The Way Back To Me (Back To Me #1)

by Anne Mercier

  "But you're past that part now?" she asks, watching me closely.

  "Not completely, no."

  She nods. "The fifth stage is acceptance and I know you're not there yet."

  "Nope," I admit. "It'll take a while. It would have been bad enough with just one of them, but I lost them all. And there are things you don't know…"

  "Well, if you're ever ready to talk about them, you know you can talk to me. What we say here, stays here, between us. I'm not one of the Fab Five, but I can be a pretty good friend if you let me," she offers with a smile.

  "Alexa, you were already my friend. Thank you. I'll take you up on that offer."

  She smirks. "Good. Then as your friend, it's my duty to get you out of this dorm room on your first Saturday night at college!"

  I snicker. "You are sneaky. Learn that from your brother?"

  The door opens, banging against the wall, and in walks said brother.

  "Were your ears burning?" Alexa teases.

  "Talking about how awesome I am again?" Cam asks with a grin.

  I roll my eyes at the same time as Alexa and he sighs.

  "Both of you do that. At least I'll know when you think I'm full of shit."

  I laugh. "You don't need to see me roll my eyes for that. I'll just tell you."

  "I'm sure you will." He walks into the kitchen, opens the refrigerator, and grabs a soda. He leans on his elbows at the island that separates the tiny kitchen from the living space, pops the top on the soda, and takes a long drink. When he sees us both staring, he asks, "What?"

  Alexa walks over to him. "You don't live here. If you drink them all, will you replace them before I have to bitch at you?"

  He smirks. "Seeing as they're regular sodas that I put in there and not that diet shit you drink, I don't think you need to be bitching now."

  She has the decency to look sheepish. "I didn't know. I thought maybe they were Liv's."

  "Nope. I'm a diet soda kind of girl, too," I announce.

  "You should drink regular soda and add some protein shakes to your diet. You're too skinny," Cam alerts me.

  "I am not," I counter.

  Alexa looks at me in sympathy.

  "What?" I look down at myself.

  "You really are pretty skinny, Liv. Your clothes hang off of you."

  I sniff. "Ever think I want them to?" I really don't but they don't need to know that.

  "God, why?" Alexa asks dumbfounded.

  I sigh and Cam raises a brow knowing how full of shit I am right now.

  "You weren't wearing baggy clothes last night," he points out. "In fact, that dress hugged every curve—what curves there are now that you're all bones."

  "Hey! I'm not all bones."

  Alexa walks over and pulls up my tank top so my ribs are exposed—along with the long red scar from the accident.

  "What are you doing?"

  "Ribs. See?" she says, poking the opposite side.

  My face pinks up, I can feel it. I push her hands away. "Stop."

  "What? I was just pointing out…" she stops talking when she sees it. I don't even bother to look over at Cam. I really don't want to see the look of disgust I'm sure he's wearing right now.

  I turn away and right into Cameron's line of vision. I quickly glance away before getting a good look.

  "Liv," Lex begins. "I didn't know you were hurt there too."

  I shrug. "There's a lot you don't know."

  "But—"

  "Broken leg, cracked rib, and cuts on your face is what I heard. What's that from?" Cam asks before taking another drink of his soda, all relaxed like he isn't poking into something that isn't any of his damn business.

  "Do you know how I got the facial lacerations?" I bite out.

  Alexa shakes her head.

  "You weren't curious as to how I survived and they didn't? You never asked around? I'm sure someone knew. It is Destiny, after all."

  "No. No one said," Cam answers.

  "I flew through the windshield. That's how I got all the cuts on my face, chest, stomach, legs—everywhere. And a really big tree broke my fall—and my leg."

  "I—" Lex begins.

  "It's fine. Don't worry about it," I tell her, walking to the refrigerator and pulling out a bag of grapes. I find the colander and rinse them off. I hate the taste of the chemicals that cover them. It's sad how it's become necessary to poison us in order to give us the food we want to eat.

  "Grapes ain't gonna cut it, Priss. You gotta get some meat on you. If you get sick, you're gonna end up in the hospital," Cam informs me.

  "I've been doing just fine, thank you very much." I pop a grape into my mouth, the burst of sweetness covering my tongue.

  "I can see that. You didn't eat the stuff Ethel from the diner sent over?" he asks.

  I shrug. "Sometimes. I just couldn't eat much of it. By then—"

  "By the time we found out you were starving yourself, your stomach shrank so much you could barely eat two bites. Am I right?" he asks.

  "So what? What is it to you anyway? Why are you probing into my life now? You've hated me for as long as I can remember, making my life a living hell, and now you want to get friendly?" I scoff. "A little late for that, don't you think?"

  He just stares.

  The ring of my cellphone breaks the tension.

  "Hey mom," I start.

  "How are you doing? Are you settling in okay?" she asks.

  "It's good."

  "Oh, I'm so glad to hear that." After that I tone my mother out as she fills me in on the latest gossip. I look over to see Cam and Alexa in a quiet conversation—hopefully one that will change the subject from me to something else.

  "Your father says he loves you."

  "Tell him I love him too. I'll call Monday night and let you know how the first day goes," I tell her, picking at the skin on one of the grapes.

  "I'll look forward to it. Have a great first day, Livvy. I love you," she tells me.

  "I will, mom. I love you too."

  When I hang up and turn around both of them are staring at me.

  Uh oh.

  CHAPTER 6

  "Rule your mind or it will rule you."

  - Buddah

  Cameron

  The minute Livvy turns around and sees me and Alexa together, she gets a worried and suspicious look on her face.

  "What's up?" she asks.

  "We're going out," I tell her.

  "Good for you?" she asks and I can't help but chuckle.

  "You're coming with."

  "Um, no. But thank you."

  "Yes, and you're welcome."

  "Cameron."

  "Olivia."

  She sighs, clearly exasperated. Good. It's better than sad or devastated like she looked just a few minutes ago.

  "I thought I told you I don't want to be your pet project," she tells me, cocking her hip and resting her hand on it.

  "What are you talking about?" Alexa asks. "We're just going to a party."

  "I told you before, I don't want to go."

  "You do," I tell her, knowing it's the truth. "You just feel guilty about it."

  "Why would I feel guilty about going to a party?" she asks.

  "You know why," is all I say. She knows as well as I do, she doesn't want to go because she feels guilty for having fun without her posse.

  "You're going," Alexa insists.

  "She is," I agree.

  "Where is this party?" she asks, looking at the ceiling. Probably looking for the patience she's losing with us. Good. I like her with sass. Much better than the one who didn't talk back.

  "Another frat. It's a good one," I tell her.

  "We have got to go. My guy might be there," Alexa declares.

  "I told you. You won't find Mr. Right at a frat party," I remind her.

  "You never know. Now get out of here so we can get ready," Alexa tells me, giving me a shove toward the door.

  "Wait! I never said I was going!" Livvy protests.

  "Sure you did," I tell h
er as I walk out the door. I hear her moan of frustration as I head toward the elevators. The elevator opens and Sebastian steps off.

  "Hey, Stone," he greets.

  "S'up, Smith."

  "Nothing much. I was just going to visit Olivia," he states.

  "She and Alexa are busy doing some girl shit. I wouldn't interrupt if I were you. You'll likely walk out of there with purple eye shadow and red lipstick." At his skeptical look I nod. "Dude, it's true. Trust me. I've seen some shit I wish I hadn't. I wasn't able to look at those dudes the same after that. I kept seeing them looking like Barbie."

  "That's fucked up."

  I nod. "Sure is."

  "Thanks for the head's up."

  "No problem," I tell him, heading for the stairs. "Later, Smith."

  "Later," he replies.

  He hasn't done anything different. He's still the same guy he's always been. But now he has his sights on Olivia. That's just not going to happen. Knowing enough—not all, obviously—about what she's been through, I won't let him pull a one nighter with her. Not that Liv would do that. She's one of those girls who doesn't fuck unless it means something and having only banged Danny, she isn't going to put out any time soon. And I'll be damned if when she does that it'll be Sebastian Smith.

  I stop at the front walk of the dorm and brace myself, hands on hips, head hung down as realization hits me again.

  God damn it! I want to be the one who she turns to when she's ready. How fucked up am I? I can't stand the chick, yet I want to be the one she comes to? I really do need to get laid.

  By the time I got back last night, I wasn't up for Brit and her bullshit. I pushed her off onto Seth who was more than willing to bang her. I'm getting tired of chicks like her, knowing the score but clinging anyway. I don't need that kind of shit in my life.

  I've gotta get my head back into the game. Back to football. Coach is going to be so far up our asses on Monday. My muscles ache thinking about it. But football is the only thing I've ever been sure of.

  When I get to the house, the guys are sitting around playing video games.

  "Where ya been, Stone?" Brax asks.

  I sit down on the sofa. "Paid a visit to my sister."

  Seth places his hand over his heart and looks up.

  "What the fuck are you doing?" I ask.

  "Appreciating your sister in silence," he tells me.

  I punch him in the shoulder. "Don't appreciate my sister at all. She deserves better than what you'd be offering."

  Brax grunts his agreement. "She's not a one night bang."

  "That doesn't mean I can't appreciate her. Hell, I may even appreciate her when I'm—"

  I curl my fist and raise it. "Fucker, if you go there, I'm going to have to hurt you."

  He laughs. "You're so easy, man. Just mention your sister and you get all fucked up."

  "You should see him when you even look at Olivia," Brax tells him.

  "Really," Seth prods.

  Brax nods. "Sebastian's trying to get with that one, but Stoney is running interference."

  Seth whistles. "Sounds like trouble's brewing."

  "You don't know the half of it," I admit, resting my head on the back of the couch.

  I am so fucked.

  ***

  "Holy shit," Brax announces.

  I look over to where she's looking and my jaw drops. I don't know why. It's not like I haven't seen her look like that before—even if it's a bit darker now.

  "Dude, your chick is looking fiiine," Seth says.

  "Stop looking," I tell him, hoping I can take my own advice soon. I've been trying to look away for the last two minutes.

  "I can't," Seth admits.

  "Fuuuck," I say.

  "You said it brother," Brax tells me. "I can see why you're having a problem with that."

  "Yeah," is all I say. I watch Liv and Alexa make their way toward us. "Grab them something to drink, Dekker."

  Seth nods, still staring. He shakes himself out of it. "I am so glad I'm not you," he says just before walking off.

  Right now I wish I wasn't me.

  Black with a hint of pink. That's the color of her dress. It's tight and dips down far enough to give us a peek at the tops of her tits. Short. It's fucking short, hitting her mid thigh. And damn if she isn't wearing some of the sexiest nylons I've ever seen. Sheer black with a line up the back. I want to follow that line with my tongue.

  "Hey guys," Alexa greets.

  "Ladies," Brax replies.

  "Seth's grabbing you some drinks. Don't take any from anyone else tonight, all right?" I advise.

  "Okay. Why?" Lex asks.

  "We don’t know everyone here and it's been hinted at that some of these guys aren't above putting a little something in the girls' drinks," I tell them, for their ears only.

  "Well, that's reassuring," Olivia quips.

  I look at her. Her makeup not as heavy than last night, but nowhere near what she used to wear. It is a lighter color, though, so I guess that's a start. I'm sure Alexa had something to do with that.

  "Ladies," Seth greets, handing them each a cup of punch.

  Liv takes a drink and smirks. "Now this. This I can drink. That shitty beer last night was disgusting."

  "Shitty beer?" I ask.

  "To me, all beer is shit. I can't stand it," she tells me.

  "Yet you drank quite a bit of that 'shitty beer'," Brax cuts in.

  "Yeah, beggars can't be choosers and all that."

  "You going to get fucked up?" I ask her.

  She eyes me, unsure. I'm starting to hate that look—but I did that. I put that uneasiness there. How was I supposed to know she was the real deal? Aw, fuck it. I knew. I just kept on anyway.

  "Since you all dragged me here, I do believe I will. And you two get to take care of me," she tells me and Lex with a grin.

  "Won't be the first time," Alexa retorts.

  "What?" Olivia asks.

  "Nothing," I answer, giving my sister a glare.

  Liv takes a huge drink.

  "I have a feeling tonight is going to be very interesting," Brax says.

  Fuck.

  ***

  "Cameron Stone," Olivia calls out.

  "What's up Olivia Brennan?"

  "I think I might be tipsy."

  "I think you might be right," I reply, wrapping an arm around her waist. "What do you say you slow down a little. Hangovers are a bitch."

  "Ugh, don't I know it. Whiskey hangovers are the worst. Oh! Did you know that's a song?" she babbles.

  "What's a song?" I ask, grinning at how cute and perky she is right now.

  "Whiskey Hangover. Godsmack sings it."

  I raise my brows. "You listen to Godsmack?"

  "Yeah. What of it? I listen to One Direction too," she says proudly.

  I can only imagine what she's got on her iPod.

  "One day I'm going to check out your iPod," I inform her.

  "Go for it. I'm not ashamed. I wear my One-D badge proudly," she confesses.

  "You let that freak flag fly, Liv," Alexa encourages, much drunker than Olivia.

  Olivia looks up at me. "I don't have a flag. Are we supposed to have flags?"

  I chuckle. "No, no flags."

  "Then Alexa doesn't know what she's talking about," Liv declares.

  "Nope, she certainly doesn't. She's drunk off her ass," Seth tells Liv.

  "Ooooh," Liv says, her mouth forming a perfect "o". "Maybe I shouldn't drink anymore then. You know, in case Alexa gets sick."

  "That might be a good idea," Alexa admits. "I'm not feeling so great already."

  "Well stop drinking then!" Olivia scolds and I chuckle. She looks up at me. "Why is your arm around me?"

  "Why's your arm around me?"

  "I asked you first."

  "So you did. To hold you up."

  "Oh. I see. That makes sense."

  "What about you?"

  "Well, because yours is around me, silly. I had to return the gesture, you know?"


  "Hmm."

  Alexa whispers in Olivia's ear and Olivia nods. She crooks her finger at me.

  "Lex has to pee," she says in a very loud hushed voice.

  "I'll show you where it is," I offer.

  ***

  "Let's go get some food," Brax suggests.

  "That's a good idea," Olivia agrees. "I could go for some food—and coffee."

  "You're not even drunk anymore," Alexa scolds.

  "Nope. I stopped so I didn't puke all over. It's not pretty when that happens."

  "I bet not," I say. I've seen her do it and it really isn't pretty.

  "Let's go," Seth says.

  When we get to the car, Olivia freezes.

  "You all right, Livvy?" I ask softly.

  She doesn't move and I look around, trying to figure out what's going on.

  "The car," Alexa whispers.

  I look at it. Shit. It's just like Simon's. The one they crashed in.

  "Olivia and I will meet you over there."

  Brax looks over. "Everything okay?"

  "Yeah, man. Just going to get some fresh air. Watch my sister."

  Brax nods. "Consider it done."

  Liv stands there, watching them drive away, barely blinking.

  "You all right?" I ask her softly.

  She nods. "Yeah." She blinks and shakes her head. "Just took me to a place I hadn't expected to go."

  "You still want food?"

  "Not really." She looks up at me. "Can I just go home?"

  "Yeah, no problem. I'll walk you." I can see she's shaken up and I can only imagine what she's reliving right now. There's no way I'm letting her walk home alone while she's unguarded and distracted.

  "No, no, that's okay."

  "I'm going to walk you home," I tell her and give her a look that leaves no room for her to argue.

  She lets out a sigh. "Fine." When she starts walking, she sways a bit so I wrap an arm around her to steady her.

  "Whoa there. You must be drunker than I thought."

  "I'm not. I just…"

  "You just what?" I ask, knowing by her pause whatever she says is going to piss me off.

  "I just haven't eaten since this afternoon."

  I glare down at her. "You mean those few grapes you had? That's not eating. Damn it, Olivia, you need to take better care of yourself."

  "I meant to eat. I was going to eat, but then you and Alexa came up with your plan to get me to this party and I didn't get to eat," she defends, trying to shrug me off. "Let go."