Untouched Perfection

by Mayer, Kristin

Turning, Sawyer pulled me into one of the alcoves. “Knoah, I know I’ve been gone most of the week, but what the fuck is going on?”

  “I met someone.” Sawyer gasped, and I continued, “We have this attraction to each other I can’t explain. But the moment I met Garrick, Mickey went crazy.”

  Sawyer grabbed my hand. “You want me to kick her ass?”

  I chuckled. “Maybe. I’ll tell you later. Promise.” I smiled automatically as I attempted to joke back with her.

  “So …You met someone, Knoah?” She stopped, her eyes wide. “Did you say Garrick? As in Garrick Shaw?”

  “I did.”

  Jumping, she grabbed my arms. “Oh my gosh! Knoah! That is amazing. And he’s really good looking.” That, he is. “When I get home, I want all the details.”

  “Promise.”

  I remembered why we were standing in the lobby, and the moment grew sober. “I need to head home.”

  She gave me a hug. “I’m here if you need me.”

  “I know.”

  We parted ways, and I left it all behind. My lip quivered, but I would remain strong. I’d be fine financially until I figured out my next move. Dylan had had a life insurance policy that named me the beneficiary. Between that and his trust funds, I had enough for the rest of my life. Dylan’s grandparents had willed him a substantial amount I hadn’t known about. It still plagued me that he never told me about the money. It wouldn’t have changed anything. He’d always taken care of me, making me the number one priority in his life.

  With a deep breath, I pushed through the back doors.

  My job was over.

  I was still in a state of shock as it all began to sink in. I drove home in a fog, barely reacting when my phone vibrated with a text. Later. I’ll deal with that later. Right now, I needed to process.

  At the entrance to the private community we lived in, the gates opened as I approached. My phone rang as I parked the car, nearly scaring me to death. It was my mom.

  “Hey, Mom. It’s good to hear your voice.” What I wouldn’t give for one of Mom’s homemade cinnamon rolls. She always made them when I was having a rough day as a kid.

  “Hi, sweetheart. How are you? Did you get our card? You didn’t mention it on your birthday, and I didn’t want to press you about it. I know how hard your birthday is.”

  I loved my parents. They remained understanding of how hard it had been since Dylan died. I hadn’t thought about the cards since the night of the concert. A sour taste filled my mouth as I thought about the card from Vivian. “Yes, Mom. Thank you. I’m sorry I didn’t mention it.” I took a deep breath. “I got one from Vivian, too.”

  “I can’t stand that woman. Why can’t she leave you alone?”

  Mom and Vivian almost had an altercation at the hospital. At Dylan’s funeral, Vivian had to be physically removed from the premises as she screamed terrible things at me. “I haven’t opened either. My therapist suggested I leave them unopened since I always feel that if I open the good, I have to open the bad, too.”

  Should I tell her about my job? Garrick? No, not yet. She’d insist on coming up, and I needed a little time to process.

  “If that helps, I think it is a wonderful idea, honey. Would you mind if I talked to your therapist?”

  Since the first birthday after Dylan died, Mom suggested I throw Vivian’s card away. I never could bring myself to do it, feeling I deserved all the hateful things she spewed at me. After all, I’d been the one who wanted to go to Paris.

  That took me by surprise. Hesitantly, I asked, “About what?”

  “Me. Your new therapist seems to be helping you. I think she might be able to help me, too.”

  Sometimes I forgot I wasn’t the only one who’d been affected by what happened. When Dylan died, a piece of me did, too, and that had spread out to those who loved me. “I think that’s a great idea, Mom. I’ll send you her contact information.”

  “You know your dad and I love you.”

  I blew out a breath, willing myself not to cry. If I started to cry, she’d know something was wrong. “I love you, too.” Time to change the subject. “Did I mention Kurt and I ran into each other again?”

  “I saw.” Her happiness was evident over the phone line. “Seems like the press has stopped trying to match you guys as a couple. I didn’t want to pressure you to tell me until you were ready.”

  My parents were beyond understanding. Truly a blessing. “Yeah. It’s good to have him back in my life. Did you hear the song he sang?”

  “It was beautiful. Was it about… Dylan?”

  I caught the way she hesitated on his name. Normally, the mere mention made me shut down. But now, our memories gave me comfort. “It was. We co-wrote it together a few years back. Kurt’s going to record it and release it. I’ll get royalties from it.”

  “Oh my gosh! That’s amazing! Are you going to perform like you used to?”

  The excitement in my mom’s voice had me feeling a little more like my old self. “No, I don’t want to be in the spotlight. The photographers hounding me this week confirmed that.”

  “I’m proud of you, Knoah. So, so proud of you. Dylan would have loved it. If you need anything, we’re here for you.”

  “Thanks, Mom. Love you guys.”

  “Love you, too.”

  We hung up and I gathered my things to head upstairs. The loss of my job still clung to me, but talking to Mom and feeling her love for me lessened the pain. All I wanted was to go to sleep for a few hours before I made a game plan. At some point, this fuzziness would clear and the panic would set in. My job was over. One fundamental building block I’d had in place had been removed. I hoped I was strong enough to withstand the shift.

  And where did that leave me and Garrick? Later. I would think about all that later.

  My phone vibrated again. It was Sawyer. “Hey, I’m coming home. I can’t let you be there by yourself.”

  “Sawyer, please don’t leave. You have to get ready for a massive wedding in two days. Don’t give Mickey a reason to let you go, too. I’m going to be fine. I promise I would tell you if I needed you to come home.”

  She sighed. “This doesn’t feel right. I feel like I should quit and be there with you as a sign of solidarity. Or at least come home and eat chocolate and talk about Garrick.”

  “Please stay. I’ll fill you in. Promise.”

  “Okay. I’ll leave as soon as I can. Call me and I’ll be there if you need me there. I’m going to go ahead with the monkey meeting. I’ll tell him to pee on Mickey.”

  Leave it to Sawyer to pull a genuine laugh out of me. “Now that would be karma.”

  “I’ll see what I can do to convince the little wig-wearing bastard to do it.”

  I loved my best friend. Through thick and thin, Sawyer was the type of person who would always have my back. Maybe it was time to tell her everything.

  “Thank you, Sawyer. You mean more to me than you’ll ever know.”

  “Same to you, Knoah.”

  After I hung up with Sawyer, I went over to Jessica’s apartment and let myself in with the key she’d left me. She was due back tonight, and before I lay down, I needed to take care of the cat.

  “Snickers. Here kitty, kitty.”

  Meow.

  The beautiful calico cat emerged from Jessica’s room. “Hey there, buddy. You’re mommy is coming home tonight. Yes she is. I’m going to get you fed and clean out your litter box.”

  Meow.

  He brushed against my legs as I walked toward the cabinet where Jessica kept his food. “You are such a sweet cat.”

  In no time, I filled the food and water bowls. Snickers began eating right away, and I stroked his back. “I’m going to clean out your litter box now. Maybe I should stay over here and cuddle with you. It’s been a rough day.”

  Snickers purred in response.

  The litter box was easy, as Jessica had one that self-cleaned. I grabbed the garbage and looked around. Everything seemed to be in place except a pillo
w Snickers probably knocked off the couch. I put it back. Jessica was an exceptionally neat person. I locked the door behind me as I left. Though our complex was safe, I never left the door unlocked.

  As I descended the stairs, a weird, creepy feeling came over me again. The last time it had happened had been when I went up for the meeting with Garrick. Unsettled, I hurried down to the dumpster and threw away the bag. I glanced around the parking lot—all the cars appeared empty. No one was around besides the local yardman. I wanted to get into my apartment but realized I’d left my purse in Jessica’s apartment.

  Shit.

  Quickly, I ran back to Jessica’s apartment and locked the door behind me as another wave of fear hit. My heart was pounding in my ears. The creepy feeling hadn’t left me, and I peered out her kitchen window while grabbing my phone out of my purse.

  A black SUV drove through the parking lot. Nothing unusual. The apartment complex was big, so the car most likely belonged here.

  It’s okay, Knoah. Nothing is out of the ordinary.

  I knew I was mentally tired, but I hated to ignore those feelings. They generally were spot on, but lately, nothing had happened.

  Forcing myself to remain calm, I gathered my purse and hurried next door to my place.

  Home.

  Once inside, I looked out the window again. Everything seemed normal. You’re imagining things. I definitely needed some sleep. After a week of getting hardly any, catching up on some would hopefully help my perspective.

  In my room, I took off my heels and quickly changed before crawling under the covers.

  As the minutes ticked by, the numbness wore away and the first tear fell. I pulled my pillow to my chest. I’d lost the one thing I’d used to stay tethered to reality. Now, without my job, I felt like a ship drifting aimlessly.

  Why? What have I done? What am I going to do now?

  The time I finally let my guard down and experienced happiness, I lost something dear to me. Was it punishment for trying to move forward for one millisecond? Maybe all those cruel things Vivian had said were true. Maybe I had been responsible for Dylan’s death. After all, I’d been the one who wanted to get married. I’d been the one who wanted to go to Paris. I’d been the one to leave Dylan alone as I went to get the water. Vivian’s words from the funeral echoed around in my head.

  More tears fell, and my heart physically ached.

  At some point, sleep found me.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Pound. Pound. Pound.

  I pulled my eyes apart. Dried mascara had matted them together after the massive cryfest. I pushed up off the bed wondering what time it was. It was after ten. It had been less than two hours since I’d come home, and I was still exhausted.

  “Okay, I’m coming.” My voice came out hoarse and gravelly.

  I wondered who was at the door—only approved people were allowed inside our complex. It was probably the property owner needing to schedule the bug guy. We’d received a note in the mail two days ago to call and schedule, but I don’t believe either of us had.

  After pouring out all my emotions onto my pillow, I felt better, more centered. Everything would work out. At least the massive ache in my chest had almost disappeared. Losing my job wasn’t my fault. Dylan’s death wasn’t my fault. I’d done nothing wrong in either case.

  Sometimes it took diving off into the dark to see the light.

  I opened the door and was shocked to see Garrick.

  “What happened? Are you okay?”

  “Come in.” I cleared my throat. “We’ll talk inside.” I opened the door wide, and Garrick followed me into my apartment. “What have you heard?”

  “Pete called my office, saying you’d turned in your security pass. I called your office and was told you were no longer an employee of As You Wish. I’ve been trying to call your cell.”

  “Sorry, I turned off my phone. I was fired this morning. I still don’t understand why.”

  His hand grazed mine, and I laced my fingers in his. We stared at our joined hands. I needed this, needed him. “Thank you for coming.”

  With Garrick here, I felt better about the entire situation. Crazy, I know.

  “I wasn’t sure if I should come.”

  “I’m glad you did.” The gesture was small but intimate beyond measure at the same time. We walked further into the room, hand in hand. “How did you get in the complex?”

  He glanced up, his mouth quirked up on one side. “I own the complex. When you told me your address, I couldn’t believe the odds—this is the only one I own. After I realized, I had the security increased because of the photographers.”

  I remembered keeping them at bay that morning. His thoughtfulness only made him more endearing. I caught a glimpse of myself in the hall mirror and shuddered as I attempted to straighten myself up. I looked worse than Sawyer had in front of Kurt. But it didn’t faze Garrick.

  “Would you like to tell me what happened?”

  With a gentle tug, Garrick released my hand, and I tucked my hair behind my ears. “That night with the photographers, something flipped in Mickey. She became a different person.” I sat on the chair, Garrick on the ottoman, and I grabbed a pillow and hugged it to me. “She’s always been a good boss. I’ve never had any issues with her. She works a lot and lives for her company. But when she got into the limo, Mickey became someone else. Cold and distant. She gave me the impression the two of you were an item, and it went downhill after that. Today, I walked in, and she said we should part ways, so I left. That’s all I know. She wouldn’t give me a reason.”

  Garrick rolled up his shirtsleeves to the elbow, showing his corded muscles. Geez, he was sexy with every fluid movement. I finger-combed through my hair a little more to straighten out the mess.

  My lips tingled as I thought about the kiss from last night. I’d just lost my job, but all I could think about was when I would get another chance to kiss Garrick.

  “What was your relationship like before we met? Before I requested you to handle the gala?” he asked, effectively halting my thoughts from getting naughtier.

  As I thought back on the last few days, it was still hard to believe I’d been fired. “Before the meeting, she was fine. Excited to get the account. Nothing was too big to accomplish. Your name wasn’t mentioned. When she went to sign the contract, nothing changed. After you and I talked, I went down to the lobby, where I saw Hastings. I said good night and walked out. You were there for the rest. In the limo, she changed.”

  He nodded. “She was upset that I’d declined her dinner invitation after you left.”

  I swallowed hard. “Did you ever date Mickey or see her socially?”

  “No, the first time I met her was at the limo.”

  Good. I hated thinking of them in an intimate setting, perhaps on a balcony having dinner. What happens now? I wasn’t sure what to say.

  “How does some lunch sound?”

  On cue, my stomach growled. “I think you have your answer. I can whip something up right after I take a shower. I’m a mess.”

  “You look beautiful. Let me order something.”

  “That sounds good, thank you.” The last few times I’d needed someone, Garrick had been there. “You seem to have an uncanny way of showing up when I’m in trouble.”

  “I could say the same about you.”

  Before I could ask what he meant, Garrick leaned down and kissed me. I melted against him, relishing the feel of his lips against mine. I moaned, hearing a response from deep within him. All too soon he pulled back. It was short, yet I felt as if he stripped my emotions raw. Then he touched his forehead to mine. “I don’t know what I’m doing. This is new to me.”

  “What?”

  “The desire to be with someone. Being unable to get her out of my mind.”

  Oh my.

  My voice was just above a whisper. “I’m right there with you.”

  “I’m glad it’s not just me.” The vulnerability I heard in his voice eased my own apprehensio
ns. We were in this together.

  Things would be okay. Earlier, I’d told myself it would be, but now I’d begun to believe it. Leaving Garrick in the kitchen, I went to take a shower. The warm water soothed me as I washed all the grime from the day away.

  I was dating someone. And I liked him.

  Is it wrong?

  No, it wasn’t.

  Live.

  I felt like I was doing that. After toweling off, I dressed in shorts and a T-shirt before joining Garrick. A feast was spread out on the table when I entered the kitchen.

  “I ordered in from an Italian place I know. I wasn’t sure what you wanted.”

  I giggled. “Wow. A sandwich would have been sufficient. But thank you. This is… a lot of food.”

  For a second, Garrick looked at the table and chuckled himself. “I guess it is. I got carried away—wasn’t sure what you’d like.”

  “I’ll eat anything except anchovies or pickles.”

  “Pickles?”

  “Yes, it’s a desecration to the cucumber. I can’t even fathom it.”

  Handing me a plate, he winked. “Duly noted. No pickles.”

  “What foods don’t you like?”

  He thought for a second. “Peas.”

  “Duly noted,” I said, mocking his proper phrasing. Garrick gave me one of those oh-so-swoony winks.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “I can’t believe you backpacked through Europe. I’d love to see some of the places you’ve talked about.”

  Dabbing his mouth with the napkin, Garrick leaned back. Lunch had been delicious. A carb-filled meal was every girl’s dream during crisis mode. “Have you traveled outside of the US?”

  The questions ran through me like a shock, and I flinched. “Umm… once. A long time ago.”

  My phone vibrated. I looked at the display to see Sawyer’s name. “I need to take this. It’s Sawyer. She’s probably checking on me.”

  “Of course. Let me clear the table to give you some privacy.”

  “Thanks.” I connected the call and turned my attention to Sawyer. “Hey, how are the monkey troubles?”

  “Knoah, I’m at the airport. Mom had an accident on the snowmobile in Colorado. Cameron and I are catching a plane.”