For The Sake Of His Child

by Lucy Gordon

  ‘May I use your telephone?’ Gina asked after a while. She’d remembered that Dan was due to call her.

  ‘There’s one in that room through there,’ Carson said.

  She called Dan’s mobile and found him slightly tetchy.

  ‘You didn’t say you were going to be out tonight,’ he complained.

  ‘I didn’t know. Something came up suddenly.’

  ‘My boss invited me to his house and said to bring you, too. It didn’t look good when I turned up without you.’

  ‘I’m sorry, but I didn’t know.’

  ‘You’ve still got time to get here if you hurry.’

  ‘All right, I’ll try to-’

  Then she saw Joey watching her from the doorway.

  His face told her that he understood. He couldn’t hear the words, but when you were deaf you always knew when people were preparing to desert you.

  Desert? Nonsense! She didn’t owe Joey anything.

  But she did. Because he was trapped in the dreadful silent world from which she had escaped. And the deaf always owed each other, because they knew terrible secrets that nobody else knew.

  ‘I’m sorry, I can’t,’ she said hurriedly.

  ‘Gina, this is important.’

  ‘And my job is important to me,’ she said, seizing an excuse that Dan would understand. ‘I blotted my copy-book with a client this afternoon, and I’m trying to put it right.’ Hurriedly she explained about the accident, and about Joey. She could sense Dan becoming interested.

  ‘Carson Page? The man you were talking to last night?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘You’re at his home?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘That posh place in Belmere Avenue?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Hmm. All right. I’ll be in touch.’

  He hung up.

  Carson had come to the door to urge Joey back to the table. It was clear he’d heard part of the conversation. He looked at her wryly.

  ‘Did I force you to break a date?’ he asked.

  ‘No, there’s no problem.’ She spoke to Joey. ‘I’m not going yet.’

  His brilliant smile was her reward.

  After the meal Joey, at a nod from his father, switched on the television to watch his favourite soap, with the aid of subtitles. The two of them cleared the plates into the kitchen. Carson poured her a glass of wine, and pulled out a chair at the table.

  ‘I haven’t told you properly how grateful I am,’ he said. ‘I should never have taken Joey to that place, but I didn’t know what else to do. He broke up from school today and, without Mrs Saunders, I had to take him with me. I got absorbed in business and didn’t see him wander off. But for you, I might have lost him.’ He added quietly. ‘And I couldn’t bear that. He’s all I have.’

  ‘I wish you’d asked me to look after him at the office this afternoon,’ Gina said.

  ‘I thought of it, but I didn’t know how, without breaking my word and admitting that we’d met before.’

  ‘You should have broken it,’ she said at once.

  ‘Also, I wasn’t sure if your employers knew about you. I didn’t want to let the cat out of the bag, precisely because there are people like Philip Hale in the world.’

  ‘I thought you were like him,’ she admitted. ‘Last night-’

  ‘I didn’t react very well, I know. But it’s like floundering in a sea of confusion. I try to remind myself that it’s worse for Joey.’

  ‘Yes, poor little soul. Outsiders can’t imagine-the sheer frustration when the words are building up inside you and you can’t get them out-and people look at you as if you’re crazy-’

  ‘If that’s meant for me, don’t bother. We’ve already agreed that I’m a hopeless father with no idea what his son needs.’

  ‘Surely you know one thing that he needs? His mother. Even if you and she have fallen out, she’s the person with the best chance of understanding him. If he had her, he wouldn’t have to indulge in fairy tales about film stars.’

  ‘What makes you think he’s indulging in fairy tales?’ Carson asked wryly.

  ‘Oh, please! I’ve seen Angelica Duvaine’s picture by his bed. She looks about twenty.’

  ‘She’d be thrilled to hear you say so. She’s twenty-eight. That picture’s been cleverly touched up. Mind you, even the reality looks much younger than the fact. She’s worked on her appearance-diet, massage, exercise. The next thing was going to be plastic surgery to lift her breasts. It was the row over that that made her finally move out. Not that she was here much anyway, by that time.’

  ‘Are you telling me that Angelica Duvaine really is Joey’s mother?’ Gina asked, only half believing.

  ‘In a sense. Her real name is Brenda Page but it’s years since she answered to it. When our divorce is finalised in a few weeks she won’t even be that any more.

  ‘I know I look like the monster separating mother and child, but I wouldn’t be doing it if she showed any interest in him. You should read some of Brenda’s press interviews. She’s never once told the world she has a son. From the moment she realised Joey had a problem with his hearing, he ceased to exist as far as she was concerned. He was a blot, something to be ashamed of. My wife, you see, values physical perfection above everything.’

  He waited a moment, to see if she had any answer for this.

  ‘Oh, dear God!’ Gina whispered at last. ‘That poor little boy.’

  ‘Joey adores her. God knows why, when she treats him so carelessly. She goes away, ignores him, comes back for five minutes, then goes away and breaks his heart again. But he never holds it against her, no matter how badly she behaves.’

  ‘Of course not,’ Gina said. ‘He thinks it’s his fault.’

  He looked at her strangely. ‘Is that how it was for you?’

  ‘Something like that. I was lucky in my mother-she was wonderful, but she died. My father-well, I think he actually found me repellent. And I knew I must have done something terrible to make him not love me.’

  ‘And that’s what Joey thinks?’

  ‘He told me that his mother loves him. He probably explains her absences by blaming himself. But I’m only guessing.’

  ‘So what do I do?’ Carson demanded. ‘Explain to him that his mother is a selfish woman who loves nobody but herself? That she remembers him when it suits her and abandons him when it suits her? Why do you think I’m trying to separate them finally? Because I can’t stand the look on his face when she leaves again-as she always does.’

  ‘But she’s his mother-she must love him, in her own way-’

  ‘Then why didn’t she take him with her? I wouldn’t have tried to stop her, if she’d really wanted him. Don’t judge every mother by your own. They’re not all wonderful.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said helplessly. ‘I had no right to criticise you without knowing all the facts.’

  He ran a hand through his hair, dishevelling it. At some point he’d removed his tie and torn open the throat of his shirt. The man in control had slipped away, leaving only the man distracted by forces he didn’t understand.

  ‘I guess I can’t blame you on that score,’ he said. ‘It’s something I do myself. What are all the facts? How can you ever know?’

  ‘Tell me about Mrs Saunders. Is she qualified to help Joey?’

  ‘I thought so. Brenda hired her. Apparently she once worked in a school for children with special needs. But Joey dislikes her. He has violent tantrums. Only yesterday he had a terrible screaming fit.’

  ‘But that’s frustration. It’s not fair to call it a tantrum.’

  ‘Maybe not. But I think that’s why Mrs Saunders took today off. She needed a rest. Who’s that?’

  The doorbell had rung. Frowning, Carson went to answer it, and returned with Dan.

  ‘You said your car was still being repaired,’ he explained, ‘so I thought I’d give you a lift home.’

  ‘Very thoughtful,’ Carson said, ‘but I would have provided Miss Tennison with a tax
i.’ He looked at her reluctantly. ‘Were you anxious to leave?’

  ‘That depends on Joey.’

  ‘It’s about his bedtime.’

  ‘Why don’t you put him to bed?’ Dan said to Gina. ‘I’m sure he’d like that.’

  His smile was full of cheerful kindness, yet it struck a strangely false note with Gina. She didn’t have time to brood over it. She signed bedtime to Joey, and he jumped up and came with her eagerly.

  ‘I won’t be long,’ she told the two men.

  ‘Don’t hurry too much, darling,’ Dan muttered to her. ‘I’ve been trying to meet Carson Page for months.’

  So that was it. She couldn’t really blame Dan. He worked hard and he had his way to make in the world. But tonight had been about Joey and his needs, and Dan’s opportunism jarred with her.

  While Joey got into the shower she returned to his room to fetch the towelling robe she’d seen hanging behind his door. On the way back, she stopped and looked over the banisters. She could just see where Dan and Carson were sitting together, talking. At least, Dan was talking. All she could see of Carson was his back, but something in the set of his shoulders told her that he was finding Dan’s monologue hard going.

  Joey turned off the shower and came out straight into the bathrobe she was holding up for him.

  ‘An-ooo!’ he said painfully. Thank you.

  She put him to bed, and asked him, signing, if he wanted to read. He shook his head and lay looking up at her from his pillow, smiling. He seemed relaxed and happy, quite different from the tense, nervous child of the afternoon. Impulsively Gina leaned down and kissed him.

  ‘Is he ready to go to sleep?’ Carson asked from the door.

  ‘Just waiting for you to come and say goodnight,’ Gina told him.

  She stood back so that father and son could hug each other, but Carson only said awkwardly, ‘Goodnight, son.’

  Joey struggled to say goodnight, and managed the word pretty well, but Gina could feel Carson’s tension.

  ‘Goodnight, Joey,’ she said.

  She was about to turn away, but Joey detained her with a hand on her arm. She sat on his bed and watched as he pointed at himself, then curled over the middle three fingers of his hand so that the thumb and the little finger made a Y shape. With this he made a gentle waving motion, then finished by pointing at her. A shy smile touched his lips.

  ‘What did he say?’ Carson asked.

  ‘He says he likes me.’ Smiling, Gina indicated herself, made the Y gesture, then pointed at Joey.

  I like you.

  Suddenly she was gasping for breath as a pair of young arms tightened around her neck in an embrace that was both eager and desperate. She hugged him back, but it was some time before she could make him release her.

  She felt torn in two. She wanted to stay and do everything she could for Joey. But she also wanted to flee this house that reminded her of so much pain.

  At last he let go, and lay down quietly, but his shining eyes followed her until she closed the door.

  ‘Thank you,’ Carson said. ‘That meant the world to him. When will you come back?’

  ‘Is it really a good idea for me to come back?’

  ‘I don’t understand. You lecture me about Joey’s needs, but you can help him better than I can.’

  ‘But I’m not his father-or his mother. It’s you that’s got to get onto his wavelength. Put him first and take your cue from that.’

  ‘All right,’ he said after a moment.

  Downstairs, Dan looked as though he’d like to settle in for a long talk, but Carson adroitly prevented this, apologising for keeping her so late. Reluctantly Dan rose to go.

  ‘Goodnight, Miss Tennison,’ Carson said formally. ‘I’ll think over what you’ve said.’

  In the car Dan was euphoric. ‘If I can sell our spark plugs to Page Engineering it’ll be a feather in my cap. I thought I’d never get to meet him.’

  ‘I’m sorry if I let you down, but how could I refuse when that little boy-’

  ‘I told him all about our plugs and he seemed really interested. He wants me to call at his office, and take him the full details, and I just knew-it’s a feeling you get when you know you’re going down really well, and the customer is hanging on every word.’

  ‘I’m very glad for you, Dan.’

  ‘Well, I owe part of it to you,’ he said generously. ‘Well done, darling. You know, that’s one of the best things about you. You’re always so reliable.’

  ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘It’s nice to know.’

  It was a compliment, of a sort. But then she found herself recalling Carson saying, ‘Little brown mouse? With that blazing auburn hair?’

  But he hadn’t meant to compliment her at all.

  She refused Dan’s offer of a drink. She felt suddenly very tired after the emotions of the day. He dropped her at her flat and drove away, his head full of spark plugs and deals to be done.

  Before going to bed that night Gina looked at herself in the mirror. Slowly she pulled her hair about her face and studied it for a long time. At last she drew a long breath of pure disbelieving pleasure.

  It was blazing auburn.

  And she had never noticed before.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  ‘T HE position is really a little difficult,’ George Wainright said. ‘It’s a pity Philip has taken agin you.’

  They were sitting in George’s office next morning. As Gina had feared, he’d already received an account of yesterday’s incident, embellished with Philip’s dislike.

  ‘Luckily, Mr Page has written a letter praising you in glowing terms,’ George went on. ‘It was hand-delivered first thing this morning, and it will certainly help. But we can’t have you losing your temper with the customers.’

  George Wainright was an elderly man who looked like everyone’s favourite grandad, but Gina wasn’t fooled. He was tough, and right now his manner was implacable.

  ‘Anyway, let’s leave it there for the moment,’ he said. ‘Go on doing an excellent job, and it’ll soon die down.’

  As the day wore on Gina began to hope that everything really would be all right. Meeting Joey had shaken her up, but with time, and calm, she would get herself in hand.

  Then, halfway through the afternoon, she received a call from the receptionist to say she had a visitor. And something in her tone told Gina who the visitor was.

  With a sinking heart she went out to the front desk. There was Joey, looking anxious but determined.

  She whisked him into her office, and closed the door on prying eyes. Speaking and signing together, she asked, ‘What are you doing here?’

  He answered with his fingers. I wanted to see you.

  ‘Did anybody come with you?’

  No. I just wanted you.

  ‘Has something happened?’

  Instead of answering directly he shrugged and looked at the floor. Gina’s alarm grew. Something had upset the boy, but this wasn’t the time to badger him with questions. She called Page Engineering.

  A barrage of assistants and secretaries barred her access to Carson Page, until she said firmly, ‘Tell him it’s Miss Tennison, about his son,’ and this worked like magic.

  Carson’s voice came as a shock. She had forgotten that it was so deep and attractive.

  ‘Mr Page, I have Joey here. He found his way to my office alone and he’s upset about something.’

  ‘Alone? Where’s Mrs Saunders?’

  ‘Wait, I’ll ask him.’

  She spelled out the name carefully, and Joey made a sign that surprised her so much that she made him repeat it.

  ‘Carson, he says she’s gone away.’

  ‘And left him alone in the house?’

  More signing. ‘He says yes.’

  Carson swore.

  ‘Can you come and collect him?’ she asked. ‘He’s upset and he needs to be reassured.’

  ‘I’m in an urgent meeting. Besides, I’m not the one he wants. It’s you he came to, not me.�
��

  ‘But you’re his father. Put him first, for heaven’s sake.’

  ‘Give me five minutes; I’ll call you back,’ he said brusquely.

  As she hung up she saw Joey looking at her. He knew she’d been speaking to his father, and it was there in his face that he also knew what the answer was. His expression wasn’t sad. Rather, it asked her what else she had expected, and it was a terrible look for a child to wear.

  She gave him something to eat and they chatted. Gina gathered that Mrs Saunders had gone out late that morning, saying she would return ‘soon’, but after three hours there was no sign of her.

  Abandoned in his silence, he had headed for the one person who made him feel safe-not his father, but Gina.

  ‘How did you get here?’ she asked.

  I wrote your address on a piece of paper. Then I walked to the railway station. There’s a taxi rank.

  Eight, vulnerable, abandoned. Walking the streets alone.

  At last Carson called back.

  ‘I’m afraid I’ll have to trespass on your kindness a little more,’ he said. ‘Will you take Joey home for me, please, and stay until I can get there? I’ve cleared it with your boss. Have you got your car back yet?’

  ‘Yes. But how do I get into your house?’

  ‘There’s a spare key under the rose bush by the porch. Joey knows where it is. I’ll be there as quickly as I can. Thank you for doing this for me.’

  ‘You haven’t given me much ch-’ But he’d hung up.

  George Wainright appeared in her door, beaming.

  ‘Well, that’s all right, then,’ he said genially. ‘Philip and I have agreed that the best thing is to release you for as long as you need.’

  ‘You mean, Carson Page has agreed that I should be released for as long as he needs,’ Gina said wryly.

  ‘Well, it was a bit like that, I must admit,’ George admitted. ‘But if you keep him sweet the whole firm benefits.’

  Gina was left with no choice but to leave with Joey. As before, in her company his tensions fell away and he became quietly happy.

  They went out to the car park and found the ‘peanut’, at which point Joey’s eyes widened and he became sorely tried, his natural good manners struggling with his mirth.