Katie Opens Her Heart

by Jerry S. Eicher

  Praise must be given out carefully, Jesse believed. Willis might be better off not knowing his gut qualities too soon. But he was thankful for both of his older boys. Out of all the children, they seemed bothered the least by the lack of a mamm in the house. Still…Jesse picked up his bucket. Emma would also be gut for Leroy and Willis.

  Chapter Seven

  After the chores were finished that morning, Jesse sat at the kitchen table waiting while Mabel brought over the plate of eggs. Leroy and Willis were still washing up, the noises of their splashing coming through the washroom door. They soon stepped inside, their hair still wet across their foreheads.

  “Don’t come into my kitchen dripping water all over the place!” Mabel ordered, throwing them each a towel. “Dry yourselves off first.”

  Leroy grinned and said, “What’s up with this? Giving us orders like we’re little boys? I declare! Mabel’s acting more like a boss each and every day.” The boys dried themselves with the towels and took their places on the back bench at the table.

  Jesse gently chided, “Mabel does the best she can, and we should be thankful for all her hard work.”

  “There! Let that be a lesson!” Mabel seized upon the help her daett had given and glared at her brothers.

  “I think the boys should listen to Mabel,” Carolyn announced from her place beside the stove as she picked the last of the bacon from the frying pan.

  Jesse laughed. “Okay, that’s enough. I must say that Mabel and Carolyn do their share of the work around here.”

  Broad smiles spread across the girls’ faces.

  “Come, let’s sit down!” Mabel took Carolyn’s hand after she’d set the plateful of bacon on the table. “The food’s ready.”

  “And it’s more than gut enough,” Jesse said. “Both of you have done very well with the work around the house since Mamm died. And you are all—including the boys—growing into decent, hard-working children. Mamm would be very happy to see this if she were still with us.”

  Mabel and Carolyn had sober looks on their faces. Jesse waited. He allowed the silence to stretch into long moments. It did them all gut to occasionally reflect on Millie’s passing and on the future. When the two older boys shuffled their feet a bit, Jesse knew it was time to move on to prayer.

  On the back bench, Leroy and Willis had their heads up, looking first at him and then at the food on the table.

  The boys were hungrier after the early morning chores than he was, Jesse noted.

  Leroy cleared his throat.

  Jesse bowed his head and mumbled, “Let’s pray.” He gave them a few seconds to bow their heads. “Great God in heaven, we thank You this morning again, first of all for this food that You have so graciously given us and for our night’s rest from which we have all awakened unharmed. Give us grace this day so that we might live right. Give us mercy through the blood of Your Son who covers any transgressions we have made in the weaknesses of our flesh. Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us. Give grace to our family at this time and in the days ahead. And may our hearts always be turned toward Your face. May we seek to walk in obedience to Your Word. In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, we ask this. Amen.”

  Leroy grabbed the plate of eggs before Jesse even opened his eyes. For a moment words of rebuke hovered on Jesse’s lips, but he pushed them back. This morning was not the time for hard words. Rather, it was a time for overlooking faults and thinking of the gut things still to come. It was time, he thought, to mention Emma to the children.

  Mabel was watching her brother out of the corner of her eye, disapproval written all over her face.

  Jesse smiled, shaking his head at her.

  Mabel gave a little sigh of disgust before she took a piece of toast and passed the plate on to Carolyn.

  Jesse held his fork in his hand, filling his own plate when the eggs came around. He soon cleared his throat. No one looked up but he began anyway. “I suppose some of you are wondering where I went last night. And perhaps the night the other week when I was gone for an hour or so.”

  “I already know,” Leroy announced, not looking up from his plate.

  “So do I,” Mabel said.

  Neither Carolyn or Willis offered a comment. Little Joel didn’t even look up from his plate.

  “I was visiting the widow Emma Raber,” Jesse continued. Saying the words felt gut.

  “What did you want with Emma Raber?” Carolyn stared at him.

  “That’s what I’d like to know,” Leroy muttered.

  Jesse gave him a sharp, sideways glance. He’d suspected Leroy entertained a negative opinion of Emma, but the boy didn’t need to express his thoughts so freely in front of the others.

  “I don’t like the woman,” Mabel said, speaking right out plain. “She’s not like Mamm at all.”

  Jesse opened his mouth and closed it again without saying anything. This was not going well.

  “Do you really want to marry Emma Raber?” Willis’s face was filled with astonishment. “I’ve never heard one gut thing about her.”

  Jesse took a deep breath. Where these strong feelings were coming from, he couldn’t imagine. He’d expected some objections, but he obviously misjudged his children’s receptivity. But now that he’d brought the subject up, it was better to deal with it in the open rather than sweep it under the living room rug, so to speak.

  “I wasn’t expecting all of you to have such strong feelings about this.” Jesse kept his voice even. “But I guess you do have the right to speak your minds since I hope Emma will someday be your new mamm.”

  “She has agreed to this?” Mabel said after she gasped. “Daett, how can you marry so quickly after Mamm’s passing? And to such a weird woman?”

  “Yah, really weird,” Leroy agreed. “I get chill bumps just driving past their place. And that daughter of hers…”

  “Her name’s Katie,” Willis offered, apparently trying to be helpful.

  “Yah. Katie, that’s the one,” Leroy said. “And, Willis, don’t tell me you’ve been making eyes at her or I’ll disown you as a brother.”

  “I have not!” Willis retorted. “She’s way too old for me.”

  “Children, children!” Jesse interrupted. What was he to tell them? They would have to be persuaded Emma was a good woman. Scolding would get him nowhere. He had to exercise patience and understanding. Of course, this idea was kind of sudden for them. And any new mamm would no doubt be a hard adjustment for all of them in some ways. Since he wasn’t saying anything, the children all looked at him, even little Joel. They were waiting for him to say something more. The problem was that he didn’t know how to go on.

  “Who is this Emma?” Little Joel was the first to break the silence. His smiling face shone over his plate of eggs and bacon.

  Jesse smiled back. At least he had one child on his side.

  “She’s a widow woman,” Jesse said. “She lost her husband the same way we lost Mamm, only it’s the other way around.”

  Joel pondered the information.

  “Would you like Emma for your new mamm?” Jesse asked.

  “I don’t know,” Joel said. “Would she be like Mamm was?”

  Silence settled on the room again as they all looked at their daett. Leroy even stopped chewing.

  What should he say, Jesse wondered.

  Willis spoke up. “I think we should let Daett do what he wants about…”

  Mabel answered before all the words were out of Willis’s mouth. “I think Daett should answer Joel’s question. I would like to know myself. Does he think he can find another mamm like we had?”

  Jesse swallowed hard before speaking. “No other woman will be like your mamm, Mabel. But a new mamm can still be a gut mamm all the same. And I think Emma is the woman Da Hah wants me to marry.”

  “Do you think I’m not doing a gut enough job with the housework?” Mabel asked. “Is that why you want to marry again?”

  “Nee.” Jesse smiled. “I just told bo
th you and Carolyn what a gut job you’re doing. But you shouldn’t be working this hard. And you should be thinking about normal girl things instead of doing all this housework.”

  Mabel didn’t look convinced. “Emma’s horribly strange, and I don’t like her.”

  “Emma Raber is never going to be anything like Mamm.” Carolyn had tears brimming in her eyes.

  Jesse stroked his beard, his breakfast forgotten. This hadn’t been a gut idea, he decided, bringing the subject up during breakfast. Millie would have known it wasn’t, but Millie wasn’t here any longer. If anything brought out his need for a frau in the house, this conversation surely was doing so. Taking a deep breath, he tried again. “Emma would not be like Mamm, I agree. But we would grow to love her as time goes by. I feel in my heart that I can, and I believe you also can. Perhaps not like we loved Mamm because nothing can ever be like that, but in a different way, a special way. I believe Emma and her daughter can find places in our hearts.”

  “I don’t think I can stand that woman in my house!” Mabel declared, not looking at her daett.

  “I can understand how you feel.” Jesse tried to say calm. “All our hearts were torn by Mamm’s passing. But you children shouldn’t have to bear all the extra work. You’re too young for that. Mabel, you’re only sixteen, and a sixteen-year-old shouldn’t have to plan meals for the whole family, manage washdays, and oversee her younger sister and brother. It’s too much to ask of you, and I’m sorry that I’ve had to. So far I haven’t had a choice, but I’m hoping Emma will change that.”

  “I still don’t like it!” Mabel clearly wasn’t backing down an inch.

  “You don’t have to make such a fit,” Willis spoke up. “It’s disturbing my breakfast.”

  “That’s because you don’t think further than your nose,” Mabel shot back at him. “You can go out to the fields and get away from Daett’s new frau, but I’ll have to live in the house with her, cook with her, fix supper with her, and take orders from her. She will affect my life the most. How can you do this to us, Daett? Wasn’t it bad enough when Da Hah took Mamm? Now you plan to bring a woman in to take Mamm’s place?”

  “Please, Mabel,” Jesse said, “give the idea a chance. Emma would be a gut mamm for you. And have you ever spoken with Katie? She seems like a nice girl from what I’ve seen and heard of her. She was out helping with chores when I visited last night.”

  Mabel looked close to tears. “Maybe if I’d help with the outside chores you wouldn’t feel the need to marry someone. But how can I? The housework is more than I can handle now.”

  “Stop talking this nonsense, Mabel,” Leroy said. “You don’t like Emma, and neither do I. But don’t feel sorry for yourself. I can’t stand that.”

  Jesse figured he had to bring the conversation back under control, but how? Should he tell them all to hush? Tell them he was going to do what he wished, what he thought was right? That would silence the children, but it wouldn’t silence the pain in their eyes or the sorrow in their hearts. Perhaps it was better to allow this ruckus than to drive the pain into hiding. “I’m sorry for how much this hurts,” he said after a few minutes. “You’re all very dear to my heart. I could listen to your desires and not visit Emma again, but I don’t believe that is the right thing to do. Why? I believe this is what Da Hah wants for me…and for you. I would like to have Emma as my frau and for her to be your new mamm. But the truth is that Emma has not yet agreed to any of this.”

  “Then Da Hah be praised!” Leroy said. “At least the woman has some sense in her head.”

  “Leroy!” Jesse glanced sideways at his oldest. “That’s enough out of you.” Expressing themselves in a time of pain was one thing, but disrespect was another. Jesse would not tolerate his children being disrespectful. That could only lead downhill until they disrespected the church, next the ministers, and finally Da Hah Himself.

  “I’m sorry,” Leroy said, dropping his head.

  “Perhaps we will talk more about this later,” Jesse said, pushing away from the table. “I had hoped you would be a little more understanding about this matter, but even in my disappointment I still want you to express your feelings as we work through this. Emma apparently agrees with all of you except for little Joel. But we shall see. I have not yet been persuaded in my heart that Da Hah isn’t leading me in asking Emma to be my frau.” Jesse looked around the table, and they all had their eyes cast down…even little Joel. “Come,” he said. “Let’s go to the living room for the Scripture reading. It looks like we all need Da Hah’s Word for the days ahead.”

  They followed him and took their seats as he opened the big family Bible. He began reading in the book of Psalms, chapter forty. “I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me…” A verse most appropriate, Jesse thought as he read on.

  Chapter Eight

  Katie finished the last of the breakfast dishes after the morning rush of chores. She pulled the plug on the drain and watched the water rush down in a small whirlpool. She looked away, her thoughts going to Mamm sitting in the living room. Mamm wouldn’t be waiting to read the Scripture like other families did each morning. People simply didn’t read the Scriptures out loud with no daett in the house. At least that’s what Mamm claimed. It hadn’t bothered Katie much before, but it did this morning. Her feelings were changing with the news of Jesse’s proposal of marriage. Could it be that someday soon the Scriptures would be read aloud each morning again? The thought thrilled Katie and made her even more hopeful that Mamm would change her mind about Jesse’s offer.

  Mamm hadn’t spoken all morning, other than what was necessary to get the work done. But now she was getting ready to speak. Katie read the signs at breakfast. They were written on Mamm’s face—the tense jaw and the sorrowful look in her eyes. Mamm had a soft heart, but when she believed something there was little chance of persuading her otherwise. Nor was there much chance of holding back a lecture once she’d decided it must be delivered.

  Not that Katie hadn’t tried before. And on the subject of Jesse Mast, she felt she must. This was too important a matter to not weigh in. Perhaps Mamm thought this was only about her relationship with Jesse, but it wasn’t. Mamm might think she could take away her daughter’s job at Byler’s and life would return to normal, but she was wrong. It was too late for that. From now on, Mamm would need to consider Katie’s views on family matters. If not on Mamm’s thoughts on Jesse Mast, then at least on matters pertaining to Katie’s life. It was, after all, her life—not Mamm’s or anyone else’s. If she was interested in boys, Mamm would have to accept the fact.

  At least Mamm didn’t know she’d spoken so casually with the Englisha boys at Byler’s. If she knew, Mamm would probably call on Deacon Elmer. Not that Deacon Elmer could do anything since he believed in rumspringa. With that choice taken from her, Mamm likely decided to take care of the problem on her own.

  “Katie!” Mamm called from the living room. “I thought you were almost done with the dishes. Do you need help?”

  “Nee, I’m done,” Katie answered. “I’m coming.”

  “I have some things to speak with you about before you leave,” Mamm said. “Please hurry. There’s not much time.”

  “Yah, Mamm.” Katie kept her voice calm. Getting upset with Mamm wasn’t going to help. They would have this conversation like two adults should. Like Arlene no doubt had conversations with her mamm and daett. Katie walked across the kitchen floor, pausing to straighten a chair before continuing. Perhaps she was stalling. After all, the conversation ahead probably wouldn’t be a pleasant one. She took a deep breath and entered the living room.

  Mamm was sitting on the couch, their large black Bible open on her lap. The Bible Daett used to read from. Oh, it would be so wunderbah to have Daett sitting in the living room on a morning like this, his Bible open on his lap, his deep voice filling the room as he read the sacred words.

  “Please sit down,” Mamm said. “We have to talk.”

  Katie sat on the couch, h
er hands in her lap.

  “Look at me, Katie. What I have to say is very important for both of us.”

  Katie lifted her eyes. She owed Mamm that much cooperation, she figured.

  “I’ve been thinking since last night.” Mamm smiled a bit. “I don’t know why Jesse Mast is showing an interest in me or why you seem to be changing, but I don’t like either one. I want things to stay the way they’ve been. We’ve been happy. I don’t want to allow anything to happen that will end our happiness. On my part, I’ve told Jesse I’m not interested in being his frau. On your part, I want you to curb your interest in boys.”

  “What did you tell Jesse exactly?” Katie fixed her gaze on Mamm’s face.

  “I simply told him I’m not interested in him as my husband.”

  “Mamm…” Katie sighed. “The truth is that I need a daett and you need a husband.”

  “Katie!” Mamm said, “How can you say that? How can you think that? Have you been unhappy with our life together and not told me?”

  “It’s not about whether I’ve been happy or unhappy. It’s about whether Da Hah has happiness for me in the future—and happiness for you too. Even more happiness than we’ve known in the past. It won’t happen if we close the door to His will.”

  “You think you know Da Hah’s will more than I do? I’m your mamm!”

  Katie sputtered, “I might know something about it because I’m open to change…and you’re not. You act like…like…like Jesse committed a sin for wanting you as his frau. I think it would be wunderbah to have a daett. In fact, this might, perhaps, be among the best things that could happen to us. I think you should say yah and become his frau. After all, it’s not like another man will show up anytime soon.”

  Mamm looked horrified. “I can’t believe you’re talking like this, Katie! What has happened to my little girl?”

  “I’m not a little girl anymore,” Katie declared. “That’s what’s happening to me. Why don’t you open your eyes? You are, after all, my mamm.”