Obsessive Addiction

by KL Donn

  Rummaging through the pantry, I find everything I need to make a simple creamy pasta I know she enjoys. Chopping peppers and a little bit of chicken breast, I throw everything into one pan to save on clean up time and put the dish on to simmer.

  Walking into the bedroom, I watch my little bird rest. It’s not often that she feels like she can let go of her fears when she sleeps, so to see her completely relaxed is a rare gift for me. A treasure I’ll keep with me always.

  With Veronica’s help and guidance, I was able to convince Farren to see a new therapist—the one Zack had mentioned—starting next week. She was reluctant because the last one didn’t seem to care. Once Veronica introduced them, Ren was a little more at ease, but she said she’s still reserving judgment.

  “Mmmm.” Farren rolls over and her shirt lifts, revealing her pale flesh. Temptation pulls at me, and I saunter over to her still form. With a single finger, I draw small wings on her stomach, imagining her with a matching tattoo to the one on my hand. Prison tats aren’t always the best, but I met a guy who was an artist in a former life and took to my skin like canvas.

  “Crux?” Ren murmurs, slowly opening her eyes. “What smells so delicious?” If I didn’t know any better, I’d say all she cares about is food.

  “Come and find out.” I offer a hand, and she doesn’t hesitate to take it. Helping her to her feet, my lips find hers in a soft caress. Her body arches into mine, and I can feel her nipples poking through her shirt.

  I have to step back and adjust my cock before either of us do something I’m not sure she’s ready for. “That was nice,” she whispers, pressing delicate fingers to her lips.

  Not saying anything, I guide Ren along behind me to the kitchen and sit her at the small table in the middle of the floor, separating the living room and the kitchen. For as modest and small as the cabin is, it’s homey.

  “Where are we?” Farren asks as she gazes around the space.

  “Do you like it?”

  “It’s peaceful.” Her words lose sound as her eyes find the lake out the front window. “That’s beautiful.”

  “I thought you’d like it.” Her question forgotten, Ren remains silent as I finish cooking and plating our dinner.

  Placing one plate in front of her, I sit beside her, and together we keep the peace while enjoying our meal. I’ve never been much of a cook but taking care of my girl has inspired me to be better.

  “You’ll have to answer me eventually, you know,” she comments with a smile as we wash the dishes together once we’re done eating.

  “We’re a few hours from home. This is a bed and breakfast, and I use that term loosely, on Lake Langdon.”

  “Why did you choose here?”

  The apprehension in her stare makes me wonder if I should have discussed this with her first. “There were some things about your past that Zack had to investigate before we pressed charges against Warner.”

  “Okay…” Her audible swallow tells me she knows what’s about to come. I shouldn’t be surprised she knows.

  “If the case had gone to trial, we would have spoken to you sooner. As it stood, I wasn’t sure how to tell you.” I watch every expression run across her face, and at the forefront is her anxiety.

  “So, tell me.” I can recognize that her throat is tight with emotion.

  “Fifteen years ago, the man who owns this place was abandoned by his wife…” I can see as she puts the pieces together. “And young daughter.”

  “What are you saying, Crux?” Water fills her gaze.

  “Austin Hallewell is the owner of Moon’s Bed and Breakfast.” As soon as his name leaves my lips, her tears spring free.

  “Why would you bring me here?” Anger rolls through Farren as she stands. I’m not entirely certain it’s aimed at me.

  “Because you deserve to know him. From everything we’ve gathered, Austin’s a good man. He’s embedded in his community.”

  “He left me!” she screams and runs out the front door and straight towards the lake.

  “Fucking hell.”

  Farren

  Tears rush down my face like a river as I run straight for the dock I noticed bobbing in the lake. The night air is cooling as the sun sets, and I slowly walk across the planks of wood.

  I can’t believe he brought me here. I’d heard the name a few times when I was younger, but I never realized what it meant. Who it could possibly lead me to.

  The problem is, Crux said he was abandoned, and not the other way around. Not like the way my mother told me. I shouldn’t be surprised she lied to me. It seems to be all she ever did. This most certainly wasn’t how I imagined the night going.

  Sitting on the wood, I’m glad the fall weather hasn’t reared its head yet, or I’d be freezing. Watching the sky, I can see birds flying into the trees, likely hunting for their next meal, and I’m jealous of their carefree attitudes.

  Hunt, fly, migrate, repeat.

  It appears so simple.

  I envy them that. They don’t have to worry about the silly concerns a human does. Whether they’re loved or not. They don’t articulate how not to love their offspring, they just do it. They help them prepare for the harsh realities of the world instead of discarding them like yesterday’s trash.

  Running will solve nothing, and I can already feel Crux’s penetrating stare as I sit here. The sound of the water soothes me, and I’m able to breathe slightly easier. The feel of the dock rocking fills me with hope. Hope because I know Crux will never give up on me. No matter how much I push him away. Intentional or not. I’ll always come back to him. And he’ll always come for me.

  I feel him sit behind me, cradling me between his legs and wrapping his arms around my waist. Neither of us says anything until the sky is dark and the stars come out. An owl hooting in the distance is the only noise to accompany the water.

  “He didn’t desert you. He looked, for years. Your mother used a different last name than you have.”

  “My grandmother’s,” I whisper. I remember asking her why we didn’t have the same name when I was about seven, and she told me because my father left. She didn’t want to bear his surname and give him the satisfaction. “She lied about everything, didn’t she?”

  “She lied about this.” He’s evasive, and I love him for it. He doesn’t want me to lose complete faith in the woman who birthed me. And I’ll never even be able to ask her because she ran soon after Scott Warner was sentenced. Without a word or goodbye to me.

  “Does he know I’m here?”

  “Yes. He wants to see you, but only when you’re ready.”

  I’ve had so much anger for so long towards the man because of one lie after another. I don’t know how to let it go. To make peace with this new reality. How can I face him if I still blame him?

  “You don’t have to decide right now, Ren. He’ll be here.” Crux’s words help ease some of the anxiety as his body warms me. I don’t know how long we sit on the dock for, but I’m pacified into a feeling of completeness I didn’t expect to have after such a revelation.

  “Happy birthday, bird.” Crux’s soft voice in my ear startles me, and I quickly turn to him. I don’t wait. I place my lips on his. Waiting for him to take over, and like always, he doesn’t disappoint.

  My body lights up at his touch. The air crackles with the hints of what’s to come. My heart, mind, and soul align. I bring my hands up to his hair as I sit on his lap, cradling him this time.

  The first thing I feel is his hardness, and a shiver races up my spine with delight. I’m wracked with tension awaiting whatever comes next.

  “Slow down, bird.” He pulls back, and I want to follow him, to chase his lips back into making love to my mouth the way he was.

  “I’ve waited long enough.” He gives me a puzzled look. Licking my lips, I explain to him what I’ve needed from the first night he held me in his arms. “I’ve never known a pleasurable caress, Crux. I’ve never had a man touch me the way you do. I can feel your desire from the moment your
fingertips explore my flesh until you pull back because you think I’m not ready.” Grasping his face in my hands, the stubbled hair abrading my palms, I lean my head into his and whisper, “I need you to take the hurt away. I need you to make me yours, and I need for you to be mine.”

  Crux

  Fucking damn.

  I’ve waited to hear her say those words. Tonight, they mean so much more than any other time would have because tonight I can make it happen. Everything she’s asked for and some she hasn’t. My only mission in life is to keep her happy. If giving her pleasure, claiming her, is going to do that…well, you don’t have to ask me twice.

  Standing, I grip her hand and pull her into my arms. Tossing her over my shoulder, her squeal of delight followed by her tinkling laughter makes me grin from ear to ear.

  As soon as I had felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, I knew it was her day. I knew it was time I could remind her and hope for the best. Her reaction to my comment stunned me. Damned near knocked me flat on my back, in fact. When I recovered, I couldn’t help but take over our momentum. Tangling our tongues together, breathing in her breaths, devouring her moans of pleasure, gave me a feeling of ultimate bliss. My body is only too happy to give Farren whatever she desires.

  “Crux, I’m getting dizzy.” She’s still laughing as I enter the house and bring her off my shoulder to stand on her feet in front of me.

  “If you say stop, at any time, I’ll stop. I don’t care about anything but you, little bird. We go at your pace.” I’m completely serious as I tell her this. I could be ready to blow a load, and I’d still stop. It might kill me, but I won’t do anything to upset her.

  “Okay.” She smiles and takes a step into me.

  I’m not sure she fully understands what I’m saying, so I retreat back a step. “I mean it, Ren, no matter what’s happening, I’ll stop for you.”

  “I got it, Crux.” She advances, I retreat.

  “You’re in complete control here.” My cock pulses when her eyes dart down and linger. It’s like he can feel her stare.

  “I like that,” she whispers.

  Advance. Retreat.

  Cat and fucking mouse.

  How the fuck did I become the mouse?

  “Fuck it,” I mumble and step into her. Grabbing her hips, I hoist her body up, and she wraps those long legs around me as I turn and head to our room.

  Dropping her on the bed without an ounce of grace, she bounces and giggles as I reach behind my back and pull at my shirt. Tossing it on the floor, I wonder if she likes this slightly buffer me, or if she prefers swimmer me. I’d never been a large muscled guy; I was lean, but in prison, there wasn’t much else to do other than work out or get in fights. I knew I wanted out one day, so I avoided the fights after my initial few. Weights were my only friend. I worked in the kitchen to keep my hands and mind occupied, as well.

  The sight of her licking her lips gives me the answer I’ve craved. She likes everything she sees. Unbuckling my belt, I drop my pants to the floor with a loud thud. Pushing off my shoes and socks, I step out of my clothes and put one knee on the bed while gripping her foot with one hand.

  Tugging her towards me, I slip her shoes free and slowly peel off her socks. Ren’s stare follows my every move. She watches as I glide my hands up her shins, over her knees to her thighs until I finally reach my destination. The button of her jeans comes loose with a quick flick of my thumb, and the zipper slides down; the sound loud in the quiet room. I watch her chest steadily rise and fall until I begin to draw her pants down over her tight little ass, past her supple thighs, and off to the floor.

  “Doing okay, bird?” I keep my voice low so as not to startle her.

  “Very,” she sighs, her hands reaching for me. Touching my chest, tracing the forest of tattoos down to my waist and back up again. “They’re beautiful,” she murmurs, tracing the lines of branches as her nail scrapes across my nipple, and I can’t help the groan. The way my flesh breaks out in goosebumps. Any touch from her is heady.

  Dropping my other knee on the bed between her ankles, I move forward, gripping the hem of her shirt and slowly bringing it up her waist. I pluck the material off her body, tossing it into the pile of clothes building on the floor at our feet.

  My breathing is heavy as Farren lays back on the bed, her dark hair spread across the pale blue bedspread like a halo. I can see the rapid beat of her heart pounding in her breast, and I lean forward to kiss the flesh gently. Making her a silent promise to always to take care of her.

  “God, you’re fucking beautiful,” I can’t help but say. “The most perfect creature I’ve ever seen.” I could worship her for days.

  “Has there been a lot?” she asks, and I’m taken aback.

  I shake my head. “No one since I met you all those years ago.”

  “Do you regret it?”

  “Not for a second.” I don’t know if she’s asking about not being with another woman or going to prison, but the answer to both is the same. I don’t. “You were mine before either of us knew what it was going to mean, Farren, and there’s nothing in this world that will make me change the events of the past. Except to take your hurt away.”

  Tears gather in her eyes, and I can firmly say that for once, they aren’t from pain. “I love you, Crux Malcolm.”

  Fuck. I think I feel my own fucking tears now. She’s a gift I never knew I could wish for, but I’m eternally grateful for. “I love you, too, Farren Hallewell. For so fucking long I’ve loved you.”

  Her eyes close like she’s savoring this moment, and hell, maybe she is. I sure as shit am. I’ll savor every second I have with this woman for as long as I’m on this earth. She leaves me speechless with her resilience and the love she carries for me. I didn’t need her words to confirm it, I already knew.

  “Please, Crux, make love to me,” she begs, her eyes beg. Her body vibrates with this need we’ve both been hiding for so long.

  “Whatever you want, bird.”

  “You,” she gasps as I move my hands down her ribs to her panties, tearing the fabric from her body. Her eyes widen. “I liked those,” she says as they sail behind me.

  I can’t speak as I look down and see her hidden treasure for the first time. With my leg in between hers, she’s wide open and not a little bit shy. In fact, my timid little bird drops her thighs further.

  “You trying to kill me?” I hunger for a taste of her.

  Dropping my body down to the bed, I don’t give her time to adjust or breathe. I simply take, devour, eat up the most delicious piece of heaven I’ve ever been given.

  I could suck on her juices for hours upon hours if I weren’t so hungry to be inside her body. Sucking down on the swollen bundle of nerves, I bite lightly, and she jumps while moaning out my name. Rising back up, I meet her hooded stare and lick my lips, tasting her all over again, and my eyes cross. My cock hardens further, ready to dive and drive her into the deepest corners of heaven.

  Hands on her hips, I push her down into the mattress and hold her gaze as I stand to remove my boxers and grab a condom from my wallet.

  There’s a question in her stare I know she won’t ask. “I’d love nothing more than to ride you bare straight into oblivion, but you’re not ready for the ramifications, and I’m not ready to share you.”

  Farren

  He’s beautiful. Sculpted perfection. I could stare at him for a lifetime and never tire of the sight. His muscles ripple as he rolls the condom over his big cock.

  I thought once we started things, I would freeze up. I thought my mind would take over and I’d get lost in my head. That I wouldn’t be able to accept what we both want. And if it were with any other man, I think that’s exactly what would have happened. With Crux, I know that when he says I’m in control, he means it. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do to protect me, and he proves it even now with the condom.

  Coming down on top of me, he holds his body up, so my nipples brush his chest, and my entire body buzzes with awareness. “Are
you sure, Farren?”

  I can’t help smiling. “I’m positive. I feel nothing but anticipation.”

  That’s all he needs. Closing the distance between us, his lips clasp mine in a soft kiss until he rolls us over, so I’m sitting atop him. His hardness digs between my thighs, pulsing and begging for what it wants. Sitting up, I break the kiss and unclasp my bra from the back. Tossing the garment to the floor, I giggle when his eyes dart to my chest, devouring my nudity with their praise. His hands leave my hips to travel up my torso and cup my breasts in his hands.

  Shutting my eyes at the sensation, I grip his wrists and move my hips slowly back and forth, riding him until neither of us can handle the friction, and he’s cursing again. “Bloody fuck, Ren.”

  Pushing up from my knees, I let Crux guide himself into my heat. He gingerly helps me lower my body onto him. The scorching inferno in my belly rises to a fever pitch as he pushes at my virginity. With a look of surprise and awe, he pauses, and after the most soul-devouring kiss, he pushes up and through, taking what has always rightfully been his.

  “Shit,” I hiss as the burning pain makes my thighs shake and quiver until I’m seated all the way down his length. “It’s so…” I’m not even sure how to explain.

  “Incredible…Thank you for that, little bird,” he sighs. His body is tense while I sit still to adjust to this new invasion. It’s not as painful as I imagined but uncomfortable enough for me to be afraid to move. “What are you thinking, bird?”

  “I don’t know if I can move,” I whisper like it’s a dirty secret.

  Grasping my hands in his, he places them on his pecs, and they flex automatically, admiring the muscle. “Tilt your head back,” he instructs. “Now close your eyes.” I do as he says. “Relax, bird. Let me drive.” The strength of his hold on my hips, his thumbs rubbing small circles on the bones, is enough to soothe me into doing as he says.