Sweetest Heartbreak

by Heather Bentley

  “What the fuck?” When I whip around, Eli is standing behind me with my newly purchased eight ball of coke.

  I rise and swing an arm out to retrieve it, but he’s faster than I am. I might have taken one hit too many off the bong.

  “That’s it. You’re done, Heath. Ladies, it’s time to go. I’ll get you an Uber.” He pulls his phone from his pocket and swiftly moves his thumb around, but I’m more interested in what he’s protecting against his chest. “There. Five minutes. Laurie, I gave them your address, so why don’t you both head downstairs?”

  The girls hesitate, looking to me for direction.

  When they don’t move, Eli’s tone darkens. “Now.”

  On that, they scurry out the door.

  I lunge at Eli over the back of the sofa, my leg bumping the coffee table. A few bottles rattle and fall over, rolling to the floor and leaving a trail of beer as they go. I ignore it and reach for Eli a second time. All I’m concerned with right now is pummeling my supposed friend. I rush around the sectional and grab him by the shirt collar, jabbing a finger in his face, at the same time he hides the package behind his back.

  “Give me my fucking blow, Eli,” I spit, giving his shirt a rough shake. But he stands his ground. “Give it to me before I kick your fucking ass.”

  “No. This isn’t high school, Heath. You don’t get to fry your brain every time life doesn’t go your way.”

  “What the hell does that mean?”

  He doesn’t answer, just stares me down. “Sit,” he orders.

  I tighten my grip, but he shows no signs of fear or fighting back.

  “I said, sit down. It’s time we had a talk.”

  “Give. Me. My—”

  “Sit down!” His face burns deep red as he finally pushes me back from him.

  We’ve been friends for more years than I can count, and we’ve never fought. And that’s mostly thanks to him for being one of the most laid-back guys I know. Until now.

  “Sit.” He takes a deep breath. “Down.” Then, another.

  When I grudgingly take a seat, he comes around to stand in front of me, wisely on the other side of the coffee table. With my coke stashed in his back pocket, he puts his hands on his hips and expels an audible sigh.

  “I’m the reason Leah left.” The words rush out, but I still manage to catch every one. “It’s my fault, okay? It’s all my fault.”

  He hasn’t mentioned Leah since the day she left here, but he’s been micromanaging me in the meanwhile. Like, nagging me to go to work, coming over with food, and now, taking my coke. That all leads to one thought. Guilty.

  I stand slowly, shoulders back and feet firmly planted. My buzz evaporates, and my impatience brews. As much as I want to punch him in the face, I want an explanation more. Then, I’ll punch him in the face.

  “What did you do?”

  Eli looks out toward the balcony while my fists clench at my sides. I’m losing patience while he musters up the courage to explain.

  “So, you know how Leah and I dated in college and you know how we’ve been close friends and you know how, since the two of you met—”

  “Eli, you’re talking like a chick and not making any fucking sense. Just say it.”

  He rakes his hands over his face, up through his hair, and back again before looking me in the eye and forcing the words out. “I told Leah that I still had feelings for her and that she needed to stay away from you if she didn’t want to cost us our friendship.”

  My body jerks. “What? Why?” I whisper in shock. When he doesn’t speak, I stand taller. “Answer me.”

  “I just . . . it was . . . I’ve had feelings for her since college. And then she meets you, and just like that, she’s yours. What I was always afraid of.”

  “That’s why we never met?”

  He looks away, embarrassed.

  “Eli?”

  “She’d ask about meeting you but I always found an excuse.”

  “You tell me this now? After all these weeks?”

  “I had to. You’ve been self-destructing. Drinking. Laurie. Now, the coke. I can’t watch it anymore.”

  I wring my fingers together behind my neck, squeeze my eyes shut, and inhale a deep breath. “You can’t watch it anymore?”

  “I just meant . . . I can’t . . .”

  My temper begins to wear thin, forcing me to walk to the far end of the room. The good thing is, my mind is clear of the pot and I’m in full control of my faculties. Resentment and anger are the only things flowing through my veins right now.

  “Have you talked to her?” I ask as I begin to pace.

  “Um, no. She texted a few times, left messages, but I didn’t answer. I was more worried about you.” He glances at the bong on the table.

  I don’t bother to contain my bark of laughter at his pathetic line of thinking. “And you say you care about her.”

  His body tightens at the venom in my voice.

  When he doesn’t answer, I stop and unleash on him. “How could you treat her that way?” I point at my chest. “Treat me that way?” I can’t take it anymore. My rage wins out. Before he realizes it, I’ve got him up against the wall by his shirt, the pictures rattling around us as his head hits the drywall. “If you can’t have her, neither of us will? Is that it, Eli? Do you know what I said to her? What an asshole I was, all because of you?”

  He flinches when my spit hits him in the face.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Get out. Just . . . get . . . out . . . now.” I let up my grip and allow him enough room to get by, using every muscle in my body to keep me from turning him into my personal punching bag.

  He stands at the island, out of reach. “Heath, let me try to fix this. If I—”

  “Out!” I push that one word out with enough force that I’m surprised when the walls don’t shake.

  He finally has the sense to listen to me, and just as the door shuts, I grab a bottle and catapult it across the room, too outraged to take pleasure in the mess it makes against the wall.

  “Fuck!” I shout to the empty room.

  Every day since she walked out my door, I’ve grown angrier and angrier with her, and only with her. I went back to drinking, screwing around, and almost fried my brain on an eight ball of coke. All the while, that fucker hid the truth.

  With an arsenal of supplies at my side, I start cleaning up any signs of the last few weeks. Next is a long, hot shower to remove every trace of Laurie. Just the thought of her ever touching me again makes my skin crawl.

  With a clean house, showered body, and sober mind, I’m once again pacing my living room, debating the bigger problem. What are you going to do now? What if Eli and I fucked this up so badly, Leah is done with the both of us?

  There’s only one way to find out.

  Leah

  There’s a double knock on my door a second before my mom walks in. “You still up, hon?”

  “Yeah, just working on a proposal for a new client. We’re presenting it on Friday, and I need to polish it up a bit.”

  “You never bring work home. And you’ve been working later than usual, too. Everything okay?”

  “Yeah, Mom. Just really busy. Clients’ new budgets kicked in, so they’ve got money to spend. It’s all good.”

  “Okay, if you say so.” She gives me a sympathetic smile. “Nothing from Eli?”

  “Mom,” I say, exasperated.

  “All right, all right. I’ll stop asking.” She puts a hand up in defeat. “I talked to Connor tonight. He said you’re going to visit him this weekend . . . again?”

  “What’s your point, Mom?” I ask, unable to hide my growing exhaustion.

  “It’s just, you’ve been out there almost every weekend since we moved him into his new apartment. I thought maybe you and I could do something instead?”

  “Are you sure you don’t have a date?” I ask her, mostly joking. “Part of the reason I’ve been visiting Connor so much is because you’ve had quite the social calendar, and I don�
�t want to sit around an empty house. Or worse, walk in on something.” I shiver dramatically at the thought.

  “You’re hilarious,” she deadpans. “For your information, I’ve yet to have a first date lead to a second one. These men are all out for one thing.”

  “Okay, that’s enough of that. No details, please.” I dramatically wave the thought away.

  She walks over and kisses me on the head before taking a step back to look me in the eyes.

  “Tomorrow’s a new day, Lee.”

  She closes the door behind her as she leaves but I know she’s far from giving up. She’s been fishing for weeks now for any information about Eli and Heath, but I just need to let it go. I need to let them go. I don’t ever want to be the reason two lifelong best friends lose each other.

  I give up for the night, closing my laptop and turning out the light. The upside to all of this is that I’ve never been more productive at work. The lead account executive on one of the largest clients I support has asked me to present at our next client meeting. Usually, I’m stuck in the back, taking notes and making sure the coffee is fresh. So, there’s one silver lining to all of this.

  I slide under the covers and stare at the ceiling of the pitch-black room, physically spent from the hours I’ve been putting in but unable to shut my brain off. I roll over when my phone pings with a text. It’s from Heath.

  Come outside.

  I jump out of bed, suddenly no longer tired, and peek through my blinds. Fortunately, he can’t see me in the darkness, but I can definitely see him.

  Heath is in my driveway, leaning against his car.

  His face glows from the light of his phone as he types another text.

  I see you.

  Can he? I duck down below the window when my phone buzzes again.

  I’m waiting, Princess.

  In just a tank top and sleep shorts, I quickly but quietly make my way down the stairs and out the front door. Even though the night air is humid and warm, goose bumps travel across my body. I stop a few feet short of him, running my hands back and forth over the bumps on my arms, but it’s no use.

  He pushes off from against his car but doesn’t approach. Even in the dim light, I don’t miss the dark circles under his eyes.

  “Why are you here?” I ask, more curious than irritated, more surprised than elated.

  He moves swiftly, erasing the last of the space between us, until he’s hovering over me. “Ask me again,” he says with an eyebrow raised in challenge.

  I swallow and then speak each word, halting and shy, barely loud enough for him to hear over the buzz of grasshoppers and the whispering breeze that swirls around our bodies, “Why are you here, Heath?”

  “This.”

  And, before I know it, his hands cup my face, and his lips crush against mine. Heath is kissing me. He’s here and he’s kissing me and it’s just as good as the first time. I grip him in return, eliminating any space left between us, turning a simple kiss rough and desperate. He’s making up for every kiss that would’ve been. I dig my fingers into his muscled back as everything that’s been missing these last few weeks comes rushing back. My pulse races, and my breathing is heavy. With wonder. With excitement. With anger.

  I push at his chest, but his hands move to my hips, gripping me in place.

  “You shouldn’t be here. You need to go,” I order.

  His grip loosens but he doesn’t release me.

  I stop fighting as we both stand silent in the darkness, the only light coming from a few random streetlights. His hands rise and his fingers push into my hair while his thumbs sweep over my cheeks. My eyes close as the tip of his nose brushes against my own.

  “I’m sorry, Leah.” The words float against my lips, faint and pained, like they’ve never been spoken before. “I was an asshole.”

  “Heath—”

  “Jesus, I missed you.” He pulls back, eyes fierce, taking me in like he’d forgotten every detail.

  I fall into his chest as his chin comes to rest atop my head.

  “I talked to Eli. He told me everything.”

  My body stills and his hands envelop my body in response.

  “What he said to you, lying to you all this time, it wasn’t right.”

  “He’s entitled to the way he feels.”

  “And so are you.”

  I heave a deep breath, not sold on his words.

  “Fine. He’s entitled to have feelings for you, but you don’t have to feel the same way back. And you sure as hell don’t have to feel guilty about it.”

  I push against his chest in defense. “But he’s my best friend and a big part of my life . . . and—”

  “And he’s my best friend, too. But he fucked-up. And, right now, all I care about is you.”

  “Really?” The guilt I’ve carried the last few weeks has me fighting back tears.

  “Yeah, really.” He pulls me back in close. “So, what do you think? Can we try this again?” By his confident smirk, he already knows my answer.

  “I’d like that.”

  He takes my face in his hands once more before he takes my kiss, my heart not far behind. Then, we make up for every kiss we missed.

  Heath

  I’m standing outside Leah’s work, a latte in each hand, when she comes out, frazzled and stressed but still managing to look like a hot little executive in her slacks and blazer, complete with a messy bun atop her head and a pen sticking through it she most likely forgot about. The second she sees me, her eyes light up, and her full lips break out into a wide smile.

  “Please tell me that’s a latte.” She moans as she reaches out a hand.

  I pull my arm back. “It depends. What do I get?” I give her her favorite smirk, the one that always gets me what I want.

  Her cheeks flush as her eyes flutter, and, Christ, just like that, she goes from hot to too fucking cute. I’ve never known anyone so easy to please. I’ll give her a latte every day if that’s all it takes to see that look on her face.

  She rises up onto her toes as her small hand flattens against my stomach and her body leans in before she plants a solid, cool kiss on my lips. Here, in the middle of a bustling rush-hour sidewalk, surrounded by strangers, this intelligent, beautiful girl is kissing me.

  “Heath?”

  I shake out of the thought. “Yeah?”

  “Everything okay?”

  “Hell, yeah.” I smile before handing her the cup and lean in for a second kiss.

  I’m not really sure how to define what we’ve started. Partly because we haven’t had a straight conversation about it and partly because I have nothing else to compare this to. Of all the girls I’ve been with, there’s never been one I wanted something more with. Not a single one I thought about after the fact or considered putting before myself. Not until Leah. Now, it’s like my head is swimming when I’m with her, and I’m crawling out of my skin when I’m not. It’s foreign and awkward and really fucking addictive.

  I tangle my fingers with hers and wait in anticipation as a second blush fills her face, pink and glowing, and all I can think about is being alone with her. We haven’t gotten that far yet, but I need to know if other parts of her turn pink as well.

  I hold open the door for her, and she steps inside the foyer of my condo. She’s grasping the straps of her purse and waiting for me to lead the way, hesitant, both of us remembering the last time she was here.

  “All good?”

  She only answers with a silent head bob.

  “C’mon.” I take her hand, entwining our fingers, and guide her forward. I give a slight squeeze, and in this moment, realize that I haven’t held a girl’s hand like this since the eighth grade. Even then, it was nothing more than a tactic, giving the girl the impression I had only the purest of intentions—until I got what I wanted. But, with Leah, I’m content to hold any part of her she’s willing to give.

  When we reach the kitchen, I pull her purse from her shoulder and lay it on the island before leading her to the sof
a where she takes the seat next to me and grips her hands together in her lap.

  She’s looking around, not like she’s seeing the space for the first time, but like she’s expecting everything to have changed. But nothing’s changed. Not with us at least. There’s only one thing different, one thing missing.

  She shifts her focus to her hands. “Have you talked to Eli?”

  I pull her over until her bottom is resting in my lap. She swings her legs to my side as I brush her hair over her shoulder, watching my fingers weave their way through. “No. And, honestly, I couldn’t give a shit if I ever talked to him again.”

  Her face drops in disappointment.

  “Leah, what did he think? That you’d wake up one day and realize you were as crazy for him as he was with you? If that’s the case, he should’ve manned up a long time ago.”

  “Heath, he’s my best friend. Our best friend. Just because we hit one bump doesn’t mean we walk away forever. How much longer can this go on? He needs us.”

  “How can you say that? He’s basically been lying to you for years. And I bet I’m not the first guy he’s cockblocked you from.”

  Her jaw drops for a brief second before her eyes squint in aggravation. Shy Leah is cute, but I’m learning pissed off Leah is pretty damn hot.

  She tries to twist in my lap as she huffs, “You can’t just drop someone from your life without at least trying to fix it, Heath.”

  “Why not? My bitch of a mom did. She walked out and never looked back. There’s your proof right there.”

  Her eyes soften along with her voice. “Heath, you might never know why she did what she did, but that doesn’t make it right for you to do the same to someone else. If everyone acted that way, we’d all be depressed and alone. Sometimes, you just need to let things go.”

  She doesn’t get it, and I’m not about to argue with her now that I’ve got her back. No one understands what it’s like when the person who is supposed to love you unconditionally turns her back and walks out of your life, never to be heard from again.