Her Fear

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  “I . . . I hope you will get some rest at Daisy’s haus, Sadie. You and your baby deserve that.”

  “Please don’t hate me.” Her stomach cramped again. Rubbing her back, she hoped the pains would lessen soon.

  “I don’t hate you. Just, well, be careful, jah?”

  “I’ll try. Please be careful, too.”

  Esther didn’t say another word. Just turned on the sink. And as the water ran, Sadie watched Esther hold both of her hands under the cold liquid. Simply held them out while the clean water cascaded in rivulets along her skin.

  AN HOUR LATER, Uncle Stephen was as good as his word. After hitching up the buggy, he took her over to Daisy’s house.

  He hadn’t lied. The house was lovely. Pure white with a gleaming black door and a broad front porch that was filled with flower pots. It looked like something out of a magazine.

  Inside was just as pristine and pretty.

  And Daisy? Well, Daisy seemed to match the home. She was graceful and slim, and her eyes shone when Stephen introduced them.

  “Welcome, Sadie. I hope you will feel comfortable here.”

  “Danke. It’s kind of you to take me in.”

  “I think we’re both going to help each other out. I’ll be glad for the company.”

  When Sadie noticed that her uncle was looking longingly at Daisy, she gestured to the stairs. “I don’t want to be rude, but is my room upstairs? I’m feeling awfully tired all of the sudden.”

  “Oh! Of course! Come this way.”

  After hugging her uncle, Sadie picked up her tote and followed Daisy up the stairs. Passing two other bedrooms and a large bath, Daisy led Sadie to a large room with a queen-sized bed covered in a bright-aqua quilt. A large padded rocking chair was in the corner next to a brass lamp and a small bookshelf filled with books. Next to the window was a beautifully fashioned hope chest.

  Sheer muslin curtains covered the twin windows and the faint scent of lavender filled the air. It was truly the prettiest room Sadie had ever seen.

  “This is beautiful.”

  Daisy smiled. “I’m glad you like it. I hope you will be happy here.”

  After Daisy showed her where extra blankets and towels were, she went downstairs to Stephen.

  Sadie took off her shoes and lay down on the bed, closed her eyes. She was exhausted and her belly was still cramping. However, she also felt completely relaxed for the first time in weeks.

  She was thankful for that.

  She counted her blessings as she let sleep claim her.

  Chapter 25

  August 3

  The shrill shriek of the alarm pulled Noah from his sleep and reverberated through his bones. Scrambling to his feet, he glanced at the clock. It was one in the morning.

  Time to work again. He pulled on his shirt, grabbed his ball cap, then stuffed his feet into his boots. “You ready, Mitch?”

  “Yep, though I wish it was three instead of one. I could have used two more hours of sleep,” Mitch grumbled as he raced down the hall.

  In spite of the seriousness of the moment, Noah found himself grinning as he followed Mitch into the garage. He’d been thinking almost the same thing.

  Though Noah was only seconds behind, Mitch was already on the phone and talking to both whoever was on the other line and Reid when he walked into the garage bay.

  “Need anything?” he asked when he entered the ambulance.

  “Not yet,” Reid said, his expression grim. The moment Noah pulled the door shut, Reid pulled out of the garage, sirens blaring and lights flashing.

  Mitch cursed under his breath as he punched in another number. The second it was connected, he said, “Y’all gonna be ready? Uh-huh. Pretty sure. Yep. Bye.”

  It was nothing new for the guys to be speaking in staccato shorthand, but Noah was feeling an underlying tension that was new. As he noticed that Reid wasn’t heading toward town but out into the country, he called out, “What happened? Motor vehicle accident?”

  “Nope,” Mitch said. “We got a call about someone collapsing at home.”

  “Any word what the problem is?” Noah asked, eyeing both the defibrillator and the collar. “Heart attack?”

  “No . . .” Mitch cleared his throat. “Noah, I don’t know how to tell you this, but it’s at the Stauffer residence again.”

  In spite of the fact that they were barreling down the highway at seventy miles an hour, Noah felt as if his world had just stopped. “Something happened at Sadie’s house?”

  “Yeah.”

  He could barely form words. “Did they say who it was?”

  “Female.”

  “Sadie’s pregnant. Maybe there’s a problem with the baby.”

  “Maybe, but the dispatcher usually would still be on the line with the caller if that was the case.”

  Looking at the digital watch he wore for work, Noah realized they were still at least seven minutes out. “We gotta get there. Reid, can’t you go any faster?”

  “In the middle of the night without a single light for miles? No.”

  Mitch turned around again. “Noah, you have to pull yourself together.”

  “I am.”

  Mitch’s gaze hardened. “I’m gonna be real honest with ya. I didn’t want you on this run. If it wasn’t for the fact that the family is Amish and you might be needed to speak Pennsylvania Dutch, I would’ve requested you stay back.”

  “I know what I’m doing.”

  “I don’t doubt your knowledge. I doubt your ability to distance yourself.” Looking at him in the eye, he said, “I know you care for this girl, but the moment we arrive, you are there as an EMT, not as a concerned boyfriend.”

  “I can be both.”

  “Are you hearing me? Because I’m not asking if you think you can handle it. I’m telling you to handle it.”

  “I will handle it.”

  Looking relieved, Mitch sighed. “Good. But prepare yourself, okay? It’s gonna be hard. No matter what you see or her family says, your first priority is the patient’s health and my directions.”

  “I hear you.”

  Reid started to slow the vehicle. With some surprise, Noah realized that they were less than three or four minutes from the Stauffers’ home.

  It felt like both seconds speeding by and an eternity, then Reid slowed into a turn and pulled into the driveway.

  To Noah’s surprise, Willis was standing on the front porch and waving them in with a panicked expression on his face. Noah was too worried to comment on the fact that Willis was outside instead of inside by Sadie’s side.

  The moment he stopped, Mitch got out. “Grab the bag, Noah,” he said as he strode toward the door.

  Noah did as he asked and rushed to Mitch’s side.

  “She’s in here,” Willis said in Deutsch.

  Noah noticed the elderly man didn’t spare him a second’s glance. Reminding himself to keep his emotions in check, Noah followed Mitch inside and hoped the Lord would be with them all. He had a feeling they were going to need every bit of His help as possible.

  Chapter 26

  August 4

  Noah was so surprised, he stopped in his tracks and gaped at the woman lying on the ground. He blinked, then blinked again as his heart reset itself.

  It wasn’t Sadie.

  Within seconds, his training kicked in and he rushed to Esther’s side. Noticing she was pale and having difficulty breathing, he knelt by her. Picking up her wrist, he felt for a pulse. It was faint but steady. She was still alive. They hadn’t lost her yet.

  Right then and there, he vowed that he would do whatever it took to save Esther. They were not going to lose another person in this household.

  “Mitch?” he murmured, ready to do whatever his team leader told him to do.

  The directives came fast and furious. “Give me her vitals. Then we need to flush out her system, Noah. Ipecac first, then we’re going to administer an IV in the bus. Understand?”

  “I understand.”

  Noah
pulled out the Ipecac from their kit and helped Esther drink it. Simply having her vomit the poison would be the easiest and most beneficial course of action . . . if it wasn’t too late.

  Getting the medicine down her throat was a difficult endeavor. She was breathing erratically and appeared disoriented.

  But that only lasted the barest of seconds before she started vomiting into the container that Mitch held. They knew the container would need to be sealed and taken to the lab to be analyzed to see if the poison that had been killing other people was present in her system.

  “Is she going to be all right?” Willis asked.

  “I don’t know,” Noah answered. “I hope and pray we got to her in time.”

  As Noah continued to hold Esther and monitor her heart and breathing while Mitch ran an IV, he heard more sirens, car doors slam, and then the front door opened.

  Seconds later Sheriff Brewer was standing over them. “Is she still alive?”

  “She is for now,” Mitch said.

  Monroe, who’d been standing stoically the whole time, made a noise like he’d just been kicked in the stomach. “For now? That’s the best you can do?”

  Mitch glanced up at Esther’s brother. “We are doing our best to get your sister stable so she can be moved. I can’t make any promises, though. We don’t know how long it’s been in her system.”

  His heart going out to the family, Noah looked at Monroe encouragingly. “We’re doing the best we can,” he said in Pennsylvania Dutch. “No one wants to lose her, you know that.”

  Stephen sighed. “Danke.”

  When Mitch gestured for Reid to join them with the stretcher, Sheriff Brewer walked over to talk to Stephen, Willis, and Monroe.

  Noah watched them talk, realized that Sadie wasn’t lurking in the back of the room. She had to have gone. Sadie would’ve been right by their side if she had been there.

  He was just about to ask where she was when Reid brought in the stretcher. Returning to his job, he studied their patient.

  Esther’s color returned and she was breathing more normally. Her eyes opened for a brief moment before closing again.

  The knot that had formed in Noah’s insides loosened. Maybe they wouldn’t lose her, too. He helped get Esther settled and secure while the sheriff fired off questions.

  “When did she ingest the moonshine? What time?”

  “My granddaughter doesn’t drink liquor,” Willis puffed.

  “We don’t have time for your lies. The hospital needs to know what to expect. How much did she ingest and how long ago did she have it?”

  Willis’s voice rose. “And I’m telling you, English, we don’t know what you are talking about.”

  “About thirty minutes ago,” Monroe interrupted. “Maybe forty. The minute I realized something was wrong, I called 911 from my cell phone.”

  Noah lifted his head long enough to watch Monroe’s grandfather stare at him for a long moment. Then, Willis very deliberately slapped him hard.

  Just as Sheriff Brewer was about to grab Willis, Stephen stepped in between his father and his son. “Nee. No longer, Daed. This is my daughter and that is my son.”

  “Nee. This is our business. Family business.”

  Obviously ignoring his grandfather’s bluster, Monroe strode to Noah’s and Reid’s side as they guided the gurney out the door. “I don’t know the exact amount of moonshine, but I don’t think it was more than a tablespoon or so.”

  “Why would she be doing that?” Sheriff Brewer asked slowly.

  “She said she was upset and wasn’t feeling too good. Moonshine has been in our family a long time, Sheriff. It ain’t uncommon for one of us to take a sip of it every now and then.” He shrugged. “I guess it was a really strong batch and made her sick.”

  Noah felt his stomach tighten as the reality of the situation hit him. Stephen, Monroe, and Willis still didn’t want to believe that the liquor they’d been brewing could be tainted.

  “I just got off with the emergency room. They’re waiting on us. Let’s go,” Mitch ordered, leading the way.

  “Wait!” Stephen called out. “That’s my daughter. Can I come along?”

  Before Mitch could reply, Sheriff Brewer said, “The three of you will need to go down to the station. It looks like we’ve got a lot to talk about.”

  As they guided the gurney down the steps, Noah made them pause. “Where is Sadie?”

  To his surprise, it wasn’t Monroe who answered but Stephen. “She already moved in with Daisy.”

  “So soon? I thought y’all were going to wait a few more days.”

  “There was no reason to wait.”

  But before Noah could ask another question Mitch spoke. “Do your job, Noah.”

  “Sorry.” He rushed to the ambulance, ashamed that he’d let his personal feelings interfere with his job. With another person’s life and well-being.

  Getting into the ambulance, he immediately knelt by Esther’s side and began checking her vitals. Seconds later, Reid pulled out and they were rushing to the hospital. Beside him, Mitch was talking on his phone to one of the doctors in the emergency room.

  As they rode over a bump, Esther opened her eyes again. “What is going on?”

  “We’re in an ambulance, Esther. You’re going to the hospital,” Noah replied.

  When she still looked confused and frightened, he reached for her hand. “You’re safe,” he said quietly. “You’re with me.”

  Little by little, some of the uneasiness in her face eased. Seconds later she closed her eyes again. Noah hoped that it had been his reassurance that helped, but he was fairly sure that it was the drug that Reid had injected into her line.

  He hoped she was going to be all right.

  After racing down Highway 88 and turning right onto South Dixie, Mitch pulled into the emergency port of the hospital.

  The minute they came to a complete stop, orderlies, a nurse, and a doctor rushed out to meet them. For the next few minutes, Noah was aware of nothing but Reid’s and Mitch’s directives, the orderlies’ help, and Esther’s still form.

  Lord, please be with her, he silently prayed.

  “We got her now,” the doctor told Reid after instructing two nurses and the orderlies to take Esther into the emergency room.

  “Can I stay and assist?” Reid asked.

  “It’s all right with me,” the doctor replied. “Mitch, you need him?”

  “Nah, Chad’s waiting on us at the firehouse.”

  “Thanks, Mitch,” Reid said over his shoulder before he followed the doc through the automatic metal doors.

  “We better get back to the station,” Mitch said.

  Feeling exhausted, Noah followed and got into the passenger side.

  He noticed Mitch seemed especially tense and he knew why. He’d made a mistake. A big one. “Listen, I’m sorry for what I did back at the Stauffers’.”

  “What part are you sorry for?” Mitch asked, tension thick in his voice. “For bringing your personal issues to a call? Or for making us wait on you?”

  “Both.” He swallowed uncomfortably. “All of it.”

  “You aren’t a new trainee, Noah. You’ve been with me almost a year. I was ready to sign the paperwork to put you on full-time. But now? I just don’t know.”

  Each word felt like a punch to his throat. From the moment he first walked into the firehouse, it had been his goal to one day be a real part of the team. To be taken seriously by men who were well respected.

  More and more, he’d felt like getting that respect had been in sight. Now, in the space of an hour, he’d ruined all of his efforts.

  The worst part was that he knew Mitch was right, and hadn’t been overstating the situation. Mistakes like the one he’d just made could have dire consequences.

  And perhaps it already had, he thought with a sinking feeling. His selfishness might have killed her.

  Still fuming as he drove, Mitch continued. “You’re a grown man and I know you don’t need me talking to you
like this, but I have to tell you, I don’t know where your mind was. You knowing Penn Dutch is a help. It always has been. But it doesn’t give you license to do or say what you want.”

  “I understand.”

  “Do you?” Before Noah could answer, Mitch sighed. “Sorry. I know these people mean something to you. If I knew them well, I probably would’ve been tempted to get personal, too.”

  “No, you are right. I have no excuse,” Noah said as Mitch parked. After Mitch cut the engine, Noah waited, half expecting to be told to take off his uniform and not come back.

  “You’re off the clock. But instead of going home, you’re going to clean this bus up, top to bottom. And then you’re going to restock,” he ordered as they got out. “Do it right and be quick about it, too. If anyone on the next shift has to go hunting for supplies, that’s going to be on your back.”

  “You won’t be searching. I’ll make sure everything is ready.”

  Mitch nodded as he walked away.

  One of the firemen who was working on the engine looked his way and raised his eyebrows. Noah knew Bruce. He was a good man, and easy to talk to. But Noah didn’t think he could carry on a conversation even if he’d had the time to have one. His mouth felt like it was made of cardboard and his mind was spinning. Worrying about Esther. Worrying about his job.

  And, he realized, thinking about Sadie and realizing that there was a mighty good reason why he hadn’t been able to not ask about her.

  She’d become important to him. He cared about her. So much so, he realized, that he might even be willing to put everything in jeopardy for her.

  Even his future.

  Chapter 27

  August 4

  She’d been cramping something awful for hours. She was also hesitant to tell Daisy. Therefore, Sadie did what she always did when something uncomfortable happened. She tried to pretend things were all right.

  Unfortunately her body—or maybe it was simply the baby—didn’t seem content with that plan. Instead of feeling better, she found herself tossing and turning restlessly, trying to find a more comfortable position. Every ten or fifteen minutes, her belly would cramp. The pains affected her mind as much as her body. She didn’t know what could be happening.