by Leah Atwood
I should have done this differently, thought it through before letting the proposal trip out of me. Ha, who am I kidding? It didn’t stumble—it came out too easily. They’d approached their impending marriage with a completely pragmatic view, and while their union was for logical reasons, it wasn’t devoid of emotions. He cared for her, and wanted the best for her, but he hadn’t expressed any of that, at least not very well.
Several times in his life there’d been moments in which he knew with certainty the exact next step he was to take. He didn’t question the strong conviction, or the timing, but did as his gut feeling told him. At this exact second it screamed to go outside, grab the ring from his truck, and slip it onto Lyndsey’s finger, all while telling her that yes, they would have a happy life.
No matter they were exhausted, dirty, and emotionally frayed.
“We should talk.” At the downward quirk of her lips, he jumped to add, “Nothing bad, promise.”
“I’ll clean up then start dinner. We can talk while we eat.”
“No, I don’t want to put off this conversation.” He inched toward the door. “Will you wait in the living room? I’ll be there in less than a minute.”
“Okay,” she drawled out for a full second, peering at him through narrowed eyes. Veering left, she exited the room and his line of vision.
He reached up, grabbed the framed picture of Miranda off the wall, slid it in a drawer of the console table, and snatched his keys from the decorative porcelain bowl. Enacting his legs to move in long strides, he rushed to his truck and retrieved the ring, leaving the bag and earrings behind for another day.
When he returned inside, Lyndsey sat on the edge of the couch—the fabric upholstered one that replaced his imitation leather set that boasted sunken cushions. Her hands crossed in her lap, and he noticed she’d removed her tennis shoes.
Before he could speak, she studied him with quizzical eyes. “You never did answer my question.”
“I know.” Heart racing, he crossed the room. Knelt in front of her and took her hand. “This is what I should have done the first time.” He took a deep breath. “We share a unique bond. I don’t think it’s fair for either of us to say we’ll have a loveless marriage, because I do love you as a friend. I want to take care of you and raise children together. Share our lives. To answer your question, yes, I absolutely believe we’ll be happy.”
“You said the words I needed to hear.” Tears glittered in her eyes. “Thank you.”
“Every word, every sentiment—I mean them.” After releasing her hand, he reached into his pocket and withdrew the ring. “Will you marry me?”
Wiping a tear from her cheek, she laughed with jagged nervousness. “I already said yes.”
“With certainty this time, no doubts about us. With the knowledge we’ll do whatever it takes to make our marriage thrive.” He swallowed. “And acceptance that Mark and Miranda are treasured chapters of our pasts, but our marriage is a new creation, distinctive to us.”
That was the hardest part, but he would succeed for Lyndsey’s sake. He’d seen her expression when she spotted the picture of Miranda, followed by her question of their happiness. Miranda would always claim a spot in his heart, but if he wanted a joyful marriage with Lyndsey, he couldn’t dwell on what he’d lost.
“Yes.” Her hand trembled.
He stilled it with his own when he slipped on her ring. “I’m sorry I bungled this when I first asked you.”
“I think you just made up for it,” she said, her breath still airy and ragged. Glancing at the ring, a faint smile tugged at her lips. “It’s beautiful.”
Bracing his free hand on the couch, he pushed himself up and sat next to her. “Like you.”
She opened her mouth, undoubtedly to protest.
He pressed a finger on her lips to quiet her. “I know what you were about to say and don’t. You are beautiful in spirit and body, yes, even in a pair of old jeans, with a smudge of dirt on your cheek.” His finger slid from her lips to cheek and wiped the spot.
The air between them thickened.
“I…” She let the words drop.
His nerves wound tight. “Lyndsey?”
“Shep.” Her chest rose and fell in tandem with weighted breaths.
“If you have no objection, I’m going to kiss you now.”
Both his hands cradled her face, all while her head moved toward him at a slow pace taut with anticipation. Their breath mingled, their mouths inches apart.
He slid one hand over her soft tresses, to the back of her head, and gently nudged her forward.
A feather light touch, a gentle caress of his lips on hers. Unanticipated emotions converged on the outskirts of his heart, shooting fear through his veins. He meant to end the kiss, but Lyndsey’s hand found its way to his neck, urging him closer.
Shoving aside the fear, he deepened the kiss, all while inhaling the lilac scent of her hair that even a full day of hard work couldn’t eradicate.
One of them eventually broke away. Breathless, he couldn’t tell which of them had—his senses were overwhelmed. Kissing Lyndsey had been everything he hadn’t known he hoped for.
Chapter Seven
Lyndsey inhaled and held her breath as she walked to answer the door. A shawl of dread wrapped around her—she knew who waited on the other side.
A comforting hand on her shoulder stopped her in her tracks. Shep stood beside her. “If they start any trouble, I’ll ask them to leave.”
“Let’s just see what they want.” Sucking in a long breath, she couldn’t help wondering the why of Mark’s parents’ visit. They hadn’t taken the news of her remarriage well when she’d told them Sunday, which caused her understandable trepidation when they’d called early this morning, her wedding day, and asked to speak with her. “I’m glad you came over earlier than you’d planned though, so I don’t have to face them alone.”
“Where’s Josh?”
“Playing in his room.” Her eyes darted to the door then back to Shep. “With instructions to stay put until I tell him to come down."
Lowering his hand, Shep cut in front of her and grabbed the doorknob. Twisted it in what seemed like slow motion. With a smile on his face, he opened the door. “Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Allen. Come in.”
How did he manage to greet them with zero symptoms of malice in his tone? She could hardly manage a smile of good will toward her in-laws, not after the nasty words they’d spewed her way on Sunday.
She released the breath she’d held deep in her lungs. “Dad Allen, Mom Allen.”
Portia Allen took small, hesitant steps to reach Lyndsey. “Thank you for allowing us to come today.”
Jaw taut, she nodded, then slacked her mouth. “What can I do for you?”
Gary Allen joined his wife at her side “There are several things we’d like to say to you and your fiancé.”
Didn’t you say enough on Sunday? Are you going to create another way to accuse me of never loving Mark? It was all she could do not to make a snide comment. Their words burned, stung, and left scabbing wounds. But this afternoon she would marry Shep, and she wouldn’t start their wedding day by exchanging harsh words with anyone.
“May we sit?” Portia Allen’s eye shifted from the foyer, to the room on her right, and back to each person.
Shep and Lyndsey made eye contact, each raising a brow, asking for silent permission. Shep mouthed “It’s your call.”
“Have a seat.” She waved a weary hand to the furniture.
Portia sat on the far end of the couch, her husband on the spot beside her.
Lyndsey lowered her body onto the loveseat and Shep claimed a seat next to her. Her leg grazed his, and he threaded their hands. The touch provided a needed calming force and projected a solidarity between her and Shep. Or so she hoped. It did in her mind if nothing else.
“This isn’t easy for us to admit, but it’s the right thing to do.” Portia scooted to the edge of the cushion. “Gary and I owe both of you an apology
for our behavior the other day.”
Gary took his wife’s hand. “Your news took us by surprise, and we reacted poorly.”
Furrowing her eyebrows, Lyndsey switched her gaze from Gary to Portia. “I loved Mark.” She stopped short of saying she still did—even if true, it was an inappropriate time to declare that affection. “I have tried for years to be a good daughter-in-law, but nothing I’ve ever done has been good enough for you.”
“That’s not true.” Portia paused and snapped her mouth shut.
“I admit, we’ve treated you unfairly.” Gary’s features tightened with remorse. “We knew how much Mark loved you and that you were a perfect match for him.”
Anger churned through her. “Then why did you treat me no better than a discarded washcloth?”
“Mark was the child we thought we couldn’t have. He was our entire world.” Heavily mascaraed lashes blinked. “I don’t think I realized it until last night, but I was jealous. A mother’s bond to her son is strong, and I felt you invaded that.”
“Your son had a large heart with room for everyone.” Her bottom lip trembled, and Shep moved his hand around her shoulder. She leaned in to him for support. “His affections weren’t a competition.”
“I know and I’m sorry.” Portia looked at her husband.
“We’re both sorry,” Gary added. “Sunday we took our pain and selfishness to a new low, and it took that to make us realize we were wrong all these years. Please forgive us.”
Life was too short to hold grudges. Both she and Shep had learned that too soon. “You’re forgiven.”
“After all we’ve said, we’ve no right to ask, but I have to.” Portia ran a slim hand over her skirt before making eye contact again. “Please don’t take Josh out of our lives. He brings sunshine to us and gets me through the darkest days of grief.”
The request startled Lyndsey. In that instant, she bonded with her mother-in-law. As much as losing Mark hurt, she couldn’t imagine outliving her son. She slipped out from Shep’s protective hold and walked the several feet to Portia, knelt and covered her in-laws’ hands with hers. “You are Josh’s grandparents, and I’ve never dreamed of cutting you off from him. Regardless of the disagreements between us, Josh adores you, and my marriage to Shep won’t change your relationship with your grandson.”
“Thank you.” Relief and humility filled Portia’s croaky whisper.
Gary turned his attention to Shep. “Mark spoke often of you and respected you greatly.” His words were thick with emotion. “Josh is lucky to have you fill in where Mark couldn’t be.”
“It’s my honor.” Shep caught Lyndsey’s eye and smiled.
“It’s easy to see how much you love him and Lyndsey. Take good care of them.”
Lyndsey coughed.
Shep kept better control, but his eyes widened.
They hadn’t disclosed their real reason for marriage.
“I will, sir.” Taking the lead, Shep stood, and both men shook hands.
The mantel clock displayed the time as ten o’clock. Three hours to go until she married Shep. Memories of Saturday’s kiss chose an inconvenient time to surface, and heat covered her cheeks. One kiss that hadn’t been repeated, but what an impression it had left. It brought her alive, awakened a part of her she’d thought had died, and sealed the conviction in her decision to marry him.
At the same time, it also left her emotions in a whirl of confusion. Shep hadn’t attempted any more kisses. Hadn’t he enjoyed it? Had it not rocked his world off-kilter? The perceived imbalance of response left her vulnerable.
She needed to leave the room, move her thoughts elsewhere. “Would you like to stay for a little while and visit with Josh?”
“Yes,” Portia and Gary answered at the same time.
Their eagerness to spend time with Josh, in addition to their apology, helped heal the wounds they’d inflicted on her. Some would take more time, but she’d offered forgiveness and would try her best to let go of resentments toward her in-laws. As Josh got older, he’d be able to sense a strain between them, and Lyndsey didn’t want that—she wanted him to see examples of healthy relationships. She only had eight years with her own parents, but they’d set a high bar which impressed her into adulthood, even after the horrible homes she’d lived in after. She wanted to give Josh that same foundation.
“He’s playing in his room. I’ll call him down.” She made a quick exit.
The bedroom door was open, and Josh played at his kiddie easel, using blue chalk to draw fish and whales. He turned around when she walked into the room. “Hi, Mommy. Like my picture?”
“It’s beautiful.” She tousled his hair. “Grandma and Grandpa are here. You can go downstairs and see them.”
“Did they come to see you marry Mr. Shep?”
“No, sweetheart. They’ll be leaving before then.”
“Oh.” A crestfallen frown covered his face. “Will there be anyone there?”
“You, me and Mr. Shep.”
“I thought weddings had lots of people?” Josh’s small brows furrowed in thought.
He looked so serious, she had to suppress a laugh. “What do you know about weddings, young man?”
“Not much.” He shrugged.
Not for the first time, Lyndsey reevaluated their decision to not tell many people beforehand. Because theirs was a whirlwind engagement and unconventional, they wanted little attention drawn to the nuptials. Only Mark’s parents knew, plus Shep’s parents because he’d decided last night that keeping it a secret from them was wrong. They’d wanted to come, but Shep had pleaded her desire for privacy.
Yet, she didn’t have assurance in her soul about that particular decision. Too late now, the time’s passed for invitations.
Josh inched closer to the door. “Can I go downstairs now?”
“Go on.” She chuckled and watched him leave, then picked up several die cast cars from the floor and put them in the toy box.
On the way out of Josh’s room, her concentration focused on the afternoon wedding. Josh was happy and supported the union as much as a four-year-old could. His agreement was important. Had he been completely against it, she couldn’t have continued with the marriage. Regardless, or especially, because of his young age, his opinion mattered since her actions directly affected his life in a significant manner.
Lost in thought, she slammed into a well-defined chest. Warm hands immediately grabbed her arms to brace against the impact.
“Are you okay?” Shep’s masculine voice washed over her.
“Yes. Sorry about that, my mind was elsewhere.”
“You don’t say.” A quick wink complemented his jovial tone.
“I was thinking…” She cut herself off, licked her upper lip.
“We should invite Gary and Portia,” Shep finished.
She jerked her head to the side. “How’d you know I would say that?”
“I just did.” He rubbed his hands up and down her arms with slow strokes. “Face it, there’s a strong connection between us.”
Unable to bear the undeniable truth, she looked away. “I should get downstairs.”
Rough hands contradicted themselves with a soft touch to her chin. Shep guided her face back to him until they locked eyes. “Neither of us expected this, but it’s there nonetheless.”
“It scares me.” The confession opened the floodgates. “I’m not having second thoughts on marrying you, but my head’s spinning from how fast it’s happening. It’s not even that really.”
“Then what is it?” His head tilted as he peered at her with interest.
She felt the telltale blush creep up her neck. “The other night, when we kissed, we never talked about it afterwards. You acted like it never happened.”
They would be married in a few short hours, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell him how that kiss had affected her, nor the confusion about the avoidance of mentioning it.
He nodded his understanding, and she was grateful she didn’t have to expl
ain further. His thumb caressed a spot just below her lips. “You had a shocked look in your eyes, and I thought I’d asked too much too soon, after I said you’d set the pace.”
“I could have stopped you from kissing me.” She swallowed, building her nerve. “But I didn’t want to.”
“I’m glad.” His relieved sigh tickled her cheek.
She inhaled more courage. “If I looked shocked, it was because I enjoyed it. A lot.”
“Many of life’s best gifts are those which are unexpected.”
“A gift,” she murmured, meditating on what he’d said. Shep had a way of putting her issues into perspective. “I like that.”
“I can’t picture our exact future, but I know this marriage is blessed by God and a gift from him.” Confidence touched every one of his words.
“Even though I believe that, it’s a gift that’s hard to accept when my heart’s been shattered once before.” After that kiss, she’d realized how easily she could fall in love with Shep, something she’d promised herself to never do again. The aftermath of pain was too much, and she’d never survive a second loss.
“If anyone can understand, I can.” Drawing his head closer, Shep’s gaze never wavered. “Life grants no guarantees, but here in this moment, and for as long as we both live, you’re not alone anymore and don’t have to do this on your own. Let me be your strength. When you’re overwhelmed, I’ll be your calm. If you’re tired, I’ll be your rest.”
Her heart thudded. “How could any woman resist a line like that?”
“It’s not a line. It’s the truth, and you’re the only woman I want.” He dropped a kiss on the corner of her mouth before moving his head backward.
Every negative emotion that lingered in her nerves moved aside, making room for the joyous butterflies dancing in her stomach. “You’re a special person, Shep Patterson.”
He brushed a hair from her face. “So are you.”
Bubbly laughter from downstairs interrupted their moment. Shep dropped his arms to his sides.
“Would you be upset if I invited them?” She couldn’t believe that she was considering asking Gary and Portia to watch her and Shep exchange vows.
