Let Me Be Your Last

by Lynsey M. Stewart

  ‘Perv. Come on.’ I dug my hand into my coat pocket, pulled out a small figure and handed it to her. Her face lit up but her words betrayed her. ‘That’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen.’

  ‘I’m glad you like it,’ I replied, laughing.

  ‘I do! I love it. Tell me the story.’

  I had chosen a tacky ornament; the kind you won at a fair on hook-a-duck or knocking down tin cans with a ball. It was a fairy sitting on a pumpkin. Her legs were drawn to her chest and its wing was chipped in the corner. It was covered in dust and the sun had bleached it but it was holding a sign that said Dreamer. ‘It’s you.’ She looked horrified. ‘I mean…it’s more about reminding you that you can make anything happen. Getting a cat, going back to work, buying the property of your dreams to renovate, or accepting that we can make this work, Gem. Us,’ I pulled her towards me and held her tightly in my arms. ‘Even a tacky fairy that can't fly and is destined to sit on a pumpkin for the rest of her magical days still keeps hold of her dreams.’

  She looked up, the top of her head only reaching my chin. Her smile was all I could see. All I wanted to see. ‘I’m beginning to think you’re always this cheesy,’ she said as she raked her fingers through my hair. I loved them there. A buzz across my skin was always the outcome.

  ‘Adorable,’ I replied. ‘I think you mean adorable.’

  Chapter 27

  Gem

  ‘What are you doing here?’ I asked, slightly bewildered as I welcomed in Elle, Abi and, bizarrely, Elle’s mum, Linda. She always wanted to be one of the girls but a night in with me wasn’t exactly painting the town red.

  ‘No questions,’ Abi said as she pushed me towards the stairs. ‘You need to get yourself ready. Upstairs, shower, clothes. We’re going out on the town, gorgeous!’

  ‘What’s going on? I can’t go out. What about the boys?’

  ‘That’s why I’m here,’ Linda said, sitting down on the sofa. ‘I will be looking after the boys tonight. You don’t need to worry about anything.’ She put her arms around Brandon and Theo and they snuggled into her. She had babysat before on the odd occasion we’d all gone out for the night, so they were used to her. When she opened her bag to reveal sweets, books and magazines, exactly the ones I didn’t have the money to buy and led to a full-scale meltdown on every shopping trip, they were in their element.

  ‘Oh my God!’ Elle squealed as she stood at the window. ‘You’ll never guess what’s just pulled up outside!’ She ushered me over and as I looked out, I saw a silver Mercedes and a guy dressed in a suit walking up the front path towards my door.

  ‘Ms Brown.’ I smiled as I opened the door and thought of Josh as he said my surname. I knew exactly who had sent this car. ‘For you.’ He handed me an envelope.

  ‘What does it say?’ Abi asked.

  ‘Gem, I’ve arranged for you to have a girls night out. You’ll be given envelopes with details of your destinations along the way. Enjoy yourself. Promise me. Josh.’

  Abi smirked and Elle smiled.

  ‘Wow,’ Elle said.

  ‘Flip,’ Abi said, toning down her language when she eyed the boys.

  ‘Who knew about this?’ I asked. They both slowly raised their hands, as did Linda. ‘We agreed not to do secrets.’

  ‘This is a good secret,’ Elle protested.

  ‘How? When?’

  ‘The other day when you asked me to collect Theo from school.' Brandon had scaled the biggest climbing frame during PE and fallen on his head. ‘Josh may have spoken to me and I may have been asked to keep this a secret,' Elle replied. I had taken Brandon to be checked out at the hospital just to be on the safe side. I was hoping to be back so that I could take Theo to Josh's football taster session, but as usual, we slipped into the hospital time zone and didn't get home until late that evening. Elle took Theo and had been Josh's number one fan ever since.

  ‘Elle was asked to keep it a secret. That means we don’t tell you and you have a fabulous surprise,’ Abi replied. ‘This has all been arranged by Josh with help from us to know what you would like to do and where you would like to go. He clearly wants you to go out and have a great time and dance until you can’t feel your feet, so go and get flipping dressed.’

  I stuck my tongue out at Abi and went to get ready, holding the envelope against my chest as I did.

  The car took us to the newly opened champagne nail bar in the city. ‘I’m thinking this guy’s a keeper,’ Abi said as she sipped from a champagne glass and settled back into the chair. I was told that Josh had already paid in advance. The receptionist handed me an envelope from Josh. It said that our next destination was dinner at Carlo’s, my favourite restaurant. ‘What do you say, Gem?’

  I looked down, ignoring the state of my nails that hadn’t seen a nail bar since 2011. ‘I’m keeping my options open.’

  ‘Oh no. If this is some bullshit I really don’t deserve this, or even worse, some fucking I’m so overwhelmed, I’m not used to this shit, I really don’t want to know.’ The nail technician tried her hardest not to make eye contact with Abi and carried on showing her different nail swatches without a flinch.

  ‘No, it’s some we never get any time together shit.’

  ‘Excuses,' Abi replied. ‘We're happy to babysit.'

  ‘I know, but every time I’ve asked, you’ve been busy.’ I held my hand up to stop Abi’s protest. ‘That’s the way it should be. You have lives to lead.’

  ‘We’ll come up with something,’ Elle said. ‘You seem quiet. Talk.’

  ‘This is a little overwhelming, don’t you think? It’s everything I said I wanted; have my nails done, go out with the girls.’

  ‘And your point is?’ Abi replied.

  I shook my head. ‘No point. I’m just…happy. I’m wondering when it’s going to go wrong. What if he hurts me?’

  ‘He’s not hurting you. He’s boosting you. About time someone did. He wants you to have a good time. He knows you deserve this,’ Elle replied.

  ‘I could fucking kiss him,’ Abi said as she picked up a bottle of nail varnish. ‘Jamie likes red. He’ll love it when these talons are wrapped around his cock.’ The nail technician coughed, excused herself and went to get a drink of water.

  ‘Oh my God,’ Elle whisper shouted. ‘Tone it down. This is a classy establishment.’

  ‘What? Wouldn’t Ben like your hands around his cock?’

  ‘Yes,’ she blushed. ‘But do we have to announce it to the world?’

  ‘No shame in cocks, Elle,’ Abi replied as she winked at the nail technician. ‘I’ll have this one.’ She pointed to a deep red.

  ‘Ben would prefer my nails to be painted in something a little more…understated.’

  Abi threw a toe separator at Elle as they broke into laughter. God, I had missed this. Talking, laughter, time.

  ‘I always used to have mine French manicured,’ I said. ‘I’ll have that please.’

  ‘She’s being classy. Is this for Josh’s benefit?’ Abi smiled.

  ‘No, it’s for mine.’

  ‘I know you find it hard to let your guard down but…let him in, Gem. I’m not worried about him hurting you. He adores you,’ Elle smiled.

  ‘Jay adored me once.’ Abi and Elle dropped their smiles and huddled in as close as their UV nail lamps would allow.

  ‘Not going there,’ Abi huffed. ‘When did Jay ever do anything like this? When did he allow you to do what you wanted? You’ve stretched your vagina giving him children and he still wouldn’t do this for you.’

  ‘Nice,’ Elle remarked, giving Abi the death stare.

  ‘My vagina is fine, thank you very much.’

  ‘Good, because your vagina will be accommodating Josh soon,’ Abi replied, tongue firmly in cheek.

  ‘It will be doing no such thing. I made a plan to protect what was left of my heart. Before he even thinks of going there,’ I pointed to my bits, ‘he needs to prove himself. I need to stick to the keeping my heart in one piece plan.’

  ‘
Didn’t you have the…how did you put it? Oh yes, the hottest kiss of your life on this second date?’ Elle laughed as I got flustered. ‘I hate to tell you this but the plan isn’t working because the ice queen appears to be fucking melting,’ Abi replied.

  ‘I’ll drink to that,’ Elle laughed.

  After the nail bar and dinner at Carlo's, we were on our way to a new club across the city. Stu, Josh's friend who I’d met in the bar we went to on our first date, was now working there. He laughed when I shyly rolled my eyes as he handed me another envelope.

  I hope you’re having a great night. There should be some drinks waiting for you. I wish I could dance with you tonight. Ed Sheeran isn’t the only one with the moves. Fuck, who am I kidding? Oh, and happy birthday, Gem. Josh.

  ‘Happy birthday?’ I asked myself before hearing voices singing a song that was becoming the soundtrack of my life, a game Elle and Abi had started where they chose songs that would perfectly describe moments in their lives. Before, I always joked that ‘I Will Survive’ would be mine. Now I laughed as ‘Happy Birthday’ replaced it.

  ‘Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear Gem! Happy birthday to you!’ Stu and a couple of girls from behind the bar carried in a huge birthday cake. It was topped with white chocolate and a stack of pink and white marshmallows. A chocolate disc said Happy Birthday, Gem.

  ‘What the fuck is going on?’ Abi asked as she put her arm around my shoulder. ‘Your birthday isn’t until August.’

  ‘Shush, they’ll hear you,’ I laughed as I pulled her to me. ‘He’s done this before. He says it makes it special if he tells them it’s my birthday because…I deserve special.’

  ‘Isn’t he the cutest?’ Abi replied, drawing out the words.

  Elle wafted her hands in front of her eyes in an attempt to stop crying. ‘That’s so sweet. I think I’m in love him. Don’t tell Ben.’

  ‘I can only assume that you and Josh are seeing each other,’ Stu said as he brought a stack of plates and spoons.

  ‘Oh, I’m not sure how you would label us,’ I replied honestly.

  Abi put her arms around my neck. ‘They’ll be fuck buddies soon enough.’

  ‘Don’t listen to her,’ I blushed as he laughed.

  ‘I’ll tell him that. He’ll be made up.’

  ‘Make sure you do,’ Abi winked.

  We followed him through to the back of the club where an area had been sectioned off with a velvet rope with three bottles of wine waiting in large ice buckets. A lady from behind the bar approached me. ‘Welcome; you must be Gem. Mr Wood wanted me to assure you that you and your friends can order anything. He'll pick up the tab at the end of the night. Have a great evening.'

  ‘Wait! How is he going to pay?’ I asked, completely bemused.

  ‘He’s left his card details with us,’ she said as she walked away.

  ‘Definitely a keeper,' Abi shouted in my ear, smiling as I recalled our earlier conversation. ‘I do believe your Josh has been binge-watching The Bachelor for tips on epic dates.'

  ‘I’m not sure The Bachelor ever took one of his dates to a cat café.’

  ‘Maybe they would on the budget version,’ Abi smirked, pouring me a drink and holding hers in the air. ‘Let’s make a toast. To Gem and her lovely Josh. May he always text you back in a reasonable amount of time, always treat you to get your nails done and—’

  ‘Smile at the mention of your name,’ Elle added, nodding when I looked at her with wide eyes.

  ‘We haven’t done enough dancing this evening,’ Abi said, grabbing Elle and me by the arm as she walked us to the dance floor when Nicki Minaj started singing about starships.

  ‘Brandon loves this song, although he does sing star shits. It’s a small problem when we’re in company,’ I shouted over the music.

  ‘Are you adding that to the soundtrack of your life?’ Elle replied, laughing, but Abi waggled her finger.

  ‘As adorable as your kids are, I’m banning them from future conversations. Forget about your kids and fucking dance!’

  So I did, until my feet started to pulse and my hips felt like they were going to protest. Fifteen minutes later, I was ready for a rest. ‘I need to sit down,’ I said into Elle’s ear.

  ‘Are your feet hurting as much as mine?’

  ‘You’re getting old!’ Abi shouted as she followed us to our seats. ‘Can’t keep up the pace!’

  ‘You’re a year older!’ I laughed as we sat down.

  Abi reached for the wine bottle and refilled our glasses. ‘No more talk of kids; no more talk of being overwhelmed. Let's get to the good stuff. When are you going to take this relationship to the next level?'

  ‘Never,’ I smiled, teasingly.

  ‘Gem, it’s been years! You’ve only known one cock.’

  ‘Don’t remind me. I’ve forgotten what they look like. What if his is…unappealing?’

  ‘It's not something you need to worry about,’ Elle replied. ‘I happen to know he’s gifted.’

  ‘How the fuck would you know?’ Abi shot.

  ‘The other week when I took Theo to football. Gem was at the hospital with Brandon when he hit his head, Josh was wearing grey joggers.’

  ‘Ah, the grey jogger bulge. Perfection.’

  ‘Let me tell you, it didn’t go unnoticed by the crowds of women. He’s packed,’ Elle winked.

  ‘Well, thanks for informing me that the man I'm fangirling over has a humongous cock. I would have liked to have found that out myself, but never mind.'

  ‘What? I couldn’t help but look. My eyes were drawn there. I’d be surprised if he didn’t pass out when he had a semi.’

  ‘Well, looks like I’ll be needing to pick up a supply of condoms and painkillers,’ I replied as Abi laughed.

  ‘Annnd, she's back in the room.’

  Chapter 28

  Gem

  My head felt like it was going to explode at any microsecond but I had a huge smile on my face. Sunglasses would hide the dark circles under my eyes, but nothing could hide my euphoric mood.

  Ah, love. I had forgotten what it could do to a girl. Wait! What? Love?

  What was I talking about?

  This wasn’t love after three dates. Was it?

  No.

  Lust.

  That’s what it was. Lust.

  Was it?

  Crap.

  Elle and I had finally arrived home, tired, sore and worse for wear. We had left Abi with Jamie. Her flirtatious looks to him meant he wasn’t going to get much sleep either but I’m sure he wouldn’t complain. I covered Linda with a blanket after she had fallen asleep on the sofa and left Elle at her side.

  After approximately two hours of sleep, I woke Theo, bathed him and left the house for his first official training session with Josh. I couldn't help but laugh at the parallels of my life. Last night I had lost the responsibilities that had been my priority for years. Not just my children—although knowing they were in Linda's care helped me to relax—but also the chains of the mundane.

  Everyday routines.

  Everyday roles.

  The expectations of how a mum should act all lost for one night but with the knowledge that I would willingly pick them up again in the morning. Josh had given me many things over the last couple of months, but a few hours of pure freedom and a strong feeling of being worthy had been his biggest gifts.

  Theo had talked incessantly about Josh’s football club since the taster session. After much backwards and forwards debate that left me wanting to wax Jay’s eyebrow off in one clean swoop, he finally agreed to pay for Theo to attend the weekly football sessions.

  We enrolled along with most of the boys from Theo’s class. Josh was proving to be an extremely popular member of the school community, and I didn’t mean from just the kids in his class. I couldn’t fail to notice as we walked towards the football pitch that there were quite a few mums sitting on the sidelines watching a certain handsome teacher.

  Linda and Elle had agreed t
o watch Brandon for me this morning. We had treated the morning as some precious ‘Mummy and Theo' time. It didn't happen often. Brandon was like a cling-on most of the time, which made it hard to get any one-on-one time with Theo. We went to the shops beforehand, where he chose a chocolate bar and bottle of water. He was proudly wearing his new football boots, and as I listened to them clack against the pavement as we got closer to the pitch, I saw him.

  Josh.

  The vision in grey jogging shorts.

  He was playing keepy-uppy with a group of kids who were absolutely enthralled. Not even a YouTube video of a child unboxing toys would drag them away. Their mums were just as captivated. Fuck, even a few dads were too. It was understandable when I saw what he was wearing. The shorts only accentuated his muscular legs. Thank you, shorts. And before my eyes travelled higher, I prepared myself with some deep breathing. He was showing the kids some warm-up exercises, and as he stood with his legs apart circling his hips, I caught sight of what had made these women slightly comatose.

  Elle was only bloody right. Spot on, in fact. His grey shorts left nothing to the imagination. As the warm-up exercises continued, so did the all the flapping around of a certain male member. And what a male member it was. If he didn't stop with all the circling and thrusting, I was pretty certain that I would be leaving this session pregnant, and I'd been on the pill since Brandon was born.

  We edged closer, Theo still at my side and suddenly feeling nervous, me feeling hungover and majorly aroused by the bulge straining its way out of his shorts. And, holy fuck, if things couldn’t get any more intoxicating, he was wearing the black jacket with Coach written on the back that he had wrapped me in on the night of our first date. I needed someone to catch me before my legs gave out beneath me, but before I could gather myself, he spotted me and started walking over.

  ‘Hey, Theo,’ he said as he got closer. ‘Hey, Theo’s mum,’ he said as he looked directly into my eyes. All the swoons. ‘How was last night?’ He smiled shyly and spun the football between his hands in a clear attempt to calm his nerves.