Katie Opens Her Heart

by Jerry S. Eicher

  “I’ll gladly take all the responsibility on my shoulders if you don’t marry that woman,” Mabel said. “Emma’s weird, and so is her daughter. I don’t want a mamm like that or a sister like Katie.”

  Jesse took a deep breath. After the discussion with the children the other night, he had no stomach for more arguments. There should be a mamm here to deal with these things. If Mabel didn’t begin attending the young folk gatherings, to say nothing of going through rumspringa, she would be considered strange herself. He didn’t want his daughter to be stuck with such a label. She was a wonderful girl, and the misfortunes of his life shouldn’t take such a toll on her or the other children.

  “Please, Hah,” he whispered.

  “What did you say?” Mabel asked as she looked up at him.

  Jesse ignored the question. “This thing with Emma is not what you think. I want you to have as normal a life as possible. I want you to be able to be young as long as possible.”

  “My life is just fine,” she said.

  “Mabel, look at me.” He waited until she glanced up. “I can’t explain things to you like your mamm did, but you’re taking way too much on yourself. And it’s not because you’re not gut enough or doing a gut job. It’s because you’re not ready for such heavy responsibilities. Yah, you will be someday, especially when Da Hah gives you a husband and a family of your own. But until then, you shouldn’t have to carry the full load of a family, even if they are your brothers and sisters.”

  Mabel’s eyes looked pleadingly at him. “Don’t marry that woman, Daett. Please? Will you promise?”

  “Mabel, I can’t do that.” His voice was firm. “I believe Da Hah is in charge of this.” Emma was on his mind, and he couldn’t seem to let go of her. In the days ahead he would sort this all out. He would ask Da Hah for more wisdom to understand what he was to do. For now, he would continue what he was doing. He gave Mabel a quick hug, took Joel’s hand, and went outside. Lucy stood beside the hitching rack, looking at him as if she didn’t understand why she hadn’t been unhitched by now.

  Jesse swung Joel up into the front seat, untied Lucy, and climbed into the buggy. Pulling the reins tight, Jesse signaled to Lucy to get going. She shook her head as he guided her to the main road.

  The schoolhouse lay a half mile away, well within walking distance. But it was a little too far for Joel to walk when he was already late. No doubt Jesse would cause a disturbance pulling in like this after school had begun, but that was better than leaving Joel home all day. Skipping school could get Joel’s six-year-old mind to thinking he should try the same stunt tomorrow.

  “Listen,” he told Joel, “you’re going to start obeying Mabel when she tells you to do something. I can’t always be at home, I know Mabel is not Mamm, but she’s doing the best she can to take care of us.”

  Joel wrinkled his face.

  “Yah,” Jesse continued. “All children have to obey. And sometimes they have to obey their sisters even when they have a mamm.”

  “I want a mamm,” Joel said, looking up at his daett’s face. “Can we have one soon?”

  Jesse smiled. “Well, if you had a mamm, she might spank you for disobeying.”

  The delight on Joel’s face disappeared. “I don’t like to be spanked,” he said, pouting.

  “Then don’t disobey and you won’t be,” Jesse said as they pulled into the schoolyard. As the buggy bounced to a stop, the doors of the school burst open and children poured out.

  Time for recess, Jesse figured. Gut. He wouldn’t be causing such a disturbance bringing Joel in late.

  “Go ahead,” Jesse told Joel. “Jump down and join them. You can go inside when recess is over.”

  Joel grinned and climbed down.

  As Jesse was backing Lucy up to turn around, the plump figure of Ruth Troyer appeared in the schoolhouse doorway. She waved for Jesse to come over.

  Carolyn had surely told Ruth the whole story of her stubborn little brother by now, Jesse figured. A sad tale of how they couldn’t get Joel to change into clean pants this morning because their daett wasn’t around when they needed him the most. At least Ruth didn’t know where he’d been. If she did, she’d no doubt have a few things to say about fathers who courted in the daytime while neglecting their children.

  It wasn’t courting, he told himself. He’d gone over to see if Emma needed help with her cow. Of course, if this had resulted in courting, he wouldn’t have objected. But it obviously hadn’t. Emma was stubborn—about as stubborn as he was. How else could one explain his determination to win Emma’s hand in the face of such clear rejection?

  Well, I’d better get down and see what Ruth wants, Jesse decided. That would be better than sitting here arguing with myself. He groaned under his breath. A conversation with Ruth was exactly what he didn’t want this morning. But there were some things in life that couldn’t be avoided. He climbed down, tied Lucy to the hitching post, and headed toward the school building.

  Chapter Fifteen

  As Jesse took a shortcut across the schoolyard, the children ran around him playing tag. Joel had disappeared inside somewhere. He must have decided against the risk of getting dirt on his clean pants. A smile crept across Jesse’s face at the thought of the lecture Mabel would give Joel if he came home tonight with fresh grass stains on his clean pants. Joel had probably figured that out and decided to go at least one day before incurring his sister’s wrath again. Not to mention having to wear another clean pair of pants tomorrow. Jesse paused to allow three girls to race past him. Joel was that way. He liked order and sameness each day, even if that meant wearing dirty pants all week. A mamm would know if this was gut or not. Yes, he needed a frau, and his children needed a mamm. He would continue visiting Emma until her resistance wore down. That’s all there was to it.

  Ruth was still standing at the door. She was talking to someone inside as she waited for him. She turned to face him when he neared.

  Jesse touched the brim of his hat. “Gut morning, Ruth. Did you want to speak to me?”

  “Yah,” Ruth said, her gaze wavering for a minute. “I saw you bring Joel in, and I wondered if there was something I needed to know about his being late this morning.”

  “I figured Carolyn told you about our little kafuffle with Joel this morning,” Jesse replied.

  “Yah, Carolyn told me.” Ruth’s face softened. “I figured you were back in the fields working, so the girls didn’t want to disturb you. I know how busy a farmer can be.”

  “Ah…” Jesse cleared his throat. “I wasn’t home when Joel was making a fuss. That’s why the girls couldn’t get a hold of me. I’d gone to check on a neighbor’s sick cow.”

  Ruth looked him up and down, not saying anything. Obviously she thought he had no business being away from home, neighbor’s sick cow or not. “I see,” she finally said. “Carolyn didn’t say anything about a sick cow.”

  Jesse dropped his gaze to the ground without answering. Ruth had a way of making him feel Joel’s age. Should he say more? It was really none of her business where he was. And if he admitted where he’d been, tongues would start wagging. Then Emma would never agree to his marriage proposal. She might even think he was disrespecting her or trying to force her hand.

  “I did know your children weren’t sure where you were.” Ruth was still looking at him. “That’s not gut, Jesse. Your children should know where you’re at all the time. You’re the only parent they have left.”

  “Yah,” Jesse agreed. “Leroy and Willis were home if a real emergency had come up.”

  “I suppose,” Ruth allowed.

  “How are the children doing in school?” Jesse asked. He might as well show some interest in his children’s schoolwork. It might get him back in Ruth’s good graces.

  “Joel and Carolyn are a joy,” Ruth said. “They’re getting along very well with their lessons. They have a gut daett to thank for that, I’m sure.”

  “Thank you.” Jesse moved back a step. Surely it was time for Ruth to begin
classes again. This was getting a little too personal. Behind Ruth he saw a few children glance at the clock and then at their teacher. Ruth showed no signs of ending the conversation.

  “I was wondering if there was something more I could do for Joel and Carolyn, Jesse. Although their grades are okay, Carolyn is struggling a bit with her arithmetic and could do better. Joel could use help with his reading.”

  That he didn’t know any of this was a fact best not admitted to, Jesse decided. Ruth might consider that infraction worse than this morning’s absence.

  “I know how busy you are.” Ruth kept going. “I’m sure they’ve told you—at least Carolyn would have. I can’t imagine Joel saying much of anything, even if he is struggling in his studies.”

  Jesse took a deep breath. He was tired of being painted into a corner by this woman, even if she was his children’s schoolteacher and a widow.

  “I didn’t know they were having trouble in their studies,” he admitted. “I’ll ask them this evening if they need help. I’ll attend to that after supper.”

  For a moment Ruth’s face showed displeasure. Then the beaming smile came back. “Why don’t I come down after grading schoolwork? I’ll see what I can do to help. It wouldn’t be out of my way at all, and I’d have plenty of time before I needed to go home and prepare supper for myself.”

  Jesse hesitated. He hadn’t expected this. He could use the help, couldn’t he? And Ruth was his children’s teacher, so she could jump right in where they were having problems in ways he couldn’t.

  Jesse cleared his throat. “I guess that would be appreciated. It’s not like I have plenty of extra time. But I wouldn’t expect you to do this for nothing. I mean, I could pay you a little.”

  “I wouldn’t think of it!” Ruth was really gushing now. “Seeing Joel and Carolyn do well will be reward enough. That’s how I feel about all my students.”

  But she wasn’t offering to stop in at the home of any of the others, Jesse figured. Still…He glanced around for a moment. Come to think of it, he was the only single daett who sent children to this school.

  “Then it’s settled.” Ruth apparently took whatever look was on his face as a positive answer. “I’ll be there well before supper, so I won’t interfere with your family time. I know how important that is.”

  Jesse was still searching for words to say when Ruth turned and marched to her desk. She rang the bell, and Jesse had to move back from the door as the children came in from outside.

  Ruth waved at him, this time from her desk. That clearly meant he was supposed to get moving. Jesse turned around, stepped outside, and pulled the door shut behind him. He shook his head as he walked to his buggy. Once there, he paused for a moment to think this situation over. How had he been talked into inviting Ruth to visit his house tonight? Jesse looked at Lucy as if she might have an answer, but the mare gazed back with a blank look. Jesse climbed into the buggy. What was done was done. If Ruth had nothing better to do, why shouldn’t she come to his house to teach his children? Her marriage with Homer had produced no children. Since she had no one at home to care for, perhaps that explained her interest in teaching and her desire to help Carolyn and Joel with their education.

  Jesse drove Lucy out of the schoolyard and toward home. He listened to the steady beat of horse hooves on the pavement. What if Ruth had further designs on him then were readily apparent? What if she was hoping to move their relationship in a direction he wasn’t interested in with her? What if she was seeing the affection Carolyn and Joel had for her and thinking some of it was coming from their daett?

  And hadn’t he thought of Ruth as a possible mamm for his children not that long ago? Yah, he had. But he hadn’t said a word about it to anyone. His children knew only of his intention to marry Emma. Perhaps Carolyn had mentioned Emma in school, letting it slip that she and Mabel didn’t want Emma as their mamm.

  Jesse sighed. Children were that way. He shouldn’t blame Carolyn if she’d talked about it. Still, he wished this hadn’t happened—if indeed it had. He could ask Carolyn tonight, he supposed, but why put the girl in that position? He was the one to blame, if anyone was. He should have kept his feelings to himself until Emma agreed to his proposal.

  And maybe his thoughts about Ruth were all in his imagination. She could have no intention other than teaching his children out of the goodness of her heart. Jesse slapped the reins against Lucy’s back and urged her on. He needed to get home and get to work. He’d wasted enough time thinking about finding a frau. And it was getting confusing.

  Jesse sighed as he turned into his driveway. He’d been thinking so much about his children he hadn’t given much thought about what he wanted or needed. It would be wunderbah to find love again, he admitted. He didn’t really want to have a dry marriage of convenience as so many second marriages seemed to become. He had enjoyed the special love he’d had with Millie before Da Hah took her. Finding it again was a lot to ask. And there was no promise he would find it with Emma. Still, it was a nice thought. He certainly wasn’t going to find that kind of love with Ruth. Married to Ruth, he would spend his time feeling like a little boy in the first grade who was continually lectured by his teacher. That wasn’t what he had in mind. Nee, Emma was his best chance. Surely she would soon see things his way.

  Jesse pulled up to the barn, climbed out of the buggy, unhitched Lucy, and led her through the front doorway. Opening the back gate, he slapped the mare on her backside, sending her into the barnyard. Jesse glanced toward the back field. Willis was approaching with an empty manure wagon. This time Jesse was home to help with the work. He slipped on his old boots he kept in the barn and grabbed a pitchfork just as Willis came bouncing up. The cold air made the horses look like they were blowing steam out of their nostrils.

  “Sorry I’ve been gone so long,” Jesse said as he opened the barn door.

  Willis smiled and shrugged. “I saw you were taking Joel to school. Did you get everything straightened out?”

  “I hope so.” Jesse threw fork loads of manure into the wagon.

  Willis grunted and joined him, their pitchforks swinging in steady rhythm.

  Jesse decided he might have solved some of this morning’s problems, but he might also have created a whole lot more. There was no sense in worrying about it. Time would reveal the truth.

  Chapter Sixteen

  That evening Jesse washed up in the washroom sink after coming in from the barn. He ran the soapy water over his beard before rinsing and then rubbing his face dry with the fresh towel hanging on the nail. Mabel must have made a quick dash out to change towels for him. Leroy and Willis were already inside, having cleaned up before he came in. They wouldn’t leave a towel this dry.

  Jesse sighed. Mabel tried so hard. She was gut at taking care of the house. But she needed to do and experience the things other sixteen-year-old girls did—new dresses, going to youth gatherings, and meeting a wunderbah boy whose eye she might catch and, perhaps, become his future frau. Instead she was taking care of him, the other children, and the household. She rarely even had time for herself.

  And now he had another problem to handle this evening. Ruth Troyer was still here. Why else would her buggy still be parked in the barnyard? Was Joel so far behind on his reading that he required more time? Even so, having Ruth in the house was more than a little uncomfortable. How would they eat supper as a family if Ruth still had one of the children in the living room studying? He didn’t wish to push suppertime back. They were all hungry after their hard day’s work.

  Jesse stood at the washroom door listening to the sounds of his children’s voices rising and falling in the kitchen. They must be waiting for supper, wondering just like he was what would happen. Jesse paused with his hand on the doorknob. Was there another voice mixed in with that of his children? He listened closely. Was Ruth in the kitchen with the children? It sounded like it. But why? Was she working with the children at the kitchen table? That wasn’t probable. Mabel should have the table spread b
y now. Did Ruth plan to eat with them and continue lessons after supper?

  Jesse pushed open the door. Mabel’s cheerful face was the first one he saw. She was looking up at him from her usual place at the table. Around Mabel were all of the others, waiting patiently. The steaming meal was sitting on the table in uncovered dishes. At the end of the table, opposite his place, right where Millie had always sat, was Ruth, her face beaming. No schoolbooks were in sight.

  “Daett!” Mabel jumped to her feet. “We were waiting for you! I was about ready to go check where you were. Supper’s getting cold.”

  Jesse looked around, his mind whirling.

  “Ach, of course, I’m forgetting myself.” Ruth stood. “I know my being here for supper is unexpected, Jesse. But the children invited me to stay, and I couldn’t resist. What a lovely family you have! And it’s a lonely house I return to at nights, with not one smiling face to warm my heart. You can see, I’m sure, why I accepted.”

  “Yah, I guess,” Jesse mumbled. What else was there to say with the eager faces of all his children looking at him? Ruth was still on her feet, waving her hand around as if she were at the schoolhouse door directing him over to speak with her. This is my place, Jesse told himself. I need to seize control.

  “Your children are just the sweetest, Jesse,” Ruth gushed. “You’ve done such a wunderbah job of raising them. How can you manage so much? And Mabel! She’s almost grown up, I do declare. Carolyn, of course, I see in school every day, and she’s also so mature. And your two oldest…Jesse, why I would have passed out to see such handsome men in my younger dating days.”

  Willis turned bright red, Jesse noticed. Well, it would serve them all right to taste a little embarrassment.

  “And now they’ve invited me for supper.” Ruth had barely stopped for breath. “I get to eat food I didn’t have to fix! I do declare, it’s been years—in fact, not since I left home to marry Homer—since anyone prepared such a meal for me. Mabel wouldn’t even allow me to lift a finger to help. I sat right there in the living room and worked with little Joel and his reading lessons until a few minutes ago when Mabel hollered that supper was ready. You don’t know how decent and upright a family you’ve raised, Jesse.”