out another night.”

  “Okay Ken, talk to you tomorrow then. Take care.”

  Kirsten smiled. “Wow, so you can talk to all the other boats too?”

  Jamie smiled. “If you really want to.”

  “Ever hear anything juicy on there?”

  Jamie chuckled. “No, can’t say that I have.”

  “What a shame.”

  * * * *

  They wandered in the park for a couple of hours. Sarah chased ducks, skipped through the rose garden and played on the adventure playground. She was delighted when Jamie climbed the two storey wooden fortress and sat cross legged inside, humouring her as she pretended he was her prisoner.

  Kirsten sat in the sun and watched them, amused.

  When they got back to the motel, Jamie helped Sarah into the passenger seat, hugged her before he strapped her in. Then he took Kirsten by the hand and led her to the back of the car, where they were out of Sarah’s line of sight.

  “I’ve had a fantastic time, thank you.” Kirsten smiled.

  “I know we haven’t had a chance to talk about last night,” Jamie paused, as if he wasn’t quite sure what to say. “I mean really talk.”

  “I know what you mean.” Kirsten smiled. “It’s okay.”

  “Good. I don’t want things to be awkward between us. Can we talk about this when I come home for the weekend?”

  “Of course.”

  Jamie stooped forward and let his lips brush her mouth with a quick kiss. Then he walked to the driver’s door and opened it for her. She climbed in and pulled the seatbelt over, clicked it into place.

  “Bye dad.” Sarah waved at her father.

  “Bye sweetie. Have a good week and I’ll see you on Friday night.” He looked at Kirsten. “Drive safely.”

  Kirsten smiled. “Oh, I intend on doing just that.”

  She started the car and reversed it out of the car park, turned, then pulled out of the driveway. She glanced into the rear vision mirror to see Jamie watching them, his hands deep in his pockets as they turned the corner and disappeared from sight. All week she wondered what had been on his mind as they left. What did this mean for them from now on? Guilty thoughts led her back to her encounter with Greg Hamilton, but just as quickly she shook it from her mind. This was completely different. However, she regretted not taking the time to explain it to Jamie. It would have been a weight off her mind. She had never told anyone the whole truth. Maybe if the time was right next weekend, and she got some time alone with Jamie, she would tell him what had happened.

  There were other things though, which kept her mind off Jamie. When they arrived home she was surprised to find Craig and Beth in the hot pool together. Her mind moved into overdrive and little things she had wondered about seemed to fall into place. Is that where Beth disappeared to when she went ‘walking’ at night?

  “Craig, you and Beth seemed quite cosy in the pool the other night when we came home,” Kirsten teased as they were alone in the kitchen one night. “You’re not holding a candle for my boss are you?”

  Craig’s cheeks turned the same colour as the freshly boiled beetroot he held in his right hand. He grinned. “Whatever would make you think that?”

  “Oh, a woman notices these things.” Kirsten poked him in the ribs with one finger.

  “Hey, it’s nothing.” Craig smiled. “We enjoy each others company, that’s all. I certainly wouldn’t push the boundaries. She’s my boss too you know. How weird wou
ld that be?”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” Kirsten replied. “Stranger things have happened.”

  There was something else too, which played over and over in Kirsten’s mind. It was something Jamie had said to her when they had been talking about Brook. Tyler and his sister had both been to a counselor. Why would they both go if only Brook was molested by their father?

  Short of asking the question, Kirsten had one option to find the answer. She sought out Brook’s diary, to see if the answer lay on the pages within. She felt like a naughty school girl, hidden away in the pool house, one ear cocked toward the door in case somebody walked in and caught her. How on earth would she explain that one? She soon found herself engrossed in the everyday happenings of Brook.

  April 23rd

  This house is so claustrophobic sometimes. I need to get away from here. Jamie and I can’t get on with our lives with Tyler as a constant shadow. I wake up in the middle of the night, watch Sarah and Jamie sleeping so peacefully and think maybe I should just wake them up, pack our bags and leave. Go somewhere we can just be by ourselves . . .

  April 24th

  Mum thinks she took me away from a monster, helped me forget. She did her best. But it followed us here. Tyler thinks everything is fine, but it’s not. He’s not. He refuses to deal with what dad did to us and how it affected him. How it still affects him. I can’t be there for him anymore. He needs to deal with his own demons. I have Jamie to think about and Sarah . . .

  Kirsten put the book back in its hiding place and sighed, stared out the window. Could it be that Tyler had also been molested by their father? It certainly sounded like that was the case reading Brooks words.

  What he did to us . . .

  Could it explain why Tyler seemed to have a major hang-up when it came to relationships? Why he had never settled down, why he had no regard for others, moreover Jamie and the way he treated people like they were possessions?

  What had kept Brook here? Why hadn’t she just told Jamie how she felt? They could have left, made a life for themselves somewhere else. She would probably still be alive. Kirsten had so many questions, but nobody to ask them. She would just have to keep reading and let the story unfold in Brook’s words. She was sure eventually the whole story would reveal itself, for her to better understand what happened here. She put it to the back of her mind as Friday approached. Jamie was returning from Nelson and she was keen to see what kind of reception she would get. It was a fantastic day, and she had taken Sarah to the beach for the afternoon. Sarah had desperately wanted to go horse riding. Her new friend from school, Lacey, had