Lily's Story: The Complete Saga

by Christine Kersey

  I wasn’t sure what he wanted me to say to that, so I stayed silent, hoping that would convey my unhappiness with his implied blame.

  “Lily?”

  “I’m here.”

  He sighed softly. “I’ve gotta go.”

  “Okay. See you when you get home.”

  “Bye.” He hung up, and I did as well.

  I stared at my phone, frustrated with Marcus and his attitude. A moment later Jackson reminded me that he wasn’t feeling well as he began fussing.

  Chapter 18

  For the rest of the day, Jackson alternated between fussing and sleeping. Natalie, on the other hand, seemed completely happy to play with her dolls. I wanted to hang out with Jordan, but I knew she wouldn’t appreciate exposing Gabe to a cold, so I kept the children entertained by taking them out back where the sun shone brightly, taking short walks around the neighborhood, and playing on the floor with them.

  Jackson was a trooper, but I was glad when he slept.

  “Can I fix you something to eat?” Trish asked as she poked her head into the family room where Natalie and I were building an elaborate structure out of blocks.

  I looked up with a smile. “That would be really nice. Thanks.” A moment later I stood and went to the entrance to the kitchen. “Can I help?”

  Trish smiled at me. “That’s okay. I’ve got it.”

  I went back into the family room to continue playing with Natalie and saw her knock over the tower she’d built. She giggled, and I laughed with her, realizing that I missed all the time I’d been able to spend with her before I started working.

  Maybe Marcus is right. Maybe working at the day care isn’t the best thing for our family.

  I wasn’t ready to admit that to him yet though.

  The next morning Jackson seemed to feel quite a bit better. His fever was gone and he’d slept well the night before.

  It’s back to work today.

  When the children and I arrived at the day care, Natalie had another near meltdown when I tried to leave her in the toddler room.

  “What’s the deal, Natalie?” I asked. “The other day you didn’t want to leave.”

  She couldn’t hear me through her tears as she clung to my leg. “Stay, Mommy,” she cried.

  I held back a sigh of exasperation. “I need to go to work, sweetheart.”

  Rochelle gently pried her from my leg. “She’ll be fine, Lily.”

  Though I knew she was right, it wrenched my heart to see my baby girl so unhappy. “Thanks, Rochelle,” I said as I hurried from the room.

  I dropped Jackson off next, letting Katherine know that he was recovering from an ear infection. “He’s on antibiotics, and he seems to be feeling a lot better.” I kissed him on the forehead, then went to the preschooler’s room.

  When it was time to go home, I collected the children, and put them in their car seats, and when I climbed behind the wheel of my car, exhaustion settled over me and I realized I was beginning to hate my life. Tears pushed into my eyes, but I wiped them away impatiently, then turned on the engine and drove home.

  After I put the children down for naps, I took out Trish’s cleaning supplies and began cleaning the main floor of the house. As I worked, I thought about my life and tried to remember the good things in it. I had Marcus—a good man, a good husband, a good father. Even though we were having some challenges, I never doubted his love for me.

  My mind went back over the years and I thought about Trevor—my first husband and Natalie’s biological father. Though we’d loved each other in our own way, we’d had too many issues between us, and our relationship had been doomed to fail. I never felt that way with Marcus, and I knew that was huge.

  I thought about how Trevor had tried to kill me. The sudden vivid memory of his hands wrapping around my throat, then squeezing as I’d begun to black out, shook me, and I had to stop what I was doing and look around, reassuring myself that it had happened a long time ago.

  You’re still alive, Lily. You’re still here. He’s gone and he can’t hurt you anymore.

  The image of Trevor lying on the floor of my living room with Greta’s powerful jaws clamped around his throat filled my mind. It had been horrendous, but the only reason I’d survived was because of my loyal German Shepherd. And I adored her for it. She’d saved my life, and in the process, she’d saved Natalie’s life.

  I shuddered to think what Natalie’s life would be like if I were dead and Trevor and his then-girlfriend, Amanda, were raising her. The idea horrified me.

  I focused on the good things in my life as I finished scrubbing the sink in the half-bath.

  A sudden crash, and then a scream, drew my attention away from my task, and I raced to the base of the stairs where I found Natalie lying in a heap, screaming in a high-pitched wail that told me she was in severe pain.

  “Natalie,” I whispered. “Oh my gosh, Natalie.”

  “What happened?” Trish said as she hurried to my side.

  Natalie continued to wail as I looked her over.

  “She must have fallen down the stairs,” I said as I kept my focus on Natalie. “Where does it hurt, baby? Tell Mommy where it hurts, okay?”

  “Hurts,” she whimpered as she gingerly touched her right arm with her left hand.

  I couldn’t tell by looking, but I feared she’d broken her arm. Regardless, I knew I would need to take her to the hospital and have her checked out.

  I turned to Trish. “Can you watch Jackson?”

  “Of course.”

  With barely a nod in Trish’s direction, I gently scooped Natalie into my arms, grabbed my purse from the table near the front door, and hurried out to the car.

  Natalie continued to softly sob as I buckled her in her car seat.

  “The doctor will fix it, okay, baby?”

  Tears streamed down her face, but she didn’t respond to my comment.

  I jumped into the driver’s seat and a moment later we were on our way to the hospital. Desperate to call Marcus, I waited until I was stopped at a light before I dialed his cell phone, but it went to voice mail.

  “Hurts,” Natalie cried out. “Hurts, Mommy.”

  Tears filled my eyes as helplessness swept over me, but I managed to leave Marcus a brief message before hanging up. A short time later we pulled up to the hospital and I rushed Natalie into the Emergency room.

  Thankfully they weren’t very busy and she was taken into an exam room almost immediately. Before long her arm was set, and she was feeling much better.

  By the time we left, I still hadn’t heard from Marcus, so I took Natalie for some ice cream at the local ice cream shop. Halfway through eating our cones, Marcus called.

  “Is she okay?” he asked the moment I said hello.

  “Yes, she’s fine now. We’re having some ice cream downtown.”

  “I’m coming to meet you,” he said.

  “You don’t need to. She’s feeling much better now.”

  He hesitated. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, but thank you for offering.” I paused. “Just come home when you can. I’m sure she’ll want to show you her cast.”

  “A cast? Poor baby.”

  “I know.” I recalled the horror of finding her at the bottom of the stairs, and unbidden, the thought came to me that if we were still in our house—which had no stairs—this never would have happened. I pushed down the comment that pressed against my tongue, and focused on the fact that Natalie was fine now.

  “Okay,” he said. “I’ll come home as soon as I can.”

  We hung up, and when we got home I found Trish trying to comfort a fussy Jackson.

  “I don’t know if his ear is bothering him, or what,” Trish said as she handed him to me, then she squatted in front of Natalie. “Oh my goodness, honey, look at your arm.”

  Natalie held out her cast, her eyes wide and her mouth turned down in a frown. “I have a owie.”

  “I see that.” Trish picked her up and snuggled her close. “You poor thing.” Th
en she turned to me. “We need to put up a gate on those stairs or something.”

  There was a hint of accusation in her tone, like why hadn’t I suggested it before?

  “I know,” I said, leaving it at that. But I knew she was right. What kind of a mother was I that I was more concerned about the convenience of the adults in the house over the safety of my own child? Fresh tears fueled by the stress of the day filled my eyes, and I turned away. “I think he needs to be changed.”

  “Okay,” Trish said. “I’ll keep Natalie with me.”

  I nodded, but hurried up the stairs without replying, and once I got to my room, I let the tears fall.

  If we still lived in our house things would be different. I wouldn’t be going to work each day, Jackson wouldn’t be suffering with an ear infection, and most importantly, Natalie wouldn’t have a broken arm. Why did I agree to let Marcus start his own business? What was I thinking?

  Tears overflowed my lashes and rolled down my cheeks.

  Chapter 19

  By the time Marcus got home, I’d gotten myself under control, although I was still pretty upset.

  “How are you?” He asked as he pulled me into a warm embrace.

  His parents were standing nearby, so I said I was fine. Instead, I waited until the children were in bed and we were alone in our room before I expressed my concerns.

  “I was terrified when I saw Natalie at the bottom of the stairs,” I said. “It was horrible.”

  “When I heard your message, I felt sick to my stomach.” He gently stroked my arm. “I’m sorry I wasn’t available when you called. I was in a meeting.”

  “That’s okay. I handled it.” I didn’t blame him for not being available, but I did hold him partially responsible that it had even happened. “I . . . uh, I paid the bill with our credit card.”

  He frowned. “Okay.” Then he switched gears. “My mom suggested that we put a gate at the top and the bottom of the stairs,” he said. “We should have done that before this happened.”

  “I thought about it—” I let my sentence trail off.

  “Why didn’t you say anything then? If we’d had a gate installed this never would’ve happened.”

  I detected a tone of accusation in his voice—very similar to what I’d heard when Jackson had gotten sick. The stress I’d felt earlier came roaring back, and I spoke without thinking. “If we’d never moved here, this wouldn’t have happened either. Did you ever think of that?”

  He took a step back. “Are you saying this is my fault?”

  “Are you saying it’s mine?”

  His lips compressed into a straight line. “I know what you’re trying to say, and I’m tired of you saying it.” His jaw tightened. “It’s time for you to accept reality, Lily. We’re living here now. You need to adjust to that.”

  Anger and frustration blossomed within me. “What if I don’t want to adjust to that? Then what?”

  He gazed at me a moment. “I’m not sure what you’re saying.”

  I wasn’t sure what I was saying either. All I knew was that I didn’t want to be here anymore. And then I knew what I was going to do. “I’m going to take the kids to visit their grandparents in Las Vegas.”

  “What about your job?” His eyes narrowed, like he was happy that my job might not work out for me.

  “Don’t worry about that. It’s my job, not yours.”

  “How long will you be gone?”

  “I don’t know yet. I’ll have to see what works for Marcy, and I’ll want to visit Alyssa too.”

  His head moved in a slight nod, then he broke our gaze. “I’m going downstairs for a while.”

  “Good night.” I watched him leave, then I called Marcy, Trevor’s mother.

  “We’d love to have you come for a visit,” she said after I explained what I wanted to do.

  “When is a good time?”

  “This weekend would be great.”

  I told her how Natalie had fallen and broken her arm. “I think it would be good to get away for a little while.”

  “You know you’re always welcome here, Lily.”

  “Yes. And I really appreciate that.” I hadn’t talked to her in a while and we had a lot to catch up on. Marcy had always given me good advice, and I was counting on her to give me advice when I came to visit.

  I called Alyssa next.

  “I’m off on Monday,” she said. “I’d love to spend the day with you.”

  We made arrangements for me to come to the hotel room where she was staying on Monday, then she told me there was no progress with Ty, and after chatting for a while longer, we hung up.

  The next day at day care, everyone oohed and aahed over Natalie’s broken arm. She smiled under all the attention, and with the Tylenol I had given her that morning, she seemed to feel okay.

  After work I texted Jordan to see if she wanted to go on a walk. She did, and a short time later we were strolling down our street.

  “I’ve missed our morning walks,” she said.

  “Me too.” I got a better grip on Greta’s leash, then smiled at Jordan. “It feels like my life has been crazy lately.”

  “Are you liking your new job?”

  I shrugged. “I did at first, but now I’m not so sure.”

  “What don’t you like about it?”

  “I mostly miss the control over my time like I had before.”

  She laughed. “I don’t feel like I have any control over my time.” She pointed to Gabe in the stroller. “He’s the one who makes my schedule.”

  I laughed with her. “I know what you mean, but at least you’re spending your days with him.”

  “If you don’t like it, is it possible for you to quit?”

  I held back a grimace. “That would make Marcus happy.”

  Jordan looked at me sharply. “You’re the one who has to work there each day. What makes you happy?”

  “It’s not only that. I made such a big deal about us needing the money I’m earning that I would look stupid if I were to quit now.”

  “Who cares if you look stupid? What’s more important anyway? Your pride, or what’s best for your children and you?”

  Her words hit me hard. Was I letting my pride get in the way of what was best for my family? Or was working the right thing for me to do?

  “I don’t know what my problem is,” I said. “Mothers of young children have to go to work every day.” I laughed softly. “That’s why the day care is needed in the first place.”

  Jordan tilted her head as she looked at me. “What does that have to do with you?”

  “It’s just that I feel kind of selfish and guilty for wanting to quit this job so I can be home with my children.”

  Jordan stopped and placed her hand on my arm, forcing me to stop. “Listen to yourself, Lily. That doesn’t even make sense.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked as we started walking again.

  “You feel guilty and selfish because you want to take care of your own children?”

  I could see what she meant, and I didn’t understand it myself. “Maybe it just feels wrong to be able to get what I want. Like, why am I so special?”

  Jordan laughed and shook her head. “When Derek and I found out I was pregnant, it wasn’t easy to decide that I would stay home with Gabe.” She looked straight at me. “It’s been a sacrifice for us, Lily. And I don’t feel guilty at all.”

  It would be a sacrifice for us too, I realized. We would basically have zero income, which I hated, but for right now that was okay.

  Jordan glanced at me before speaking. “Every woman has to decide for herself what is best for her and her family—without guilt or worrying about what anyone else thinks of her decision.” Her eyebrows rose. “That includes you.”

  She’d given me a lot to think about, and I appreciated her insight.

  That afternoon as the children napped, I stayed in my room and thought about my conversation with Jordan. In a perfect world, we would be living in our house, Marcus would be
bringing home a paycheck, and I wouldn’t have to make this decision at all.

  But we didn’t live in a perfect world. Life was imperfect, and I had to learn to make hard choices. Though I knew this was something I should discuss with Marcus, I couldn’t really see the point. I already knew what he wanted—he wanted me to quit. He hadn’t wanted me to get the job in the first place.

  No, this was a decision I would have to come to on my own.

  Chapter 20

  The night before I left for Las Vegas, while Marcus and I were in the privacy of our room, he asked, “Are you going to visit Marcy and John because you want to see them? Or are you going there to get away from me?”

  Truthfully, it was a little of both. There had been tension and strain between us ever since we’d moved in with his parents, and I just needed a little space. But I also hadn’t seen the Caldwells in many months.

  I didn’t want to leave on a negative note, so I gave Marcus a half-true answer. “They haven’t seen Natalie since Jackson was born.” I smiled at him. “I think this visit is overdue.”

  A small frown formed on his mouth. “Okay.” He paused. “When do you think you’ll be back?”

  I hadn’t made a decision whether to quit my job at the day care or not, so I couldn’t take off very much time. “I’ll get there tomorrow, Saturday, and I want to spend a couple of days there, plus I’m going to see Alyssa on Monday. So my plan is to come back on Tuesday.”

  “The people at the day care are okay with you taking two days off work?”

  As I gazed at Marcus, an unexpected feeling of love for him blossomed inside me, and I almost told him that I was considering quitting my job, but decided to wait until I’d made my final decision—no point in saying one thing and then ending up doing another. “Yes,” I said.

  “Okay.” He leaned towards me and pressed a kiss to my mouth. “Tell John and Marcy hello for me.”

  I nodded. “I will.”

  The drive to Vegas was long—seven hours—but Natalie and Jackson slept much of the way, making the drive bearable.