Unforgiven

by Rebecca Shea

  “I know, I know.” She unplugs the curling iron and washes her hands before shutting off the light. “Maybe we should just stay home.” She smiles that devious smile at me. “We haven’t had a Friday night all to ourselves in a long time.” She walks over to me slowly and I can’t help but love the way her body moves when she walks. “Maybe we can just lie down for a little bit.” She licks her lips and climbs into my lap, straddling me. She has me pinned, one leg on each side of mine and her chest right in my face. “And, you know, just rest.” She winks at me. She places her hands on my chest and slides them up toward the top button on my dress shirt.

  “Oh, no. As much as I’d love to have you sprawled on that bed all night, if we miss this party, we won’t only be answering to Reagan, but to your brother, and now your mother too. No thanks. Now get your ass in that dress; we have fifteen minutes to be at the restaurant.” I lift her off my lap and move carefully, due to the growing erection in my pants. She notices and chews on her bottom lip seductively.

  “Are you sure?” She moves quickly and rubs me through my dress pants.

  “Dammit, Lindsay. Get dressed.” I shake my head at her and try to think about baseball or football; anything to make this erection go away. Lindsay laughs smugly as I adjust myself and she picks up her black dress from the bed. She looks tired and pale with her light skin and blonde hair against the stark black dress. As she steps into tall black heels, I zip up the back of her dress. Wrapping my arms around her from behind, I press her against me. She purrs like a kitten at my touch.

  “I love you,” she hums and rests her head against my chest.

  “I love you too. Now let’s go so we can get back here and finish what you started over in that chair.”

  “I love when you’re bossy.” She giggles and grabs her jewelry off the bed. “Let’s go.”

  We weave through the linen-clad tables in the small Italian restaurant where Lindsay’s brother, Landon, and his fiancé, Reagan, are holding a small dinner party. They have a private room in the back and Reagan stands just inside the open door, waiting presumably for us. Lindsay walks right up to her and gives her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Sorry we’re late. Crazy day at the station.” Reagan smiles at Lindsay and kisses her back.

  “Matt,” she says, smiling, “did you two ride together?” It has to be the worst kept secret that Lindsay and I are together. For over a year, everyone has known, but we’ve just never actually told anyone. We show up to events, dinners, and family functions together. We receive invitations addressed to both of us, but Lindsay has always worried that Landon wouldn’t accept me, his best friend and former partner, as her boyfriend. Landon, of all people, would know I would never do anything to hurt Lindsay.

  “Yeah, I picked her up on the way over.” I wink at Reagan. They love busting my balls over our “secret relationship.”

  “Matty.” Landon shakes my hand and smacks me on the shoulder. “How’s it goin’?”

  “Good. Hanging in there. How ‘bout you?”

  “Same here, man. Glad you guys could make it.” He chuckles and steps away from me to say hello to Lindsay, who has taken a seat at the long family-style table next to her mom and her stepfather, Louis. Lindsay smiles at her mom and stepfather. I love to see them together making up for lost time.

  My heart bursts with pride when I think about how forgiving Lindsay is to her mother for leaving Landon and her at such a young age with a horribly abusive alcoholic father. The stories Landon would tell me of the beatings he’d take to protect Lindsay damn near make me nauseous.

  I reflect on my own childhood and how lucky I was to grow up with two supportive parents who were there for me and met my every need. My dad coached my little league baseball team and my mom was the epitome of the perfect housewife. My brother and I were very blessed. My parents and brother still live in the area and we’re all very close. I can’t imagine not being near them.

  A server walks over to me with a tray of filled champagne glasses and I take two; one for Lindsay and one for myself. I hand one to Lindsay before leaning over to kiss, Josie, Lindsay’s mom, on the cheek and shake Louis’ hand.

  “Matt, great to see you,” Louis says, squeezing my hand. I nod and slide into the seat next to Lindsay. Josie is whispering something in Lindsay’s ear and they both laugh. Louis rolls his eyes and takes a drink of red wine. It’s unbelievable how much Lindsay looks like her mother. Reagan sits down next to me and Landon sits across the table from her. The rest of the guests find seats at the end of the long table and the room is suddenly full of conversation and laughter.

  Lindsay slides her hand into mine under the table as Reagan stands up to greet everyone. “So dinner will be served in just a minute, but before we eat, I wanted to thank you for coming to dinner with us. We all get so caught up in our busy lives, careers, and activities that we sometimes forget to slow down and just enjoy a few hours with our closest friends and family.” She smiles and looks across the table at Landon. “So dinner will be served family style. There will be an assortment of pastas, salads, wine, and champagne.” She picks up her wine glass from the table and raises it in the air. “To amazing friends and family,” she toasts before sitting back down.

  I squeeze Lindsay’s hand, which rests in my lap. “Eat fast so we can go home,” she whispers and pinches my thigh.

  Reagan leans across me and whispers quietly to Lindsay, “Why don’t you use tonight’s dinner to make an announcement?” Her eyes shift back and forth from me to Lindsay. I chuckle and sip some more champagne.

  Landon pulls some garlic bread from a basket and leans into the middle of the table. “Yeah, Lindsay. Why don’t you just tell everyone what we all know already?”

  “What does everybody think they know?” Lindsay asks snidely. Narrowing her eyes, she presses her champagne glass to her lips, tips her head back, and finishes the bubbly before smacking her lips.

  “Oh, come on, Lindsay. I’ve probably known before you even knew you were officially a couple. Call it cop’s instinct.” Landon laughs. Lindsay picks a piece of her dinner roll and chucks it across the table at Landon, who laughs harder as the bread bounces off his chest.

  She glances at me and I just shrug. “You’re the one calling the shots. Remember, babe?”

  “Whatever. Fine. I’ll do it.” She looks at Reagan, who leans back in her chair smugly and sips on her wine.

  “You sure?” I ask Lindsay. I want her to be comfortable in telling everyone and not feel pressured.

  “Yeah. I mean, Reagan’s right. Everyone’s here, so we may just as well get it over with.” She smiles and leans in to me, pressing a quick kiss to my lips. Landon chucks a piece of dinner roll back at Lindsay when she kisses me.

  “Stop it, you guys,” Josie says, picking up the piece of roll from Lindsay’s lap. “You’d think you were little kids,” she tsks.

  “All right, everyone.” Lindsay stands up and pushes back her chair slightly. She wobbles a bit on her heels and rests her hand on my shoulder to steady herself. “Apparently, tonight is as good as any night to let you all in on a little secret.” She wipes the palms of her hands down the sides of her black dress.

  “So, for a little over a year now, Matt and I have been seeing each other.” There are a few chuckles, but mostly everyone sits silently listening to Lindsay. “We’ve kept it quiet for a while simply because it’s what worked for us.” She shrugs. “It started off casual and just turned into more, and we didn’t really make a big deal out of it.” She looks down at me and smiles the most beautiful, genuine smile I’ve ever seen. Her blue eyes sparkle in the lights from the crystal chandelier and her long, blonde hair hangs in waves. She looks almost angelic in the dimly lit room. “So, cat’s out of the bag.” She laughs and raises her glass. I stand up and raise my glass next to hers. “To Matt and me,” she says with a smile on her beautiful face. I lean in and press a long kiss to her lips while everyone hoots and hollers around us.

  “I love you, sweet girl,” I
say between kisses.

  Dinner is served shortly after and I look down the long dining table full of family and friends and feel genuine happiness. Most of the people here are those that we’ve grown the closest to over the last year. Everyone is happy, healthy, and enjoying themselves tonight. Nothing makes me happier than seeing everyone happy.

  “We’re skipping dessert,” Lindsay whispers in my ear.

  “You don’t have to tell me twice.” I press a kiss to her forehead.

  “Start saying your goodbyes. We’re leaving in five minutes.”

  “I love when you order me around.” I smack her bottom.

  I spend the next few minutes chatting with Landon and Reagan about the building progress on their new house, and chat with Melissa, one of Reagan’s medical assistants at the doctor’s office she’s a partner in. Lindsay sneaks up behind me and slides her hand into mine.

  “We’re going to take off,” I tell the small group. “Reagan, as always, wonderful dinner. Thank you for keeping us all together.” I reach over and pull her into a short hug.

  “Thanks again,” Lindsay says as she all but drags me from the room.

  “You in a hurry?” I joke with her as we speed walk through the restaurant.

  “I need alone time with you,” she smirks.

  “We have all night and all day tomorrow.”

  “It’s never enough. I will never have enough of you, Matt.”

  “Well, then. Let’s get my sweet girl home.”

  “Well, that went better than I expected.” I breathe a sigh of relief as I slide into bed next to Matt.

  “Because it’s been obvious to everyone around us what’s been going on for the last year. We clearly suck at being discreet, Lindsay.”

  “I’m just glad we don’t have to lie anymore.”

  “We weren’t lying; we just weren’t being open about our relationship,” he says, wrapping his naked, lean, muscular body around me.

  “I guess, but it just didn’t feel right, keeping us a secret.”

  “I like when you say us.” He presses a kiss to my lips, then behind my ear.

  “I like it when you do that,” I whisper. “And I like it when you…” My work cell phone begins ringing, interrupting us.

  “Leave it,” Matt growls in my ear.

  “I can’t.” He rolls off of me while I reach onto the nightstand and glance at my agent’s name flashing on the screen.

  “It’s Jack,” I mumble as I jump out of bed and pull on a robe.

  “Jack,” I answer curtly.

  “Lindsay, I presume you’ve gotten my three voicemails, two emails, and endless text messages. Why the hell haven’t you returned one of them?”

  “We had an important family dinner. I’m sorry.” I notice Matt slide out of bed and step into a pair of chambray-colored pajama pants. His tan skin is perfection against the light blue pants. He leaves the room while I talk in a hushed tone with Jack.

  “Lindsay, this isn’t an opportunity to pass up. This will propel your career and take you places you never envisioned,” he says, his voice becoming louder. Jack is my agent and one pushy motherfucker. “People kill to get into a market the size of Phoenix. The money is phenomenal, the exposure…”

  “Phoenix,” I whisper as I pace the bedroom. “Oh, my god, Jack. I can’t believe this.” My voice is excited, yet slightly hesitant as I think of Matt and what this will mean to us. “I need a couple of days,” I respond, a million thoughts swirling through my head, ranging from excitement to trepidation.

  “A couple of days, Lindsay?” Jack repeats me.

  “Did I stutter, Jack? I need a couple of days. When we had lunch last week, you mentioned looking for other opportunities, but I didn’t realize it would happen so fast and so fucking far away. Do you have any idea where Phoenix is, Jack?”

  “It’s in Arizona, Lindsay. Listen to me. If you don’t take this job, it will be the biggest mistake of your career.” His husky voice pulls me from thoughts of everything I’ll miss if I leave Wilmington.

  “Two days, Jack. I need two days. Give me that. Stall them.”

  There is a large sigh on the other end of the phone, and what sounds like a hand hitting a table. “You have until noon on Monday.”

  “Thank you, Jack.” He disconnects the phone without saying goodbye. I know he’s pissed. I catch a glimpse of Matt leaning against the doorframe of the bedroom. His head has fallen forward and he stares at the ground.

  “Talk to me,” I say as I walk over and wrap my arms around him.

  “What do you want me to say, Lindsay? It sounds like you have a great opportunity—and I’ll be damned if I’m going to be the person to hold you back from that.” His dark brown eyes meet mine.

  “What would you do if you were me?” I ask him.

  “That’s easy. I’d choose you because I love you and you mean more to me than any job or any opportunity. But Lindsay, I won’t stop you from chasing this dream. You’ll live with your decision for the rest of your life. I never want to be a decision you regret.” He pulls away from me as he turns toward the hallway. “But promise me something, will you?” I nod at him as a lump forms in my throat. “Follow your heart. I know you better than you know yourself and I know how your brain works— listen to your heart.” I hear him shuffle down the hall toward the kitchen.

  I have no idea how long I’ve been standing, staring at that damn phone when I pick it up and hit Jack’s name on the recent calls screen.

  “Lindsay,” his deep voice drawls.

  “I’ll do it.” My voice shakes. “I’ll take it.” My heart sinks and tears fill my eyes.

  “Welcome to Phoenix, sweetheart.”

  My legs are weak and my hands shake as I second-guess my decision to leave, knowing I very well may be making the biggest mistake of my life. My dream of working in a top fifteen market just came true and all I want to do is vomit. Sliding down the wall I’ve been leaning against for support, I wrap my arms around my knees as I try to calm myself. As I glance back at the open door, I see Matt standing in defeat, broken. His brown eyes are grim and lost, while his face says everything my heart is feeling—shattered.

  “Well, that was an easy decision,” he snarls at me. He walks across the bedroom and pulls a pair of shorts and a t-shirt from the dresser.

  “Matt, listen to me—I have to take this opportunity. It’s a year. We can handle a year apart.”

  “We, Lindsay? We? I can barely handle one night without you and you want us to spend a year apart?” His voice is raised and the vein in his neck is throbbing. My heart is racing as I watch his temperament change from hurt to angry. “I can’t do long distance, and I know you can’t either.” I chew on my bottom lip while I search for anything to say to calm him down.

  “Then come with me. Matt, you can be a cop anywhere.”

  “Everything I have, everything I love is here, Lindsay.”

  He steps into his shorts and pulls the t-shirt over his head. He runs his hands through his mussed up hair and just stares at me. “Who are you? I feel like I don’t even know you anymore!” His tone is sharp. “Where is the girl I fell in love with? Remember when you’d sneak over and into my bed every night and share your dreams of what you wanted with me? Where’d that girl go? Over the last year, you’ve become so focused on your career and making it to the next level—and I understand that this is your dream, but it was supposed to include both of us.”

  My throat has become so dry it’s closed up. I’m unable to speak. His dark brown eyes glisten as he looks to me for answers.

  “I was fine just being a cop, being your boyfriend, and supporting your dream—here. All I asked for, all I wanted was for you to love me.”

  “I do love you, Matt,” I barely make out.

  He laughs bitterly. “You love me? You love me so much you made what should have been the hardest decision of your life in fifteen seconds.”

  “I won’t go. I’ll tell him I made a mistake.”

  “Don�
�t,” he says quietly. “Like I said earlier, I never want to be a decision you regret. I just never thought I’d ever be a decision you could make in a matter of seconds.” He walks out of the room and down the hallway.

  “Matt, wait.” I chase after him.

  “Just go.” He slides his feet into a pair of tennis shoes and grabs his keys off the table next to the front door. The door slams behind him as he leaves. I had no idea that this would be the last time I saw him before I left for Phoenix.

  Stepping off the airplane, I’m assaulted with hot air—so hot it feels like someone is holding a blow dryer on high heat directly to my face. My cell phone chimes, alerting me to an incoming text message, most likely from Jack. I ignore it as I have with every other text message and phone call that has come in over the last two weeks. I take my time making my way toward the exits that lead to baggage claim, stopping in the nearest restroom to splash some cold water on my face and fix my tousled hair.

  The girl looking back at me in the mirror is ashen gray with messy sandy blonde hair and lifeless blue eyes. That’s exactly how I feel—lifeless. I pull my stringy hair back into a ponytail and tug at the long, cream tank top I’m wearing over a pair of black leggings. If I had bothered to check the weather, I would have known it was going to be one hundred and fifteen degrees and I would have worn shorts or a dress instead of leggings.

  Slinging my oversized handbag onto my shoulder, I take the moving walkway that drops me at the exit where I know Jack will be waiting. I descend on the small groups of people clustered around waiting for loved ones to arrive and locate Jack with his cellphone pressed to his ear, barking orders to his assistant.

  “There you are.” He pulls me into a side hug before shoving his phone into his pocket. “How was the flight?”

  “Long,” I grumble as I pull away from him. Jack stands almost a foot taller than me and is built like a linebacker. He’s broad shouldered and has a shock of silver hair that stands out against his dark blue eyes that look nearly gray against his backdrop of fair skin. Jack intimidates me. Hell, he intimidates everyone. His voice is deep and demanding and there’s no arguing with him. I hired him for this very reason, because he’s a pit bull—he doesn’t give up and will fight like hell for his clients in this cutthroat industry.