by Sadie Allen
Sunny
SLAMMING THE TRUCK DOOR closed, I blindly ran across the yard and up the front steps, my chest heaving from the sobs I was holding at bay. When I reached the front door, the billowy fabric of my graduation gown flying behind me, that was where I made my first mistake.
In my desperation to escape the humiliation of what had happened at the graduation ceremony, I hadn’t even realized the front door was unlocked when I advanced through it and slammed it closed. I then struggled to get out of the black muumuu from hell when I heard a click.
I froze and tried to slow my harsh breaths as I looked around for the source of that mysterious sound.
That was my second mistake. I should have taken off running at that unfamiliar click.
I heard the sound of boots walking from the direction of the kitchen and swung around to see the light glint off the barrel of a gun.
“Well, well, well … The little brat is home.” The waning moonlight from the window illuminated the figure of my father as he stepped farther into the living room with the gun pointed at me.
My whole body tensed, and I couldn’t breathe. He looked even worse than the night he had torn apart the trailer. He looked like death, rawboned and sickly. His hair hung limp and greasy from his scalp, and his clothes were like something he had found in a dumpster. The odor coming from him made me think he hadn’t bathed in years, making me sick to my stomach.
“How did you get out of jail?” I couldn’t keep the fear out of my voice with the way my mouth trembled as I asked.
“Tsk, tsk, tsk,” he said as he waved the gun on each tsk. “Didn’t know your old man had connections, huh?”
Since when did a drunk have connections high enough to get them out of jail?
A chill ran up my spine. I had a very bad feeling about where this was going.
“Thought you could steal it all from me?” he sneered.
“Steal what from you?”
“This trailer, Mama’s money, Daddy’s truck … Even my wife.” His words had gotten progressively louder until he was shouting the last one. Then, swaying as he held me in place with the gun, he said, “You stole her from me. The day you were born was the worst day of my life. I wish she never had you. If she hadn’t, she’d be here instead of you. It should’ve been you.”
Everything he said was coated with a thick layer of loathing, and each accusation was like a physical blow. I couldn’t seem to catch my breath. I had always known he resented me, but I hadn’t known he hated me.
“It will be you in the end … and then I’ll have it all,” he slurred.
My blood ran cold, fear paralyzing me where I stood. I saw it all happening in slow motion, unable to move, as he deliberately steadied his arm, his eyes narrowing in on me, and then the explosion from the end of the gun.
Then it all sped up as the bullet hit me in the arm, rocking my left shoulder back as a searing pain engulfed my whole arm.
The second shot hit me like a freight train, and I fell backward, landing with a thud on my back as pain exploded in my chest. I couldn’t breathe it hurt so bad.
I heard his boots, and then saw his face as he bent over me; cruel, black eyes and a wide smile on his gaunt, skeletal-like face. I knew this was going to be it as I felt the blood leak from my body and the numbness set in.
“Daddy …” I whispered, feeling loss anew as surely as if he were dead. My father hated me enough to kill me, and the pain of that was almost as great as the gunshot wounds to my body.
Something flickered in his eyes, there and gone, and then he raised the gun.
I closed my eyes, waiting for him to pull the trigger. Then, when nothing happened, I cracked one eye open to find he was gone.
I thought that maybe it was all a nightmare, except I could feel the blood pooling beneath me.
Who would have thought that my life would end this way? Lying on the linoleum floor of my grana’s trailer, staring at the ceiling that had probably been white at one time but now was almost yellow, feeling the warmth leave my body as my blood pooled beneath me.
I was fading. It was gradual, but I could no longer feel my feet. I should be in pain. I should be crying out in agony. Instead, my vision was losing focus, and my breaths were coming slower and slower. All I could see was his face, and if I was going to die, it was the only face I wanted to see.
Judd’s face filled my vision. His baby blue eyes were sad, his blond hair falling around a face lined with worry. It wasn’t real. Judd had broken things off with me, so why would he be here in my final moments? Unless he was something my diminishing mind conjured up, just wishful thinking, my thoughts going to him automatically as the person I loved most.
I reached up to touch the perfection of his face, praying that I was wrong and he was really here, but my arms wouldn’t cooperate.
Imaginary Judd was telling me something, but I couldn’t hear him. The darkness was crowding my vision until there was just black.
Judd
I HEARD THE SHOTS. At first, I thought someone was shooting off firecrackers when I drove up in front of her trailer. Then the bright flashes that lit up Sunny’s front window made my heart stop.
I threw the Jeep in park, grabbed my phone, and dialed 9-1-1. I told the operator what was going on as I jumped out of the driver’s seat, not bothering to close the door or shut the engine off, and ran up the steps. Putting the phone in my back pocket with the operator still on the line, dread coiled up in my belly, like a snake ready to strike, as I shoved Sunny’s front door open, causing it to crash against the wall.
The image of what I saw next would be burned into my brain for the rest of my life. It was something out a nightmare. I didn’t even pay attention to the dark figure that was running out of the room or the clatter of the gun hitting the floor as he took off. All I saw was my girl sprawled on the floor in a pool of blood so dark it looked black in the shadows.
“Oh, God,” I whispered, my stomach clenching as fear took hold. I felt like I was going to be sick.
I grabbed the phone from my back pocket and yelled at the operator to send an ambulance. Then I ran and slid on my knees at Sunny’s side.
She was still conscious, her face turned toward me with an expression of disbelief that morphed into a look so tender that it broke my heart. Then she faded right before my eyes.
“No, stay awake!” I cried as I grabbed the shoulder that wasn’t covered in blood and gave it a little shake, calling her name.
My eyes travelled over her body and saw that she had two wounds, one in her shoulder and the other in her chest. The one in her chest was the worst, so I put my hands over it and tried to keep any more blood from escaping her body. Then I looked around, searching for something to help me stop the bleeding when it occurred to me that I should go look in the bathroom or kitchen for towels. I chose the bathroom.
I sprinted toward the bathroom, knowing time was of the essence if she was going to make it, then came back with a large, black towel. I wadded it up and placed it over the wound. There was so much blood. I didn’t know if a body could lose that much and still survive.
As I kneeled there, I prayed that Sunny would hold on and keep breathing. I also thought about all the time I wasted.
A sob lodged in my chest as I tried to choke back the tears at the thought of never being with her again. I couldn’t stop the tears that ran like tiny rivers down my cheeks.
I had been so stupid when I had ended things with her. I had regretted it as soon as the words left my mouth that night, but I couldn’t get past the fact that I had failed her, that my shit had brought her almost being sexually assaulted. Therefore, I had let her go. I had thought I was doing the best thing for her at the time.
The weeks after that night were even worse than the weeks and months after my dad had left. I had gone to a dark place. A place where there was no Sunny, no light, nothing. I hadn’t cared what happened to me. I was dead inside, and if I lost Sunny tonight …
I felt true fear
claw its way up my throat, making it hard to breathe. If I lost Sunny tonight, I might as well go with her. There was no life without Sunny in it now. I loved her. I could admit that now.
I lowered my face to Sunny’s, resting my forehead against hers and whispered my feelings for her. “I love you, Sunny. You have to make it. I can’t …” I took a deep breath, trying to get ahold of the emotion that was strangling me, and choked out, “I can’t make it without you. We are better together than apart. You were right.”
It was then that I heard the sound of sirens.
What felt like hours, but was probably more like minutes, the paramedics came in, and then Sheriff Lang was there, pulling me away from Sunny’s body. I collapsed on my ass on the floor and watched as they worked on her. When they had her loaded up on the gurney, I followed them out the door. Then I was in my Jeep, racing behind the ambulance as we drove to the hospital.
When we pulled up to the emergency entrance, and they were unloading her from the ambulance, one EMT started yelling. Before I knew it, he was on the gurney with her, doing chest compressions as they flew through the doors.
My world narrowed, and my heart stopped along with hers, as I watched the paramedic push on my girl’s chest, as he tried to keep her alive.
A nurse grabbed my arm and was trying to tell me something about my car, but I ignored her. Then I heard Sheriff Lang’s deep voice in the background, telling her something, and she let go of my arm. It was all white noise. My mind was with Sunny.
I tried to go through the automatic doors that Sunny had disappeared behind, but another nurse grabbed me, this one male, and restrained me. I didn’t know I had been screaming and fighting until two more guys came and helped the nurse drag me from the doors.
Then Sheriff Lang was there, an inch from my face, his large mitts holding my cheeks. All I could see was his face as he told me, “You have to calm down. The staff need to concentrate on saving her life, not you out here losing your shit, boy.”
I stilled and quieted immediately.
“I think you can let go of him now,” he told the hospital staff gruffly.
The arms and hands restraining me lifted, and I sagged, barely able to stand on my own two feet. Sheriff Lang must have noticed because I felt his arm come around my shoulders as he led me toward a waiting room. He guided me to a chair, and I collapsed.
I felt empty. Numb, like I had swum under cold, icy water.
“You got another set of clothes in that Jeep?”
I nodded. I always kept a stash of clothes in my gym bag. It was a habit.
I barely noticed when he left. I drooped forward, resting my elbows on my knees, my head hanging between my hands, and I did something that I hadn’t done since before my dad’s secret had come to light.
I prayed. I begged God to save the life of the girl I loved.
Sunny
THE CONSTANT BEEPING OF a machine was the first sound that reached my ears as I swam up from the fog. I was tired, so tired, and everything hurt, especially my chest and down my arm, but mainly my chest.
The smell of antiseptic and the nasty taste in my mouth was a combination that made my stomach churn. I needed something to drink.
I tried to open my eyes, but they were so heavy. I had to be in the hospital. I couldn’t feel this bad and not be.
One of my hands was trapped, and I tried to move it, but it didn’t budge. It was warm and whatever it was squeezed my hand. That was when I realized someone was holding my hand.
“Sunny?”
That was Judd’s voice, but it sounded like he hadn’t spoken in about a hundred years. His voice was so hoarse.
I tried to answer, but I only made some weird noise in the back of my throat.
“Hold on. Let me get a nurse.”
I nodded. Well, at least I thought I did.
Why was he here?
Then it all came back to me: the video, me running from the school gym, my dad, and finally me getting shot. Not shot just once, but twice. How was I still alive?
Then I remembered the vision of Judd before I had let the darkness take over and wondered if maybe it hadn’t been a vision after all. It was just too much to think about. I really just needed some water to get this taste out of my mouth before I threw up.
I heard Judd talking to someone, but I was having trouble concentrating on what he was saying.
Then I felt a cool hand take mine and a lady’s voice ask, “Miss Blackfox, can you hear me?”
I tried to speak, but again, I could only make that strange gargled sound.
“Okay, if you can understand me, try to squeeze my hand.”
I gripped her hand and tried, but I could feel the fog clouds start to drift over my brain. I really wanted that drink of water, so I used the last of my strength to whisper, “Water,” through my dry, cracked lips.
I heard the sound of someone scrambling, but the clouds had gotten thicker, and before I could take a sip, the fog had swallowed me back into unconsciousness.
The next time I came through the fog, I could see the brightness of the room through my closed eyelids. I tried to open them and was somewhat successful as they opened a crack, but I quickly closed them. Someone had lifted the blinds and the sunshine through the window was assaulting my eyes.
I groaned. Then I heard movement before there was a weight on my bedside.
“Here. I got the water this time.”
I felt a straw at my lips and took a long pull. The liquid was cool and felt heavenly as it soothed my dry mouth and throat.
“Take it easy. The nurse said to take small sips.”
I slowed down. The last thing I wanted to do was throw up in front of Judd.
When I was done, I relaxed my head back against the pillows. I was scared to move any more than that.
“Light,” I croaked, wanting to open my eyes, wanting to see Judd’s face, to see if he was really here.
“You want me to turn it on?”
I shook my head and winced. Even that little movement hurt. “Window.”
I hoped he could figure out what I was trying to communicate. I didn’t know if I could say much more than one word at a time.
He must have, though, because I felt his weight leave the side of bed, and then I heard his footfalls as he walked in the direction of the light. I heard the sound of the blinds falling, and then the light dimmed.
I slowly opened my eyes and saw that I was definitely in a hospital room. White ceiling, white walls, white floors, and there was a white dry erase board on the wall across from me with names written in black marker.
I watched as Judd strolled across the room, wearing his usual black T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans, and his blond shoulder-length hair was pulled back at the nape of his neck. The sight of him made my chest ache, and it had nothing to do with the hole that had been blown through it.
When he took the chair at my bedside and sat down, my eyes filled with tears at seeing him sitting there, like the past few weeks hadn’t happened, like he hadn’t shattered me.
I turned my head away, watching the machine that kept beeping with the pulse of my heart.
“Sunny,” Judd called, his voice deeper than usual and a bit gravelly.
“Why are you here, Judd?” I croaked out, keeping my eyes glued to the monitor, watching the slight elevation of my heartbeat.
“Please look at me, honey.”
I closed my eyes at the endearment and let the tears fall. The word was a sharp blade to my insides. Then I let out a shuddering breath, keeping my face averted, letting my silence be my answer.
“I want to talk to you, and I want to see your face when I do.”
My throat was still scratchy, but the sips of water had gone a long way in helping my voice sound stronger as I told him, “We have nothing to talk about, Judd. We broke up, remember?” I couldn’t keep the edge of sarcasm out of my tear-filled voice.
I heard him sigh, and then I felt him grab my hand. It was large and warm as his thum
b rubbed slow circles against the top of my hand. I wanted to jerk away, but I could feel the fight draining out of me with each pass of his skin on mine.
“I made a mistake.”
I sucked in a breath and felt a tiny flicker of hope ignite where there had been nothing but darkness this past month.
“I didn’t throw us away. I couldn’t, even when I tried, thinking that you’d be better off without me.”
Hearing the raw ache in his voice, I turned my head back toward him and studied his face, looking for something, anything to tell me that he meant what he was saying.
Letting my eyes roam over his features, I was shocked at how rough he looked. Judd was always handsome with his superb bone structure and gorgeous features, but in that moment, he looked like crap. The skin under his eyes was a bluish-purple from the dark half-circles under them, his face was thinner, and he obviously hadn’t seen a razor in a few days, the stubble darker than the hair on top of his head. It wasn’t a bad look, except when you added in the wrinkled clothes and the limp way his hair was lying on his head, he was pretty rough.
“I wanted to protect you, and it killed me that I couldn’t. I couldn’t stand that Asher had put his hands on you, that he put his lips on your skin. I would’ve happily thrown away my scholarship to beat him to a bloody pulp, and that scared me.
“If I hadn’t fallen in love with you,” he continued, “you would’ve stayed off his radar. If I had just left you alone, you wouldn’t have had to watch your back for the past few months against Ashley, either.”
I felt my whole world stop. Had he just said what I thought he said?
The tiny flicker grew into a small flame, fragile but present.
“I felt like I failed you. I did fail you, and I couldn’t handle it. You were right to call me a coward. I was a coward. The intensity of my feelings for you terrified me. I just wanted you safe, and not just physically but emotionally. You were also right when you told me that my anger was eating me alive. I haven’t been in a good place for a long time now, and I was scared that I would bring you down into that with me.”
