Learning to Dance Again

by Frankie Valente

  Julia went to the front door with Liam and hugged him goodbye.

  ‘You take care now,’ she said.

  When she came back to the kitchen she found Jamie standing in his boxer shorts peering out the window.

  ‘Liam’s just gone.’ Julia said, ‘I’ve made some turkey sandwiches, so why don’t you go up and get dressed and drag your brother out of his pit. I want to sit down and have a talk with you two this afternoon.’

  ‘Oh dear; are we in trouble?’ Jamie said, teasing her.

  ‘Not at all; I just think it’s time we discussed how we all move forward.’

  Jamie stopped smiling and looked serious for a moment. He turned and ran upstairs and a moment later Julia heard him thumping across the landing above her head.

  Half an hour later her sons were sitting down at the table, freshly showered and dressed. Julia had made some more tea and she sat down opposite them. She shuffled through a pile of papers she had brought to the table, trying to find something.

  ‘Ah, here it is,’ she said, pulling out a printed document. ‘Your father’s unofficial will.’

  ‘I thought he made a proper will. Wasn’t that sorted out ages ago?’ Jamie said.

  ‘Oh yes; all the pensions, life assurance and property have been sorted out. But when your dad was ill we sat down and discussed how we would use the money to help you two out. He made me promise that I would leave it a few months, so that you had a bit of time to get used to the situation. So I decided to wait until after Christmas. Is that OK?’

  ‘Sure,’ mumbled Bryden.

  ‘Good. Well, first of all we discussed whether or not to use some of the money to settle your student loans, but we decided that wasn’t the best use of it. Instead we wanted to give you the chance to buy somewhere to live. Now you’re both earning money, albeit not huge salaries just yet, you can probably get mortgages.’ Julia paused for a moment, looking at her sons, who were half-heartedly eating their sandwiches while they listened.

  ‘I was thinking of selling your grandmother’s cottage and splitting the proceeds, but now Bryden has said he would like to live there if he gets a job in Shetland; so that changes things a little.’

  ‘Actually, I have some news that changes things too.’ Jamie said nervously.

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Um, yeah. I didn’t tell you before because I didn’t want to ruin your Christmas, but I’ve decided I don’t want to be a doctor anymore.’

  Jamie explained about how unhappy he was working in the hospital and how he had changed his mind about working directly with patients, preferring instead to move into medical research.

  ‘So where will you do this?’ Julia asked, partially reassured that he wasn’t throwing away his promising career entirely.

  ‘Probably Edinburgh still. I’m considering whether to finish my medical foundation programme so that I’m still a fully qualified doctor and then go into research, or just jumping ship now and starting a PhD next year.’

  ‘How much does that cost?’ Bryden said.

  ‘If I’m lucky, it won’t cost anything. I should get paid, if I can get onto a research programme that comes with a bursary. I should get about 25k a year for three years.’

  ‘So you still might be able to get a mortgage?’ Bryden said. ‘That’s about the same as my salary.’

  ‘That’s the other news actually. I think I might be able to buy a flat in Edinburgh soon. I was talking to Cameron the other day and he told me he’s building an apartment block in the city, near Murrayfield, and he said I can buy an apartment at just a little over the cost price.’

  ‘Really?’ Julia said. She bit her lip, wondering why Cameron hadn’t said anything to her about this plan. Was this because of Sicily? She felt a flush of pleasure that he thought so much of her that he wanted to help Jamie; but then again, surely this would mean she owed him something. The pleasure turned quickly to anxiety.

  ‘Yeah. But only if I can buy it before he gets divorced. He wanted to keep the apartments as an investment for Amy, but he doesn’t think Amy will ever benefit from it, if Laura gets hold of the money.’

  Julia’s ego crashed and burned. So it had nothing to do with her after all. He just wanted to hide his assets from his wife. Typical bloody man, she thought angrily.

  ‘That’s awful. He can’t do that; it’s not ethical,’ she said.

  ‘Neither’s sleeping with your husband’s brother,’ Jamie said cynically, echoing what Cameron had said to him.

  ‘Maybe not, but she’s still Amy’s mother; he can’t just bury his assets to get out of supporting her, no matter what he thinks of Laura.’

  ‘Laura’s going to end up with their house. He just didn’t want her to benefit from the apartments as well. And I don’t see why she should either.’

  Julia stood up and walked over to the sink and got a glass of water. She stood looking out of the kitchen window for a moment, listening to Bryden and Jamie discussing the apartment.

  ‘He reckons I could rent out the spare rooms to help pay the mortgage while I’m still studying.’

  ‘Cool. Hope there’ll be room for me when I come to stay.’

  Julia walked back to the table and sat down again.

  ‘I don’t know what your father would have said about this.’ Julia said, looking from Jamie to Bryden, who didn’t seem in the least bit concerned about her anxiety.

  ‘Dad would say I should go with my gut feeling and I think this could be a good investment. As a research scientist, I will never earn as much as I would have done as a doctor, so this will help me get set up in a way that I probably wouldn’t be able to do otherwise.’

  Bryden nodded in agreement.

  ‘I need to think about this. Perhaps I should talk to Cameron,’ Julia said. ‘But in the meantime, we need to discuss Bryden’s idea to move to Shetland.’

  Bryden shrugged, as if to say, what needs to be said.

  ‘Are you really sure this is what you want to do? You’re not just moving back because you think I’m lonely on my own.’

  ‘I’m very sure. I miss being here, and I would rather teach Shetland bairns than work in some huge inner-city school. It was always my plan to move back one day, although admittedly I didn’t think it would be this soon. But after I split up with Anna I realised I had nothing to keep me in Edinburgh once I’d finished my probation year. I would rather come back now and get my career established here. But after living away from home for so long, no offence Mam, but I would like to get my own place.’

  Julia smiled at him. She reached across the table and touched his arm.

  ‘I hope you get the job then. And if you do, you can have the cottage.’

  She noticed Jamie sit up straight, his eyes narrowing slightly at her.

  ‘But!’ Julia said, cutting Jamie off before he protested. ‘In order to be fair to the both of you, we will ensure that you both have somewhere to live, and you both have an identical sized mortgage, especially if, as you say Jamie, you will only have the same income as Bryden. Therefore, if there is any shortfall in money, then Bryden will have to re-mortgage the cottage and help put a deposit down on the property in Edinburgh.’

  Bryden and Jamie looked at each other and grinned.

  ‘Yeah, of course,’ they said in unison.

  ‘But I’m still not convinced about Cameron’s offer. However, the other thing I wanted to tell you was I have applied to become a foster carer. Sometime soon both of you will be contacted by social workers to talk about my aptitude for this, so I would be grateful if you don’t make jokes about how I beat you up or locked you in your rooms.’

  They both laughed at her.

  ‘That’s a great idea. You’ll be a great foster mother,’ Jamie said, nodding his approval.

  ‘Yeah really; that’s awesome,’ Bryden said, inexplicably speaking in an American accent.

  ‘Well good,’ Julia said, relieved not to have met any kind of opposition to the idea. She was rather surprised they hadn’t raise
d the possibility that she might end up looking after difficult and emotionally damaged children. Perhaps they gave her some credit after all.

  After they had discussed their various plans for the future, Julia handed them both letters that Duncan had written to them, and explained that he had written them at the time he thought he wasn’t going to survive the cancer. They each took their letter away to read in private.

  Julia went to the downstairs spare room to strip the bed that Amy had slept in the previous evening. As she pulled the duvet off the bed she found a Barbie doll. She picked it up and put it on the bedside table while she finished remaking the bed. She imagined Amy would be missing her toy. She decided to drive over to see Cameron to return the doll and to discuss the idea of Jamie buying one of his apartments. She was still a little annoyed that he had spoken to Jamie before her. If she had known it was simply to stop his wife getting hold of the money she would have told him not to make such a generous offer to Jamie.

  She went upstairs to find her sons. They were both sitting in Jamie’s room reading each other’s letters and they seemed surprisingly upbeat. The letter that Duncan had written to her had reduced her to tears. She had read it the day after the funeral, which was why she had waited so long to give her sons their letters.

  ‘You two OK?’

  ‘Yeah, sure. Have you read these?’ Jamie said.

  ‘No darling.’

  ‘Do you want to?’

  Julia shook her head. ‘Maybe later; I found it difficult to read my own.’

  Bryden was still reading and he burst out laughing. Jamie turned and grinned at him.

  ‘Dad was so funny.’ Jamie said.

  ‘Yeah, he was,’ Julia replied, grateful that whatever Duncan had written had amused them.

  ‘I’m just going to drive over and see Cameron. Amy left one of her dolls behind.’

  ‘OK, see you later.’

  Julia pulled up outside Cameron’s house and got out of her car. He came to the front door and opened it, looking a little sad and she wondered what was wrong. She held up the doll and smiled.

  ‘I found this and thought Amy might miss it.’

  ‘She’s at home now. I’ll take it over later.’

  Julia handed him the doll and stood waiting for him to invite her in. He seemed distracted, so she turned to leave.

  ‘Aren’t you going to come in and have a coffee?’ Cameron said, as Julia reached the bottom step.

  ‘Sure!’ Julia followed him inside and took a seat at the kitchen table. ‘What’s up? You don’t seem very happy this afternoon?’

  ‘There was a bit of a row with Laura when I took Amy home this morning.’

  ‘I see.’

  ‘She’s thinking of moving to Aberdeen.’

  ‘What? Why? What about Amy?’

  ‘My thoughts exactly,’ Cameron replied, his face tense with anger.

  ‘Is she serious? She’s not just saying it to upset you?’

  ‘I’ve no idea. She just said she has nothing to stay in Shetland for. She’s fed up with not having anything to do.’

  ‘She should get a bloody job then.’

  ‘I don’t think that’s the kind of activity she had in mind. She wants a better social life.’

  ‘But she can’t do much with a small child? She doesn’t have any family in Aberdeen, does she?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Oh Christ. That is bad news; I’m so sorry.’ Julia watched him moving slowly around the kitchen. He had his back to her while he made the coffee, his shoulders hunched over in misery.

  ‘Do you think you’ll end up moving there too?’ Julia said, working through the consequences and realising she would be devastated if he moved away.

  Cameron shrugged.

  ‘I don’t know. I could work in any city, but…’ He turned and set a mug of coffee in front of Julia then sat opposite her. He held his mug with two hands, as if he needed to warm his fingers. ‘I don’t want to move away,’ he said quietly. ‘But if Amy goes, I think I’ll have to. I know it sounds a bit melodramatic, but I just don’t trust Laura to look after her.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Do you remember what Amy said yesterday about Laura shouting at her?’

  Julia nodded.

  ‘Well it seems like she does that a lot. She has no patience with Amy, and she’s also smacked her a few times. Now, I’m of the generation that doesn’t get too upset at the idea of smacking kids, within reason of course, but I’ve hardly ever raised my voice with Amy, let alone considered smacking her. She’s a really well behaved child, so I’m a bit concerned about Laura.’

  ‘That doesn’t sound good. Have you spoken to Laura?’

  ‘She told me to mind my own fucking business.’

  ‘Right. Well, have you thought about trying to get custody yourself?’

  ‘I could try, but it would be quite a battle. All things being equal, Laura’s likely to win, since I’m working all the time, and she’s allegedly the homemaker.’

  ‘But you might be able to stop her moving to Aberdeen.’

  ‘I don’t see how.’

  ‘I don’t know much about the law myself, but if you were awarded joint-custody this might make it difficult for Laura to take her away.’

  Cameron was silent for a moment. Julia thought about the other reason she had stopped by to see Cameron.

  ‘Jamie told me about your offer of a cut-price apartment in Edinburgh. I was going to ask you about that; but maybe now is not the right time.’

  Cameron looked at her blankly as if he had no idea what she was talking about. Then the fog lifted and he went to fetch his portfolio.

  He showed Julia the plans for the building and showed her on a map where the apartment would be. He explained again his reasons for offering it to Jamie and told her how Duncan had wanted to buy the apartment for Bryden and Jamie. He told her how much money he wanted for it.

  ‘But that’s so cheap compared with what you’d make on an open market.’

  ‘So what; who cares about money? I’m doing it for Duncan anyway. It was his dream to see his sons settled.’

  ‘That’s really good of you. We’ll sort something out, just as soon as Bryden finds out whether or not he gets Duncan’s old job.’

  Cameron put his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his hands. ‘How did we end up here?’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘You widowed; me getting divorced again; Bryden getting Duncan’s job; Laura taking Amy away.’

  ‘I know. I never expected any of this.’

  ‘I feel sick. I really do. I have never hit anyone in my life, let alone a woman, but honestly I could kill the bitch; I really could.’

  Julia recoiled a little at the venom in his voice. Cameron noticed and his face softened a little.

  ‘I’m sorry. You must think I’m a monster.’

  Julia put down her coffee and stood up. She walked around the table until she stood beside Cameron. She put her arms around him, and to her horror he started to cry, although within seconds he had composed himself again. He rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palms and smiled grimly at Julia.

  ‘It’s OK; I understand. I could kill the stupid bitch too. I don’t want you to leave Shetland. I would hate that.’

  ‘Would you?’

  ‘Of course I would! We’ll sort this out. Aberdeen isn’t so far away. If you have to sell your house in Shetland, you could buy a little place in Aberdeen. Maybe I could come and visit sometimes.’

  Cameron smiled at her.

  ‘Thanks! Now you’re almost making me look forward to it.’

  Julia grinned. She bent forward and kissed his cheek and then went to move away. He pulled her back towards him, but she resisted.

  ‘No Cameron; I can’t do this yet.’

  ‘Yet?’

  ‘You saw how Jamie reacted to the idea of me having a new man in my life.’

  ‘We could keep this a secret. Nobody needs to know.’

>   ‘Don’t be daft. This is Shetland. We cannot possibly get away with seeing each other in secret. All your neighbours know my car is parked on your drive today. If this happened a little more frequently it would be all over town. And you really wouldn’t want Laura to find out. She would find a way to make you pay; you know she would.’

  ‘You’re right; I’m sorry. It’s just that every time I see you now, I think of Sicily.’

  ‘So do I.’

  Julia reached for her handbag and turned to go.

  ‘Come over again before the boys go back to Edinburgh,’ she said. She stood by the door and looked back at him, tempted to go back and kiss him properly. But she knew where that would lead, so she hurried out to her car, got in and slammed the door shut.

  When Julia got home found the house was empty. She called for the boys but there was no reply. She looked around to see if they had left a note, but there was nothing. She was a bit put out, but then decided to check the garage. She found them inside playing snooker.

  ‘Here you are. I thought you’d both gone out.’

  ‘How? We don’t have a car.’

  ‘Good point.’

  ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘Well duh Ma, we’re playing snooker. Have you been drinking or something?’ Bryden said.

  ‘Very funny? What I meant to say is what are we doing tonight? Do you want to stay in or shall we go visiting?’

  Bryden and Jamie looked at each other questioningly.

  ‘Stay in?’ Jamie said. ‘Come and play snooker with us.’

  ‘Really?’ Julia said, flattered that they wanted her company. ‘Alright then, let me go and sort out some food and I will be back in a moment.

  ‘Turkey sandwiches!’ Bryden roared, lifting his snooker cue in triumph.

  Julia grinned. ‘Is there enough beer in the fridge in here?’

  Jamie opened the fridge door with a flourish; the fridge was completely full.

  ‘But you’d better get yourself a sweet sherry Mam.’

  ‘Cheeky bastard!’

  Julia hurried back to the kitchen and put together a tray of sandwiches and snacks. She went upstairs and changed out of her high heeled boots and put on a pair of trainers and grabbed her quilted body-warmer. She carried the food out to the garage feeling elated to be included in their game. She hadn’t played snooker with them for years. This was where they came to get away from her; she knew that. The garage had been a kind of youth club during their teenage years; full of young people hanging out and playing loud music, safe in the knowledge there were no neighbours to disturb. They had probably tried their first alcohol in this garage, not that Julia was proud of that fact; but she had always maintained it was probably better that her sons drank in her presence rather than somewhere else, where she couldn’t look after them.