Deep Water

by West, Sinden

  I continued past him and made my own cup of coffee, keeping my back firmly toward him as I worked in the kitchen. After a while, he cleared his throat.

  “Are you mad at me about last night?”

  I turned to face him, clutching the kitchen counter for support. “No. Are you still mad at me for cheating on you?”

  His eyes moved down to his cup. “No.” His voice was barely audible. I took a breath and moved over to where he sat, taking the seat next to him. I placed my hot coffee on the table.

  “I’m sorry about that. I’m still mad at myself. I feel like I wrecked everything between us that was so great.” I welcomed the heat that burned my hands as I cupped my coffee. His hand moved to touch mine and then his lips were touching mine. I kissed him back for a few moments because that was the natural thing to do. But then I had to pull back.

  His eyes searched mine and it was hard to speak. “I’m married.”

  “To a man who wants you to screw other men. What part of that is a marriage?”

  “I can’t,” I choked out. “I just can’t do that to him.”

  His hand left mine, his mouth a grim line. “I guess it doesn’t really matter anyway.”

  “Do you want us to leave?” I was suddenly afraid that his answer would be yes. But he just stood and pushed in his chair.

  “No.” Then he leaned down so he was eye-level with me, a hand reached out and stroked my hair. But it wasn’t comforting, and the look in his eyes was so cold. The small smile that his lips lifted into wasn’t friendly either. “I like the idea of having my own sex slave around the house.”

  “What? No, Joseph, that won’t happen again–”

  He placed his finger against my lips. “Sshh…I think whatever I want to happen, will happen. You depend on me for financial survival at the moment. And Ewan has gambling debts that I don’t think you even know about. He’s borrowed from some rather unsavory people, and if he doesn’t start paying them back…well, who knows what they might do.”

  The finger was removed from my lips as I stared up at him in horror. “What do you mean? How do you know that?”

  He stood up straight, that same smile on his face. “I do my research, plus Ewan confirmed it last night. I told him I might help him out, that’s why he was so happy. Trust me. Ewan won’t mind me using his wife in any way that I want. Especially with the money I’m forking out. Face it, Jessie, he sold you.”

  I watched him walk out of the kitchen, the sound of my beating hard louder than his feet on the tiles.

  When Ewan told me the amounts the he owed, I nearly passed out. I sat beside him on the bed and put my head between my legs. It took me a moment to get myself under control and face him.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  He looked regretfully at me. “You were so stressed out about everything already and I didn’t want to make it worse. But it’ll be okay now. Joseph’s going to help us out.”

  “Yeah. But what does he want in return?” I gave a small laugh that had no humor in it.

  Ewan’s arm wrapped around my shoulders. “He likes you, Jessie. We should use that to our advantage. I’m sure he thinks that he’s cleverer than us and that he’s the one calling the shots. But deep down, it’s really us. You just need to get him wrapped around your little finger, and we could have everything we want.”

  “Ewan, no–”

  But he silenced me with a kiss. “Trust me. Okay? We need to get back on our feet, and those guys that I owe money to… they are not nice people. They could hurt me, and they could hurt you. If anything happened to you, I don’t know what I would do.”

  I found it hard to breathe and tears pricked at my eyes. “Are they that bad?”

  He nodded, grimly. “Yeah. I was so stupid…but I can’t change any of that now. Hey, you know I love you, right?”

  “I know.”

  He started to kiss me, and his hand slipped inside my robe, cupping my breast. In spite of everything, my nipple hardened under his touch and I pressed against him. His other hand slipped down between my legs and I bucked against it. I needed some kind of release from all this tension. I wanted to cum so hard that I couldn’t remember any of my worries.

  His touch, his kisses…all of it felt so good. But then he was maneuvering me face down over his lap. This was what he needed to get hard, and if I wanted him to fuck me good and proper, this was what had to be done.

  The bottom of my robe was pulled up, baring my ass. He ran his hand over my flesh, and his hands, once so soft, were now rough and callused from his outdoor work. I braced myself as the first slap of his hand came down on me, and that was quickly followed by another one. In a sick way, the pain felt good; even as it grew and grew until my ass stung and I started to cry. But the crying was good too, it was release. I felt like everything poured out of me along with my tears

  Chapter Twenty Four

  I had done my best to avoid Joseph all day which wasn’t hard because he’d spent most of the time in his office. He’d found me in the kitchen while I stood at the sink. I had heard his footsteps on the tiles and held my breath, not turning to greet him. Then his hands came to rest, either side of me, on the counter top. His breath was hot on my neck as he crowded into me, his chest hard against my back.

  “Is dinner nearly ready?”

  “Yes.” I kept my head down and didn’t move at all except for my pounding heart that I was sure made me shake. It would have been so easy then just to turn around and plant my mouth on his, but of course, I didn’t.

  Then his hand went to my hair which sat in a haphazard bun and he pulled on it, ripping it free of its fastenings so it fell down my back.

  “I like your hair down better, it makes you look healthier,” he told me. “Don’t wear it up again.” A kiss was planted on my shoulder. “Oh, and set two place settings. You can eat with me since Ewan’s gone out.”

  I didn’t say anything, just keeping my position until his footsteps faded away.

  I had made a lasagne and salad. I awkwardly dished it up for him before sitting in my seat. For myself I just dished the salad.

  “And the lasagne,” he said, suddenly.

  “What?”

  He watched me coolly. “Put some lasagne on your plate, as well.” He spoke slowly and succinctly as if speaking to someone who didn’t understand English.

  I paused, then grabbed the serving spoon and deposited a small amount on my plate.

  “More,” he ordered.

  I frowned in distaste. “I don’t like lasagne,” I protested.

  “It doesn’t matter what you like. Do what I say.”

  I didn’t like the hard look on his face, so I avoided looking at him as I obeyed. More was heaped on my plate. The fat of the beef and the sauce made me want to vomit. I took a small mouthful, ever conscious of his eyes watching me. I chewed thirty times and swallowed with difficulty, trying not to make a face.

  He was still watching me, waiting. So I dug my fork in and took another small mouthful, again forcing myself to swallow. That was enough.

  I put the fork down on the plate so it made a clattering sound. “I’m done. It’s disgusting.”

  His eyes stretched into that cold, horrible smile. “Pick that fucking fork up and eat it. Otherwise, I will force it down your throat. Understand?”

  I resisted the urge to hurl it at him. Instead, I grabbed my napkin off my lap and tossed it on the table as I stood. “Fuck you. I’ll eat what I like. You don’t control–”

  His hand reached out and wrapped around my wrist with the stealth and grip of an octopus. He pulled me onto his lap, the humiliation of which was made worse by my sore ass rubbing against him. An arm kept me there, while his hand trapped my jaw in his fingers, forcing me to look at him.

  “I don’t think you understand, Jessica. I do control you. I control your husband as well.” He smirked. “You should be used to having absolutely no control by now. It seems like things have been out of your hands for a long time now, and fo
od, as always, has been the only thing you get any say in.” He waited, but I stayed silent. “I’m going to take that control away from you too, now. You’ll eat what I say when I say.”

  I tried to pull away, but he held me fast. “Why?”

  He leaned in and kissed me quickly on my lips. “Because I can. Because I want to. And if you don’t, I’ll refuse to help your husband and you’ll likely find his body floating in that pretty lake out there. Now, will you eat by yourself, or do I need to feed you?”

  I stared at him, wondering who this horrible person was. “I’ll feed myself,” I whispered.

  He released me, and I returned to my seat, docile and ready to obey.

  It took a good hour to eat everything on my plate. He watched every slow mouthful that I took with a never ending patience, or perhaps it was sadism. After I had put the fork down, I got up to use the bathroom.

  “No,” he barked.

  “I feel sick,” I said, stubbornly.

  “If you vomit up any of it, I’ll make you sit here and eat twice as much. Stay put!”

  We sat there in silence before I said, “Are we just going to sit here all night?”

  He grinned at me. “What’s wrong? Are you imagining all that fat you just consumed going straight to your thighs?”

  I ignored his comment. “I have to clean the kitchen.”

  “Fine, I’ll watch you.”

  And he did, his eyes never leaving me as I performed my duties. When everything was clean and tidied away, I turned to him. “I’m going to bed.”

  “Not yet. Not until I say so.” And then his hand was tangling in my hair as he kissed me hard. I kissed him back, because, even though he was being horrible and mean, this was still Joseph. This was still the person I wanted in the most confusing and twisted way. My eyes closed as he attacked my mouth, and I remembered him as that skinny fifteen-year-old with the smile that showed the missing tooth, and then later, as that boy with something darker in him who fell in love with me…

  My clothes disappeared in fluid motions, slipping from my skin to flutter down to the floor. I imagined everything happening in slow motion, even as we kissed with intensity and our tongues moved with ferocious speed. My hands gripped the fabric of his shirt as I pressed my now naked self against his fully clothed form. It was like if I kissed him hard enough, then time would disappear and we would be back to where we were before mistakes happened and life twisted.

  Ewan loomed in the back of my mind that was intoxicated with lust. Self-loathing invaded my psyche while the sickness of the food invading my stomach made me dizzy. But I still kissed him like life and sanity depended on it.

  Nothing about this was right.

  Nothing about him was right anymore.

  That boy of my memories was gone. In his place was a cold hearted man who had the power to wreck me or save me.

  But I wanted him. I tore my lips away from his and dropped down to my knees, reaching for his belt. My eyes were open now as my shaking hands freed him from his pants so my mouth could close over him. I felt his hand in my hair again as I worked my mouth along his length. Above me, he moaned, but it sounded far away. His hand tightened as he came, and I swallowed down every bit of him that he ejected into my mouth.

  I pulled back, sinking down lower onto my knees and keeping my eyes firmly on the tiles. He stayed still as well, and for minutes we both stayed like that, seemingly frozen and not touching. We could have been strangers.

  Then the cum, combined with the food of before, started to swirl in me and I tasted bile. My hand came to clamp over my mouth as I struggled to rise. Once I was unsteadily on my feet, I sprinted for the nearest toilet and vomited out everything that he’d put in me.

  He made me shower in his ensuite, washing my hair and skin. His fingers brushed lightly over my ass which must have still shown Ewan’s handprints and then he didn’t touch it again. He didn’t talk to me as he rubbed my hair with the towel while I sat naked between his legs.

  Then he led me to his bed, holding back the crisp, white sheets for me so I could slide in. He lay beside me, not looking at me or touching. I thought he had gone to sleep, but then he reached for me later and we had sex in the dark. No words, loving or otherwise, were exchanged. I stayed silent, even when he made me cum.

  Afterward, I slipped from his bed and made my way from the room in the dark. I slid into my own empty bed that felt so cold and Ewan didn’t come home.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Ewan stumbled in at five in the morning. He managed to shrug off his clothes before he fell into bed and one hand clutched at my breast before he fell asleep. I watched him, wondering if I smelt like sex and if he would be different if his parents hadn’t died. In sleep, he looked like the boy that I had first become so fond of. I let myself smile at his sleeping form as I watched him with a mixture of tenderness and disappointment.

  He didn’t stir as I slid out of bed and pulled my robe over my nakedness. The air was cool and crisp as I walked outside and down to the lake. Summer was leaving and soon a deathly coldness would overtake everything, but right now, that air was nice. My robe was thrown onto a bench as I ran into the water. I cut through the water with ease and imagined it washing every bad thing from my body. Taking a deep breath, I dived down as far as I could go until my lungs began to burn and then I surfaced, gulping in air before realizing I wasn’t alone.

  Joseph swam up next to me. “You look like a mermaid in the water.”

  I tread water as I smoothed my hair away from my face. “If I’m a mermaid, what does that make you? The Loch Ness monster?”

  He looked at me, frowning slightly. “Is that what you think I am? A monster?”

  “You’re acting like one. You never used to be like this. You used to be kind.”

  He gave a small laugh. “Kind? No, I wasn’t. Not really. Only to you, sometimes, and that was because—” He stopped short of what he was going to say.

  I moved closer through the water toward him. “Because you were in love with me.” His face became stone. “Why are you being so cruel now?” I held onto his shoulder now, feeling the muscle beneath my hands.

  His arm wrapped around me, pulling me with him closer to shore until we could both stand up with the water above our shoulders. He leaned in close to me and I didn’t flinch away.

  “Because it’s how I get what I want.”

  I raised an eyebrow at him. “Is this what you want? Forcing me to be with you? To eat what you want? To control me in every single way?”

  His hand slid down and a finger slipped inside me. “I’m not really forcing you, Jessica,” he murmured. “This is what you want, but you’re too good, too loyal, to say so out loud. I’m just taking the choices away from you so you don’t have to bear any of the responsibility. I’m taking care of you…”

  His hand was moving between my legs and it was hard to concentrate on what he was saying. I rested my head on his shoulder as small tremors started to course through me. I moved my mouth and licked at the water on his shoulder, and then I bit and sucked at the skin there, creating a love bite like I was marking my territory. He hissed in pain, then he grabbed my hand and pulled me with him so we ran out of the water together and collapsed on the grass.

  We fucked there like animals.

  Raw, hot, need, want, lust, love.

  It all mixed together as we took as much of the other as we wanted while we rolled around under the emerging sun. When the day became bright, we staggered up and walked naked to the house, going our separate ways without another word.

  Ewan rose at noon and wouldn’t answer my questions about where he’d been all night. When I asked if he’d been gambling he just scowled at me before stumbling into the shower.

  I stared at him for a few moments, rage building inside me, then I took a deep breath and went back to the kitchen. Joseph was sitting there, drinking coffee. He looked up as I entered, but I quickly looked away and started to pull out the meat I was going to prepare for
dinner.

  It was no surprise when he came up behind me and started to kiss my neck. I let myself relax into his touch and went willingly when he turned me to face him so I could kiss him. His hands started to push up my skirt and I felt myself get wet straight away as I brushed my hand over the front of his pants. I loved feeling how hard he was for me.

  But then Ewan cleared his throat behind us and I hurriedly pushed Joseph away from me.

  “Don’t mind me,” Ewan said. “I’m just grabbing something to eat.”

  Joseph gave a smirk, and that infuriated me for some reason. But I couldn’t take it out on him, so I took it out on Ewan instead.

  “Where the hell were you last night? Were you gambling away more money that we don’t have?”

  “Relax.” Ewan grabbed a bowl and proceeded to fill it with cereal. “The boss man here gave me a bonus. Don’t get your panties in a twist.”

  My glare turned to Joseph, who still looked amused.

  “You gave him money to go gamble? You know he had problems, you know he—”

  Joseph held up a hand. “That’s not my problem. I couldn’t care less. Anyway, I’m going to leave you two to your little tiff.” Then the prick walked from the room.

  “I’m guessing you lost,” I spat at Ewan.

  “No need to be such a bitch, Jessie.” He shoveled a mouthful of cereal into his mouth. I just glared at him for a few moments, before I stormed from the room. I went straight to Joseph’s office and opened the door without knocking.

  He was sitting at his desk and didn’t look surprised to see me. He merely waited while I slammed the door behind me.

  “What are you trying to do here? Are you trying to ruin him?”

  He smiled at me. “I think he can ruin himself without my input. But I decided to give him a little help in that direction.”

  “How can you be so callous?”

  Joseph shrugged. “Are you going to divorce him?”

  “No.”

  “Then I’ll be as callous as I want. Now get your ass over here.” He patted his lap.