Healing a Heart

by Amy Lillard

  “No.” Jake’s voice was adamant.

  Bryn shot him a glaring look, then turned back to Wesley. “How about we do something like that when you’re older?”

  “How much older?” Wesley asked.

  “No,” Jake reiterated.

  Then an idea occurred to Bryn. “Jake,” she said low enough her voice carried but not so loud that Wesley could hear. “I used to dye Emery’s hair with Kool-Aid. It doesn’t damage the hair and it washes out in just a few days. You have grape Kool-Aid in the kitchen. We could do purple.”

  Jake frowned. “You colored your sister’s hair with Kool-Aid?”

  Bryn laughed. “Can we do it or not?”

  She could almost see the internal struggle of the father who wanted to give his child everything and the conservative cowboy who thought purple hair was completely out of the question.

  “It’ll be washed out by next week. Just the ends.” She could see him breaking down. “What’s the harm?” For a moment she thought he would tell her exactly what the harm was in having a chunk of purple hair and going to school at Cattle Creek Elementary, but instead he snapped the magazine he was reading shut and glared at her. “Fine.”

  “Why are you so angry with me?”

  He shook his head. “I’m not angry at all.” But it was the biggest lie she had ever heard.

  • • •

  Bryn had to put Wesley’s hair in a ponytail for supper to keep her from swinging it across her shoulders and possibly getting it in her food. She loved the purple and couldn’t wait to get to school and show everybody tomorrow. But in the meantime Bryn was afraid she was going to drag it through her chicken casserole before everything was said and done.

  “Come on, tater,” Jake said, reaching out a hand to Wesley after the table had been cleared. “It’s time for a bath and bed.”

  Wesley looked aghast. “You can’t wash my hair!” Her hands flew to her newly Kool-Aid-dyed tresses.

  “You can do what I used to do when I was your age and put your hair up in a bun on the top of your head. Then you can have your bath without getting your hair wet.”

  “A hot dog bun or a hamburger bun?”

  Bryn laughed. “It’s a type of hairstyle. Come on. I’ll show you.”

  She took Wesley into the bathroom and put her hair up, then turned her over to Jake.

  “No,” Wesley hollered as Bryn started to leave the bathroom. “I want you to give me my bath.”

  A look passed between Jake and Bryn. She had been so worried about losing her own heart that she hadn’t given a thought to the most precious heart there. Wesley’s.

  Bryn tried to let him know that she was sorry. But she hadn’t meant to encroach on father-daughter time. This wasn’t her place. This wasn’t her family. This wasn’t her child to raise, to give baths.

  Definitely. She was leaving tomorrow.

  • • •

  Jake came back in the bathroom as Wesley got out of the tub. “Are you ready for a bedtime story?” he asked.

  It’d been the hardest thing he had ever done, walking out and allowing someone else to give his daughter a bath. For five years she’d been in his total care, if he didn’t count those first three weeks after her birth where he spent all of his time at the bottom of a bottle. To this day he still wasn’t sure who took care of her during that rocky time, though he was positive his mother and grandmother had made sure she didn’t want for anything. Since then, he had taken his daddy duties very seriously, and it was painful to walk out and hand them over to someone else.

  “Miss Bryn, will you read me a story?” Wesley asked.

  Bryn seemed as shocked as he was hurt. “I’m sure your dad would like to read you a story tonight.”

  “He reads me a story every night. And tonight I want you.” Wesley pouted. She put her arms around Bryn’s neck and refused to let the woman leave. What choice did she have but to lift her up and take her into her bedroom right across the hall?

  “I’ll make a deal with you,” Bryn said. “I’ll help you pick out your pajamas, then you let your dad read your story and I’ll see you in the morning before you go to school.”

  “No deal,” Wesley said. “I want you to read me the story and you to pick out my pajamas. Dad can stay, but you need to do it.”

  Each one of her words was a stab to the heart. She didn’t mean to hurt him, but that was what daughters did when they grew up, when they became independent and started to know their own minds. But one thing was evident to Jake: Wesley missed a woman’s touch. Even with his mother and his grandmother around, he knew it wasn’t the same. She had never even known her and yet she missed her mother.

  “Go ahead,” Jake said. His voice sounded thin and rusty. If he noticed it, he was sure Bryn did too, but she didn’t say anything and for that he was grateful. He stayed just long enough for Bryn to get Wesley into her pajamas, take her hair down from the bun they had decided to call a Wesley bun, and brush it out for the evening. He still couldn’t believe that he let her dye the ends purple with Kool-Aid of all things. He supposed that just went to show what a big old softy he was down deep inside. Anybody who thought cowboys were tough never looked at their hearts.

  Once Wesley was in her pj’s and had crawled into bed, Jake kissed her on the forehead and got a hug and a kiss on the cheek in return. “Good night,” he said, then closed the door behind him as he left.

  • • •

  Bryn let herself out of Wesley’s room, shutting the door quietly behind her and leaning against it. The nightlight was on and the little girl, soon to be a big kindergartner, was ready to go to sleep. She had been kissed good night and tucked in, all the other wonderful things that children needed.

  It was perhaps the sweetest and the hardest thing she had ever done. And she felt for Jake. She could see in his eyes the hurt and the daddy betrayal that he had endured to be thrown over for a virtual stranger. But that would only happen one time. Bryn was leaving tomorrow, no doubt about it. Getting out of Texas, going back to where she belonged, and allowing the Langstons to continue their lives without her. Because truly she had no place there, even as badly as she wanted it. She wasn’t one of their family.

  With a sigh she pushed herself off the door and started toward her own bedroom. She would pack tonight, get all her things together, then in the morning, after she got Wesley off to school—with Jake, of course—she would haul her stuff out to the car and head back to Georgia. She was almost nineteen weeks pregnant. If she waited much longer, she would be stuck here for the rest of the pregnancy. Time to get out now.

  She let herself into her room and closed the door behind her, turning around and nearly jumping out of her skin when she saw Jake lounging on her bed, looking as if he’d been there half the night.

  Chapter Eleven

  What are you doing here?”

  Jake pushed himself upright as if it was the most natural thing in the world for him to be sprawled across her bed at eight thirty at night. “Did you get her all tucked in?”

  Bryn nodded but stayed right where she was. Jake might not realize the intimacy of their positions, but she did. Or maybe that was because she had fantasies about this very scenario every time she closed her eyes.

  “Thanks, that was . . .” He shook his head. “That was hard. I don’t have to share her very often.”

  “I’m sorry. This is a special time, and I’m making a mess of it for you.”

  He frowned. “Why would you say that?”

  “Because it’s true. You should have this time with her without me around and—” She broke off as he stood.

  “Having you around has made this more special for her. I didn’t realize until tonight, but she misses her mother.” He nodded his head and waved away the words that he thought she might say. “I know. She never knew her, but she’s smart. She sees other kids, the kids here on the r
anch. And she knows that her life is different.”

  He came a bit closer and she caught the scent of his aftershave. His hair smelled clean and fresh. He must have taken a shower before coming in here, even if the scent of leather and horse still clung to him. Somehow it was a lethal combination. At least to her heart.

  “I’m leaving tomorrow,” she blurted out. “I’ll stay until you leave to take Wesley to school, then after that, I’m going home. I need to go home.”

  When had he gotten so close to her? Close enough that he could reach out and touch her? She took a step back. He followed, so she held her ground.

  “Why?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. “I thought you wanted to get to know everyone better.”

  “I do.” She shook her head. “I did. I have. Now it’s time to go.”

  “Bryn . . .”

  Don’t come any closer. She wanted to scream the words, keep him at arm’s length, but he seemed to pull her in without any effort.

  “You don’t have to leave, you know.”

  “I do.” Some argument. Her words were barely above a whisper. All two of them. “Jake, I—”

  “What’s in Georgia?” he asked. “You have anything like this there?”

  He leaned in. Bryn closed her eyes and waited for the touch of his lips on hers. It came, as soft as butterfly wings. Yet strong enough to make her knees buckle.

  He tasted like toothpaste, coffee, and all good things. And heaven help her, she never wanted that kiss to stop. But it had to, if she was going to get out with her heart intact.

  But oh, how easy it would be to cave to the desires washing over her. Give in to the pleasure of the now and not worry about any of the consequences. But what then? After she had fallen completely in love with Jake? How would she ever get her heart back? Would she even want it?

  He lifted his head, his green eyes shining into hers. She hoped their twins had his eyes, those beautiful bottle green eyes that saw everything, missed nothing, and loved without end.

  It was the perfect time to protest, to tell him that she had made up her mind. She was leaving first thing. But he tilted his head the other direction and started kissing her again and the words were lost.

  Then she realized. She was too late. She was already in love with Jake Langston. She had been fooling herself to believe that she hadn’t been for quite some time. Maybe even the first time she had seen him swing Wesley into his arms as if she was the most precious thing in the world.

  “Do you ever wonder about that night?” Jake asked as he trailed little kisses down the side of Bryn’s neck. She clutched his arms to keep herself upright.

  “What about it?” Whose breathless voice was that?

  “If it was really as good as I remember.”

  “Yes,” she admitted. The night in her dreams was beyond compare, but she knew the Jake in her arms could beat it any day. Nothing could top the real thing.

  The warmth of his skin beneath her fingers, the softness of his kisses, the strength in his size. He was everything she could want and more. But what was the harm in a little experiment, especially since her heart already belonged to him.

  “Make love to me, Jake.”

  He captured her lips in a soul-stirring kiss.

  “I thought you would never ask.”

  He retained his hold on her, yet turned her around, reversing their positions so he could walk her backward toward that big bed.

  Her legs bumped into the mattress, but she remained upright as she clutched his shirt, trying to undo the buttons as he continued to kiss her. She pulled his shirttail from his jeans and ran her hands across his abdomen and around his back as he sucked in a breath.

  Could she affect him that way? With just a simple touch? The thought was heady.

  He pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it aside. His hands clasped her shoulders, ran down her arms, as he continued to devour her with his eyes. Almost as potent as his kiss was that green gaze that seemed to take in every detail, overlooking flaws and making her feel like the most precious thing on earth.

  She didn’t hide herself from his gaze. She wasn’t embarrassed or uncomfortable by her growing girth. The babies were too special for her to regret her altered shape.

  She tossed her hair back and met his gaze. Then she saw no censure there, no love. Only desire. And for now that would have to do. She reached for the button on his jeans as he snaked one arm around her and lifted her onto the bed.

  With deft fingers he undid the back hook of her bra, releasing her swollen breasts. The hormones had made them full and sensitive and they spilled eagerly toward his touch.

  She closed her eyes and ran her fingers through his hair as he captured one nipple in a soft kiss.

  “Do you remember this?” He blew over the wetness his mouth had left behind, and Bryn shivered.

  “Yes.” She remembered all that and more.

  He gave the other breast similar treatment as his fingers skimmed down her side to the elastic waistband of her shorts.

  “Sexy,” he murmured as he tugged on the elastic.

  Bryn braced her hands to give him better access. “Don’t make fun,” she scolded.

  “Oh, I’m not.”

  And he proved it by skimming away the denim and cupping her. Moisture pooled in her lower regions and she squirmed against the barrier of her panties, seeking a more intimate touch.

  He laughed as she reared against him. “Slow down, sweetness. We have all night.”

  And they did. They had all night to enjoy each other. They had all night to reacquaint themselves with the other’s body, mind, soul. They had all night to rediscover those oh-so-sensitive places that made the other sigh or cry out. They had all night, but in the morning . . .

  Bryn pushed that thought away. She could enjoy the here and the now. She would worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

  “Kiss me,” she commanded.

  He did as she asked without question. Kissing her until her toes curled and her fingers tingled so badly she could barely work the zipper of his jeans. She needed this. She needed him. She needed that human connection. It had been denied her so long, and she had fallen victim to it that night in Austin. Just as she would fall victim to it here, tonight, with Jake once again.

  She pushed his jeans from his hips and he shimmied out of them, rolling off to one side naked. Gloriously naked.

  She wanted to touch him everywhere at once. All that warm skin. Hard as steel. Soft as velvet. Dusted with hair. The man’s body was a myriad of tactile pleasures, and she wanted to experience each and every one.

  She slipped her hands between them, cupping him in her palm, loving the little involuntary jump as she touched him.

  He rained little kisses across her shoulders, the tops of her breasts, down one arm as she continued to caress him.

  He hooked his fingers in the side seam of her panties and tugged.

  “I hate to say this, but you need to stop that.” The confidence in his voice sounded shaky and rough. “If I’m going to make it through,” he coughed, “without an accident, you need to stop.”

  “Oh,” Bryn exclaimed. She hadn’t realized that she had been rubbing him with her thumb, squeezing with the other hand, just enjoying the feel of holding him once again.

  Jake tugged on her underwear. They tangled in her legs, but she didn’t care as he ran one finger down that sweetest crease. She was ready for him. She didn’t need to feel his caress against her slick folds to know that she was ready. She had been ready since she pulled into his driveway and he frowned at her. She’d been ready since she decided to come here. Since the dawn of time.

  “Jake,” she gasped as he slid one finger inside her. It was wonderful, exquisite, and not enough. She needed him, all of him.

  “Hold on, sweetness. Let’s make sure you’re ready.”

&nbs
p; “I’m ready.”

  He kissed her then, deep and true, slid one hand from her buttocks down to her knees, lifting her leg over his side.

  “This might be a little tricky.”

  “Tricky?” she asked.

  He ran a hand between them, over her belly and lower until he could position himself to enter her.

  They were side by side, one of her legs draped over his waist. It felt so good to be in his arms once more, but the position was awkward, not allowing her to take him all like she wanted.

  She tried to sink lower, tried to take him deeper, but she shook her head. “This isn’t enough. I need you.” Oh, how she needed him.

  He adjusted them once again. It was a little better, but still not enough. “I don’t want to hurt you. I’m too heavy for you.”

  “I need you,” she repeated. She squirmed against him once more.

  He groaned. “Yes,” he said. “We need more. Do you think you could handle being on top?”

  “Yes,” she gasped. “Please.”

  He rolled to his back, taking her with him, but holding her hips to keep her at a distance.

  “It will be . . . deeper,” he groaned as she sank onto him.

  He filled her completely, sending shards of pleasure throughout her body. Not an orgasm, just the pleasure of him fully inside her. It was strong and powerful, a connection she had never felt before, a connection she never wanted to end.

  She rose up, then down once again, and the ripples of pleasure became more, waves that washed her halfway to heaven. Wave after wave crashed her against him until she thought she might die from the pleasure of it all.

  “Wait,” he panted, holding her still for a moment. She wanted to move. She wanted to see this through to the end, she wanted to love him with no bounds, with no limitations; nothing stood between them now. Not the past, not the embarrassment of the one-night stand, nothing.

  She rocked against him, and he grabbed her hips, slowing her pace. It was fantastic and frustrating at the same time. She wanted to toss her head and love him like there was no tomorrow, because really there wasn’t. There was only now, and this desire between them.