Home Is Where the Heart Break Is

by Tess Oliver

  Nico grabbed hold of the peanuts, and we started the climb up to the shack.

  “Remember that time we were trapped inside because a bear was sniffing around outside the hut?” I asked.

  Nico lifted the bag in the air. “I think he smelled our peanuts.”

  Chase laughed. “I was sure that bear was going to just bust inside and eat all of us. I had nightmares about it for months.”

  I’d forgotten how rugged the terrain was on the climb to the shack. I really had to concentrate on where I put my feet, and eventually I fell behind. “This was easier when I was ten,” I called to them and waved them on. “Don’t worry about little, old me back here. I just hope that bear went home.”

  They both stopped up ahead and watched me. Between the jutting rocks and roots and the slippery, moss-covered ground, I was practically walking on all fours. My shoe caught in a small trench and I fell forward, but Nico caught me before I face planted. His fingers squeezed my arm as he helped me stand upright again.

  “How could I have been so much more coordinated when I was younger? I’m going to blame it on the fact that I haven’t hiked since I moved from here.”

  “We’ll just have to toughen you up,” Chase said. “I think we should do a river swim this morning.”

  “I agree,” Nico said.

  “It’s too cold,” I complained. “I can’t imagine how icy the water is this early.”

  Nico didn’t let go of me as we continued up the path, although path was a total exaggeration. It was really just a swath of forest uninterrupted by trees.

  “I think I’ll change your nickname to Marshmallow,” Nico said. “You used to jump in that river while there was still snow on the banks.”

  I pulled my arm from his. “All right, I admit it. City living has transformed me into a marshmallow.” I stumbled again but caught myself. “A clumsy marshmallow. But I’m going to change that, and I’m going to take that friggin’ swim even if there are icebergs floating down stream.”

  Nico was right. The hunter’s shack definitely looked less stable. In fact one good breeze might just topple it. The door was hanging from one top hinge, and Nico held it up to keep it from breaking off completely as he ushered Chase and me inside. There was plenty of debris on the floor, but the peanut shells had disappeared. The small, built-in shelf had a line of empty beer cans.

  I lifted an eyebrow at Nico. “You have been hanging out up here. Either that or the forest animals have a beer habit.”

  Nico sat on the splintery, warped bench. “It’s that squirrel. He needed something to wash down all those damn peanuts.”

  Chase sat down on the stool which we’d decided must have been the hunter’s lazy boy chair. He laughed at Nico’s remarked. It was a simple gesture, but it made me absurdly happy.

  “So is everyone graduating next year?” I looked pointedly in Nico’s direction.

  “Graduating from what?” he asked.

  Chase cleared his throat loudly. “Let’s just say that one of us is graduating next year.”

  Nico scrubbed his short hair with his fingers and leaned back against the wall. It creaked as he made contact.

  “I don’t think this place is structurally sound anymore,” Chase said.

  “No shit.” Nico said. “I quit school last year. I was truant all the time anyway, so they were glad to see me go. But I passed the stupid test so I guess that means I’m already a graduate.”

  “I’ve decided to go into chemical engineering,” Chase said brushing past Nico’s comment. “What about you, Jessa?”

  “I’ll probably hack it out at a city college first then I can decide which way to go. Sadly, my grades aren’t all that spectacular, so I don’t think I can get into a university yet.”

  Nico reached across with his long leg. His foot tapped the stool Chase was sitting on. “School boy, here, is going to graduate at the top of the class.”

  “Any idiot can be at the bottom,” Chase snarled back at him.

  “Stop you two. I feel like I’m watching two gorillas pounding their chests at each other.” I sat next to Nico on the wobbly bench and looked at Chase. “I always knew you’d do great, Chase. Hey, how’s your sister?”

  He shook his head. “Don’t ask. She’s still a mess.”

  “Sorry to hear that,” I said.

  Nico stood and stretched. “I don’t know about you two but I’m ready for that swim.” Without warning he yanked off his shirt, and it took me a moment to recover from how awesomely built he was now. Then he rolled off his jeans and was standing in the middle of the tiny room in boxers.

  “Jeez, Dude, just strip why don’t you,” Chase said.

  “I just did. Although I could still take off these.”

  Chase and I simultaneously put up our hands. “No!”

  When we were younger, we’d always gone swimming in our underwear, and we knew each other so well, we were never embarrassed. But we were kids. Things were definitely different back then. Chase stood and took off his shirt. He was equally buff.

  “Holy crap, you two aren’t little boys anymore,” I said, with a slight tremble in my voice that I hoped was not detectable.

  They both stared down at me in patient silence.

  I blinked up at them. “Yes?”

  “We’re waiting,” Nico said.

  “Remember we all have to jump in at the exact same time,” Chase said.

  “Who made up that stupid rule?” I asked.

  “I believe that was you,” Chase said.

  I stood. “Yeah, well, I’ll just jump in with my clothes on.”

  “There are no towels, and like you said, it’s pretty darn cold out. At least Nico and I will have dry stuff to put on afterward.”

  I sighed loudly and stood. “Whose idea was this? And I know this time it wasn’t me.” I reached for the hem of my shirt and motioned for both of them to turn around. “I will tell you when to look.”

  Hesitantly, they both faced the back wall.

  “I’m definitely leaving my shoes on. I seem to remember some major toe stubs on submerged rocks. In fact--”

  “Duchess, shut up and strip down to your underwear. It’s cold as hell in here.”

  “You act like we’re going to be soaking in a hot tub. The water will be colder than the air. The snow pack has hardly--”

  “Jessa!” they said simultaneously.

  I couldn’t help but smile. “See you guys are still in sync. I knew if you spent--”

  “I swear, Duchess, I’m going to spin around and yank those shorts right off of you.”

  “All right, all right, but don’t turn around.” I dropped my shorts to the ground and stepped out of them. Quietly, I pushed open the door and took off down the hill. Ten feet into my escape, I discovered that there was no way to walk quietly on dry pine needles. Within seconds they were behind me. Each one grabbed me by an elbow, and they carried me screaming down to the river’s edge. They held me tightly and pushed off the river bank into the center where it was deep enough to swim.

  The icy water hit like a slap in the face, and it took me a second to catch my breath. “Oh my god, it’s even colder than I’d imagined.” I pushed my feet off the ground and floated on my back hoping the sun would warm me. “Remember when we used to have a race to see how far we could travel on our backs without moving our legs and arms?” My ears were submerged under water but I was sure I’d still be able to hear a response. I lifted my head and looked over at them. They both stood their completely silent and obviously absorbed in the view-- which was me. I sank my feet down immediately and even in the icy water I could feel heat rise in my cheeks.

  Nico swam over to me with a devilish grin. His long lashes were clumped together with wetness and water beaded on his unshaven jaw. “You’re blushing.”

  My face warmed again. “Why were things so
much easier and better when we were kids?”

  “Things might have been easier back then.” His fingers brushed along my bare stomach, sending a shiver of pleasure through me. “But I definitely think things are better now,” he said quietly not taking his gaze from my face for a second. His nearness and the way he looked at me seemed to warm my skin even as the cool, clear water rolled past us.

  “My jewels are about to shrivel up and die from the cold,” Chase said seemingly oblivious to the intimate moment Nico and I had just shared.

  Nico drew his gaze from mine and turned to face Chase. “I doubt you’ll miss them.”

  Chase pushed his hands underwater and shoved a massive wall of water at Nico. Nico came back with his own tsunami, and I hopped away trying to avoid the onslaught of cold water. The flow was mild in this part of the river. I kept taking small steps against the current to stay in one place. I was busy concentrating on the rocks in order to avoid a major ankle twist when the splash party came my direction. I covered my face but the force of two big guys throwing water at me was too much. I ducked under until they stopped. For payback, I decided to stay submerged for as long as possible to give them a little scare. I floated underwater for an impressively long time when a giant hand grabbed my shoulder and yanked me through the surface. I took a deep breath and laughed until I caught a glimpse of Nico’s face. He looked completely freaked out.

  “Damnit, Jessa,” He plowed through the water back to shore.

  “I’m sorry,” I yelled from the water.

  “That was a good one,” Chase said. He put his hand over his chest. “My heart is still in overdrive.”

  Nico dragged himself from the water and sat on the shore.

  “I didn’t think he’d get this pissed,” I said.

  “I’ve got to say, you scared him good.” Chase moved closer and lowered his voice. “You know, Jessa, we were both really bummed when you left town. I’d go home after school every day and lock myself in my room.” He glanced up toward the shore and then looked back at me. “But that guy went into full shut down mode. He was in the principal’s office every day, and he kept getting into fights.”

  I couldn’t believe how hard it was for me to hear what Chase was telling me. I’d always felt guilty about leaving them, and especially Nico because he’d always seemed to need me.

  My chin vibrated and I took hold of Chase’s hand. “It’s cold. Let’s get out.”

  We waded to shore. Nico did not take his eyes off of me as I emerged from the water. I hugged myself against the cold air and his heated gaze. Things had changed. We were definitely not ten years old anymore. Chase rushed on ahead, and I put my hand out for Nico to take. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you like that.”

  “Don’t let it happen again, Duchess.” He grabbed my hand and pulled himself to standing. I turned to head up to the shack and our dry clothes, but he pulled me to a stop. I faced him. Without hiding the fact that he was checking me out, his deep gaze drifted over my body and then back up to my face. “Damn, Jessa, you are definitely not a little girl anymore.”

  “Shut up. Let’s go back up and get dressed before I turn blue.”

  I yanked back on my shorts and t-shirt at lightning speed, and it was not just because I was cold. These two guys had always been like brothers to me but time apart and growing up had changed that. The connections were still there, that was certain. I’d worried that we would be like strangers, but there was too much history between the three of us for that to be possible. But things had definitely changed.

  Chase took the phone out of his pocket and read a text. His fingers flew over the keypad and he sent one back.

  “Uh oh, she’s on to you,” Nico said.

  “Go to hell, Nico. You don’t know anything about my life.”

  Nico put up his hands. “You’re right. None of my business if she pulls you around by a nose ring. Some guys like that.”

  Chase clamped shut his fists. There had been several moments during the morning where their long time friendship was evident, but it was also clear that they’d grown in opposite directions. Looking at them now, they were both so completely different; it was almost impossible to believe they’d ever been friends.

  “Nico, you need to lay off. Not everyone enjoys being a loner.” Instantly I regretted my words. With cold silence, Nico grabbed up his shoes, sat on the bench, and put them back on. Tension filled the tiny space, but I refused to have the morning end like this.

  “You know, guys, maybe we’re just trying too hard to recreate what we had,” I said.

  Chase put the phone back in his pocket. “What are you saying, Jessa? You don’t want to hang out anymore?” There was a true look of worry on his face which was so cute, and so Chase.

  “Not at all.” I motioned my hands around our old haunt. “Maybe we just have to stop chasing the past and make new memories.” I looked down at Nico, and I knew him well enough to know that he was only pretending not to listen.

  Nico pushed off the bench. “I’ve got to go to work.” He slammed out the door, and it swung precariously on its single hinge.

  Chase and I followed.

  Chapter 7

  I’d always had mixed feelings about Aunt’s Sadie’s antique shop. Sometimes her collection was pretty, and sometimes it was pretty scary. One corner of the shop would be filled with cool, old clocks covered in chubby gold angels, or cherubs as Sadie called them, and just around the bend might be a collection of old dolls with creepy faces and wiry hair. But one thing always remained the same, the smell. Aunt Sadie kept a very clean shop, but it seemed that no matter how much you dusted old things, they still always smelled old. It was as if the layers of time were there to stay.

  “Jessa!” Aunt Sadie’s face broke into a huge grin as we walked into her shop. I’d loved hanging around Aunt Sadie when I was younger. She was sort of a know-it-all but she told great stories about her days hunting antiques around the world, and she had this great explosive laugh that would both startle you and make you smile at the same time.

  Aunt Sadie was using a walker to get around, and she scooted out from behind her counter to greet us. It was shocking to see because normally she’d been the type to bustle around as if she had wings on her shoes. She’d gained a lot of weight since I’d seen her last. It had been four years since she’d traveled to see us at Christmas and then the trips had become too taxing. I was always angry at Mom for not going to see her. My mom lost her mom to cancer when she was nineteen, and Aunt Sadie had become like a mother to her.

  Sadie was a hugger but it was obvious her back was troubling her. I put my arms lightly around her and kissed her cheek. I stepped back.

  “Look at how beautiful you are, Jessa.” She grinned at Mom. “You are still beautiful too, Charlene.”

  “Thank you.” Mom kissed her cheek. “How are you feeling?”

  “Terrible, just terrible and with the summer season starting,” she took hold of Mom’s hand, “I’m just glad you’re here.”

  “We’re glad to be here, Sadie,” Mom glanced around the store. “You have a lot more stuff or maybe it’s just been so long, I’ve forgotten.”

  “It has been too long.” Sadie’s cheeks had always been round, but now they were plump enough to nearly hide her twinkly green eyes. In fact with her pale, nearly white hair, she reminded me a bit of Mrs. Claus. “So, Jessa, have you seen the boys?”

  “The boys?” I asked feigning ignorance.

  “You know who I’m talking about. I know the dark haired one with the nice smile--” She looked at me. “What was his name?”

  “Chase.”

  “Right, Chase, is such a nice boy.” Then she drew in her bottom lip and her sparkly eyes looked worried. “I hate to be the person to break the news to you, but I think he’s been very serious with the Pruitt girl.” Sadie turned to Mom. “Th
at man turned out to be a stock market genius,” she lowered her voice as if some of her old stuff had ears, “although I think he was involved with some insider trading shenanigans because he got rich almost overnight.” Like she was watching slow motion tennis match she turned back to me. “Anyhow, Sweetie, I hope you’re not too heartbroken. Anyhow you are much prettier.”

  I took her hand. “It’s all right, Aunt Sadie. I already knew and I’m happy that Chase has someone.”

  The expression she gave me was the classic, yes, of course you are, look.

  I was about to insist that I really didn’t mind but decided to let her have her fun. She seemed to revel in the drama of it all.

  A frown pulled down her mouth. “Now, Nicholas is another story altogether. He’d gotten so out of control that his father sent him to live with his mother. He’s back now . . .” She shook her head. “You should definitely stay away from that one.”

  “Nico and I are still friends, Aunt Sadie. I have no plans to stay away from him. And his father--”

  Mom touched my arm and shook her head. She was right. It was better to just smile and pretend to take Aunt Sadie’s advice. Fortunately, she was done with my session of helpful hints. She moved on to my mom who was completely blindsided.

  “Charlene, what on earth happened with your last fiancé? He seemed so perfect. We need to find you someone who will stick around.”

  I left my poor mom standing wide-eyed and open mouthed as I walked to the backroom to answer my cell phone.