Her Fear

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  Was she about to lose the baby? Had all her negative thoughts and stress finally gotten the best of her? Or, was it something else? Remembering the way Verba had been fine, then all at once wracked by pain, Sadie wondered if that was her fate.

  Feeling frustrated, scared, and more alone than ever before, Sadie closed her eyes and tried not to cry. She’d learned that crying did no good.

  She’d almost convinced herself that her pains were subsiding when her door swung open.

  “Sadie, you must get up right now,” Daisy said as she hurried in. “Esther is in the hospital.”

  Sadie sat up abruptly. The movement spurred another cramp and she clenched the edge of the mattress in order to hide her discomfort. “What has happened?”

  “I ain’t sure, but it’s bad.” Daisy looked unusually flustered. “Can you be ready to go in ten minutes? We must hurry.”

  “Jah. Of course.”

  “Gut. I’ll meet you downstairs. Please don’t tarry.”

  Sadie nodded as she gingerly walked to her dresser and replaced the kerchief with a kapp. Then she hurried into the bathroom and washed her face . . . and even took a moment to make sure that she wasn’t bleeding.

  She didn’t know much about miscarriages, but she did remember one of her aunts whispering about a woman bleeding when she was close to losing her babe.

  Fortunately, she didn’t spy any blood, so she figured she must be all right. Or at least as well as she could be at the moment.

  “Sadie!” Daisy called out, her voice even more agitated. “We must leave.”

  Hurrying downstairs, the niggling worry that had teased her doubled in size. From the time she’d first met Daisy, she’d been nothing but calm and welcoming. Onkle Stephen had even claimed that nothing could ever disturb her.

  But obviously that wasn’t the case.

  Sadie kept her worries to herself, though, as she obediently followed Daisy out the front door and into the driver’s car. The driver was a woman who looked to be in her mid-thirties. She smiled at them distractedly before putting the vehicle in drive and starting on their way.

  As her stomach muscles began to cramp yet again, Sadie pressed her hands to her abdomen. She really, really needed her body to relax.

  “What is wrong with you?” Daisy asked in Pennsylvania Dutch.

  “My belly is cramping.”

  Daisy stared at her in alarm. “Why?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve been having cramps for several hours. They’ve been pretty bad.”

  “And you didn’t think to tell me?”

  Her voice was harsh and angry-sounding. Sadie felt herself flinch in response. “At first I wasn’t sure what was wrong. Then I wasn’t sure what we could do,” she said quietly. Of course there had been other issues, too: her uncle’s house was in disarray; she’d been too embarrassed to talk to him about such personal things . . . And Daisy? Well, Daisy was practically a complete stranger.

  Daisy frowned at her. “We could’ve taken you to the midwife.”

  “I was hoping they would go away.”

  “That was foolhardy. Ain’t so?”

  Sadie couldn’t figure out if Daisy was upset with the whole situation or more irritated about her cramping.

  Feeling even more at a loss of what to do, Sadie said, “Why are you so upset? Did something terrible happen to Esther and you don’t want to tell me?”

  After glancing at the driver, Daisy finally answered. “Esther might have drunk some tainted moonshine.” While Sadie attempted to grasp that statement, Daisy continued. “They think your grandmother died of the same thing.”

  Remembering Verba’s pain, she flinched. “Is Esther in pain? Is she dying?” The tears that she’d been attempting to hold at bay pierced her eyes.

  When Daisy hesitated, Sadie’s heart felt like it was breaking. “Is . . . is she already dead?”

  “Nee. She’s alive. But I don’t know what’s going on. He didn’t make it sound like she was about to die, though. At least, that’s not what Noah said.”

  “Noah? You spoke to him?”

  “He’s the only one I could talk to. Stephen, Willis, and your cousin Monroe got taken to the sheriff’s office.”

  “Why?” she asked, though there was only one answer. It seemed her male relatives had something to do with Verba’s death and Esther’s collapse. “Did they really do this? Why?”

  “I don’t know what they did, but Sheriff Brewer seems to think they are at fault.” Gripping the folds of her dress tightly, Daisy said, “This is really bad, Sadie. To be honest, I’m not sure if I’ve ever experienced anything so scary and disconcerting before.”

  The choice of words took her off guard. “Disconcerting?”

  “Jah. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, Sadie.”

  “Maybe when we get to the hospital, we’ll learn some answers.”

  “Maybe so,” Daisy agreed as the driver pulled into the visitors’ entrance.

  “We’re here,” she said unnecessarily.

  “Indeed we are.” After Daisy paid the driver, Sadie followed her in.

  They walked directly to the receptionist desk. When Daisy merely stood there, Sadie realized that the other woman was now purposely pulling back from the situation. Maybe she really hadn’t cared about Stephen all that much and now that he was in trouble, she didn’t want anything to do with him.

  If that was the case, where did that leave her? Was she going to have to go back to sleeping next to Esther in the kitchen?

  “May I help you?” the receptionist asked again.

  “Jah. My cousin Esther was taken here by ambulance.”

  “Last name?”

  “Stauffer.”

  “Let me look.” She started punching buttons on the computer in front of her, scanning the information.

  Then she paused.

  “Did you find her name?” Anxious, Sadie leaned forward.

  “I did.” When she looked back up at Sadie, her expression was softer, filled with regret. Pointing to another set of silver doors, she said, “She’s in intensive care. You need to go down to that waiting room.”

  They started walking down the hall. Sadie supposed they passed all numbers of people and official-looking carts and other items, but it was too much to take in. If she let herself, she would start to worry about Monroe and the other men in the family and what they could have possibly done.

  Instead, she forced herself to focus on her need to get to Esther. “Maybe since I’m family, they’ll let me see her.”

  “They might at that. Especially since you’re going to be the only family that’s here.”

  “I feel like everything is out of control, Daisy. Esther is in danger and the men—well, I think the men are in trouble, too.”

  “I’m afraid so.”

  The waiting room for the intensive care patients was little more than a small room with dark-green carpet on the floor, six chairs, a small table with some magazines, and a good reading light. Other than that, it was the opposite of the bustling entrance area that they had just been in. There wasn’t even a television on the wall. Sadie wasn’t used to watching TV, of course, but she certainly was used to always seeing one where Englishers were waiting.

  It seemed oddly quiet. After another few seconds, she realized that the room was silent. No television or canned music muffled the sounds of the hospital workers.

  All she could hear was beeping from nearby rooms, nurses’ and doctors’ voices, and the soft swoosh of people walking by in a purposeful way. It was nerve-wracking.

  “May I help you?” a volunteer asked in a kind voice.

  “Jah. I’m here to see Esther Stauffer.”

  The woman looked at her closely. “You’re family?”

  “Yes. Her cousin.” She smiled again. “May I see her?”

  “I’ll tell the nurses on duty that you’re here. I can’t promise anything, though.”

  “I understand.” As she went to sit down, she noticed that Daisy was still
standing by the room’s entrance. She looked tense. “Are you going to come in here, too?”

  “No.” She sighed. “Sadie, I am sorry. I’m going to have to leave you here.”

  “You’re dropping me off?”

  Daisy nodded. “I can’t stay here when I know that Stephen might have had something to do with this. It wouldn’t be right.”

  Sadie felt that it would have been right for her, if she were in this predicament. She would have wanted to be there for Esther, no matter what.

  Then there was the thought that she had no idea how she was going to be able to get back home. Though she had twenty dollars in her pocket, she feared that might not be enough for some of the drivers.

  “Are you sure, Daisy?” Of course, what she was really thinking was . . . did Daisy really have to leave her alone in the waiting room?

  “I know this is leaving you in the lurch, but I really can’t handle being here any longer.”

  “I understand. Thank you for taking me.”

  “I’m sorry, Sadie.”

  “We all need to do what we need to do. That is enough.” She smiled, hoping her smile would offer a dose of encouragement. But Daisy had already gone.

  As she shifted, her cramping started again. She held herself stiff, hoping and praying that her body would settle down soon.

  “Are you here for Esther?” an older-looking nurse asked from the doorway.

  She stood back up. “I am.”

  “The doctor pulled her through. She’s going to survive. I can’t let you into her room, but would you like to see her through the window?”

  “Yes, please,” she said as she stood up quickly. Right away, a wave of dizziness hit her hard. She gripped the edge of the chair tightly as she tried to regain her balance.

  “What’s wrong? Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine. I’m only a bit dizzy. I’m pregnant, you see.”

  The nurse stepped forward, her hands up. “Take your time, now. We don’t need you falling.”

  After she blinked a few times, the world righted itself again. Then, ever so slowly, she made her way across the room, following the nurse down a narrow hall until they came to a room that had a small window on the side of one of its walls.

  “Here you go,” the nurse said. “You can see Esther here.”

  Sadie peeked in, then realized it was a bad mistake. Even the simple act of leaning made her feel off balance. She held out her hands, wanting to press them on the window but was afraid that wasn’t allowed.

  She swayed, trying to get her bearings. But the sight of poor Esther, all pale skin, tubes, and wires, was terrifying.

  It was the flash of pain, followed by the sudden trickle of warmth on her thighs, that brought her up short.

  She was bleeding. Bleeding something awful.

  “Miss?”

  Feeling as if she were standing outside her body, she turned to the nurse. “Help, my baby . . .”

  And that was her last coherent thought before she collapsed on the floor.

  Chapter 28

  August 4, 1:00 P.M.

  They’d decided to hold them in separate interrogation rooms at the sheriff’s office. During that time, Stephen was questioned by Sheriff Brewer, Deputy Beck, and even a pair of men in suits from some kind of federal department. Each of the conversations was difficult and frustrating.

  And, yes, scary, too. Stephen didn’t know what to say except for the truth—and the truth didn’t seem to be what any of them wanted to hear.

  But though the questioning was difficult, it wasn’t the worst part of the experience. It was sitting helplessly by himself in a small windowless room, having no idea what was going on with his daughter. No one who stopped by periodically would tell him anything, either. All he could do was sit on a metal chair, watch the hands of the clock on the wall slowly turn on the dial, and worry about Esther.

  What was he going to do if she didn’t make it?

  You mean died, a small, abrasive voice whispered in his head. He flinched, hating even the idea of losing his daughter. But, he supposed it was a mighty strong possibility.

  When the door opened again and Sheriff Brewer strode through, it was all Stephen could do to remain sitting and not rush forward demanding answers.

  Instead, he kept his hands tightly clasped together and waited impatiently for the man to start this latest round of questioning. Surely, sooner or later, he would be done and let him go.

  But instead of firing off a new question, Sheriff Brewer sat down across from him and acted as if he was trying to find the right words to say.

  And that, Stephen realized, was even more excruciating than being accused of murdering his own mother. Something must have happened to Esther.

  Please God, he silently prayed. I know Your will must be done, but give me the strength to bear it. Boy, did he need to be able to handle what was sure to come.

  “Stephen, I just got a call from the hospital. There’s been a development.”

  Every muscle in his body tightened. “What has happened?”

  “Your daughter, Esther, woke up. They’ve admitted her and all, but it’s just as a precaution. The docs think she’s gonna be just fine.”

  Tears he hadn’t realized were in danger of falling slid down his cheeks. He let them, not even caring that the sheriff was watching him cry. “Praise God,” he murmured.

  Sheriff Brewer cleared his throat. “I’m afraid there is more.”

  His stomach turned over. “What?”

  “Your niece Sadie collapsed in the middle of the ICU while she was visiting.” Looking just beyond Stephen, he said, “When the nurses went to revive her, they noticed that she was bleeding. It seems she is pregnant?”

  He could barely reply. “Jah.” Despair raced through him.

  Sheriff Brewer quietly continued. “They admitted her. I’m sorry, but there’s a good chance she will lose the baby.”

  “Ah.” His throat felt as if it was closing. How much was his family going to have to bear?

  The sheriff was still eyeing him carefully. “I’m sorry, but I think I need to know a little more about your niece. Have you known about her pregnancy for some time?”

  “I did. It was the reason she moved here.”

  “Where did she move here from?”

  “Ohio.”

  “Long way for a girl in her situation, unless y’all are close. Are you close?”

  During another time, Stephen might have tried to evade the personal questions. But he felt so raw, so vulnerable, he decided to answer as openly and honestly as possible. “Nee. I had never met her before.”

  Sheriff Brewer frowned. “Never?”

  “Me and my brother don’t view the world in the same way.”

  “But she still came to Munfordville.”

  “Sadie didn’t have a lot of choice. Her news wasn’t exactly welcomed in my brother’s house. He kicked her out.” He shrugged. “I mean, he sent her my way. I guess he figured our standards weren’t as high.”

  Sheriff Brewer’s eyebrows lifted, but he only nodded his head. “And the father of the baby? Does he know about the baby? Do you know?”

  Stephen was desperate enough to get out of the room to answer any question the sheriff fired off. But he didn’t understand why the man was so interested in his niece’s situation. Surely, he didn’t think Sadie’s appearance had anything to do with moonshine. “I’m uncertain why it matters to you.”

  “It doesn’t, not beyond that I feel sorry for the girl. I was going to call him for her. You know, let him know about the baby.”

  “Oh. That’s kind of you, but you should probably call my brother’s phone number instead. They’ll hear your message when they check their phone shanty.” He sighed. “The man does know about Sadie’s condition, but there’s no reason for you to contact him. He lied about his relationship with my niece.”

  Looking aggrieved, Sheriff Brewer leaned back in his chair. “Poor thing. She’s really been having a time of it
, hasn’t she?”

  “She has.” Just saying it made Stephen remember that he wasn’t the only person who had been experiencing a fair share of hurt and difficulties. Here Sadie had been ignored by her boyfriend, called a liar by her parents, sent away from home, and now might even be losing her baby.

  In comparison, his problems, which had just moments ago seemed too heavy to bear, now seemed almost light.

  “I need to go to the hospital, Sheriff.”

  “I know you do. I’m going to take you myself.”

  “What about my son? Will you be taking Monroe, too?”

  “No. We released him an hour ago. Deputy Beck already took him to the hospital.”

  “And my father?”

  Sheriff Brewer’s expression turned carefully blank. “I’m sorry, but Willis is going to need to stay here awhile longer.”

  A dozen questions rose to mind, but he carefully tamped them down. There would be other times to try to figure out what was going on with his father. For now, he had to concentrate on those two girls he was in charge of.

  “May we go now?” he asked, getting to his feet.

  “Yeah. Absolutely.” Sheriff Brewer stood up, opened the door, and held it for him.

  Stephen walked out, ignoring the curious stares that were directed at him. All his life, he’d resented the interest that his way of life spurred among outsiders. He’d hoped and prayed to one day be only seen as another man, not as only an Amish man.

  But now, as he forced himself to continue walking and not meet anyone else’s eyes, he realized that his wish had just been granted.

  No one was looking at him because he was an Amish man. No, they were staring at him because they feared he was a murderer.

  “Let’s go over this way,” Sheriff Brewer said, pointing down a back hallway that was narrow and winding. “This building is so old and convoluted, only the staff takes that way out.”

  Stephen gestured for the sheriff to lead the way. He was beyond caring where they went, as long as they left the building and headed toward the hospital.

  Just as they were about to turn, they heard a prattle of footsteps behind them.

  “Stephen?” a pretty, high-pitched voice called out.