How to Be Your Dog's Best Friend

by Monks of New Skete

  needed for any dog's elimination needs. We suggest this type of pen so that the owner can more effectively clean up after the dog instead of letting the dog squat where he will or eliminate on the curb. Even curbed stools are health hazards, although they beat a mess deposited in the middle of the street, sidewalk, or a neighbor's yard.

  Rectangular or square, your kennel yard should be a fun place. A simple obstacle course of old tires, a curved board set in concrete at each end for a nifty bridge, a tunnel, and scratch posts can occupy many dogs for hours.*Provide dog-size toys. Owners of toy breeds might be able to substitute children's toys, but larger breeds need larger toys. You can construct your own, as we often do, with crunched-in bleach bottles, PVC pipe, blocks of four-by-fours (untreated), old broom handles, leather scraps, and bells. Just make sure that all sharp edges are sanded down and that no toy is so small that your dog can swallow it.

  Another possibility is to provide toys that are designed to give your dog something to do, for example, plastic cubes that can be filled with kibble, which the dog has to work at for it to be dispensed, one kibble at a time. Also, there are durable plastic balls that have a recessed screw which allows sand, water, or gravel to be put inside. As the dog plays with the ball, the sound is changed as well as the way it rolls, piquing the dog's interest. They are virtually indestructible and, once he is taught how to play with them, can occupy your dog for hours.

  Dogs love any hanging object, especially if it makes some kind of noise. Suspend toys and leather scraps (ask for them at a leather shop) from strong ropes. Always use single-strand ropes for hanging toys, and never arrange a hanging toy so low or in such a way that a hanging accident might occur. Rope toys suspended by springs make the toy snap back when the dog lets go, so the dog can play fetch alone. Hanging toys with bells attached keep pets fascinated, but make sure the noise does not bother neighbors. However, most neighbors prefer the sound of bell chimes to incessant barking.

  Try to avoid barrier frustration (see chapter 43 on aggression) by screening the dog's area so she can't see busy city street traffic or passersby. If you use cyclone fencing, standard green slats that fit between the chain link are available. Shrubbery can be effectively arranged to block disturbing views that encourage barking and fence running. Within the pen, a ditch or a wall, or even a row of flowers, can often keep the dog away from the fence and in the center of the pen. Gravel is the best all-around footing, but dogs sometimes ingest small pellets of pea stone, which can be dangerous. Concrete, grass, macadam (provided there is enough shade in the summer), and even wood may be feasible. The exercise pens we provide for our dogs are a combination of cyclone fencing and wood-plank floors, with wooden walls to prevent dogs in adjacent pens from seeing each other. The hemlock floors (each slat is spaced one-eighth of an inch from the next) have proved durable in our upstate New York climate and provide excellent drainage in wet weather and dry quickly. Floors made of concrete lead to paw sores and cut pads, so avoid prolonged contact with it. Concrete is better for a small run where the dog "does his business." Pick up and disinfect daily. Grass inevitably wears out, but it is aesthetically pleasing and comfortable for the dog. We find a grass pen with gravel along the sides of the fencing to be the best. The gravel prevents the grass from being totally destroyed if the pen is a very large fenced-in area, say twenty feet by twenty feet or more.

  Each day introduce a different item into the pen, especially if you leave your dog alone on a daily basis. Favorite toys should always be included, but rotate others to spice up the routine. Rotate water and food to different locations in the pen. When you prune your trees, throw the limbs into the pen for the dog to play with. A large cardboard box enthralls any dog. Sure, the box gets ripped up and the tree limbs get shredded and you have to clean up. But it's worth it in the long run. Fresh fruit and vegetables can be used as vitamin-packed toys. Toss a few into the pen every so often. Bones, if offered, should be large marrow factory bones that have been boiled for five minutes. A dog left alone with a small bone all day can reduce it to such a small size as to risk lodging it in his mouth or throat. Make sure bones are large and solid, but not cooked.

  The doghouse need not be elaborate but should provide protection from the elements. In summer, repaint dark-colored houses white to reflect sunlight and heat. Give the dog some options for shade in addition to the house. Trees are best, or a planter of bushes, pruned of their lower branches and with trunks wrapped in tree tape to prevent the dog from destroying or scratching them.

  Finally, remember what we said in our discussion of canine loneliness: consider providing your dog with the ultimate diversion and plaything, another dog. Owners with chronic diggers, chewers, barkers, squealers, and house wreckers have often found that the introduction of a second compatible pet (it could also be a cat) can reduce the severity of this behavior. You have to be sure that the new animal gets off to a right start and does not mimic the bad behavior of the first pet. For dogs who must stay in play yards for long periods, a companion can change frustration and boredom to pleasure and play.

  Break up monotony whenever and however you can. Use these techniques to eliminate undesirable pen behavior and encourage proper exercise and play. Give some thought to what your dog does during the day, watch for his special interest in toys and devices, and capitalize on this interest. A diversified and creative environment is essential not just for human beings, but for dogs as well.

  28

  Children and Dogs

  We have long been aware that dogs can have a profound and positive influence on the emotional and spiritual development of children. Throughout the history of our community we have had the chance to observe how children visiting the monastery interact with their own dogs as well as with our German shepherds. A mutually beneficial effect has always been palpably evident to us: introduced and nurtured correctly, dogs enrich the lives of kids just as kids enrich the lives of dogs.

  In fact, this perception is confirmed by modern research into the dog-human bond.*Studies have shown that children who help care for dogs often benefit in peripheral ways that make them more adept at social relationships, making friends more easily and generally developing a greater level of self-confidence. They are also generally more benevolent toward others. These children's relationships with dogs are profoundly humanizing. Dogs are not meant to replace friends and peers, but they can help relieve a child's sense of isolation, making the movement toward others less awkward. Significantly, this is even more the case for children with various disabilities. Studies have documented how service dogs who work with disabled children help them normalize their relationships with their peers. When compared with that of disabled children who do not have a service dog, their social contact is much greater.**

  Author-trainer Mordecai Siegel is very perceptive in identifying the important role dogs can have in the development of children, articulating forcefully what many parents intuitively sense:

  Of all that children derive from their pets, including understanding birth, death, growth and relationships, one of the most worthwhile lessons is leadership. I don't mean leadership in the sense of high-school graduation speeches or militaristic virtues, but rather in the vital areas of independence, self-sufficiency and competent self-management. If leadership is understood as the willingness to assume responsibility, to make decisions, to risk failure, then a child living with a pet is, indeed, involved with leadership. Dogs are capable of bringing out the best in a child or helping parents create values that are more learned than inherited.*

  To include dogs as a vital component to the development and maturation of children, it always helps to plan ahead and clearly think through their introduction into the family. When you simply say that a child "needs a dog" and leave it at that, or you get a pup simply in order to provide a playmate "to get the kid out of my hair," you might do well to think again. Though we applaud children's actively participating in the care and training of a dog as their age allows, we'v
e learned along with many experienced parents and trainers that it is not reasonable or appropriate to expect an eight-year-old to take care of the dog. A child of that age is still not capable of this multilayered responsibility, especially when required to do so alone. Lassie and Timmy as inseparable companions may be fine for Hollywood, but Hollywood is not the real world. To burden a child with full responsibility for another living being as the price for its companionship is both unwise and unfair. Over the years we have listened to too many parents complain that they originally obtained their dog "to help teach their child responsibility," but in the end they were the ones who had to assume primary care of the dog.

  In particular, many a mother has inherited the task of feeding, caring for, and walking a pet who was originally supposed to be the responsibility of the child. It's no surprise that much of the pet advice in our culture is offered in women's magazines. Women seem most often to get stuck managing the everyday lives of their kids in our culture, so they also end up with the children's dogs as part of the bargain. Smart parents see this coming and avoid walking into such a situation unprepared. Unless the mother (or increasingly, the house-husband) can accept the full role of being primary caregiver to the dog while the child is younger than twelve years of age, the family should hold off on the decision to get a dog. There may be an instance of a younger child having the maturity and interest necessary to assume this primary role, but it would be exceptional. Most children work best with a pup when they are in a supporting role, the oversight resting with an adult.

  Foundational Principles

  Once a family of six visited New Skete. They were interested in raising a German shepherd and admired the breed, but they expressed concern over incidents they had heard concerning children and German shepherds. At that discussion we were surrounded by several grown dogs we were evaluating together. The father of the family asked the monk who was showing them the dogs, "What is the point of a good breeding program?" Just then, a three-year-old toddler waddled over to one of the dogs, grabbed her tail, and gave it a good yank. The surprised dog moved a few inches, turned, and licked the child's face. The monk turned to the father of the family. "That," he said, "is the point of a good breeding program."

  Still, it is folly to presume that dogs will always behave with such equanimity, particularly with respect to children. Dogs tend to view them as peers, even subordinate members of the pack. If you ever observe how dogs establish hierarchy in a pack, you will see that dogs are not genteel with one another. When children are not educated correctly in how to behave with a dog and supervised accordingly, dangerous displays of canine dominance can easily follow. Always be on the lookout for such instances. Although completely "natural" from the dog's point of view, they are totally inappropriate in a family situation and, if acted upon, often result in your having to get rid of the dog. Parents have a crucial responsibility to socialize both dogs and children with one another. Dogs need to be trained how to act around children, and vice versa. The latter includes more than simply teaching children how to approach a dog: it is an entire process of socializing, one that gradually teaches a child how to respect a dog as another living creature.

  Such an understanding is imperative because children in our culture are exposed to a high degree of anthropomorphic conditioning through television and books. They are constantly exposed to animal figures who act like humans. We have already mentioned Lassie, but there is a long list: Goofy wears human clothes, drives a car, has a girl-friend. Mickey and Minnie Mouse set up housekeeping long ago. Rin-Tin-Tin finds the robbers, saves the family from a burning home, and attacks all the right people. Fairy tales abound with animals that have human traits. Pet-food commercials are filled with animals that talk, dance, sing, open beer bottles, and generally behave like humans. To a child, the dog is a buddy, another child. Children think of dogs as other people.

  An excellent illustrated book by Maurice Sendak and Matthew Margolis, Some Swell Pup, is a children's story that attempts to portray realistically what is involved in purchasing and raising a puppy. This is a good book to read with your children if you plan to bring a puppy into the home. From early childhood, try to balance anthropomorphic thinking in your child by providing him or her with realistic stories about dogs and other animals. If your family has not as yet acquired a dog, make a visit with your child to a pound or shelter to expose him or her to interaction with a dog, the variety of breeds, and to the problems of the pet population. If there is an obedience class in your area, why not take your child to it and watch together from the sidelines?

  Once a family obtains a dog, parents have the responsibility of teaching their children never to tease her. Unfortunately, teasing is an occupation many children thrive on: it relieves boredom at the same time as it entertains. Children are often unaware of the effects of poking a dog, pulling tails and ears, and running and screaming around a dog. They can easily miss signs the dog is giving that an aggressive response is in the offing. Before you know it, an unfortunate experience can occur. This is your lookout as a parent.

  Not surprisingly, the most important thing you can do to teach your children how to act toward a dog is setting a good example. Over the years in our work, we have seen that children tend to mimic the behavior of their parents toward the dog. If you treat your dog with consideration and respect, your child will see and tend to imitate that attitude. Children have fertile imaginations. By encouraging them to look at things from the dog's perspective, parents can help guide their kids into asking themselves, "Would I want to be treated in such a way?" Additionally, including children in the ordinary chores involved with caring for the dog helps cement the bond of friendship in a way that makes it more difficult for the child to tease and abuse the dog.

  What about if you don't have a dog yet? A time-honored technique to help younger children learn how to interact with a puppy is to have them practice with a dog doll first (i.e., teaching them how to pet). We prefer encouraging parents to expose their children beforehand to real-life situations with trustworthy dogs and pups. These can often be arranged with friends and neighbors and have the virtue of preparing children for life with a pet by providing them with hands-on experience. This is a good idea even if you don't want a dog in the near future, for your child will inevitably encounter dogs while playing at friends' houses. Over the years we have noticed that some parents can be overly protective of their children, screening them from contact with dogs for all sorts of reasons. Yet children not exposed to dogs early in their lives in a controlled and natural way can very easily become fearful or act in ways that invite aggressive responses from a dog. We advise parents in general to teach their children proper manners around a dog whether or not their family has a dog. Here are some basic guidelines we have found helpful:

  1. Never approach a dog while he is eating. Dogs instinctively protect their food, and little children who approach them at this time may provoke an aggressive response. It is also a good idea for you as an adult to desensitize your dog to protective behavior around food. This means using a progressive series of behavior-modification exercises grounded in feeding him out of your hand. But it is also wise to think preventatively. Especially when there are small children around, don't invite trouble. Have the dog eat his meal in his den or in a quiet spot.

  2. Never approach a strange dog who is not on leash with her owner. Despite the fact that some dogs may appear to be friendly at first, dogs are capable of a quick, aggressive response if a child

  It is important to introduce your dog to children in a deliberate, nonthreatening way.

  suddenly acts unpredictably. Instead, calmly instruct your child to avoid the dog. Similarly, children need to be taught that they should never enter a fenced-in yard where a dog is loose. Dogs are territorial creatures and often act with hostility when a child enters their space.

  3. Never approach or disturb a dog who is sleeping. There are incidents galore on record of dogs who, when suddenly awakened, have n
ipped an owner or child. If the dog must be roused, teach your child to call his name from a distance while clapping her hands. This alerts the dog well in advance and gives him the chance to respond evenly.

  4. Finally, never come up from behind a dog suddenly. This can have serious consequences no matter how stable the dog is. Dogs generally do not enjoy surprises, so make sure that your child has learned always to alert the dog of her presence before she approaches.

  We believe that the best way to teach your child how to meet a dog for the first time is to have the owner bring the dog up to the child on leash, making him sit in front of the child. Doing so sends the dog an implicit message about the owner's authority and confidence and allows the owner to better control the introduction. At that point, have the child put her hands out for the dog to sniff, making sure that her fingers are turned inward, back of the hand forward, toward the dog. This is because the palm of the hand has many nerve endings that, in the event of an accidental bite, could be damaged easily. The back of the hand is much less vulnerable. After the dog shows signs of friendliness (wagging his tail and licking, etc.), the child can then be allowed to pet the dog more affectionately.

  On the other hand, it is important that your children know how to act if and when they ever accidentally come in contact with a dog who is acting aggressive. Dogs trained in guard work learn to attack a raised hand, so if your children are accosted by a strange dog, caution them to stand still without throwing their arms up and, then, once the dog retreats a bit, to walk away slowly. Above all, they should not scream or run away, which might encourage the dog to attack. If you know of an unfriendly dog in your neighborhood, notify the owners — don't wait for an unfortunate incident to occur.

  Children and Training

  Over the years a number of the children of our parishoners have helped out with kennel chores and socializing puppies. We've found that with proper supervision and monitoring, children can feed the dogs, take them for walks, help out with obedience exercises, and play with the dogs. This has been an enriching experience not only for children and pups but also for us. Children of all ages have something to give to dogs, from infancy on. For example, even an infant, if introduced properly to a dog, can provide him with a new sense of responsibility. While obviously a parent will never leave a dog alone with an infant, it is startling to observe such a dog take cognizance of a child's vulnerability and share in guardianship, lying quietly by a crib or playpen.