Tainted (Oh Captain, My Captain #7)

by Lindsay Paige

  “Jade isn’t here, is she?”

  He turns his attention to me, glaring. “Who the hell are you?”

  I stick my hands into my coat pockets and shrug as I stand on the other side of the bar across from him. If he doesn’t remember me and doesn’t recognize me from the Eagles, then I’m not about to point it out. “A friend. Jade needs help, but she won’t let me help her. I’m hoping she’ll let you, if she thinks you’re the one who helps.”

  “What do you want?”

  “Do you know who her mom worked for?”

  He nods. “Yeah, he’s a mean, conniving bastard. What’s he got to do with Jade?”

  “She says her mom owes him money and since she’s refused all my help, she’s supposed to start working for him tonight.” Big Mike’s hard face falls and I know he’s as bothered by this as I am. “I can’t get involved in this, but if you’ll help me, I want you to pay him.” I pull the envelope out of my pocket and set it on the bar. “I don’t know how much he’s owed, but that should be more than enough. As far as anyone knows, you’re paying off the debt. Make sure you do it once I leave.”

  Big Mike whistles as he opens the envelope and flips through the bills. “I’ll do it because Jade’s a good girl. Why are you doing this for her?”

  “Because I want to help Jade. She wants more than Greenwood, but won’t let me help her be more.” I pull out another piece of paper, all that’s written on it is my cell number, and set it on the bar. “If there are any other ways you can help Jade, call me and I’ll make sure you do. Just don’t tell her it’s me.”

  “I’ll do that.” He pauses. “What makes you think you can trust me?”

  “Jade trusts you, that’s why. Thanks, Mike.” I turn and leave, hoping against all odds that I can trust him and that Jade never has to take a step in her mother’s shoes.

  I get to the rink early, put on my skates, and get on the ice. If we’re going to win this game against Indiana, then I need to clear my head, so I can focus on hockey and not what may or may not happen with Jade. If she follows-through with this, I don’t know how I can overlook it, if I can overlook it. Tonight may be the last night my feelings don’t waiver. If she does this, they’ll still be there, and I’ll still help her, but I don’t know if I could ever be with her.

  There would be no reason for her to do this after I’ve done everything to get her out of that life and attempted to give her the life she’s always wanted and deserved. If she’s going to throw it away and run in the opposite direction, so far in the wrong direction, and do it willingly, then I don’t know if I could trust her enough to love her completely and be with her. I don’t know if I could get that close again.

  If she works tonight, we can never be anything more than what we are right now. I can’t be willing to invest more emotion than she is.

  A feeling of contentment at reaching a decision passes through me. Unfortunately, it’s mingled with restlessness, pain, and a broken heart. I return to the locker room and check my phone to see a text from a number I don’t recognize.

  It’s done. She’s debt-free.

  Now it’s up to Jade to walk away.

  “You’re here early,” Derek says.

  “So are you.”

  “Yeah, well, I got into an argument with my wife. She was ready for me to leave already,” he laughs. “Woman drives me crazy.”

  I chuckle. I know exactly what he means, but I need to turn those thoughts away. “How do you think we’ll do against the Mustangs tonight?”

  “We’ve been playing well lately, so I’m sure we’re ready for them. Are you ready to face your old team again? Weren’t you close to Ross?”

  “Used to be, yeah.” If there were ever anyone I’d want to talk to about Jade, Brody would be the person. He was always a good guy. I text him and see if he can meet me in the bar of the hotel he’s staying in after the game. I feel relieved when he says yes.

  ~

  “I think you’ve gotten worse since I left,” I say, sitting down at the bar next to Brody. “This is twice we’ve beat you,” I grin.

  “Shut up. How have you been, Valo? Surely you didn’t drag me away from my bed to gloat and talk hockey.”

  “I’ve been better.” I order a drink and then ask, “How about you? How’s Selene?”

  “I’m good. She’s good, too. So who’s the girl?” He smiles.

  “What makes you think it’s a girl?”

  “It’s always a girl, Valo. Besides, I don’t think we’re here to talk hockey. That only leaves women.”

  I sigh. “Her name is Jade. I don’t know if it’ll last though.” As of right now, I don’t know if there is anything to last or not; I don’t know if she went to work.

  “Why not?”

  I take a deep breath and begin to recount our story for him. By the time I’m done, we’ve switched to drinking water.

  “Wow. So what do you think she did?”

  “I have no clue. Jade is hard to predict.” I loved that she would surprise me with her words and actions, but now, not so much.

  “If I’ve learned one thing about life and love, it’s that it’ll all work out in the end.”

  “I hope so.” God, do I hope so. “Thanks, Brody. I’m glad we talked. Next time, I promise not to go on and on about a chick.”

  Brody smiles. “It happens. I should get going. We have an early flight. Keep in touch, okay?”

  “Sure thing.”

  He stands and adds, “Valo? She’ll come around.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Jade

  I’m not one to show fear. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever really showed it to anyone. Right now, I feel it and it’s making my heart race. Big Mike’s arms are crossed and he’s staring me down. His mouth is in a thin, tight line.

  “You lied to me, Jade. I don’t like liars.”

  My mouth is dry. “I didn’t tell a big lie.”

  “Jade!” he yells at me. “I want the truth and I want it now. Explain to me why Valo Manner came in here, handing me thousands of dollars, and telling me about a debt for your mom.” He gets closer to my face. “Then you can explain to me why Rick thinks you’re working for him.”

  “Mike, I…” How do I even begin?

  “Why are you working for Rick?”

  “Mom owes him money and I need to make quick cash to pay back my tuition to Valo.” I’m not going to lie to him. If he wants the truth, then I’ll tell him.

  “Why is Valo Manner paying your debts? He came in here and handed me a bunch of cash, and I acted like I didn’t know him to figure out how he knew you.”

  “He is…well…he was my boyfriend.” I look away from Big Mike’s eyes that are still burning into me.

  “Valo Manner? Is he the reason you left? And what the fuck do you mean tuition?”

  I take a deep breath and start from the beginning. I tell him how Valo and I met, about how he found me at the club, and his job offer. I went into depth about going to beauty school, and even telling him about Mom. If anyone had heard me, they would have thought I was in a therapy session.

  “Why didn’t you tell me? I told you to stay in the dressing room for the week because I know you’re stubborn and want to do things on your own, but I never, ever would have put you on the street. You know me better than that.” Big Mike’s voice is a little softer and less harsh.

  “I can take care of myself.”

  “No one takes care of themselves all the time, Jade. Is that why you went to Rick?”

  I shake my head. “I didn’t go to Rick, I swear. He came to me and he told me about Mom owing him money and then he told me about his escort services and…” I shrug instead of finishing my sentence.

  “This isn’t a big club and you won’t make as much as escorting, but Rick doesn’t take care of his girls. You know this, Jade. Look at your mom. I can’t offer much, but I won’t let anything happen to you.”

  I give Mike a small smile. I know he’s telling the truth. Several tim
es, he has bailed me out of trouble with men. When I was on stage, he would always protect us girls and always made sure we were okay. Maybe if I had told him more about my life and the real issues that I had, he would have helped me more. I know he would have.

  “Are you really not going back to Valo because of some dumb shit your mom said?”

  “You know she’s right.”

  “No, I don’t. Our fate isn’t dictated by our parents. We make it. Plain and simple.”

  I giggle. “You get that quote off of a cereal box?”

  “Maybe.” He winks without cracking a smile. “Jade, your mother is a crack head whose job is being a prostitute. I’m not going to apologize for the harshness, but it’s true and you know it. And then, look at you. You’re in school and have a great guy who cares about you.”

  “Had,” I correct him. “I had a great guy.” Valo isn’t mine anymore. I saw the look in his eyes the last time we talked. He isn’t mine.

  “No, you have a great guy. No man is going to come all the way down here, hand a stranger a wad of cash, and pay off another person’s debt unless they truly love them.”

  There it is.

  That word.

  Love.

  My stomach drops when I remember Valo telling me he loved me. I’ve never felt heartbreak until that moment. Valo loved me. I can’t love him back though. It would ruin him if I did. My life is tainted and I can’t infect his.

  I thought long and hard that maybe I could be the doting girlfriend. That I could pretend like I did when I was at Love Spa, but I know it’s wrong and I can’t do that to him. Valo thinks that he loves me, but I don’t know if it’s true.

  Who am I kidding?

  Valo’s eyes said it all to me the other day. He loves me and I had already tainted him.

  “I need to go.” I turn to leave, but Big Mike blocks my path.

  “I’m going to give you a piece of advice, Jade, and you need to listen to me.”

  I stare up at him

  “There is something worse in life than death, and that’s regret. Now, if you walk out that door and go to this job instead of going to that hockey player’s house, then you’ll regret it. He loves you. I saw it in his eyes.”

  I swallow back the lump in my throat. I can’t think about this shit right now. I told Rick I would do this job. He told me Big Mike paid Mom’s debt and it was one of the reasons I came over here.

  “Here,” Big Mike hands me an envelope. “Take this to him. It’s what’s left over from the money he gave me.”

  I take it and slip it into my purse.

  “Jade, don’t go tonight. I’m telling you to go to Valo’s house,” he pleads with me.

  I don’t know what to do. I want Valo, but I can’t be with him. I need money to survive, but I’m Jade Patterson. It’s always been me on my own.

  “Thanks, Big Mike.” I reach up and kiss his cheek. “You’re a good guy.” I walk around him and out the door.

  ~

  It’s only a dinner party. That’s what Rick kept saying to me. He has one of the girls get me ready. I am in tight black jeans, a tight green shirt that made me feel like my boobs might pop out, and knee high boots. She put more makeup on me than I would ever wear and my curls are like a black blanket down my back.

  My date meets me at the banquet hall. He’s older and must be at least sixty. He has a thinning mess of hair that’s more gray than his original color. His eyes are black as night and he’s a little heavy; his gut pokes out over his belt.

  “Jade.” He holds out his hand and he gives me a sly smile.

  I nod, taking his hand.

  “I’m Randy. Come on.”

  He leads us into the hall and there are at least a hundred people already here. Randy begins to introduce me as his girlfriend and I hate it.

  I’m not your girlfriend! I want to scream at him, but I don’t.

  I’m making almost a thousand dollars tonight because he booked me for six hours. I don’t even want to think about how this is going to end, but I know how it’s going to go. I follow him around, smiling and pretending to be his girl, but I’m not sure how much longer I can handle this.

  I think about Valo. What’s he doing tonight? Is he out with the guys? Maybe he has a date? I don’t even want to think about him being out with another girl or having someone else in his bed.

  You don’t care, remember? I have to remind myself.

  “Jade.”

  I turn toward the sound of my name and see Derek’s wife. Shit, what’s her name?

  “What you doing here?”

  “Um…” I step away from Randy. “I’m here for the food,” I joke.

  She looks over my shoulder and stares at my date. “Are you here with Randy?”

  I nod.

  “I thought you were with Valo?”

  “Grew apart.” Because I’m a dumbass who left him.

  She looks confused. “Oh, I guess that explains a lot then.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, Derek told me Valo hasn’t been himself lately.”

  “Is he okay?” My heart races for the hundredth time today.

  “He’s fine. I guess he’s been down. Derek said he’s not been as upbeat as he has been the past couple of months.”

  Past couple of months? We were together during that time. He had been upbeat with me? He loves you, dumbass. I shake the crazy thought out of my head. I can’t think about all that shit.

  “I’m sure he’ll find someone else.” I wave my hand as if it’s not a big deal to me.

  “If you say so,” she mumbles around the rim of her glass of wine. “However, can I give you some friendly advice?”

  I nod and watch her lean in closer to my ear.

  “Watch out for Randy. I’ve heard some bad things about him and he goes through girlfriends as if he were changing socks.”

  The hair on the back of my neck stands up and I nod at her. I already felt like this guy was a creep anyway. She pats my shoulder, gives me a sad smile, and heads to the other side of the room.

  Randy comes over and tugs me back over to the crowd he was talking to. I stand there, but now I’m ready to leave.

  My thoughts wander back to Valo. I think about the first night I spent the night at his house. When was the last time I felt safe like that?

  Never.

  My memories of Valo’s arms around me are cut short as Randy almost pushes me to the table for the dinner.

  If this fucker touches me one more time, I’m going to break his nose.

  I sit at the table and pick at the food. I’m hungry, but I can’t eat with Mr. Can’t-chew-with-his-mouth-closed as he sits next to me, talking about his next business venture. I keep praying this will end soon because I want to get out of this room. Earlier, I moved my bags into the house Rick has for the girls, but I’m sleeping on a couch. My important items are in my purse because I don’t trust any one of those bitches.

  Time seems to keep going and I sit in the chair, listening to the old crooks talking shop and wishing I was anywhere but here.

  Big Mike’s words keep spinning in my head. He told me Valo loves me, but there’s no way for him to love me. Mom said I was his pet and I felt that way.

  Did you really? The question screams at me in my head.

  Valo never really treated me like that. Even though the only time he ever really made me feel that way was at the club when he made the comment about me being a stripper. However, he was right in that situation. He did mean it as a joke, and I had constantly been putting myself down about it, too.

  Living with regret is the other thing Big Mike said.

  Do I have regret?

  Duh, of course you do. You left Valo because you listened to your dumbass mom.

  I hang my head. I’m a fucking idiot.

  “Hey, it’s time to go.” Randy’s alcohol breath is like a fog around me.

  “Go where?”

  He doesn’t answer me, but takes my hand and practically drags me
out of the hall. This fucker and I are going to have it out. I can feel it. I’m not a rag doll and I don’t care how much he paid Rick. Randy takes me into the hotel next door and continues to drag me until I’m in the elevator.

  “You better let go of me,” I warn him.

  “You better shut your mouth, little girl. I paid for you and that makes you mine.” His face is pure evil.

  “The fuck I am,” I growl at him. He doesn’t know who he is messing with. I’m not taking this shit from anyone. I’m about to lunge away from him, but the elevator opens and he grabs me around the waist, picking me up.

  “Let me go!” I scream loudly, but there’s no one around to hear me.

  Randy easily opens his door and throws me inside. I fall to my knees and I feel the burn of the carpet. I try to quickly think of how I’m going to get out of this situation. I jump to my feet, ready to fight.

  “Is that the way you want it? I don’t mind playing games.”

  Bile rises from my stomach. No fucking way am I going to let this guy do anything to me. I watch him jerk his tie off and make sure my purse is where I dropped it. It has Valo’s money in it and it’s heavy on the bottom if I need it to hit him.

  Without a second of hesitation, I swiftly kick my foot up and connect with his balls. Randy yelps and as he drops to his knees, I punch his nose and hear the crack. I leap over him and grab my purse and bolt for the door. I run down the hallway toward the exit sign and run down the stairs faster than I’ve ever ran. I blow through the lobby and out the door to the winter air.

  I can’t stop running and it’s when I’m about five blocks away that I stop and try to catch my breath. I see an alleyway and I hide in it, trying not to pass out from the adrenaline rush pulsing through me.

  Valo would never do something like that to a girl. He wouldn’t do that to me because he’s a nice guy and he loves me.

  He loves me.

  I slide down the brick wall and sit in the freezing snow. My pants are wet and I can see my own breath.

  Regret.

  I regret ever leaving him. I regret that I listened to my mom. I regret that I didn’t tell him I loved him, too. I regret it all.

  Then it hits me like a Mack truck. I love Valo. I’m in love with him. I don’t want anyone else, but him.