Sweetest Heartbreak

by Heather Bentley

Eli looks at me smugly before continuing, “Another fabulous point. We should probably start thinking about names, too. Any suggestions?”

  “Well, I always imagined, if I had a daughter, I’d name her after my grandmother, Dolores.”

  I choke on his words as Eli taps his foot against mine in victory. Campbell’s smile is hopeful. But I can’t bring myself to feign one in return. I’m too busy trying to keep my breakfast down. I gradually manage a flat smile as I step past him and out through the patio door. I need air. Lots of it. But what I really need is to figure out how to end things with Split Pea and Ham before he starts merging our bank accounts.

  Heath

  “How’s it going?” I have to force out the words when Campbell comes up beside me at the truck.

  “Have you ever been in love, Heath?”

  “L-love?” Yes, and I still am.

  “Because, I mean, I thought I knew what love felt like, but this is different. This girl is different. She wants the same things I want. I mean, I think so at least. She’s not high drama or high maintenance. She doesn’t care what brand something is or how much it costs. She likes kids and animals and has great friends.”

  He thinks he’s in love?

  Jesus, all I did was ask the guy how it was going.

  I almost drop the box I’m holding but manage to get it back on the truck bed before I do.

  I had no idea they’d gotten so serious, so fast.

  Eli was right. It didn’t take long for someone to see how incredible Leah is.

  Watching him lean in to kiss her, like he’d done it a hundred times before, was too much to handle. I’m just thankful her back was to me.

  I would jump through a million hoops and walk through fire if that was what it took to make her smile. I know I’m fucked when I want her happiness more than my own, and that includes watching her fall in love with another man. It’s what she deserves. But it hurts like hell all the same.

  “Yeah, great friends,” I mumble.

  He takes a box from the truck and heads up the walkway, not before giving me a pat on the shoulder. He may have even called me “Bud” at some point.

  He enters the house, comfortable and confident, like he belongs here. While I want more than anything for her to have everything good that comes her way, all I can think about is this guy sharing it with her. His shoes by the door and his clothes in her closet. Him watching movies and hosting barbecues with her. Building a life with her.

  I can already feel the friendship we’ve reconstructed slipping away.

  Gravel spits out beneath the tires of a truck pulling up close behind me. I immediately recognize the logo on the side and walk to the driver.

  “Delivery for Leah Dawson,” The driver says as he holds out a clipboard.

  “Yeah, I’ll sign for her.” I sign then walk with him to the back of the truck where he slides up the door and positions the ramp.

  “It’s all gassed up and ready to go,” he says as he makes his way inside.

  Great, just in time for Broccoli Cheese to take it for a spin.

  He wheels the gleaming red lawn mower down from the truck.

  “Here’s all the paperwork on it. It’s a nice one, and it looks like she got the extended warranty, so tell her to call us if there are any problems.”

  “I’ll make sure to do that.” I stare blindly down at the papers as he gets in his truck and drives away.

  “What is this?”

  I turn toward Leah’s voice as she comes up next to me.

  “Heath?”

  “Happy housewarming, Princess.” I step aside to give her a full view.

  “You bought me a lawn mower? But the truck rental was my gift.”

  I shrug a shoulder.

  “Heath, this is really nice. Too nice. You shouldn’t have.”

  She’s silent as she runs her hand over the handle and pulls the lever before walking around it like it’s a new car.

  “Heath . . .”

  “He already left. No sending it back now.” I dig a hand in my pocket and force a smile.

  “Thank you, Heath. It’s beautiful.” Even though she lets out a small laugh, she looks almost sad. “Is it weird that I just called a lawn mower beautiful?”

  “No, it just means you’re a responsible, home-owning adult.”

  “Do you know what else it means?”

  “What’s that?”

  “It means that I’ll need you to come over next Saturday to show me how the heck to work this thing.”

  I don’t dare tell her that was my hope all along. “I’d be happy to.” Although I’m sure Golden Mushroom will beat me to it. “I’m really happy for you, Leah. Not just the house, but . . . everything. You should be really proud of yourself.”

  She tries to hide her blush, but she can’t get anything past me.

  “I’ve come a long way. We both have.”

  Our silence is interrupted by Campbell. “Wow, now, that’s a lawn mower. I can’t wait to give it a try. I can be your personal lawn boy.” He wraps an arm around her shoulders and smiles down at her.

  “You’ll need this then.” I hand him the paperwork and walk away.

  “Why the hell am I assembling a crib I paid for?” I ask Eli as I dump out a package of nuts and bolts on the floor, searching through them for the piece I need.

  “Because they wanted an extra hundred dollars for assembly. And you were already paying enough for the furniture.”

  “A hundred bucks? That’s it? I would’ve paid five times that to avoid this shit.”

  “Will you shut up? We’re making memories. One day, I’ll tell little Eli Junior about the time his dad and Uncle Numbnuts spent the day putting his first bed together.”

  “Eli Junior? Are you serious? Don’t curse the kid with that name. And how do you know it’s going to be a boy anyway?”

  “Because I just know; that’s how. Call it a father’s intuition.”

  “Yeah, right. You’re doomed to end up like your dad, covered in glitter and surrounded by hormonal girls.”

  “Not happening, dude. I won’t let it.”

  “You’re an idiot. You do know how this works, right? You can’t just wish something to be true. If that were the case, I’d . . .” I catch myself and shut up.

  “You’d what?”

  “Nothing. Where is piece C2? This is bullshit. I’m calling my dad’s handyman and paying him the hundred bucks to put this bastard together.” I’m lifting and sliding parts and pieces, not even sure what I’m looking for.

  “Is it hard to see her with someone else? Even after all this time?”

  I ignore him, instead turning my focus to the page of directions in my lap.

  “Maybe you should try dating someone else. How long has it been?”

  He knows exactly how long it’s been.

  “She’s in a good place now, Heath. She’s healthy, she has her own home, a job she likes, and she’s dating a decent guy. You know as well as I do, she wants the same for you.”

  I continue to ignore him.

  “I think she’s starting to worry about you.”

  That gets my attention.

  “I watch her watch you, like she’s trying to piece together what you need, how she can help you.”

  My eyes narrow in doubt. This is all news to me. I’ve never once caught her looking my way.

  “You know, it’s been a big year for me. I married the love of my life, and in just a few months, she’s going to have my baby. But, as good as all of that is, one of the best parts is that I got my two best friends back. For a while there, I never thought it would happen. I thought I’d lost you and Leah forever. But you both came back to me. And I just need to tell you how thankful I am for that. I know it wasn’t easy. And it still isn’t. I can see how badly you want her back, but I also know you’ll never do anything about it because you think she deserves better.”

  Having a baby has turned him soft. I’m about to tell him this much, but, unfortunately, he’s not fi
nished. “Have you stopped to think that maybe that could be you? This you? The guy who takes his job seriously, doesn’t smoke pot or drink, exercises, and never misses a Sunday breakfast with his dad?”

  “Even if I did agree with you, she’s with him now. He’s good for her.”

  “Oh, come on. We both know that guy is boring as hell. Is she happy? Sure. But is she happy? I think we know the answer to that. She doesn’t love this guy. Not even close. The only time she’s ever been in love was when she was with you. And I could say the same for you. So, the question is, what are you going to do about it?”

  “She let me back into her life. That’s more than I could ever ask for.”

  “Well, maybe it’s time to ask for more.”

  That’s where he’s wrong. She’d never take that chance again.

  “Have you seen my phone?” I search under bags of bolts and pages of instructions until I spot it.

  “So, you’re going to call her?”

  “Not a chance.”

  “Then, who are you calling?”

  “Someone to take care of this mess. Otherwise, I’ll be telling Junior the story of how close I came to killing his dad that time we put his crib together.”

  Leah

  “How was your date last night?” I ask my mom as we wind through the aisles of the baby store looking for Lindsey’s shower gift.

  “Let’s just say, there won’t be a second.”

  “Oh no. What happened this time?”

  “It started out fine. We went to that nice sushi place I’d told you about. Everything was going well until he unwrapped his chopsticks.”

  I stop the cart and give her my full attention. “And?”

  “And he tucked them under his top lip, then tried to sing The Beatles’ song, ‘I Am the Walrus.’”

  “Seriously?” I laugh.

  “Like a goddamn heart attack,” she deadpans.

  “Well, points to him for liking The Beatles at least, right?” I ask, and hand her Lindsey’s registry. “What’s with us Dawson women rarely making it to the second date? Are we too picky?”

  “There’s nothing wrong with being picky. A person should never settle when it comes to finding a partner. How about you, hon? Have you thought about getting out there again now that you’re single?”

  “Ugh, no. I’m still recovering from breaking up with Campbell.” I shake my head and continue to push the cart down the aisle.

  “I’m sorry, Lee. That’s never an easy thing to do.”

  “He cried, Mom. For two straight hours. All I kept thinking was: How much longer is this going to last because I really need a sandwich?” I shake my head at the memory. “I’m an awful person.”

  “You are not an awful person, Lee, you hear me? But it’s your own fault for doing it at your house. Next time you break a boy’s heart, make sure you’re somewhere you can get in your car and leave. That’ll teach you.” She glances over as we both stop in front of a long line of strollers.

  “I would have, but I honestly wasn’t expecting to do it right then. I walked in on him measuring one of my spare bedrooms. He said he was going to surprise me with a desk, but I knew deep down that the desk was for him. I think he was slowly planning to move in with me, and I knew if I didn’t do it then, I’d wake up one day to find his underwear in my laundry and his car in my garage. I should’ve never let it go on for as long as it did.”

  “I knew he wasn’t the one.”

  “What do you mean? You loved Campbell. You were always saying what a nice guy he was.”

  “He was a nice guy, but he wasn’t the right nice guy.” Her voice eases. “Did you ever tell him about what happened in Chicago?”

  “No.” I reach for a stroller and begin to slide it back and forth.

  “And why is that?”

  I hesitate.

  “Because you didn’t feel like you could. Maybe you couldn’t trust him? Maybe you thought it’d scare him off? Whatever your reasons were, you kept something important from him. When the right person comes along, you won’t feel that way. You’ll know.”

  The people who matter most in my life already know. I can’t imagine sharing that with anyone else.

  “Do your friends know about Campbell?”

  “I told Lindsey last night, which means Eli knows.”

  “And Heath?”

  “It hasn’t come up.”

  She stops and turns to me, arms crossed. “Uh-huh.”

  “Mom, don’t. It’s taken Heath and I a long time to get to where we’re at now.”

  “And where is that?”

  “We’re friends. Good friends.” And that’s the truth.

  If we didn’t have Eli as our anchor, we might have never made it to this point. But, after a lot of life lessons, we did just that, and that’s all that matters.

  “Here’s the stroller she wants,” I say, changing the subject.

  Together, we lift the large box and angle it into the cart.

  “Let’s check out and grab some lunch.” My mom starts to push the cart toward the registers.

  “You don’t want to look at anything else?” I ask. “You love little baby clothes. Especially baby girl clothes.” I tug the cart toward the sea of pink.

  “No, not today. I’m pretty hungry.”

  When she attempts to continue on, I stop the cart. “It’s okay, Mom. It doesn’t bother me to be here. Honest.” When she doesn’t say anything, I repeat myself, “Seriously, I’m good.”

  In the middle of the stroller aisle of a baby superstore on a busy Saturday afternoon, my mom hugs me tightly. “I know you are, honey. I’m so proud of you.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” I take a second to relish her hold before pulling back. “Now, come on. I saw sparkly baby tutus and little rainbow leg warmers that we absolutely have to check out.”

  I dig my phone from the bottom of my purse as Pat Benatar sings about being invincible. “Hey, Eli.”

  “Leah, thank God!”

  “What is it? Is Lindsey okay?”

  “She’s fine. But we came home from her doctor’s appointment, and the garage won’t open. For some reason, the power is out on our entire block, and neither of us has a key.”

  Eli had one spare key, and when Heath and I argued over who should have it, we played Rock, Paper, Scissors. I picked rock. Heath picked paper.

  “I can’t help you. You gave Heath the spare, remember?”

  “Yes, and trust me, I’m totally regretting it right now.”

  “So, call Heath.”

  “I have, and he’s not answering. I left him a voicemail, but I don’t know how long we can wait. Can you go to his place and get it?”

  I haven’t been to Heath’s condo since I packed up my things, and have no plans of ever going back. Eli knows this.

  “Please, Lee. Lindsey’s in the car with the air-conditioning running, but she’s exhausted, and she would really like to lie down. I know it’s asking a lot, but I need you to do this.”

  Lindsey’s in the final weeks of her pregnancy and swelling up like a bloated whale. I can’t sit by and let her suffer more than she already is.

  “Of course. Will she be okay until I can get there?”

  “Yeah. I’ll take her for ice cream and French fries.”

  I laugh because that’s been her favorite thing to eat these last few months.

  “Sounds good. I just need the codes to get into Heath’s place.”

  “They’re still the same. He never changed them.”

  “It’s been a long time. Refresh my memory,” I lie.

  Heath’s building has keyless entry, and I still remember the code to the main door as well as the door to his place.

  I take an early lunch from work and go on a drive I never imagined taking again.

  Get in, and get out.

  I turn the handle and let the door swing open before taking a step in. “Hello?” I call into the empty foyer.

  Inside, I’m met by the same narrow table that sits agai
nst the foyer wall. The one I always set my keys on and my bag below.

  I move in farther and call out again.

  No answer.

  When I enter the family room, I see nothing has changed. The same furniture, the same decor. I slowly spin around and see the same for the kitchen. The only thing out is a bowl of fruit on the counter. Heath would never put out a bowl of fruit. It must have come from someone else.

  I’m tempted to investigate for more signs of a girlfriend, but I push the urge aside and do what needs to get done. Eli said to check for the key in Heath’s top desk drawer of his office, so I head toward the hall.

  Behind the desk, I find the key right where he said it would be. I know I should get out of here and over to Eli as fast as possible, but as I peer down the hall, toward the open master bedroom door, I can’t help but wonder. My mind is screaming at me to go left, but my body wills me to go right.

  I go right.

  I peek into the room and notice the only change is new bedding. Everything else is the same, in its original place. The room itself is organized and clutter-free, except for a large but basic cardboard box with bright yellow mailing tape sitting off in the corner.

  It’s what’s across the room though, tucked into the frame of the dresser mirror, that draws me in. I take two steps in and freeze. I should not be doing this. This is Heath’s private space. But I ignore common sense and cross the room. So much for getting in and out.

  I pull the picture away and run my thumb over the image as I’m taken to a moment I all but forgot.

  We were lying warm and comfortable, wrapped up in each other on his sofa, when he said he wanted to get a drink. But he didn’t come back with a drink. He came back with a black velvet box. And in that box, were the gold hoop earrings he gave me to replace the ones I had lost. It was also the day I knew I was falling in love with him.

  I casually took a selfie of us on the sofa, but there was nothing casual about it. That day meant everything to me, and I needed a picture to capture that feeling of new love. My first love. I never wanted to forget how it felt to be consumed in a way I never had been before. How insanely happy I was in that moment.

  I remember he wouldn’t smile, instead making all kinds of funny faces just to mess with me. It wasn’t until he got up on an elbow and tickled me in the ribs, causing me to scream out in laughter, that I managed to take this picture. My head is thrown back, my smile bigger than I knew possible, as I was begging him to stop. And he’s looking down on me, wearing a sexy grin, that, had I seen it through my hysterics, it would have stopped my squirming cold.