The Way Back To Me (Back To Me #1)

by Anne Mercier

I nod. "I already knew that, but don't knock it until you try it before you go judging those who take the other path."

  "Are you propositioning her?" Alexa shrieks.

  What? Fuck no. Even if I want to bang her, no fucking way.

  "Nah. I'm not her type."

  "I hate to break it to you Cam, but you are her type. Think about it," Alexa coaxes.

  Danny Davidson. He was a football player—like me. He liked to party—like me. The only difference between us was he had a girlfriend and I don't want one.

  "He's not," Liv says softly, picking at one of her fingernails. Black. She painted them black. I think I prefer the pink. I don't really care for the hair either.

  "See?" I retort, breaking from my musings. Has she really changed that much? She's lost the pink, perky, and prissy? Now she's black and dark and not someone I recognize.

  "Besides," she adds, "I'm not his type."

  Brax chuckles. "I hate to tell you, sugar, but you're every guys wet dream."

  Her face flames red and Brax winks at her. I elbow him in the gut. He grunts and gives me a questioning look. I shake my head slightly. Not this one, man.

  He tips his head to the side in a nod.

  Definitely not this one.

  They all start up a conversation while I try to figure out what's really going on with Liv. I think back to when I was home for the summer. I'd heard the rumors about how she'd gone into a deep depression. I even helped try to find her when she disappeared with her bottle, thinking that would numb her. I'd seen her at her worst. Puking over the rail of her porch. She doesn't know I saw, but I did. I wasn't the only one. She doesn't know that either. She doesn't need to.

  I take a drink of my beer.

  No. I really don't like who she's become. As much as I hate all that sweetness and light, I prefer it to this darkness and doom.

  "Stop staring at me," Liv tells me.

  I don't reply, just keep looking. Those blushes tell me Priss is still in there. I've just got to find a way to lure her back out. That's going to be easier said than done. She's going to resist and fight me every step of the way. I smirk thinking of her going toe-to-toe with me. I've got the upper hand. I can out-stubborn the best of them.

  She narrows her eyes and flips me off. I can't stop the grin that pulls at my lips. Maybe I don't want all of the old Liv back. I'd like her to keep some of this new one including that spark she's got in her eyes.

  I lean in close, my mouth close to her ear so only she can hear me. "Be careful with that finger, Priss. You might get more than you bargained for." I pull back and look down at her.

  Her cheeks are flushed, her mouth open in surprise, her gaze locked onto mine. I smirk and the minute I do, I see her get her footing back. She crooks a finger at me and my brows go up. This time it's me who's surprised.

  I lean in close again and wait for whatever she's got to say. She smells the same—something flowery and light.

  "I can handle myself just fine, Cameron Stone," she whispers in my ear. When I stand up straight she flips me off again. Brax is chuckling, no clue what's going on but I suppose it's easy enough to figure out.

  I can't hold back the laugh that has everyone around me giving me looks. I don't laugh much. Get the fuck over it already, people.

  "We'll see," I tell her. I give her a wink and walk outside. Christ she's got me all worked up. My heart's pounding and my cock standing at attention. This is not good. Not good at all.

  CHAPTER 5

  "Be willing to take a chance, because you never know how perfect something could turn out to be."

  - Unknown

  Olivia

  I watch as Cam walks away and I wipe my sweaty hands on my cotton dress.

  "What the hell was that?" Alexa asks.

  I can only shake my head.

  Sebastian chuckles. "That, my friends, was Cameron Stone meeting his match."

  I roll my eyes. "Get real. He's always hated me."

  The guy they call Brax tips his cup at me. "There's a fine line between love and hate and an even thinner one when it comes to desire." He walks away and I let out a laugh.

  "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

  Alexa grins. "Yeah, what is Brax talking about?"

  Sebastian smirks. "Tell me about Destiny, North Carolina."

  At the mention of home, I can't help it. I go rigid and Sebastian feels it as he leans against me.

  "Hey, hey. We don't have to talk about that if it bothers you. I just thought with a name like Destiny it had to be a special place," he says.

  "I'd really rather not talk about it if that's okay."

  "No problem, Three. Let me go get us another drink." He takes my empty cup and walks off and that's when I round on Alexa.

  "What the hell is the deal with your brother?" I hiss.

  Her eyes go wide. I'm not sure if it's the language or the tone, and honestly I don't care. If she knows what's going on, I want answers.

  "I don't know, Liv. I swear," she replies.

  "He's always taunted me, but never like that." No, never like that. He's never breathed against my ear causing goose bumps to break out all over my body. He's never talked to me like that.

  Alexa shrugs. "Maybe he's interested in you—the new you."

  I give her a look. "And pigs fly."

  "They do. Didn't you see that Geico commercial?" she teases.

  "You watch entirely too many commercials."

  "I know, but I love them."

  "Weirdo."

  She snickers then nudges me with her shoulder. "So, you and Sebastian?"

  Oh God. Here it comes.

  "No, it's not like that, Lex."

  "It could be. He's definitely interested," she encourages.

  I look up and see Cam with that blonde "clinger" from earlier and there's no doubt in my mind they're going to… fuck tonight. There. I said it. That wasn't too bad. I've never called it that. It's always been having sex or being with Danny. We just were.

  And now here I am at some frat party, being encouraged to… to what? I don't even know. I've never had to do this before. With Danny everything just was so natural, it just happened. Tears well up in my eyes and I look at Alexa.

  "I can't do this," I tell her softly, the first tear falling when sympathy washes over her features.

  "I didn't—"

  I smile a watery smile. "I know. It's just… it was nine weeks yesterday."

  She looks at me then steps forward as if to embrace me and that can't happen or I'll break down right here. I feel it building.

  "I have to go," I tell her and quickly make my way toward the door, my escape a few feet away. No one needs to know what a mess I am inside.

  I step into the damp night air and start walking toward the dorm. It's dark out, but honestly I'm not worried. Cassidy and I hung out with three guys all of our lives. We learned how to fight at a very young age. I could beat Danny up until the age of twelve. Then he got too tall and too strong. He pinned me down instead of me pinning him—not that I'd ever complain about that. His hips between my legs, his body on top of mine.

  I brush at the tears, hating them yet unable to stop them. Maybe one day I'll get through twenty-four hours without crying—I'd be grateful for six hours. My record's been five hours and twenty-four minutes. Pathetic. So pathetic, Livvy. Counting how long you can be tear-free.

  Why on earth would Alexa think either Cameron or Sebastian would be interested in me? I'm a walking, talking hot mess.

  I hear footsteps behind me and I turn to see who it is and when I do I wish I hadn't.

  "Go away, Cam."

  "I'm just making sure you get home safely. The campus is pretty safe, but you never know," he replies, walking fast to catch up to me. His fingers wrap around my wrist and he stops me. "What happened?"

  "Nothing. Don't worry about it, Cam," I tell him flatly, wiping the remaining tears from my cheeks.

  "Did someone do or say something to you?" he asks. I startle when he lifts hi
s t-shirt, using the hem to wipe away the mascara beneath my eyes, exposing his rippled abs. My breath catches at the sight.

  That's new.

  "No, no one said anything. Stop it," I scold, batting his hands away, uneasy at how easy it was to let him touch me.

  "Don't you ever let anyone help you?" he asks, frustration clear.

  I used to. All the time. There's no one left.

  "I'm fine."

  "I can see that."

  I sigh. "What do you want, Cameron?"

  "That's a loaded question," he teases.

  I'm not amused. Not in the place I am emotionally in this moment.

  He sighs. "I want to help you."

  "With what?" I ask, not bothering to hide my surprise.

  "I'm not sure." He runs a hand over the back of his neck.

  "Oookay."

  "This isn't you."

  I look myself over. "I'm pretty sure I'm me."

  "No. This isn't you."

  I shrug. "A lot has changed since you bullied me last."

  "I never bullied you."

  I raise a brow.

  He just glares.

  "I don't need your help. I'm fine. Really. Go help someone who needs it," I tell him, turning to walk way. He stops me with his fingers wrapping loosely around my wrist again. I'm more than surprised. Normally he'd squeeze hard enough to make me squirm but not hard enough to hurt me. He enjoyed tormenting me.

  "I can help you, Livvy. I can help you get your feet solidly beneath you again. This girl, she's not you. You shouldn't change because of what happened," he tells me.

  I sneer at him. "Are you fucking kidding me? I shouldn't change because all of my best friends are dead? I shouldn't change because the boy I've loved all of my life and planned on loving until the day I die, is lying in a grave six feet under? I shouldn't change because they all died and I lived?"

  "Olivia—"

  "Don't. You started this. You don't know so don't tell me that I shouldn't change. It's not a choice!" I shout.

  "What do you need?"

  "I need that night to never have happened. I need those cars to have driven in a different direction. I need to have been driving that car because I drive slower than Simon and those drunk assholes wouldn't have gotten us." I pause, tears falling, letting my bully see me raw. I'm sure he's enjoying this and will use it against me later. He'll never get to see it all. Never. I've never talked about that night—not with anyone and I won't be starting with Cam.

  "Olivia."

  I wipe the tears from my cheeks. "You asked what I need?"

  He nods.

  "I need you to leave me alone. Like it or not, this is who I am now," I tell him straight up.

  "I'll leave you alone—for now. But I'm still going to follow you to the dorm so I know you got back safely," he tells me. I'm not sure how to read him after everything I've said. I gave up trying after I figured out that one part of him. It's probably best if I don't start now.

  "I can take care of myself," I remind him.

  "Humor me."

  I roll my eyes then fold my arms across my chest. "Fine."

  We walk back to the dorm in silence. I can all-but hear the thoughts in his head.

  It feels like it takes an hour to reach the doors when in reality I'm sure it was only ten minutes or so. I turn to him only to find him watching me with that look, the one he had earlier. The one that tells me he's not done with this.

  "Listen, Cam. I don't want to be your new pet project," I admit, meeting his gaze with my blotchy face. I could care less at this point.

  "That's not what you are, Livvy."

  "Well, just forget whatever it is you were thinking of doing. I'm f—"

  "Fine. Yeah, I know. We will be talking about this again."

  As he walks away, I take in his bulk. He's huge. And those thighs, I swear, are bigger than my waist. Cassidy always had a thing for Cam, and while he was a total bully to me, I still found him attractive. Likely it's that whole asshole thing he's got going on.

  "Nice use of the word fucking by the way!" he shouts back at me, walking backwards.

  I can only shake my head. I don't know what he's up to but I don’t want or need the added attention. I just want to be left alone. I want to go to classes, study, get good grades, and that's all. Nothing more, nothing less.

  I open the door to my room and enjoy the quiet. I'd only heard a few people talking, someone down the hall has their TV blaring, and someone over by the elevator has their stereo cranked. Another party likely.

  That's good. I grab my pajamas. I like that other people are having fun, partying—I can smile and pretend I am too.

  I brush my teeth and wash my face, setting my items back on the shelf Alexa left empty for me. I think I'll like her as a roommate—so long as she doesn't continue to push me to go to parties and push me at guys. I don't want either.

  I crawl under the blankets. It's much cooler here already than it is in Destiny. Winter is going to take some getting used to. If that's possible.

  I put my earbuds in and turn on my iPod. In The End from Linkin Park comes on and softly sing the words. Fitting.

  Phillip would have had his pick of girls tonight and they'd have fallen for his lines. He's smooth and a pretty boy. Girls have always fallen at his feet. Simon would have charmed Cassidy and maybe they'd finally have taken the leap. Even though her focus would have been on Simon, Cassidy would have drooled over Cameron and his friends. She had a thing for athletic guys. I guess I did too, seeing as Danny was a football player. He played other sports but football was his game and he was good enough to get an athletic scholarship to Prospect. Tonight I would have stood with Cassidy and scoped out the guys, watching them interact with the girls and figuring out immediately who was a player and who wasn't.

  Now, Danny, he'd have been close, watching me but doing his own thing. I'd have walked over and sat on his lap if he'd been playing quarters, or hugged him while I could during beer pong.

  A tear slips out, rolling down the side of my face and onto my pillow. I am so tired of crying. It seems that's all I do. I hate that I cried in front of Cameron Stone. Not once, but twice, as if the first time wasn't enough to fill his cold heart with glee.

  I still don't know what he's up to, but knowing Cameron Stone it can't be good. I look over at the clock and yawn as the song switches over to Lovesong by The Cure.

  I did pretty good I think. I went to a party and didn't go to bed until eleven forty-five on my first Friday night at college. Not bad.

  ***

  "But it's Saturday night, Livvy," Alexa whines.

  "I know that."

  "You can't stay in on your first Saturday night at college."

  "I can and plan to," I tell her.

  She huffs. "You have to come with me. I have no one else to go with."

  "Aren't your brother and his pals going to be there?"

  "Probably, but—"

  "So, go with them. I want to finish this book."

  "You've been reading that book all day. You didn't even go shopping with me!" she exclaims, like it's a cardinal sin.

  I grin. "I did enough shopping before I got here."

  She gasps. "There is no such thing. Never let me hear you say that again."

  "Oh boy. Besides, they likely don’t have my style of clothes," I point out.

  "They have your old style."

  "Exactly. That's not me anymore."

  "Hmm. I don't know. I think it's still you, you're just still grieving."

  I snicker. This I've got to hear. "Really?"

  "Oh totally. You know there are five stages of grief?" she asks.

  I nod. Of course I do. I'm a psych major.

  "The first one, denial. I think you went through that pretty quickly. I mean, it's kind of hard to deny it when you were there." She pauses and winces.

  "You're fine. Keep going." That didn't sting as much as I thought it would. The next couple might.

  "You sure?"

&nb
sp; "Mhmm. I'm curious now."

  She tucks her hair behind her ear and sits cross-legged across from me on the sofa.

  "Okay. So, the second stage is anger." She gives me an apologetic look and I wave her on. "From what I heard back home, you got there and moved past that too."

  I tilt my head in agreement. That's the truth. And honestly, the people of Destiny are entirely too wrapped up in everyone else's business.

  "Now the third stage of grief is bargaining. I don't know if you've done that…?"

  I nod. "I have. If you would only bring Danny back, I would... fill in the blank. You name it, I've said it. I still say it," I admit.

  "I bet. I think I would too."

  Strangely, talking to Alexa about this, I don't feel like crying. I don't feel my heart shattering—aching, yes, but not stabbing pain so intense I want to rip it from my chest.

  "Anyway, the fourth stage is depression." She watches me closely and I roll my eyes.

  "Just say it. It's fine," I reassure her. I'm sure there's been plenty said.

  "I think you were already there before the burial. I mean, they found you at the Fab Five's spot on the beach, lying in the cold sand, drunk off your ass," she reminds me and it's my turn to wince. The hangover from that bottle of whiskey wasn't fun.

  "True. What else?"

  She clears her throat, clearly uncomfortable as she picks at the fabric on the sofa. "I'll skip the other findings except the last one I heard about. The one where you," she swallows and I can tell it pains her to even talk about it. "The one after the burial. When you went to lay on Danny's… grave."

  I close my eyes as pain fills me when she says Danny's name and grave in the same sentence. Tears sting but I hold them back. I open my eyes and she's watching me, her eyes glassy with emotion.

  "I'm okay," I croak.

  "I don't think you are," she counters. "You drank nearly an entire fifth of tequila that day, Olivia. You could have died from alcohol poisoning. And being out in the rain, passed out, anything could have happened."

  "Nothing did. It's what I needed at the time."

  "I get that. I heard after that you didn't get out of your bed for nearly two months."

  I shrug. "I don't know how long it was. I just… facing life without Danny or my friends… It was too much."