Sleepless Fate

by Janae Keyes

  I found myself sitting on her couch, I was crying, not just crying, but sobbing. I knew I had to leave, but leaving would mean really letting go. This was much harder than I’d anticipated it to be. I stood and took a deep breath. Walking to her front door, I took one last look at this home, this was most likely going to be my last look at this place. This was goodbye.

  Brielle

  THOSE FEW DAYS away were what I needed. April and I ended up having a great time hanging out with Will and Jake a few times. It was a little awkward at first, but the guys were pretty fun. I still thought of Patrick and what our situation would be. For the time being I didn’t want to worry myself, I was in a relaxed state from my vacation.

  Unlocking the door to my house I walked in and turned on the lights. I rolled my suitcase into the corner of my entrance way and peered into my living room to a sight I hadn’t expected. Nearly every surface in my living room had a vase of flowers. There were roses, tulips, lilies, you name it. I walked into the sweet smelling room and right away spotted an envelope with my name scribbled on it in Patrick’s handwriting. I couldn’t get the envelope in my hand fast enough. The first thing I pulled out was a key, it was the key to my house that I’d given Patrick. There was also a letter in the envelope. I took a deep breath before I unfolded it.

  My Dearest Brielle,

  I don’t really know what this is. Maybe it is a last ditch effort to get you back into my life. I know it hasn’t been easy since Veronika arrived. We were perfect and then things were screwed up. I know that you know my reasons behind bringing Veronika and I know that you’ve respected those reasons. I’ve been blessed to have you by my side for this and I understand why you left, but my heart is broken. I know I got through this because of you. The world is a better place with you and even better with you by my side. I am a stronger human with you. I know that your heart is fragile and this situation took you to your breaking point. Just know that no matter what happens, I will always love you, forever.

  I’m returning your key as I don’t think you would want me to have it anymore. I hope wherever you went, you had an amazing time because you deserve all the happiness and joy that life can give. Enjoy the flowers. I know how much you love flowers.

  All my love,

  Patrick

  I read the letter, over, and over again. I held it to my chest and cried. I wondered if my fragile heart could survive being with him and dealing with Veronika. As much as I wanted to go straight to his house, I knew we both needed time. I needed to think critically about what I wanted and what my heart could take.

  I took the time to view all the flowers, Patrick knew what I liked. I put my nose to the red roses, inhaled the scent of the lilies, and gazed at the tulips. I wondered if I could let life pass me by without having Patrick by my side for the ride. Over the cruise I thought a lot about this question and I still couldn’t answer it. It hurt to think about life without him.

  There was a vase full of Stargazer Lilies, my favorite, sitting next to my couch on and end table. The vase sat right next to a photo that I’d held onto since I was 16. The photo was of Keaton and I at that Winter Dance in the 10th grade. I looked at the long silver dress I wore, the terrible make-up job April had done, and the curly updo on top of my head, all while I grinned like an idiot next to Keaton. Keaton had his arm around my waist, he had a very serious look on his face, obviously trying to be cool. To this day I still couldn’t believe he wore a white suit. I remembered the cameraman trying to get him to smile, but he didn’t want to because of his braces. I found myself laughing out loud thinking of that dance. April and I weren’t going to go, but the moment Keaton asked me she was dragging me to every store in Solano Mall to find a dress. Keaton was so nervous when he picked me up and he should have been, my dad wasn’t going to let any guy take his baby girl out. Luckily, my mom talked my dad out of scaring him too much. I placed my hand on the photo, remembering those days when it was all too easy.

  Going into my bedroom I decided a hot shower was in order. Standing under the water, I thought back to that night with Jake. I thought of his words. I should be with the man that I love, no matter the obstacles in our way. In a strange way those obstacles made our love and bond stronger.

  Closing my eyes, I remembered the many times I stood in this shower with Patrick’s hands on me. I grinned to myself like a fool. Just thinking about those moments I could remember the exact sensations that were going through my body. I shivered at the thoughts of the way his lips delicately slid along my skin.

  “Patrick,” I whispered out just imagining him there with me. My eyes shot open as I realized that I was as alone as ever. I turned the water off and emerged from the shower before wrapping a towel around my body. I stared at myself in the mirror. I felt like a fool. There was no denying at this point how physically attracted I was to Patrick, but the connection we had mentally, and spiritually was above and beyond. His mere presence brought peace to my soul and a fullness to my heart. Memories of these feelings were all I had now to keep me warm at night.

  I TOSSED AND turned. Here I was sleepless once again. I hadn’t been like this in months. When Patrick was fully in my life I hadn’t had a sleepless night, but they were back and in full force. I sat up in bed, frustrated at the fact that I couldn’t settle. Slipping from my bed I wandered into my living room, the scents of the flowers all seemed to hit me at once. I peered down to see Patrick’s letter on the table where I left it, stained with my tears.

  The only thought I had at that moment was how much I wanted to just hear his voice. There was no prompting and no thinking as I went straight to my phone and dialed his number by memory. Relentlessly, my body was shaking as the phone rang. I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to pick up or not and if he did, would I hang up or would I speak. My heart pounded and my hands sweat when I heard that voice, though sleepy, filled with silk.

  “This is Patrick Bailey,” he groaned out. I’d obviously woken him up. I opened my mouth, but paused for just a moment. I didn’t even know what to say to him. I couldn’t move, I thought about just hanging up, but he could always call me back. I closed my eyes.

  “Patrick,” I whispered.

  “Bri?” He questioned. I nodded as if he could see me. Tears were already flowing out of my eyes like rain water from the heavens.

  “Um… yeah. I got back from my trip. Thanks… um… for the flowers,” I managed. Normally, I was strong and confident Brielle Elliot, businesswoman, but at this moment I was meek and bashful.

  “You’re welcome. I’m surprised you’re calling me. How are you?” I could hear the concern and woe in his voice.

  “Patrick…” I didn’t know what to say. There were too many things to say and in the moment of truth, there were none. Though in just hearing his sweet, silky voice, my soul felt resorted just a bit. “Will you come over?”

  “Of course I will. I will be there as fast as I can get there. You know I will always be there Bri, when you need me.” I wiped my tears as I heard his words I knew this fact to be absolutely true.

  “Ok, I’ll be here.” I grinned to myself.

  I knew that we could fight and win this battle. I knew that nothing could keep us apart, it was fate for us to be together. I wasn’t going to allow outside influences to break us down. I wanted to be with him and I loved him so much, there was no denying that.

  AFTER WAITING PATIENTLY, it was amazing how fast Patrick got to my house. I heard a car door close and looked out to see his Porsche parked in front. No wonder he had made it so fast. I stood from the couch and took a deep breath. My stomach was in knots, I jumped the moment I heard my doorbell. I unlocked the door and turned the knob. He looked a little worn and it was obvious he hadn’t shaved in a few days. His hands were in the pockets of his zipup, but there were those honey eyes piercing my soul as they’d always done. I stood there, vulnerable, only wearing my night clothes. In an instant I was in his strong arms inhaling cinnamon.

  He pulled me into my house and c
losed the door behind him. I didn’t want to let go of this man and it seemed he didn’t want to let go of me either. There were a few moments of embrace as we stood with no words. Then he took a hand and placed a finger under my chin, lifting my head up.

  “Bri, I’m sorry for everything. I know you had to go and damn that was hard. I’m having a hard time figuring out how to live without you, but when you called…” His voice trailed off. I knew exactly what he was feeling.

  “Patrick, I love you and I’m willing to fight through this. I know it’s going to be hard, especially when the baby comes, but I’d rather go through this pile of shit with you than to not be with you at all,” I spoke the truth. I knew exactly how I felt. I knew that Patrick was in fact everything that I wanted and needed. We were two complete people, but together we fit. We fit together like puzzle pieces, each our own, but each a part of a bigger picture.

  It didn’t take any prompting from that moment as our own carnal desires navigated us, his lips were on mine in an instant and there was no separating the two of us. Strong, elated kisses drove our desires at that moment. He used his strength to pull me off my feet. In no time I’d wrapped my legs around him and allowed him to carry me in the direction of my bedroom. Once there my back hit the wall and I let out a groan as Patrick trailed kisses down to my neck, his hot breath practically whispering against my skin. It had only been days without the buzzing that flew through my body from the way he kissed and touched me this way, I knew I didn’t want to go without that exact feeling ever again.

  He worked one of his hands under my tank top, fingers grazing me gently, before taking no time to tug it over my head. My breathing was rushed as excitement hummed through me from head to toe. He pulled me from the wall and took me to my bed where he slowly laid me down. I watched as he unzipped his jacket, under it, he wore a dark tank top. I placed myself into a sitting position and worked my fingers to unbutton and unzip his jeans.

  Once I’d managed his zipper, I jerked his pants down his legs before peering up into his eyes and giving him a wicked grin. From the insatiable look in his eyes, I was confident that he knew my plans. I hooked my index fingers into the elastic of his boxers and slowly dragged them down his legs to meet his jeans at his feet. Promptly, he kicked off both his jeans and boxers.

  I took him in with my eyes. I’d seen his package plenty of times since our first time together. We knew one another now. Everything about this was natural to us, but each time was still thrilling and electrifying. No matter how many times we’d been together, I still trembled like it was the first time. My jittering hand took him and he let out a soft groan. Right away my eyes met his, he was watching my every move. Without my eyes leaving him, I very slowly took him into my mouth. This wasn’t my expertise or anything, but I knew what he liked, I knew he would enjoy this.

  As I gently pulled away I slid my tongue up the bottom of his length, he moaned as I did so. There was no doubt that I enjoyed making him feel good. From the look in his glowing eyes I knew I was accomplishing just that and from the dampness forming between my legs, I was enjoying myself as well. Without warning, he grasped up a chunk of my hair and brought me back down.

  “Damn, Bri,” he growled as I worked my way up again allowing my teeth to barely graze him. I continued my elicit actions, over and over again. I felt his hardness twitch. He quickly removed my mouth and looked down into my eyes. “No more of that, let me make you feel good.”

  He laid me down and settled over me. Planting one kiss on my lips, he trailed his mouth down to my neck, followed by my collarbone. His hot breath sizzled against my sensitive skin. I wiggled under him in fervent anticipation. Planting more kisses, he pulled my nipple into his mouth. I inhaled sharply responding to the sensations flowing through my body. I missed every part of being with Patrick. His own passion seemed to radiate through to me. Like dew sliding down glass, I felt his fingers trail down my body and slip under the elastic of my panties. I arched my back in eagerness. Abruptly, he ripped the panties from my body, eliciting a surprised gasp from my throat.

  “Paddy, why’d you rip my panties?” I hissed out in a mix of annoyance and fascination.

  “I needed them off you as quickly as possible,” he explained in a low provocative voice. He grinned up at me. I shook my head at this man that my heart and body ached for.

  He took his hands and placed them on my hips. Without warning my body was flipped over. I let out a screech as I felt him hovering over me. I giggled softly as I turned my head to see him watching me. He placed his hands on my shoulders before slowly starting to run them down my bare body.

  “I’ve missed my hands on you. I’ve missed hearing the way you breathe with anticipation, I’ve missed your smell, and I’ve missed those moments of authentic and transparent connection,” he said gently as he continued to run his hands down over my waist and towards my hips. He took my hips into his hands and lifted me from the bed before he quickly sunk into me.

  “Patrick.” I groaned out in nearly a dazed state.

  He slowly pulled away before darting into me again. I gripped tightly at the sheets. He controlled the rhythm as he thrust into me over and over again. I worked to control my breathing, panting with want. He leaned over me and snaked an arm around me sliding his fingers down into my dampness and rubbing at the small mound.

  “Oh…. Just like that… Ah…” I panted out my words, feeling my body teetering on the edge of reason and understanding.

  “Say my name, Bri,” he growled.

  “Patrick,” I hissed through gritted teeth, my eyes closed shut.

  “Louder,” he demanded.

  “Patrick!” I yelled out, a familiar feeling rushing through my body. I would have collapsed onto the bed if it wasn’t for Patrick holding me. He pulled out of me and turned me back to face him. I was out of breath and nearly delirious.

  Once again, his lips were on my body. He left kisses everywhere before working up my leg. I wiggled at the torture as his kisses began to slow the higher they got up my thigh. I shut my eyes in an attempt to calm my wildly beating heart, but there was no calm as his mouth took me in without a single warning. I was nearly humming with exhilaration at the feeling of his tongue rolling over my most sensitive areas. I grabbed at his hair.

  “Mmm, Yes… Please…” I knew what was arriving soon. I’d only just experienced this feeling and as always I wanted it even more. I needed it. “Oh God!” I could no longer hold out, I needed it, like air. It was breath. I was once more dazed. Smiling to myself, I pulled my body up to where I could sit. Patrick looked at me confused, but I simply placed my hands on his chest and forced him down.

  Settling above him I straddled his hips. He grinned up at me and took my hips with his hands. Working with him I lowered my body and allowed him to enter me. I was once again the one giving the pleasure as I rocked my hips against his. I gazed down at Patrick, who was observing every inch of me that he could see. I bent and pressed my lips to his. He and I were connected on this level, it was unexplainable, but all so perfect.

  Rising up, I began to move faster. I leaned my head back allowing my body and not my brain to control it all. I knew I wasn’t going to last terribly long like that. I was already on fire and the flames were growing hotter.

  “Brielle...,” hissed Patrick. I shut my eyes tightly. I felt the way his body moved and I knew I’d brought him there. Without any hesitation, I let myself go, moaning out Patrick’s name. A weakness took over and I collapsed on top of him. He planted a kiss on my cheek. The only noises in the room were of the two of us catching our breath.

  THE TWO OF us lay together, our legs tangled and a sheet covering our nakedness. We didn’t need many words in the moment. We were just happy to be together and to once again know that connection was there and real. I leaned my head onto Patrick’s chest and listened to the thumping of his heart, it was like music to me.

  “I’m sorry for leaving,” I whispered. I peered into his eyes.

  “Don
’t be,” he said as he ran his fingers over my hair. I moved off of his chest and lay my head on his pillow. “You were right to go. Veronika has this hold on me because of the baby. I had to admit that to myself, but in the end the only person I want to be with is you, Brielle.”

  “I only want to be with you,” I confessed. “On the cruise I met this guy. We flirted, we kissed, and I went back to his room.” I felt Patrick’s body weight shift. “I wanted to be with him out of the need of no longer having that connection with you, but in the end I could only think of you. I didn’t go through with it because I could only love you like that.” Patrick gave me a grin before pressing his lips to mine for a moment.

  “Thank you for remaining faithful even when you didn’t have to be,” Patrick thanked. I gave him a soft smile. Patrick was the only man I wanted and at this point the only man I could see myself with.

  “He was hot too. I’m sure you’ve heard of him. Jake Rudderford?”

  “The baseball player?”

  “Yep,” I responded giving Patrick a smirk.

  I stared into Patrick’s eyes for a moment. The honey color always captivated me. He gave me a grin and used his finger to move a strand of my hair from my face, before he settled his hand on my cheek. I leaned into it.

  “What are you thinking about?” he asked as he caressed my cheek with his thumb. I let out a sigh.

  “How good you are to me,” I mentioned.

  “Is there any other way to be with you?” I shrugged at his question. I’d told him small parts of my relationship with Keaton and some big parts, like the fact that Keaton had cheated on me. “Tell me Babe, what is it?”

  “Keaton, he could be… harsh… sometimes. Being with you has opened my eyes. You are always you and always kind and respectful with me, the way I try and be with you, but Keaton… He had a temper. He would get angry pretty quick with me sometimes and his words to me weren’t always the nicest.” As I spoke, Patrick stopped caressing my cheek and looked at me with concern.