by Savana Jade
“Enough! Fuck guys. Show some respect, this is my sister you two are talking about.” Brennan and my eyes meet. “Matty? For real Jems?” I shrug realizing he didn’t know all these years that Matt was my first. “Just a kiss I hope?” I can’t help but laugh when I hear Matty begin to laugh his ass off from across the table. Brennan’s face reddens. He narrows his eyes at Matt and glares. Matt immediately raises his hands in defense.
“Don’t worry bro! I didn’t touch her! Not even first base.”
Brennan looks over to Gabe, then to me, and then finally resting his eyes on Matt’s. “Good, cos I would hate to replace a drummer too.”
“Keep that up Bren, and you’ll be playing solo.” I say sarcastically.
“Enough of that Jems.” He snaps at me. “I’m not done with you yet.” His eyes trail from me to Gabe.
Looking down at my hands, “Well I am.”
Matt, who hasn’t really stopped laughing from across the table, says. “Now, now, kiddos, do we have to put you two in time out?” His eyes bulge out when he gets a look from both Brennan and I.
“Look, can we just get this over with please? I have something I need to do.” I say.
“I bet you do.” Brennan snipes. Gabe, who has been genuinely quiet this entire time decides now is the perfect time to speak up.
“Meaning?” Now all attention is turned to him. Matt’s laugh comes to an abrupt end. “Answer me Brennan, what did you mean?” He demands staring down to Brennan. This right here is the reason I knew anything between Gabe and I would be a bad idea.
“Nothing.” Brennan says dryly keeping his vision on the table.
“You know what? All you do is say how you want the best for Jenna.” Gabe starts on his rant that I know he has kept inside for a while. “Have you ever thought of what she wants?” My body begins to tremble knowing I’m in the middle of these two and the tension has increased so much. He points over to Matt. “I bet they didn’t tell you about their kiss because of what you’d do.” I look up to Matt. He’s sitting quietly now with his hands resting on the table. “What if they did something more than kiss?” He looks down at me. “Stop thinking about yourself for once, Brennan. And think of Jenna.” He softens his tone. “Give her a break. She’s never lied to you. I’ve said nothing happened and so has she. Why don’t you believe her for once?” He looks past me over to Brennan. “As much as I wanted more to happen, believe her man. Nothing happened.”
The room stays quiet, but if these walls could talk, they would be screaming at me to say something. No one has ever stuck up for me like that, and to Brennan of all people. If anything, the guys keep their thoughts to themselves. My heart is racing; Gabe has put himself on the line for me again. He’s risking his position in the band for me. Cautiously I raise my head to Brennan. His eyes are on mine. I don’t know what’s going on between them, but I know one thing. If Brennan sends Gabe packing, I will follow. My eyes plead to Brennan as he searches for something to say.
The room stays silent. I have no doubt as Brennan and I continue to make eye contact that all eyes remain on him. He looks as if he could reach over me and strangle Gabe at this very moment and I couldn’t be happier to be separating the two. I know for a fact he’s having an internal struggle between the thoughts in his head and the words spoken by the courageous man sitting beside me. His eyes roam the table before making their way back to me. He reaches down to take my hand and whispers “I’m sorry Jenna.” I keep my composure as I narrow my eyes at him waiting for another apology. He notices the look on my face and looks past me to Gabe.
“I, um, I’m sorry man.” A single tear escapes my eye as I give him a reassuring smile.
“Yeah man, its okay. No worries.” Gabe answers softly before reaching and resting his arm over the back of my chair. Deciding now is the perfect time to change the subject, I direct my question across the table.
“Matt. What happened?” I ask, breaking the ice and turning my attention towards Matt. He rests his elbows on the table as he begins to grab the back of his neck with his hands. His head drops. With a deep sigh, he begins.
“I don’t know exactly. I do know she usually calls once every two or three months. She never comes out and asks about you two but somehow she fishes enough info from mom to get what she wants.” He looks up and over to Brennan. “Mom has done her best to keep her promise to you. But somehow your mom always gets the info she needs.” Suddenly my face drops at this new revelation. Matt begins to nod over in my direction once he notices my face, “She does know your mom’s kept tabs on you doesn’t she?” he asks.
Wait what? Did I hear this right? Tabs? On me?
“Excuse me?” I ask with an agitated tone. “Can you repeat that last part?” I can feel the blood begin to boil under my skin and my face flush as I fully absorb the information I just heard. “Because I thought I just heard you say that this woman, the one that has not been in my life for the past twenty years almost is keeping tabs on me.” This day cannot seriously be getting worse.
“Jems,” Brennan tries to get out before I explode. Too late. He attempt to rest his hand on my leg but fails when I smack it away.
“No! Don’t you dare Jems me Brennan Munson. You knew about her and you did not even have the decency to tell me that she was keeping tabs on us?” I slam my fists on the table as I stand, I notice the guys jump back in their chairs. Usually I am the cool, calm and collected one. “After all these years and not one damned word? Fuck! What else are you not telling me?” I stare down at him, I feel like so much pressure in my chest, I don’t know whether I should breathe or exhale.
“What else Brennan?” I’m now towering over him. “What. Else?” Demanding a response.
“Jenna, angel, c’mon sit down.” Gabe grabs me by the arm trying to coerce me to sit. “Let’s just hear him out.”
Pulling away from his hold, I say with gritted teeth. “Don’t touch me. Did you know too?” I ask him. “Did you know about all this too Gabe?” Staring at his features closely trying to decipher if he’s lying to me, He looks over to Brennan then back at me and shakes his head NO.
“Of course I didn’t know.”
“Jenna, sit down.” Brennan states firmly.
Turning from Gabe’s to Brennan’s direction “You may be my brother and you may have been my guardian, but newsflash Brennan. I am a grown woman now. And I will do what I please, and when I feel the need to do so. Do not keep secrets from me ever again!” I can’t keep my temper down. “Do you understand me?” Knowing he feels like shit for hiding information like this, he looks down at his hands resting on the table to avoid eye contact with me. He merely nods. I take a few deep breaths before taking my chair, sliding it closer to where Gabriel sits, and take my place next to him, taking his hand in mine; not only because I need to have contact with him, but because I think, no, I know I’m going to need the support from what’s going to come next.
Immediately, he begins to run his thumb across the top of mine in a calming motion. Taking a deep breath, I look over at Matt. “What happened with my mother?”
“Mom called, said she had some bad news.” Matt says as he looks back and forth between the three of us. “She had said something about the bank contacting her regarding the house you two grew up in”
“Wait? What?” Brennan’s the one who asks now. “Why would they call her? We sold it free and clear. Dad left it in our name.”
“Guess the finance company is on a contact list and moms name is on the list as well.” Matt answers. “Did you ever wonder why you never had to make a payment? You do know your mom bought the house with cash back when you were young.” He shrugs as Brennan I look at each other. “That’s what my mom said anyways. When she left, she made a written agreement with the finance company that it would be placed into your dad’s hands until Brennan turned eighteen. Then it belonged to the both of you but under Brennan’s discretion. So technically, it never truly belonged to your dad after all.”
I figure
d it was paid off. When we sold it we got the funds for face value of what it’s worth. I didn’t ask about payments or things in that regard, that was all Brennan’s doing.
“Well anyways, mom is the beneficiary of all her other accounts so in the event of something happening, there would be no issues of you two getting it. House too. When you originally put it up for sale, she was notified of the activity. Mom said something like if anything happens to Ally, mom is responsible for making sure that the money doesn’t go to your dad. But when she got the call that you were selling it, she contacted the realtor and bought it over again.”
“So, wait a minute here.” I cut in. “What you’re saying is mom left money for us if she died?” Matt nods. “And she was the buyer of the house when we sold it?” He nods again.
“Wait.” Brennan says. “The house was hers, she gave it to dad, but only until I turned eighteen?” Matt nods once more. “And when I did, it became mine and Jenna’s? So it was never really dads to give to us?”
“Yep” Matt answers with a small smile. Sometimes, Brennan wasn’t always the quickest person in the bunch. We always had to explain a few times before he actually got it.
“That’s why he left.” I whisper.
“What?” Brennan glances in confusion.
“That’s why he left Brennan.” I repeat. “He had no other reason to stick around with us. You were eighteen and already looking out for me. He had no more reason to be there anymore. I’d be willing to bet that she had paid him of to stay until you were legal.” It all makes sense now. All those years he was just a shell of a man walking around the house. He only did things because he felt the need to, not because he truly loved us.
“How much are we talking about?” Brennan asks. Suddenly Drew walks into the kitchen. “Hey Drew, What’s up?”
“Oh shit. I’m sorry. Did I interrupt something?” The tall chestnut haired, hazel eyed bass player asks.
“No! No, never Drew, come sit down. You’re part of this family now too. You need to hear this.” I encourage him to sit. With a confused look on his face, he sits. Matt quickly gives him a run down. Drew looks over to me with a look of worry, not for him, but for me. I’m sure he’s been wondering where I’ve been for the past week. I didn’t really let him know what was going on. I smile at him remembering how much of a huge impact he has made with us through these past months.
Drew has always been shy since I met him that first day in the clinic. We were placed in the same group. Both of us were not happy about being there. But in all honesty, who is happy to sit around in a circle of strangers talking about our fuck ups in life? I was forced, well, more like encouraged by my brother Will. Actually Gabe encouraged me too. Drew was forced by his father, Pastor Johnson. It was either going to rehab for Drew or serve time for a misdemeanor that wasn’t by his hand, and since he already felt like the black sheep of the family for not following his father’s footsteps, he figured he would at least try to obey his father’s and the court’s wishes.
As it stands now, Drew Johnson is already bound for Hell for defying God and by defying his parent’s wishes he told me. I seriously don’t know what’s wrong with some parents now days. You’ve got a great kid like Drew, and you reprimand him for being his own self. I really feel for Drew. He has the typical “Preachers boy syndrome”. Stealing at 16, first tattoo at 18, and of course drugs. All of which, makes him destined for Hell.
It was day two of the group session, and I already knew we would hit it off, even before he did. I sat in silence staring down at my black Converse with pink laces completely oblivious to the surrounding members. The first day was a bust. The therapist cut it short and sweet. She pretty much told us that it would take as long as it had to for each of us to share our experiences and mistakes. She sent us to our rooms for our “session” to deeply think about why we were there.
“Hello. For those who forgot yesterday, I’m Mary.” The counselor says. “Let’s see if we can get something out of you guys today. Can anyone tell me why you’re here?”
Long legged, brown hair, “Fuck You” t-shirt, shorts & checkered slip on vans sitting across from me with his eyes down was who I was focusing on. But that’s not what got my attention. It was his guitar he had clenched in his hand that drew my eyes from the floor. With a huff, obvious he is just as excited to be there as I was, he sets his guitar on his lap. Looking up at me, lifting his chin in a nod. Slightly embarrassed being caught staring I return the favor but add a smile to top. It was all over with from then.
As the small group begins to loosen up, everyone begins to give their reasons why they’re undergoing rehab. By the time they get to me, I ask to pass. Mary frowns and Drew raises an eye in my direction. I narrow my eyes in return with a slight grin, if she was going to get something out of me, she will have to work harder. Mary continues around the group finally leaving Drew and myself.
“Drew?” she says. “Can you tell us why you are here with us?”
“My dad’s a dick and the courts made me come.” He snaps making me giggle. His eyes meet mine and I can see the corner of his mouth twitch in a small smile himself.
“Jenna. Well, since you found his reason funny. Maybe you can enlighten us.”
“Oh, by all means, I think Drew should elaborate more. I mean, we all have dick dad’s right?” His face reddens as he squirms in his seat. Drew is shy, I can tell. He doesn’t like to be put on the spot.
Mary agrees with him. “You’re answer was a bit vague Drew.” She scribbles on her pad. “Why did the courts force you?” He stays quiet for a few minutes. Looking around at the rest of our small group realizing that it’s just myself and one other person actually paying attention, he begins.
“A bunch of friends and me were out at a concert.” He raises his eyes in my direction. “Anyways, we ended up in a huge fight in the pits. I happened to be the one that got caught. I went to court the next day. Since my dad is a pastor, the judge felt it would be best to give me a second chance and instead of giving me community service, they decided on sending me here instead.” He smirks my way with a look that tells me Yeah, I did it, so it’s your turn kind of way.
“Okay then, guess that leaves me.” I say leaning in, resting my elbows on my knees, looking straight at him. Dammit, I really hate being put on the spot.
“Hmm. Where do I start? Oh right, from the beginning. Well, let’s see. My mom left when I was five. My dad left when I was fifteen. My brother sold drugs to help raise his little sister. One day I found his stash.” I shrug but continue. “One hit became two, which in turn became three, and before I knew it, I needed it before each set and anytime in between. My brother’s best friend died in a car accident while saving me from crack and ecstasy, which by the way I did not take intentionally, it was slipped in my drink, and he made me promise to get better. We buried him three days ago, and here I am now.” I finish off, leaning back in my chair, crossing my legs and look directly at him. “There, happy now?” I wasn’t sure what amused me more, his chin that had hit the floor or his eyes that seemed to be bugged out in shock. I for one am not shy, I just don’t like to share my personal life with anyone.
“Well.” Mary says. “I guess that wasn’t so hard was it?” she asks with a bit of sarcasm in her voice. I shrug. After the session was over with, I decided to sit next to him.
“I take it you play?” Without saying a word, he nods, not making eye contact with me. “Man of many words I see.” I say sarcastically as I stand up to leave. I get to two steps to the door and I hear. “I’m sorry.” So softly, I almost thought I was imagining things. Turning slowly, just in case I was really hearing my imagination, he continues.
“Yes I play. I refused to come here unless I could bring it.” Walking back to him, I take a seat again. I stay quiet only because the look on his face tells me he wants to say more. With a heavy sigh, he does continue. “My dad is a pastor, I hate him. I can never do anything right for him. So I play. She grounds me.” He says as he loo
ks in my direction. Knowing he is talking about his guitar, simply because Brennan calls his a “her” as well, I nod.
“I hear you. Mine grounds me too.” I say with a smile. “Well, actually. Music itself grounds me.” I hold my hand out, “Jenna Munson.”
Taking my hand in his, with the smallest smile crossing his face, he replies “Drew Johnson. I thought I recognized you.” My smile widens.
“You know who I am?” I ask excitedly. He grins and nods.
“Yep. I actually saw your last concert, just about a month ago. Actually, that’s the concert I got arrested at.” I remember that well, we played at the pier.
“Down in Newport?”
“Yeah. I have to say, you guys know how to rock it.” I thank him before turning away and showing him my fading smile. That was our last gig together with Will. I know I had made him a promise, but for the time being, there is now way I can step foot on a stage.
Fifty five days later, Drew and I have made a huge “turn around” as the counselors call it. Usually, people from opposite genders shouldn’t sponsor anyone, but they have seemed to make an exception for us. Since the day we met each other, we have sat together through everything. Whether it’s on the grass, crossed legged, him with his guitar, and me with a notepad and pencil, or us in the cafeteria eating and humming to a new tune we have put together. Drew and I are inseparable. I’ve even called Brennan suggesting to keep Drew on board to replace Will. Even though I think it’s too soon to get back into jamming again, I know that Will would have wanted us to pick up and not be sad for his loss.
Leaving rehab together, I invite Drew over to the garage, where we have everything set up. It took some coercing on my part, but eventually he caved and agreed. After about 5 songs both old and new, with a smile on Brennan’s face, he looks to Gabe who nods, glances over to Matty who’s grinning almost bigger than his own, then over to Drew. “Well.” He says as he slings an arm over Drew’s shoulders “Welcome to Live Today, Die Tomorrow, Drewbie.” Drew looks more alive in this moment as his deep blue eyes connect with mine and the biggest smile I’ve seen appears on his face since I met him. Jumping up and down like a little girl on Christmas, I run over to Drew and jump in his arms.
