Blue Christmas (The Moody Blue Trilogy | Book One)

by Moody, Diane

  “But Laura, that’s a whole different situation.”

  “I know that, Hannah.”

  “I don’t even feel worthy of comparing the two, to be honest.”

  “I didn’t imply that you should.”

  Hannah looked out the window, watching the wind blow a shopping cart swiftly across the lot. “Laura, this whole crazy thing . . . it happened too fast. It was all just too fast.” She paused. “And it ended even faster.”

  “Nobody said it was over.” Laura reached out and placed her hand over Hannah’s.

  “How can you even suggest that it’s not? The minute Jennifer walked into that hospital, everything Jason and I had ended. Everything, Laura. In one split second, it ended.”

  She tried to control the emotion boiling from deep inside, but she couldn’t. It was bad enough to be snapping at Jason’s mother but to lose control was doubly humiliating. “From the moment you walked into my store that night on Christmas Eve, my whole world changed. Every thought, every dream, every breath I took was forever changed. Falling in love with Jason has been—was—the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. I never—” Her breath caught, the dam broke, and she didn’t even care any more. “I never in all of my life could have imagined anything so beautiful and so pure and so—”

  “Right?”

  “Yes! So right. Being with Jason was . . . it felt so perfect. Like it was meant to be. And now it’s—” She jerked her head away, holding up her palm toward Laura while fighting her anger.

  “It’s taken a turn. That’s all, Hannah. Not a dead-end. Just a turn. Call it a detour. Jason had no idea Jennifer had broken off her engagement to that attorney in Nashville. He had no clue she’d show up at the hospital like that.”

  “So she waltzes back in the door and it’s like I never existed.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Oh sure. And that’s why he’s been knocking at my door and ringing my cell phone nonstop.”

  Laura looked away. Hannah’s heart ached for the answers she yearned to hear. Instead—silence.

  “I can’t offer you an explanation. I wish I could.” Laura drew a long breath. “Jason’s biggest weakness wasn’t that hole in his heart, Hannah. It’s a heart that’s much too tender. Ever since he was a little boy, he never wanted to hurt anyone’s feelings or cause anyone pain. When he and Jennifer went their separate ways, he suffered for over a year. Not because he regretted his decision, but because he knew he had hurt her terribly. It wasn’t until he heard about her engagement that he finally let himself off the hook about it. I tell you that because I fear he doesn’t have the heart to hurt her all over again. She showed up to support him in his hour of need—obviously not knowing you were there, giving him all the support he could possibly need. And rather than hurt her all over again—well, I pray he’ll be honest with her before he makes a huge mistake.”

  “I’m afraid your prayer is too late.”

  “I disagree. I have faith in him. And Hannah, I refuse to stand by and watch you walk away from what you and Jason had together.”

  “Watch me walk away?” Hannah shot back, feeling a fresh wave of anger surge through her veins. “I think you’re a little confused, Laura. Jason isn’t your little boy anymore. You can’t tell him who he can play with and who he can’t. He’s a grown man. He makes his own decisions. So stop trying to play God and leave us alone.”

  Laura grew quiet. The silence hung heavily between them. Baby whimpered, looking back and forth between them.

  Hannah wiped her face, trying to regain her composure. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.” She wiped her nose with the hem of her apron. “Look, I know you mean well. I know your heart is in the right place. But I can’t handle this right now. You’re Jason’s mother. And as much as I value our friendship, you will always be Jason’s mother. I cannot separate you from him.”

  “Precisely. Which is exactly why you should listen to me! I know him better than anyone, whether you think so or not. And all I’m trying to tell you is to give it a little time. Give him a chance to—”

  “A chance to what? Another chance to break my heart all over again? To parade around with his perfect girlfriend—who I happen to like, by the way. And why wouldn’t I? She’s perfect. She’s gorgeous, she’s kind, she’s funny . . . she’s everything he could possibly want.”

  Hannah gathered Baby in her arms. She hugged her then handed the tiny pooch to Laura. “I’m sorry. I can’t . . . I just can’t talk to you anymore. It just hurts too much.”

  She shoved the door open and jumped out of the car, slamming it behind her. She ran across the parking lot to the store entrance, then hesitated. Remembering her keys were in her pocket, she bolted toward her car. In seconds, she peeled out of the parking lot and headed home.

  Laura rubbed away the fog on the window to watch Hannah make her pitiful escape. “Oh Lord, what have I done? I should never have come here.” She closed her eyes as she tucked Baby inside her coat, cradling her in its warmth. “Father, please keep Hannah safe. Protect her. She’s such a precious child. I don’t think for a minute You brought her into our lives as some sort of joke. You’re the only one who knows what’s going on in all this. Help me know how to pray. For Jason, for Jennifer . . . and for Hannah.”

  She paused then turned the key and started the car. “And for heaven’s sake, help me know when to keep my mouth shut.”

  “He looks great, doesn’t he?” JT asked as they all rummaged through Laura’s kitchen for something to eat.

  “He does. I can’t believe it, but he really does.” Gevin handed a plate of cold cuts over to Marissa. “The doctors are even amazed at his progress.”

  Jason loaded his arms with jars of pickles, mayonnaise, mustard, and a bag of lettuce then kicked the refrigerator door shut.

  Sergio pulled out a chair out for Tracey. “Didn’t they say they were going to get him up walking in the morning?”

  “Yeah, they did,” Jennifer answered. “And I have a great idea.”

  Jason watched the familiar spontaneous gestures of his former fiancée. She pushed her sleek blonde hair out of her face, her eyes twinkling with excitement.

  “Here’s what I’m thinking. Each of us could dress up like different people. Famous people. All there to visit Jackson. Like JT—we could dress you up like Elvis, and—”

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa—wait just a minute.” JT held up his hands. “You are not gonna put me in sequins and a cape and prance me down that hospital hall. No way.” He smirked, looking over the top of his tinted glasses at her.

  “Where’s your sense of humor, JT? Do this for Jackson if you won’t do it for me. C’mon!”

  “Jennifer? It ain’t gonna happen. Got it?”

  “I forgot how stubborn you are,” she fussed, shaking her head. “Okay, fine. Be a spoil sport. Just come as you are. That’s always a trip anyway. Now Sergio and Gevin. I was thinking we could—”

  “Sorry, Jennifer, but I’ll pass on this one.” Sergio avoided eye contact with her, concentrating on the sandwich he was building.

  “Count me out too,” Gevin added. “It just doesn’t feel right. Not now. Not yet.”

  “You guys aren’t being much help here,” Jennifer groaned. “I’m just trying to think of some way to cheer Jackson up. Take his mind off everything. Remember how much he’s always loved our pranks? C’mon, you guys.”

  “I don’t know, Jen,” Jason said. “I’ve got to agree with Gevin. It just doesn’t feel right. Not now.” He caught the disappointment on her face.

  “Not now? Jason, why not now? Why not let Jackson know how happy we are that he’s okay?”

  Jason shrugged, slapping a couple pieces of provolone on his sandwich.

  Marissa closed the loaf of bread. “I hate to be a party pooper, but I have to agree with the guys. I love a good joke, but I don’t know—I guess it feels a little over the top or something. Sorry, Jen.”

  Jennifer looked around the table.
“What’s the matter with you all? Where’s your spirit of compassion?”

  The clatter of knives against plates and jars cluttered the silence.

  “Okay, okay. I get the message. So we’ll forget the group approach. But surely one of you will help me out here? Jason?”

  “Sorry, Jen.”

  Jason watched her eyes widen with frustration. He knew she meant well and he had to admit he appreciated her intentions. Still.

  “JT? C’mon, you’ll do this, won’t you?”

  JT walked over to Jennifer, summoning her into his arms. “Now, now—don’t give up on us. We’ll come around eventually. It’s just been a really rough week. That’s all. Cut us some slack here. Okay, babe?”

  She rolled her eyes and stepped into his hug with a sigh of defeat.

  “You are one crazy woman. I forgot how fun you are to have around. Let me tell you, you’re a breath of fresh air after all that’s happened. It’s good to have you back, Jen.”

  The awkward silence gnawed at Jason. Jennifer was here because of him. She showed up out of love for him, for Jackson—for all of them. He loved her for that. In spite of everything, he genuinely loved her for that.

  So why do I feel so miserable?

  He took a deep breath and tried to smile at her as she unwrapped herself from JT’s arms and headed his way. She tucked herself beneath Jason’s arm, wrapping her other arm around his waist.

  A palpable strain still permeated the air. Jason didn’t miss the uneasy glances from Marissa and Gevin. They all loved Jennifer. She had been part of their “family” for a long, long time. Ordinarily, it would have seemed so natural to have her here again, involved in their lives again.

  But it didn’t feel natural. At all.

  Too much had happened. Too many mixed feelings. Only a few days ago, they had all sat at this same table. Now Jackson was in the hospital, Alli at his side, and Liza was incarcerated.

  And Jason’s arm was around someone entirely different.

  Chapter 20

  “This is getting a little old, don’t you think?”

  Hannah sat in her easy chair, a rumpled mess wrapped in her pale pink chenille robe. She watched Kylie survey the damage as she dropped her purse and keys on the table by the front door. She pulled off her coat and tossed it onto the back of the sofa.

  “I mean, how long are you going to keep up this ritual of leaving work every time you feel the tears coming on? You planning to hide out here for the rest of your life?” She walked to the kitchen and began picking up the dirty dishes. “And more importantly, am I gonna get paid for being your maid? Geez, Hannah, this place is a pig sty.”

  Kylie turned on the kitchen faucet then turned to look at her. Hannah stared back at her then looked down at her hands, picking at the chipped nail polish on her thumb.

  She heard Kylie blow out an exasperated sigh as she tossed dishes into the sink, attempting to clear off the counter. Finally, the redhead shut off the faucet.

  “When was last time you had a hot meal? Huh?” Kylie planted a hand on her hip.

  Hannah shrugged.

  “Don’t give me that. I asked you a question. When was the last time you had a hot meal?”

  “Um . . . I don’t know. I can’t remember.”

  “Well, you’re gonna have one now. I’m gonna make us some spaghetti and you’re gonna eat every bite if I have to force-feed you, got it?”

  Hannah moved slowly to the counter as Kylie began putting their meal together. In less than twenty minutes, she had prepared two steaming plates of pasta. The loaf of French bread she’d found in the freezer had warmed quickly in the oven, filling the apartment with a delicious aroma.

  Hannah’s stomach growled. She took a seat at the table. Kylie sat down across from her. Her friend made small talk as they ate, repeating how pleased she was to see Hannah eating a few bites. She tore off a hunk of the crusty bread and put it on Hannah’s plate.

  “You don’t have to be my nursemaid.”

  “Oh? Funny, it looks to me like somebody better take care of you because you're certainly not doing a very good job of it. Go on. Eat. I refuse to let you starve yourself.”

  They continued in silence. Hannah managed a few more bites of spaghetti then chewed slowly on the bread. Finally, she pushed the plate away. “Thanks, Kylie.”

  “Don’t thank me. In fact, you’re the one who’s supplying dessert. Come on, let’s go sit on the sofa. The coffee’s ready. I’ll bring it over.”

  “What dessert?”

  They settled into the living area, both nurturing hot mugs of hazelnut coffee.

  “You’re going to tell me everything. Whether you want to or not. This ridiculous merry-go-round you’re on is going to stop for a few minutes, and you’re going to tell me every single detail just like you promised. I know it won’t be easy. But you owe it to me, and quite frankly, I think it might be good for you.”

  “I don’t see how.”

  “Because maybe, by just starting at the beginning and running all the way through it, you’ll see it more clearly. You’ll sort through this heartache you’re suffering from and be able to find some way to handle it.”

  “Kylie, I don’t think—”

  “I didn’t ask you to think. I just want you to talk. Start at the very beginning. If it takes all night, then so be it. Now, tell me. How in the world did you happen to meet Jason McKenzie?”

  His name suspended in the air. The ache in her heart gripped her. She traced the rim of the mug with her finger. Finally, she took a deep breath. “It was Laura. Jason’s mom. She came into the store right about closing time on Christmas Eve . . .”

  And so the story unfolded. They laughed and cried and continued long into the night.

  “You were right,” Hannah said over a yawn.

  “Right about what?” Kylie asked.

  “I’ve told you everything. Every single detail. Talking about it helps. I still feel this sorrow inside me, but somehow, it doesn’t hurt quite as much. It was all suffocating me—I couldn’t handle it. But now, after telling you everything . . . I don’t know, it just helps. A lot.” Then she snickered. A little at first, then she laughed out loud.”

  “What?”

  “You. Your forehead is caved like some pitiful arch of empathy or something. It’s like you’ve taken on the pain I’ve shared, and it’s warped your face into this, this—”

  “And that’s somehow funny to you?” Kylie mourned. “I’m distraught from hearing maybe the most depressing story I’ve ever heard. And you sit there laughing at the expression on my face? Geez, Hannah.”

  “Oh, c’mon. Let me have a couple moments of laughter.” She wiped her eyes. “Because this may all be new to you, but I’ve been living it for weeks, Kylie. And no offense, but you look like some poor little puppy or—”

  “Like Bambi when his mother got shot?”

  “What?”

  “Well, I kinda feel like Bambi must have felt when his mother got shot. Remember? That horrible emptiness you felt when you saw that movie?” Kylie stared at the dust particles floating in the light of the lamp, her mind revisiting the old Disney film scene. “Your story . . . it makes me feel a little like that.”

  Hannah pulled the quilt over her legs again. “Oh don’t be so melodramatic. It’s just life. That’s all. People fall in and out of love every day. It’s no big deal.”

  Kylie tilted her head, not buying the nonchalant remark. “Well, excuse me, but I don’t think so. Not like this. This isn’t some college romance or . . . or some silly holiday fling, Hannah.”

  Hannah yawned and stretched, then snuggled into the sofa. “I know.”

  “But I’m really sorry. All this time . . . ever since I got back to town and you’ve been so upset and you wouldn’t tell me all this and then I found out about Jason and that you’d been actually involved with these people. Well, I was just stunned! I was so shocked that you—and them—and gosh, Hannah—it’s Out of the Blue!”

  “Yeah
. . .” Hannah’s eyes slowly closed. “Blue . . .”

  “But I’m so sorry. I never dreamed anything like this had happened. And I feel so awful.” Kylie poured out her heart, lamenting her downfall as a friend.

  “Awful,” Hannah mumbled. “Why do you . . .”

  She waited for Hannah to finish her thought. But her own confession couldn’t wait. “I feel awful because I was so jealous! The minute I put two and two together and realized the one you were so upset about was Jason McKenzie and . . . and that you’d been hanging with these people? I was beyond jealous. And what kind of friend am I, that I would be jealous when you were so upset? I’m horrible. Just horrible. I’m such a wretched excuse for a friend. How can you ever forgive me? At a time when you were suffering and . . . Hannah?”

  A soft snore answered her.

  “Hannah?”

  The figure buried under the quilt on the sofa turned over and burrowed deeper. “Coffee is on aisle four on your right.”

  Kylie exhaled. “Oh Hannah, what in the world are you going to do?” She sat there quietly for several more minutes thinking over the strange story she had just absorbed. Finally, her eyes grew weary and she began to drift off to sleep as well. Tonight she would dream of famous people and impossible situations.

  “That was an impressive walk you made down that hall, Jax,” Sergio said, helping Jackson back into bed. “How’re you feeling? Did we wear you out?”

  “I’m exhausted. I can’t believe a few steps like that can wear me out so much.” Alli fluffed the pillows behind him. He grabbed her hand and kissed it.

  “Just give it some time,” Gevin added. “You’ll be outta here in no time.”

  “You still think you’re up to the press conference?” Marissa asked.

  “No, probably not,” Jackson answered. “But we’re going to do it anyway.”

  “Are you sure, Jax?” JT asked. “We can do it later, man.”

  “No, I want to. I need to do this. It’s like a burden on me. I don’t know how else to explain it. It’s just something I really need to do.”