Chasing My Forever

by Heidi McLaughlin

  Eleanora

  “Daddy,” I yell as I enter my suite. He’s talking to the other fathers. I look quickly for my mom, who is standing with the other moms, looking completely out of her element. I want to go to her and give her a little push, let her know it’s okay to be friends with women who don’t belong to the same country club she does, but I go to my father instead.

  “Sugar how is your car?”

  “It’s perfect, Daddy. I think I want to take Sofia up on her offer and take a road trip. Don’t you think it’d be the most amazing adventure before I start work?”

  He leans forward and kisses me on the cheek, like usual, his hands are gripping my upper arms. “Yes, you have a full year ahead of you. You need this time.”

  A full year, right? “Thanks, Daddy. I’ll check in every day.”

  “And send pictures because your mother is going to worry.”

  “I will. Maybe I’ll even make videos. It’d be great for everyone to see when I get home.”

  I feel horrible for lying, but I’m not ready to go home and be an adult. I want to explore, to sightsee and find myself. What’s better than doing it in California, especially since I don’t have to worry about finding a place to live.

  “Annamae,” my dad says from across the room. “Come say goodbye to Eleanora so we can leave. She’s going to drive home with her friend.”

  “Willard, I don’t believe this is the best idea. Maybe we should call Rhett and have him come out here to drive with her. We could extend our trip for a few more days, maybe head to Spokane where things are,” she pauses and looks around. The other parents are staring, waiting for my uptight mother to speak poorly about the area we’re in. “Well, it’s a bigger city, more to do,” she says, covering for herself.

  My dad does the same to her as he does with me by placing his hands on her arms. It’s a miracle they even have children with the way my father touches my mother. “Annamae, she’s twenty-two years old. I’m confident Eleanora and Sofia can drive across the country in a brand new car.”

  My mother nods. “I’d feel better if Rhett came out and drove with her.”

  Dad looks at me and I shake my head. If my brother comes out, I’m screwed. My plans, even though they just came to fruition, will be ruined. I’d have no choice but to drive home. And forget stopping. Rhett will drive ten to twelve hours each day until we’re home.

  “Honey, Eleanora will be fine. She’ll check in every day and this will give you some more time to get her room ready.”

  My daddy’s fooling no-one. Jeannette is responsible for the house. My mother has never lifted a finger, other than to cook a random meal so her friends don’t think she’s stuck up.

  Mama looks at me, she doesn’t smile right away, but eventually, there’s a slight grin. “You promise to call every night?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “I don’t like this one bit, but your daddy… well, bless his heart. Every day, you hear me?” Mom pulls me into her arms and hugs the ever-loving shit out of me. When she pulls away, there are tears in her eyes, not that she’d let me fully see them. She’s a proud woman and doesn’t show a lot of emotion when there are people around.

  “Have fun and be safe,” my dad says. For a moment, I think he’s going to give me a hug, but he steps away before anybody contact can be made. It’s fine. I know he loves me. I’ve never doubted that. I may complain about my parents and their antiquated values, but I’ve had a good life, an amazing one at that. Our house is a revolving door of family, and thanks to our staff, there’s always comfort foods when you need them. This vacation will be good for me. It means I won’t have to interview for a job with an extra ten pounds resting on my hips from the amount of food I’ll have consumed by walking in the door.

  My parents say their goodbyes. What really gets me is that my mom hugs each of my roommates. I’m not sure she even knows their names, aside from Sofia’s, and that’s pushing it. My mom is like a fish out of water when she leaves the comforts of home. She loves being home, in her gardens, hosting her parties, but get her out in the world and it’s like she’s afraid something is going to come out and bite her. As soon as they leave, Kellie and I do a little dance while the other parents look on. I have no idea if they know the coup we just pulled off, and I’m hoping if they do, none of them say anything to my parents. Of course, I’m making a big assumption that my parents swap numbers with the others.

  I let a half hour or so pass before I start carrying my bags down to my car. Over the last two months, I shipped home anything I wanted, keeping only a suitcase full of clothes and my bathroom supplies.

  Back in my room, I make sure it’s the way it was when I moved in, only a bit cleaner. The people they hire to clean rooms leave a lot to be desired. When I told my mom this, she suggested some of our staff fly out and clean the suite properly. It took a lot of convincing to get her to change her mind. It’s a college dorm, there’s so much that goes on in these rooms, none of them will ever be spotless.

  Kizzy, Debbie, and Ashley all say goodbye, leaving Kellie, Sofia, and I. I’m lingering. I don’t want to leave Sofia, even though I know we’ll see each other soon. If I’m living in California, with my own set of wheels, I can easily road trip south to see her.

  Sofia and I hug. She breathes in loudly, a sure sign that she’s crying. “Hey, our lives are just getting started. No need for tears.”

  “I know, I’m just going to miss the crap out of you.”

  “Me too, but we’ll have late night chats about boys. I’ll FaceTime you so much you’ll get sick of me. And hey, maybe I’ll bump into your brother and we’ll send you a selfie.”

  Sofia laughs. “Yeah, you do that.”

  The three of us leave, heading in separate directions. Kellie tells me she’ll pull around to where I’m parked. Inside my car, I breathe in the new car smell. One thing missing is a flower or something for the vase on my dashboard. Soon enough, this will feel like it’s mine and not some rental. It needs some personal touches.

  Kellie honks, I wave and back out. My first ever road trip is starting out under a lie. I feel bad about it, but my parents would’ve never agreed. They had a hard enough time letting me go to Idaho for college. That discussion and argument was a year in the making. If it weren’t for Rhett, I probably would’ve become a Game Cock.

  I’ve never felt the wind in my hair, not like this. As soon as we’re on the open highway, I put both my hands up in the air and yell and look to my right, wishing Sofia or even Kellie was sitting next to me. Instead, I turn up the radio and sing as loudly as I can.

  It takes three days, mostly because we only drove for about five hours the first day. The hotels we stayed in would’ve given my mother a massive heart attack. I loved every minute of it.

  The best part though, was when we finally drove out of the mountains and desert and into the city. Instantly, I wanted to stop and explore everything. I wanted to drive straight to the beach, put my toes in the water, and feel the warmth of the Pacific Ocean. I’ve dreamed of this, seeing the other side of the country and now I have a chance, thanks to Kellie.

  It’s dusk when we pull into her complex. It’s massive and it feels like it takes a good thirty minutes until we’re pulling into the designated parking spots when in reality it’s more like three to five minutes.

  “Put the top up,” Kellie says as she gets out of her car. “This isn’t Idaho. People jack your shit right and left.”

  I do as she says, making sure it’s latched down before I get out. “Is that like some Wizard of Oz reference?”

  She shakes her head. “You’re definitely not in Oz anymore, Eleanora.”

  We grab as much as we can and head into the section of the complex we’re going to live. After two flights of stairs and down a long hallway, we stop at the door and Kellie lets us in.

  “There’s an extra set of keys inside.”

  “Where are your parents?”

  She shrugs. “They’ll be by later toni
ght or tomorrow. This isn’t their only property.”

  We enter into a small hallway. To the right is the kitchen. I peek in and notice there’s a pass-through window with a bar on the other side, which backs up to the already decorated living room. To my left, is the bathroom, which is decent size, with a stand-up shower tiled in a variety of blues.

  Kellie calls my name, I continue into the living room where there’s a sliding glass door. I go to it. The view is of the courtyard, where cobblestone paths lead to a massive building. “What’s that building?” I holler to Kellie.

  “The rec center. There’s a swimming pool, indoor and out, a pool table, laundry, and some other things. My dad has been renovating.” It looks like I’ll spend plenty of time in there.

  There’s a small opening off the living room where the two bedrooms are located. I find Kellie in the one to the right; it’s large, with a walk-in closet. To the left is mine. There’s already a bed with a pile of blankets folded nicely on top. My closet is small but perfect for me. I don’t need much.

  Kellie stands in my doorway. “My parents tend to rent to a lot of single parents, hence the smaller bedroom.”

  “Kellie, this is perfect. It really is.”

  She smiles. “A few rules. Always keep the doors locked, not only for the apartment but for your car as well. Never leave your laundry unattended, so make sure you bring a book or your laptop when you have to wash your clothes. And always be hyper-aware. Know your surroundings.”

  “Wow.”

  “Like I said, things are different here.” She looks around my room. “I know you said the summer, but it’s yours as long as you want. Feel free to decorate, and if you don’t like the stuff my mom bought, we can hit the store later.”

  “It’s perfect, Kellie. All of it. I can’t thank you enough for this opportunity.”

  She smiles. “I’m going to finish getting the rest of my stuff.” Kellie steps forward and holds her hand out. “Your keys.” She drops them into my hand and I squeeze. I may have lived somewhat on my own for the past four years, but this feels different. Right now, I feel free.

  As soon as the door shuts, I sit on the bed and call Sofia. “Hey,” she says answering on the third ring.

  “I’m already in love.”

  Sofia snorts. “You just got there. What, like five minutes ago?”

  “I don’t care. It’s just…”

  “It’s not South Carolina. It’s not a plantation with a massive three-story home with white pillars and wide plank back porch that you can sleep on?”

  I smile at her description of my house. She’s spot on. When we first met, I showed her pictures. She couldn’t believe it and said I lived in a storybook home. “Someday, I’m going to take you to my house.”

  “I look forward to it.”

  “Until then, I think I’m going to like California.”

  “I know you will, El. Just promise me you’ll be safe. Don’t go home with strangers.”

  “Pfft. I wouldn’t even know how to flirt.”

  “They’ll flirt with you. I can’t wait to hear the stories.”

  “Love you, Sofia.”

  “Love you, El.”

  She hangs up. Deep down I know she wanted to come, but something at home keeps her there. I don’t know if it’s her mom or what, but I’m now determined to get her to Los Angeles before I leave.

  5

  Quinn

  My dad’s tinkering with his motorcycle when I pull into the driveway. He looks up briefly, waves and goes back to whatever he’s doing. I run my hand over the chrome handlebar, over the gas can and finally over the leather seat. He’s had this bike for as long as I can remember, back when it was just him and I, cruising the streets of Los Angeles. When he bought it, my grandmother threw a fit, yelling about how he was trying to kill us both. Thankfully, I can say my dad, with or without someone else on the back, has never been in a wreck.

  “Do you ever think about trading this in for something new?” I ask, pulling up a stool.

  “All the time, but the memories outweigh what I’d get for a trade-in.”

  “Memories are in your mind and heart,” I tell him. He pauses and looks at me. My dad and I are the spitting image of each other. At least that’s what everyone tells us. Right now, I’m his junior, with our matching style of dress, complete with beanies. I never intended to start wearing one until my mom bought me one for Christmas. I started using it because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I figured she thought I’d want to emulate my dad, and in some ways, I do. Once I started, I never took it off and now these hats are a part of me, part of who I am.

  “Some are visual,” he says. “I can remember the first time I took you for a ride. You sat right here,” he points to the front. “And I drove all the side streets, so you’d get used to it and then I moved you to the back and showed you how to hang onto me. It was a few months before you were comfortable. There’s the time I made your grandma ride. I can still hear her yelling and laughing at me.”

  “Or the first time you took Mom for a ride.”

  My dad smiles, and his cheeks become flush. If he wasn’t so in love with her, I’d wonder what has him so embarrassed.

  “What about when I added the sidecar?” he asks.

  This time I laugh. “That was fun. The twins loved it.”

  “So, you see, I can’t get rid of it.”

  “Buy a new one. It’s not like you and Mom don’t go riding all the time. I bet she’d love one of the brand new bikes.”

  “She tell you that?”

  I shake my head. “Nope. Just an observation.”

  “Huh. What brings you down?” He crouches down and starts working on whatever piece is giving him trouble.

  “Thought I’d catch some waves.”

  “Your mom won’t allow it. There’s a rip current right now, it’s nasty. ‘No swimming’ signs have been up for about three days.”

  “Oh.”

  Dad looks at me again and stops what he’s doing. “Want to go for a ride?”

  I shake my head.

  “Want to tell me what’s going on?”

  “Nothing. I’m fine.”

  “Didn’t ask how you’re doing or what’s wrong, Quinn. I asked if you wanted to tell me what’s going on.”

  I can’t tell my dad what’s bothering me. I’m not sure he’d understand, and I don’t want to bring up old wounds. “I’m going to go see Mom.” I leave my dad in his garage and make my way into the house. There’s music playing, either a recording of my dad singing to my mom or the band’s latest album. I find my mom on the patio with her feet up, a book in her hand and a glass of wine on the table. Leaning down, I kiss her on the cheek and her hand instantly comes to my head, holding me there.

  “This is a nice surprise.” She moves her feet, so I can sit down across from her. As soon as I make eye contact with her, her face falls. “What’s the matter?”

  With her, I can’t hide. I’ve never been able to. She reaches for my hands, holding them in her smaller ones. “Tell me,” she begs.

  Clearing my throat, I look anywhere, but at her. “Elle wants me to join her band.”

  “Honey, that’s great! Oh, I’m so happy for you. It’s about time the world, other than the coffee shop, get to see your talents. Don’t get me wrong, Quinn. I love watching you play there, it’s so intimate, but you deserve so much more. Did you tell your dad?”

  Shaking my head, I meet her gaze, watching as she seeks out the truth I’m trying to mask. Before she can ask me again, my dad steps out and hands me a beer. Mom leans back in her chair and tilts her head, welcoming a kiss from the love of her life.

  It’s odd to think that I often wonder where I’d be if Mason hadn’t died. There’s no way we’d be the family we are if Katelyn and my dad didn’t end up together. That would mean there’s a divorce, which usually means there’s hostility. I can’t imagine not being close to my sisters, and I can’t imagine Katelyn not being my mom. I don’t want to thi
nk about what the alternative could’ve been, but I also hate thinking my sisters had to suffer for my happiness.

  “Are you staying for dinner?” Mom asks.

  “Yeah, I can. I don’t have any plans.”

  “Don’t cook, babe. We’ll order something in. It’s too nice for you to mess around in the kitchen.” This statement earns another kiss from my mom.

  I sit back and observe my parents, they have the kind of love I want. There isn’t a person on the outside who can’t see how in love they are with each other. I believe someone out there is meant for me but finding them is the hard part. I’ve never put myself out there and until I do, I’m not going to find my forever.

  With my dad out here, my mood changes. What I was about to tell my mom, I don’t think I can tell my dad. I’m afraid of his reaction, not that I expect my mom to act any differently, but sometimes she’s easier to talk to.

  My parent’s neighbors stop by and my dad invites them to join us. He starts the patio fireplace, even though it’s pretty hot outside and we all move over to it. I’m tempted to rummage through the kitchen and find the necessities for smores. For as long as I can remember, this house has always been stocked with chocolate bars, marshmallows, and graham crackers, mostly thanks to my aunt. She said we can’t live at the beach without this sweet treat and her penchant for it rubbed off on me, Peyton, and Elle. Noah and Ben even get in on making the gooey treat.

  Conversation flows around me as I study the fire. It isn’t until my mom pokes my side and looks at me expectantly do I realize I’ve been asked a question.

  “I’m sorry, I missed that,” I direct my statement to Mr. Carey. He’s been our neighbor for about fifteen years and is on his third wife.

  “What are you doing for work these days?” he asks. Work. The dreaded topic.

  “Still trying to figure things out,” I tell him honestly.

  “Your sisters graduated from college, right?”

  “Yep.” And no, I didn’t go. But hey, thanks for pointing that out in a roundabout way.