Katie Opens Her Heart

by Jerry S. Eicher

  Jesse gave an inward sigh and motioned for Ruth to be seated. The woman was here, and the food was getting cold. There was only so much a man could do. He sat down, said “Let us pray,” and bowed his head. “Our gracious heavenly Father, we come at this evening hour to give You thanks for Your many great and kind blessings toward us. You have given us another sunny day in which to work, and You have blessed all of us with healthy bodies and sound minds. We ask for Your mercy to soften our hearts toward the weaknesses of others, even as You give us mercy for our many shortcomings. Bless now this meal which Mabel has prepared. I know she has worked hard, as have the other children. They all seek to live lives that are pleasing to You. Be with us the rest of the evening and for the night’s rest that lies before us. Keep us safe in Your arms so we may awaken to a new morning to partake again of Your grace. Amen.”

  “Amen,” Ruth added after him, her voice seeming to echo in the kitchen.

  Jesse stared at Leroy, who was grinning from his place on the back bench. The boy sobered when he saw his father looking at him. At least he still has respect for me, Jesse thought. But if he didn’t get on his toes soon, Ruth was going to leave him as plucked as a molted hen. What had gotten into the woman? She clearly planned to take over the house first…and from there probably go for his heart. Right now the woman was cooing to little Joel as she measured out his mashed potatoes.

  “So how much do you want, sweetie pie?”

  Joel was wiggling from head to toe, his face aglow with happiness. He hadn’t had this much attention in a long time, which was obviously the effect Ruth was after. Even Leroy was patiently waiting while Ruth dished out Joel’s small portion. Under normal circumstances, Leroy would have lunged across the table at the first sign his food was being delayed.

  “And here you are, Carolyn.” Ruth passed on the dish, still cooing.

  Jesse noticed that Ruth hadn’t taken any potatoes for herself. She would wait until last, he figured, to make the best impression possible. And from the look on Mabel’s face, the gesture hadn’t gone unnoticed.

  Mabel leaned across the table. “Nee, Ruth. You take some first. You’re our visitor.”

  “I can easily wait till last,” Ruth said, batting her eyes. “You just go on as if I weren’t here. I want to make sure there’s enough for everyone.”

  “Come on, take some,” Mabel insisted, not backing down. “There’s enough.”

  “Well, if you insist,” Ruth said with a smile.

  Jesse had enough of this. He grabbed the gravy bowl in front of him. “Okay, everybody, pass things around like normal. I’m hungry, and we don’t have to do everything proper tonight just because we have a visitor. You know you don’t act this way when we’re by ourselves.”

  Did the children know what was going on here? Nee, probably not. They wouldn’t see a fly if it buzzed in front of their eyes. Jesse suppressed a sigh. Perhaps his quest for Emma was wrong. Maybe he should allow Ruth to take over. There certainly would be no need of a long courting period. He wouldn’t need to make fruitless trips over to another woman’s place. Here was a future frau all packaged and ready to go. All he had to do was accept the gift.

  “Come on, Daett! Don’t look so sober,” Mabel said, interrupting his thoughts. “It has been a gut day.”

  Jesse smiled a little. “Yah, even with the little kafuffle we had with Joel this morning.”

  “Ach, that,” Mabel said, as if such a thing were no longer even worth considering. “I’m sure Joel learned his lesson. At least he didn’t come home with grass stains on his pants today.”

  “How did you manage that?” Jesse asked, glancing at Joel who was still grinning.

  “I didn’t play outside today,” Joel proclaimed. “I stayed inside so I wouldn’t get my pants dirty.”

  “See!” Mabel patted Joel’s head. “He’s learning fast.”

  Jesse laid down his spoon. “Now wait a minute. Since when is it good for little boys to stay inside during recess? Joel, you should be outside playing with the others.”

  “I didn’t want to get my pants dirty,” Joel protested. “Mabel gets angry when I do.”

  “Well, Mabel will just have to get upset,” Jesse said. “You need to go out and play. It’s not good for little boys to be inside all day.”

  Jesse waited, expecting Joel to glance at Mabel for approval. Instead, Joel looked over at Ruth. “You told me not to go out and play so Mabel wouldn’t be angry.”

  Ruth smiled, stroking Joel on the head. “That’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong by obeying me, Joel. I’ll talk to your daett after supper and explain things to him. But maybe tomorrow you should go outside.”

  “Okay.” Joel turned back to his supper. “I like to play outside even if I do get grass stains on my pants.”

  Ruth had the decency to turn a little red, Jesse noticed. He ignored her for the rest of the meal, although the children chatted with her. When they were finished eating, Ruth jumped up and started clearing the table.

  Jesse interrupted her. “Come, Ruth. We need to talk. The girls can clean the table.”

  “But they’ve worked so hard making supper,” Ruth said. “I can’t just walk out and leave them with all of this.”

  “Please, Daett,” Mabel said, her eyes begging his approval. “We do need help. And I’m tired after all the fuss we had today.”

  Jesse thought for a moment. Were Ruth’s charms already working on him like they were on the children? Something certainly was. He had no answer to give but yah. Mabel did deserve the help, and, truth be told, he really didn’t want to speak with Ruth. He had a good idea how that conversation would go.

  “Why are you tormenting me, Ruth?” he would ask. She would look shocked and proclaim she was only doing her duty.

  “I’m not going to marry you,” he would say. She would turn white and say she’d never meant to imply such a thing. How could he even think that of her?

  “Okay,” Jesse finally said out loud. “I have some chores to finish in the barn.” He rose and headed out the washroom door. He was soon in the barn busying himself by throwing down hay from the mow. Some twenty minutes later he heard Ruth’s buggy rattle down the lane.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Katie crept down from her room on the night of the Mennonite birthday party. She’d changed into her blue Sunday dress. Her hands were trembling as she paused to listen at the bottom of the stairs. Mamm was still in the kitchen putting away the last of the supper dishes. There were sharp clinks coming from around the corner, as if plates were being placed together carelessly. This was not going to be easy. Mamm hadn’t smiled all evening. But neither had she delivered a lecture. Katie decided a lecture would have been easier to bear than the silence. She hesitated by the kitchen doorway. This was so heartbreaking. Mamm had once been her best friend in the world. Katie wanted to rush into the kitchen and take Mamm into her arms. But crying on Mamm’s shoulder wouldn’t do much gut now.

  Mamm wanted her to end this mad idea of attending a Mennonite youth gathering on the basis of an invitation from a boy she’d only met once. Life could return to normal, Mamm had said, if they could go on like before. If Katie would only repent of this grave sin. But, nee, that wouldn’t happen. Katie felt she had to go with Esther at this point.

  As Katie turned away from the kitchen, Mamm picked up on her presence. “Katie, will you come here a minute?”

  “Yah.” Katie hesitated before turning back. She stood in the doorway. When Mamm turned, her eyes showed signs of crying. Katie decided if she didn’t sit down her legs would collapse. She pulled out a chair and sat by the table. Mamm hardly ever cried. And here she was the one bringing Mamm this heavy sorrow.

  Mamm approached and pulled out her chair. “Won’t you consider changing your mind, Katie?” Mamm took Katie’s hand. “All you have to do is tell that Mennonite girl you’ve changed your mind. I don’t think Daett would have liked this.”

  “They’re expecting me.” Katie didn’t meet Mamm�
�s eyes. It wasn’t right for Mamm to bring up memories of Daett at this moment.

  Mamm stroked her hand. “They have plenty of other young people to attend their party. I only have you, Katie.”

  Katie sprang to her feet. “Mamm, I love you, but I have to do this. I don’t know exactly why or what it means, but I can’t go on living like we are. I want something more. I don’t know what that is or if I will find it tonight at this gathering, but I have to go.”

  “Nee, you don’t have to go. No one is forcing you.” Mamm’s eyes searched her face.

  “No, Mamm, it’s not like that. Something inside of me is…well…changing. I can’t explain it.”

  “You’re going because some boy paid you attention.” Mamm reached up to pull Katie back down in her chair. “Do you know how empty that will be in the end?”

  Katie looked away. That she should wish to be noticed was an awful thing, but it was true. She had enjoyed being noticed by Roy Coblenz.

  “It’s true, isn’t it?” Mamm persisted.

  “Yah,” Katie admitted, not looking up. “Why is it wrong to want a man’s love?”

  “We’ve been through this before.” Mamm’s voice was earnest. “This will bring you nothing but trouble, Katie. I know because I’ve been there.”

  “And you want us to go on living like we are now—just the two of us?”

  Mamm nodded.

  “I can’t!” Katie protested. “How can I? I wasn’t made to live isolated. I want someone to love. I want a husband, Mamm. Is that a sin? I want children. Don’t you want grandchildren? How can that be wrong?”

  “Katie, the things you want most, you won’t find with the Mennonites.”

  “So where am I supposed to find them? Here? The Amish boys around here don’t notice me. They think of me merely as your daughter…or the weird girl. That won’t change anytime soon. Once our people get something into their heads, you know there is no getting it out.”

  “Katie, Katie!” Mamm said. “You’re talking wild things. So what if our people think we’re nothing. That is Da Hah’s will for us. We can be happy together.”

  “I can no longer be happy living like this.” Katie rose again. “I’ve already seen too much, Mamm. There’s a world out there you’re missing out on, and I don’t want to live that way. Da Hah is helping me by opening doors. I have prayed about this, Mamm.”

  Mamm shook her head. “Don’t blame this on Da Hah, Katie. None of those things will be what you think they are once you get them. I’ve been there. I know.”

  Katie heard tires crunching on the gravel driveway.

  Mamm looked up.

  “I’m sorry. I have to go.” Katie headed for the door.

  Mamm’s voice pleaded behind her. “What do you think I should do, Katie? What would keep you away from the Mennonites?”

  Katie paused and turned around. “I’m not asking you to do anything, Mamm. Don’t stay up for me. I’ll be okay.”

  “Do you want me to marry Jesse?” Mamm had tears on her cheeks again. “Would that keep you here with me?”

  Katie paused, her hand on the doorknob. What should she say to a question like that? She would love it if Mamm married Jesse. But if Mamm did this only to please her, that would be wrong for everyone. And she might still end up being known only as the odd widow Emma Raber’s weird daughter.

  “Don’t go out tonight, Katie. Not before we’ve had a chance to talk some more about this.”

  Katie choked back a sob. If she waited one minute longer, she would explode into tears. “Nee, marrying Jesse when you don’t love him won’t solve anything. I’ve got to go, Mamm.” Katie opened the front door and rushed down the steps.

  What was she doing? Katie wondered. Was she closing a door that could never be opened again? She ran across the yard toward Esther’s dark-blue car. She would keep trusting Da Hah even though the waters were rough right now. She’d known they would be. Through the sheen of her tears, Esther’s car was a blur. Katie groped for the door handle.

  “Hi there!” Esther said when Katie opened the door.

  “Gut evening.” Katie slid in, trying to hide her wet face.

  “Troubles?” Esther asked as she started the car.

  “Mamm didn’t want me to go tonight.” That was putting it mildly, Katie thought. But there was no need for Esther to know the whole story.

  “Oh, she’ll get over it,” Esther said, as if she knew about it from experience.

  Katie’s smile was strained. She decided to talk about something else, if for no other reason then to make this awful ache in her heart go away.

  “We’ll have you cheered up in no time,” Esther said, gunning her car out of the driveway with a loud roar. Katie winced, thinking of Mamm’s reaction to the noise.

  “Don’t worry,” Esther continued. “It will all be good. I see you’ve worn your Sunday dress.”

  Katie nodded.

  “You wouldn’t have had to,” Esther said. “Any old thing would have been good enough for tonight. It’s just a little shindig with some of Roy’s friends. But better overdressed than underdressed, that’s what I always say.”

  “I didn’t know what to wear.” Katie tried to keep fear from racing through her. Was she going to stand out this evening? That was all she needed on top of everything else.

  Esther leaned toward Katie as they raced down the road. “Roy did check with me an hour ago to see if you were coming for sure.”

  “Oh…” Katie looked away. What did that mean? She didn’t dare ask. Thankfully, Esther didn’t seem to notice her discomfort. Getting teased about a boy would be one trial too much at the moment.

  “Yes, it’s going to be a grand evening.” Esther chattered away. “A happy time among friends who accept you. That’s one of the nice things about these parties. You get to see lots of people and still have time to speak with the ones you haven’t seen for some time.”

  “I see,” Katie allowed. She hung on to the armrest as Esther took a tight curve. Esther had always taken off from Byler’s like she was shooting for the moon, and now Katie was experiencing what it was like to be inside a rocket.

  “Are you okay?” Esther asked, taking another curve without slowing down much.

  Katie forced herself to smile. There was no sense in admitting she was scared, even if she’d never ridden this fast in an Englisha automobile before.

  “We’ll be there before long,” Esther told her, as if that were the concern. “Roy’s place is just on the other side of Dover a bit.”

  Katie hung on as they approached Byler’s. Someone in a buggy was coming out of the driveway, but Katie couldn’t make out the face as they sped by. It was just as well. This way he or she couldn’t figure out who she was either.

  “So what do you and your mom do since you live by yourselves?” Esther asked, slowing down as they approached the town limits.

  “Not much…just the usual.”

  “Is your mom thinking of marrying again?”

  Katie stole a sideways glance at Esther and noticed a twinkle in her eye. Did Esther know about Jesse? Surely not. Such a thing couldn’t have come out this quickly. Not with the few visits Jesse had made to call on Mamm. And how would it get to the Mennonite circle?

  “I wish she would,” Katie finally said. That was a safe enough answer, she figured, and perhaps Esther wouldn’t dig deeper.

  “It must get lonely living by yourselves,” Esther said, and she sounded sympathetic. “Do you have family who lives in the area? I mean…you must have…”

  “Mom’s brothers all live in Lancaster,” Katie said. “And we don’t get up there often.”

  The truth was they hadn’t been up there in five years or so, but Esther didn’t need to know that.

  “And your dad’s side of the family? They come from around here, don’t they?”

  “Yah,” Katie admitted. “And we get together sometimes. The Rabers had a reunion here in the Dover community this spring that we attended.”

  “
That’s nice.” Esther slowed down even further as they encountered traffic lights. A few minutes later, she turned the car down a driveway of a well-kept farm.

  Katie was still holding on to the armrest as Esther pulled to a stop by one of the huge, red barns. A long row of cars were already parked, but there were no signs of any young people.

  “Here we are!” Esther announced, opening her car door. “Let’s go inside and see where everyone is.”

  A shiver ran through Katie. How was the evening going to turn out? Was she going to enjoy herself? Would she get a glimpse of what she could be like in a world where she wasn’t looked down upon or disparaged? Katie held her breath for a moment, and then she climbed out of Esther’s car. That was a lot to expect or even hope for, she told herself. Yet why couldn’t it happen? A few weeks ago, who would have dreamed she’d even attend a Mennonite youth gathering?

  Chapter Eighteen

  Katie heard the murmur of voices growing louder as she and Esther approached the barn. The party was in progress. In the mix of the sounds rose occasional peals of laughter.

  Two more cars pulled in and parked by Esther’s car. Esther waved to the newcomers and went on into the barn. Katie reluctantly followed her, still not knowing what to expect from the evening.

  Once inside, Katie caught her breath as she took in the sight of dozens of young people her age gathered by tables. Some of them were seated while others were standing around. A few glanced toward Katie and Esther. Katie didn’t move until Esther pulled her arm. “Come on! Let’s go see Roy. He’ll be glad to know you’re here.”

  Katie allowed Esther to lead her forward. At least her feet were working now. Among the crowd she saw a lone Amish face she knew. Emery Yoder was staring at her with a puzzled look on his face. He was from a district closer to Dover and rarely was at the few Amish youth gatherings Katie attended. He was having a hard time figuring out why an Amish girl was being escorted into the birthday party by a high-flying Mennonite like Esther. Well, Emory would just have to wonder. Katie wasn’t going to stop and enlighten him. She tried to keep breathing as Esther pushed through a small group of young folks who nodded to them. They broke through to the other side, and Esther came to a stop before a young man who was apparently Roy. He had his back turned to them and was deep in conversation with several people.