Healing a Heart

by Amy Lillard

  The older woman shrugged. “I guess that’s up to her. Bryn, do you feel like you need to go to the hospital?”

  “Who needs to go to the hospital?” Seth had come back into the room, apparently to grab a couple more beers for him and Jake.

  “Did somebody say hospital?” Jake burst into the room. “Bryn, are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.” She laughed to show just how fine she was. The pain had come and gone, most probably Braxton Hicks again, but she couldn’t shake that expectant feeling she had. Her stomach pitched like she was on a roller coaster.

  “Honey, why don’t you sit down?” Jake asked. He plowed into the room and took her elbow, his intention clear: to walk her into the living room and sit her down on the couch. But she was tired of sitting and she was tired of waiting.

  “I don’t want to sit down.” She dug in her heels and as she did the pain hit again. It was like lightning and fire blazing inside her. Her breath caught. Jake stilled as he watched her. They had gone through all the classes of breathing techniques and other helpful information, but it was hard to remember all of that when she was being torn in half.

  “Breathe,” Jessie said.

  The one word seemed to spur Jake into motion. He took her face in his hands and tilted her chin so he could look deep into her eyes. “Are you ready to have these babies today?”

  She wanted to tell him no. She wanted to tell him it was just Braxton Hicks, but somehow she knew. “I think so. I’m sorry to ruin everybody’s Christmas.”

  “Ruin Christmas?” Jessie said. “Why, this is the best Christmas ever. Wesley, get your coat. We’re going to the hospital.”

  Chapter Twenty

  It seemed to take forever to get Bryn’s suitcase and get her into his truck. The pains were coming quicker now, and it was hard for him to breathe with his heart lodged in his throat. There were too many things that could go wrong.

  “Somebody call Gary and have him meet us at the medical center,” he called as he ran around the front of his truck and slid behind the wheel.

  His hands were shaking so badly he could barely get the key in the ignition. Next time he was leaving the damn thing running for nine months. Next time.

  He put the truck into gear and glanced over to Bryn. Her eyes were closed as she practiced the breathing techniques he never quite understood. But did he try? Not really. Fully understanding the importance of the breathing was the equivalent of admitting that she was having a baby, two babies, and that so many things could go wrong.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Drive fast,” was all she said.

  Jake spun out on the dirt driveway and headed toward the road. They were coming too fast, the pains one on top of the other. He was supposed to be timing them, but he couldn’t check his watch and drive.

  “When did these pains start?”

  They were coming so fast they had to have started sometime in the night. And yet she’d said nothing until now? Was she trying to drive him insane?

  He shook his head. This wasn’t about him. He could go crazy later. Right now he had to get her into Cattle Creek. And for the first time since she started going to see Dr. Gary Stephens, he was grateful that they had chosen a doctor who was close.

  “Jake!” She practically screeched his name. He braked at the end of the driveway, fear controlling that instinctive reaction.

  “They’re coming. Now.”

  “How can that be?” Weren’t babies supposed to wait hours and hours before they actually arrived?

  She clutched his arm, her fingers digging in even through his thick winter coat. “We have to do something now!”

  He shoved the truck into park and left it running as he ran around to her side. His mother, Grandma Esther, and everyone else were in the car behind them. He wrenched open the door. “Why are they coming so fast?” he asked.

  Bryn shook her head. She turned in her seat, her back braced against the center console.

  “I’ve got to get you to the hospital. To the doctor,” he said. They needed a doctor more than anything in the world. They needed one right now.

  “There’s no time.”

  How did she know? It was her first baby! He didn’t want her to have them here. They needed medical equipment, sterilized blankets, and everything else that modern technology could give them. He needed them to be safe. He needed heart monitors and incubators and—

  “Jake!”

  He snapped to attention.

  She leaned up and clasped his face in her hands. “I need you. You can do this.”

  Suddenly Grandma Esther was behind him. “What’s going on?”

  Jake leaned in and gave Bryn one last kiss, his mind made up.

  “We’re going to have these babies, Grandma. Like, right now. Keep Wesley back.”

  “I’ll go back to the house to get some towels.” She turned away. “And blankets. And hot water. I don’t really know what it’s for, but they always have it in the movies.”

  “Have Mama call 9-1-1. And go get Abraham.”

  His grandmother stopped. “The vet?”

  “Just do it!”

  The driver’s-side door opened, and Jessie slid in behind the steering wheel.

  “Hey, Bryn. It’s me. Jessie.” She reached over and grabbed Bryn’s hand. “Squeeze my hand. Let me know that you’re listening. Ow,” she said, then gave a small laugh.

  “Jake’s going to deliver the babies,” Bryn whispered, but her eyes were closed. That in itself worried him. He wanted her looking at him, eyes sharp as she bossed him around, telling him what to do, but he was on his own.

  He grabbed his pocketknife and exposed the blade.

  “Bryn, I’ve got to cut these jeans off.”

  She took a deep, shuddering breath. “I don’t care. I hate them anyway.”

  Jessie laughed. “They are quite ugly.”

  “Your turn is coming,” Bryn grit out as another pain gripped her.

  Somehow Jake managed to get Bryn free of her jeans.

  “Here he comes!” Bryn’s strangled cry sliced through him. This was no different than delivering a horse or a cow, he told himself, but he didn’t believe a word of it. First there was a head, then the tiny body. The baby boy slid from his mother and let out a lusty wail.

  Jake held the squalling bundle in his arms and looked to his wife. Her eyes were closed. “Bryn,” he called softly.

  She opened her eyes just enough to peek at him.

  “It’s a boy.”

  She closed her eyes again. “I told you so.”

  He wished she would look at him.

  Please God let her be okay.

  Why wouldn’t she look at him? But surely her smart mouth was an indication that she was okay.

  Please God let it be so.

  Suddenly Grandma Esther was behind him.

  “Here.” She handed him a thick fleece blanket. “Make sure his mouth is clear and wrap him up in this. You need to clean him a little, but it’s more important to keep him warm.”

  Jake held the baby away from him as his grandmother wrapped the baby in the blanket. With the baby warm and snug and still screaming his little head off, Jake laid him on Bryn’s belly.

  “The doc said to use these to tie off the cords.” She handed him a couple of shoelaces.

  Bryn’s eyes were still closed, but she cradled the baby boy. He had stopped crying and was snuggling close as if he knew his mother was near. That had to be a good sign too, right?

  Jessie was behind her, caressing her face and talking nonsensically. Must be a girl thing, he thought.

  Then Bryn sat up a little straighter. “Here he comes.”

  Jake felt just a little more confidence this time around. Unlike his brother, the baby came in record time.

  “It’s a boy.”

  Twin
boys! He could hardly believe it.

  Bryn reached out and lightly touched the baby’s face. “Jasper and Jarvis,” she said, then slumped back into her seat.

  • • •

  When asked later, Jake couldn’t remember exactly how he got Bryn to the medical center. He had, and that was all that mattered.

  The babies were whisked away to be measured and weighed. They had taken Bryn as well, leaving Jake waiting for word.

  Shortly after suppertime, they put Bryn in a room and allowed Jake to join her. She was sleeping peacefully when he entered and he found himself watching her chest move to reassure himself. He hated it, hated his weakness, but he had to know that she was okay.

  Two incubators stood nearby, each one holding a tiny Langston twin. Well, not so tiny. Jasper Thomas Langston weighed in at six pounds two ounces, while Jarvis Talbot Langston weighed five pounds ten ounces. The biggest twins the Cattle Creek Medical Center had ever seen. Not that it was saying much. But Jake was still proud of his boys.

  And so very proud of his wife.

  He sat down next to her bed. The heart monitors beeped out of sequence, but it was the most musical sound he had ever heard.

  How could one man be so blessed? Love for the three of them filled his heart. He could hardly wait for Wesley to see her baby brothers. She was going to be such a good big sister. And two rowdy boys ensured there would be lots of roughhousing and noise in the years to come.

  He reached out and took Bryn’s hand in his own. She didn’t move, just peacefully slept. And he was grateful, so very grateful. They made it through. All three of them were fine and healthy. What more could one man ask?

  It rose up in him, a strange mixture of happiness, gratitude, and sorrow. It clogged his throat and pounded through his veins.

  Jake laid his head on the side of the bed and wept.

  He wept for Cecelia, whose life was cut way too short. He wept for Wesley, who had been denied a mother for far too long. But he also wept in happiness that somehow, someway, he and Bryn had been brought together. They had two healthy sons and would now share a beautiful daughter and be the family that she deserved. But mostly he wept for time lost. He’d been such a fool for the last five years. But no more.

  “Shhh,” Bryn murmured.

  He felt her hands smooth down his hair as she tried to comfort him. But still he wept. “It’s okay,” she murmured. It was. And he was glad. “It’s all okay. We’re all okay.”

  • • •

  She was having the most wonderful dream. She was floating on a pink sea of cotton candy. Okay, so that wasn’t actually possible but it felt that way, soft, cushiony, and sweet. In fact, it felt so good she wasn’t sure she ever wanted to wake up.

  But there was a constant beeping noise. It interrupted her beautiful pink dream. And there wasn’t just one. There were two or three layered together, though some were much faster than the others. Too many beeps was all she could think about. Why were there so many beeps?

  The only way to know for certain was to open her eyes and find out where the noise was coming from. But she was tired, so very tired, and uncertain if she wanted to open her eyes just yet. Still, that beeping noise was starting to get on her nerves. She pried open her eyes one at a time and took in her unfamiliar surroundings.

  She was in a bed, but not her bed. A window across from her had the curtains drawn and it didn’t look like any room she had ever been in. She didn’t remember coming here. How did she get here? And what was that infernal beeping?

  She started to push herself up a little in the bed when somebody grabbed her hand. “Bryn?”

  She looked over. Jake. “Hi.” She gave him a smile, at least she tried. Her mouth was so dry that her lips stuck to her teeth. “Water,” she croaked.

  His chair scraped against the tile floor as he pushed back from the bed. He returned a few moments later with a cup and a straw. “Easy does it, now.”

  She drank her fill and laid her head back on the pillow, as he hovered by the bed. “You look haggard,” she said.

  His eyes held a worried light, his mouth turned down at the corners. He looked like someone who had been delivered the worst news of his life. Then she remembered. She sat up straight. “The babies?”

  He pointed to the incubators on the other side of the bed. They were side by side, two little boys and, as far as she could tell, perfect in every way.

  “You did that,” he said. He took her hand in his and kissed her palm.

  She shook her head. “You did it. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

  He smiled and kissed her hand again. Then his eyes turned serious. “I need to talk to you about something.”

  Her heart gave a painful thump. “The twins?”

  He shook his head. “They’re perfect in every way. Ten fingers and ten toes. I counted.”

  She nodded, but swallowed hard. “It’s about us.”

  She couldn’t allow herself to think anything negative. She couldn’t allow herself to think that perhaps she would lose him. Because if she had loved him before, she loved him doubly now. He had stepped up, faced his fears, delivered his sons in the driveway of the ranch house. He was a hero. Her hero.

  “What about us?”

  He shook his head. “It’s really about me.”

  “Spit it out, Jake. You’re scaring me.”

  “Yeah? It was scaring me too. But you . . . you’re the bravest person I know.”

  She waited for him to continue.

  “When I married Cecelia, she was a city girl through and through. She was also a Texas girl, you know? She thought she had ranch life all figured out before she set one foot on the Diamond. But it was a little different than she had anticipated. Or maybe marriage was a little different. Maybe it just wasn’t living in a big town anymore that did her in. Whatever it was, we started to fight. Constant arguing. Of course with arguing comes the makeup, and one day she came to me and told me that she was pregnant. That she was going to have an abortion.”

  Bryn gasped. It was perhaps the last thing she had expected him to say. But despite her outburst, he continued as if she hadn’t made a sound.

  “She said she was going to divorce me and go back to Austin. I couldn’t let that happen. We were having a baby. It was a miracle and perhaps the one thing that could save our marriage. So I convinced her to stay. She didn’t want to. But I couldn’t let her destroy our child.” Tears rose in his eyes and slid down his cheeks.

  Bryn squeezed his hand encouragingly.

  “She wasn’t really happy about it, but she did what I asked. She stayed on the ranch, and she agreed to have the baby.”

  She didn’t need to hear the next words to know what happened.

  “I killed her. I convinced her to stay. I convinced her to have the baby. Then she had an aneurysm and died.”

  “Oh, Jake.” Tears spilled down her own cheeks. What a burden to carry. “You didn’t kill her.”

  “That’s what Seth says too, but in my heart, it feels that way. Like I brought about her death. And I can’t change those feelings. So when you came and told me that you were pregnant, I couldn’t stand the thought of someone else dying at my hand.”

  She didn’t know what to say. Maybe one day he could see how Cecelia’s death was a terrible, terrible accident and he was not responsible. But the first step in healing came with new life.

  “If you hadn’t talked her into having the baby, you wouldn’t have Wesley.”

  He nodded. “It’s something I remember daily. Sometimes it makes it easier, sometimes not so much. I have my daughter, but I took someone else’s from them.”

  “Jake, you have to forgive yourself.”

  “I know. I’m trying. But I also put everything on hold. I thought I was living. I got up in the morning, took care of the chores, took care of my daughter, spent
time with my mother and my grandmother. In the summer we go swimming and in the winter we go hiking, but once you came into our lives, I realized I was just going through the motions. Thank you. Thank you for giving me two beautiful sons. Thank you for teaching me how to live again. Thank you for bringing sunshine into my life.”

  “You know I could say the same thing to you.” She sent him a tired smile.

  He shook his head. “I need to finish. I have something else I need to say before everyone arrives. I made Mama and Grandma Esther promise not to bring Wesley up until you got some sleep. I don’t think I can put them off much longer.”

  “I can’t wait to see them.”

  He gave a small nod. “That night . . . the night I told you that I loved you. I guess I did, in my own way. But you’re right. I manipulated you. I did everything in my power to convince you to stay in Texas so that I could have the twins near me. That was wrong of me. I should’ve never done that. And since that night I’ve learned what true love really is. I love you, Bryn Talbot Langston, but I won’t manipulate you that way again. If you want to go back to Georgia, I won’t stop you. Your house is still there. You can move back in and pick up your life where you left off. I won’t try to stop you.”

  Tears filled her eyes. “I don’t want to go back to Georgia. There’s nothing for me there. I was just afraid,” she confessed. “I lost everything. My parents and then Emery. All I ever wanted was a family, then I come here and meet yours.” She shook her head. “I was afraid that I would never be a part of such a wonderful group of people. Do you know how precious your family is?”

  He grinned. “Yeah, they’re pretty special.”

  “And I was afraid that I would get attached and then have to leave. But all I’ve ever wanted in my life was love, real love.”

  He glanced over to where the twins slept peacefully in their warm incubators. Then he looked back at her. Bryn could see the love shining in those green eyes. Jasper and Jarvis already showed signs of having that same dark hair like their father. She hoped their eyes would be such a beautiful, crystal green. And she hoped that they would be full of love as well.