Chasing My Forever

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “My company is hiring. Entry level, if you’re interested.”

  I catch my dad’s eyes, waiting to see if he has something to say. He doesn’t. Making eye contact with Mr. Carey, I smile. “Thanks. I may take you up on that.” I won’t. The tips I make on a Friday night are enough to last me each week and my trust fund pays for my apartment. I’m literally the definition of a spoiled rich kid, although my apartment isn’t expensive, flashy or what some of my peers are living in.

  Mr. Carey offers me his card and tells me to call him when I’m ready. I thank him and slip it into my wallet. I can’t imagine I’ll ever be in a position where I need to call him and ask for a job in the mailroom. Maybe I should enroll in some classes and gain some work skills. That’d be easy if I knew what I wanted to do.

  Music. It’s what I want to do, but when the opportunity presents itself, I run. That’s what I did the other night when Elle invited Dana over. I sat there, listening to everything this woman had to say, completely tongue-tied and unable to speak because all I wanted to do was blurt out how hot I thought she was. Instead of looking professional, I came off as an emo musician who couldn’t be bothered to even give her a reply. Elle was pissed when she left, but in my defense, I didn’t have time to mentally prepare for the business pitch.

  The doorbell rings. I volunteer to go grab dinner, and when I come back, the Careys’ are gone. “They didn’t want to stay for Chinese?”

  “Nah, they had to finish their walk along the beach. Frank does it to stay in shape,” my dad says.

  “With a wife as young as her, he has to do something.” I didn’t want to comment on the fact that Mr. Carey’s wife is somewhere in her twenties or the fact that each time I looked at her, she was staring at me. I have a feeling wife number three won’t be around long.

  Mom dishes up the food and we eat in silence. It’s halfway through dinner when Dad brings up the elephant in the room.

  “Why didn’t you join Elle’s band? She seemed pretty pissed last night when she called.”

  “She called you?” Of course, she did, he just said as much. “What I mean is, why does it matter?”

  Dad sets his chopsticks down, rests his elbows on the table and links his fingers together. “I’m not sure it matters for anything, Quinn, other than the band set-up seems pretty solid and it sounds like a great way to start your career.”

  “Are you saying this because Ajay is the drummer?”

  He shakes his head. “No, I’m saying this because the talent Elle’s lining up has the ability to really do something in the industry. I thought this is what you wanted.”

  “I don’t know what I want. I’m content with the gigs I have.”

  “You don’t want to at least see if you fit with the others? You have so much talent, Quinn,” Mom adds. She reaches across the table and places her hand on top of mine.

  “It’s not that.”

  “Then what is it, son?” Dad asks. “What’s holding you back?”

  I look from my dad to my mom. It’s when I see her face, her kind eyes and soft features I about lose it. I excuse myself from the table and head out toward the ocean, needing to get lost in my thoughts.

  The sand is warm where I sit, and the ocean is angry. Harsh waves crash toward shore, making me wish I were out there, catching the big ones. My mom would freak out though and it’s not worth seeing her cry.

  From behind me, someone approaches. I turn to see my mom just as she sits down next to me. She hands me a beer and holds another bottle in her hand.

  “Thanks.” I take a drink, letting the cold amber liquid cool my heated body.

  “I hate beer,” she says, taking a drink. “I don’t know how you kids drink it.”

  “And yet, here you are, drinking one.” I tilt my bottle and clank it against hers.

  “I’m trying to be cool.”

  I laugh. “I’m not sure any of us have ever thought of you as uncool.”

  She leans her head on my shoulder and sighs. “You know, I’ve known you since you were eight. This shy little boy came into my life and showed me that I had so much more love to give.”

  “Still shy.”

  “Nothing wrong with that, Quinn. Is that why you don’t want to be in the band?”

  I shake my head. “It’s Alicia.”

  Everything goes silent. Even the waves have seemed to calm, and the birds have stopped chirping.

  “Has she contacted you?”

  “No, but I fear that if I’m out there, then she’ll reach out, and I’m not sure if I’m ready for that. I don’t want to meet her or have her in my business. I’ve gone all this time without knowing her and if I join the band and we do well, I could end up in her radar.”

  “Quinn, look at me.”

  I do as she asks. My mom’s so pretty with her dark hair and tanned skin. “Who’s your mom?”

  “You are.”

  She gets up on her knees and places her hands on my face. There are tears in her eyes, which spur mine to let go. “And you’re my son. No one can ever take that away from us, especially not Alicia. You, my son, are so talented and beautiful. I don’t want to see you wasting your dream because of a what if. The James don’t live that way. If we did, I would’ve never gone to your dad and asked for a second chance. If you want to be in a band or have a solo career or go work for Frank Carey, do it, but don’t let some woman who means nothing to you, who you don’t even know, hold you back. You’re worth so much more.”

  My arms collapse around my mom as she hugs me. I cry into her shoulder, thankful to have someone like her in my life, but still fearful that the other woman, the one who gave birth to me, is out there waiting. And if she is, I don’t know what I’m going to do.

  6

  Eleanora

  Kellie and I stand among the tourists in front of Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, waiting for our hop on hop off tour bus to arrive. She says this is the best way to see the sites, to give me a rather quick rundown of where I’m living. Later, we plan to take the TMZ bus, the late night one, and go celebrity hopping. It’s not exactly Kellie’s idea of fun, but I’m new and Hollywood is a novelty to me.

  With our coffees in hand, we board the bus, taking the generic earbuds from the guide, and find a seat toward the rear of the bus. I lean back and close my eyes, letting the sun beat down on me. The heat is a definite plus. Idaho can be incredibly dreary at times and much cooler than I’m used to with South Carolina’s humidity, so I welcome California’s heat with open arms.

  The tour guide tells us before we even leave, that people are starting to line up for the Jimmy Kimmel show. I glance at Kellie, who rolls her eyes. Yes, I want to go. I mean why not? I’m here and I should experience everything I can before I have to go home, because my return is inevitable. My parents won’t stand for me living here. It’s not an overprotective thing, at least not where they’re concerned, people in our family just don’t leave. We stay close. It’s how it’s always been and I’m not sure my parents are willing to change their ways. Maybe if it were my brother doing this instead, running off and lying about his whereabouts, they wouldn’t be as bothered, but he would never do something like this. Devoted to the family is how he rolls.

  As the tour rolls along, they show us where River Phoenix died, on the sidewalk of this seedy looking place. I admit I had to look him up because that was way before my time. Kellie tells me that it’s common and that no one in Hollywood bats an eye about getting high. Sad, really. We go by the Laugh Factory, where famed comedians like Robin Williams, (rest his soul), Tim Allen and Ellen DeGeneres either performed or got their big break. He also lists the performers who have died. Like come on, dude. Is this a morbid tour of Los Angeles?

  And I’m starting to think the only thing that happens on the famous Sunset Strip are drugs and comedy because our next landmark location is The Comedy Store which was started by the late Mitzi Shore. This name I do know. One night, Sofia told us she had a movie for us to watch, Encino Man. None of us h
ad heard of it, but she was very much in love with Brendan Fraser. So, we watched and laughed our asses off at Pauly Shore! It was one of the funniest movies I had seen in a long time and it became our “depressed” movie. Sad to say, one night we went out and tried to drink a slushie from the spout. The store owner was not thrilled with the mess we made.

  When we arrive in Beverly Hills, Kellie grabs my hand and pulls me off the bus.

  “What are we doing?”

  “I want to show you something.”

  I follow along, stopping and taking pictures of random buildings that look interesting. After a few minutes, I ask, “Where are we going?” Because we’re getting farther away from the bus.

  “Where dreams are made.”

  “And where is that, exactly?”

  We turn down a street and my mouth drops open. On both sides of the street is every designer store you can think of. However, I’m confused. Neither of us went into fashion, so how does this equate to dreams.

  “I don’t get it,” I tell her. “How are dreams made here? I probably can’t even afford a pair of socks.”

  Kellie points. To her left is the very famous Rodeo Drive and to her right is the Beverly Wilshire where Julia Roberts had all her dreams come true.

  I’m not Julia Roberts or her character, Vivian, but I appreciate seeing where Hollywood has come to life. “Are we able to go to movie sets?”

  “Sure, we can do tours. Paramount, Warner Brothers, and Universal. We can do them all if you want.”

  “I want. I so want.” I pull her into a hug. “Thank you, Kellie. I really needed this.”

  “It’s my pleasure. Come on, we have a lot of the tour left and we want to make it back before the next bus leaves.”

  Being a tourist is fun, but exhausting. Right now, I’m sitting on the deck, eyeing the pool, but I can’t bring myself to put my suit on and go down there. My feet are aching and while the hot tub would feel nice, there are more important things I need to do. Like, find a job. I realized that the money my dad transferred into my account isn’t going to last long here and putting things on my credit card is a major red flag. Of course, avoiding my parents is too, but right now, they’re content with a text in the morning and evening, letting them know I’m safe and secure in some fancy hotel. I figure, I have a few more days of pushing my parents off, maybe even fibbing a bit more by telling them we doubled back so Sofia could visit a relative or something, anything I can do to prolong the trip. Once they find out I’m here, well I can kiss my summer goodbye. I also don’t want to come off as a freeloader to Kellie. I know she won’t think of me as one, but the last thing I want to do is put a wedge between us.

  Jobs though, while there are plenty, they’re not what I’m looking for. I’m not in a position to start a career here, so I need something in retail.

  However, every job fitting the description is fast food. I don’t see myself wearing a uniform and taking orders for greasy fries. Although, telling my mother that her baby girl was flipping hamburgers at the local grease pit would be hilarious. She’d probably have me sent to some lab, so I could be deep cleaned.

  I finally give up and close my phone. The only way to find a job is to get out there. In my room, I look up the nearest print center and send my glowing resume to them, requesting fifty copies. It’s still early enough in the day that I should be able to find a few spots to leave an application. After sending a quick text to Kellie, asking her where I can start looking, I map out my plan of attack, but not before calling Sofia.

  “How is it?” she asks. No, hello or hey, just right to the point.

  “Beautiful. Drive up here.”

  “I can’t. I started work today.”

  “Oh crap. I’m sorry for not calling sooner. I should’ve as soon as I woke up. Do you like it?”

  “I love it,” she says. “The people are so nice, and the studio is amazing. The only problem I have is waking up before the sun is even willing to come up.”

  “How long until you get on camera? I’m going to have to stream your broadcasts.”

  “It’ll be a few months, I think. I have to learn the ropes and then I’ll be sent out on assignment.”

  “Sofia, this sounds so exciting. Maybe I should’ve come to Arizona with you.” I lean back on my bed and cover my eyes with my forearm.

  Sofia laughs. “It’s hot here, much hotter than you’re used to. Besides, you have Disneyland. Make Kellie take you.”

  “What if we make a plan to go together? You don’t work weekends, right?”

  “I work some, but maybe we can. Listen, my mom just got home. I gotta run.”

  “Love you.”

  “Love you too, El.” Sofia hangs up, making me miss her instantly. It’s an odd feeling. We’ve known each other for two years and didn’t spend last summer together, although she did come back to school early, and I find myself missing her. Maybe it’s that I miss school, the togetherness my suitemates and I had, and the overall security. That has to be it.

  Dressing in a skirt and flowy top, I make my way to the print shop to pick up my resumes. The clerk tells me I’m overly eager. Great. That’s the vote of confidence I need.

  My ride share drops me off on Sunset Blvd. This is where Kellie says I’m most likely to find quick work.

  I’m down to my last resume when I walk into a coffee shop bistro type place. The sign says they’re open twenty-four hours, they have open mic and that you must be twenty-one to enter unless with a parent or guardian. Odd, but I’m desperate.

  “Hi, I noticed the sign in the window that says you’re hiring. I’d like to drop off my resume.” I hand her my lifeline. She looks at it while smacking her gum, while I idly stand there, wondering what kind of place this is. There are a few people sitting at the tables. One is typing away on a laptop, another is reading a book, while another is staring out the window. People watching, I get it. I love doing that and need to find a park that will afford me ample opportunity to watch people.

  The barista? Clerk? Heck, I’m not sure what to refer to her as, blows a bubble with her pink gum, lets it pop before turning around and yelling, “Someone named Resume is here to see you.”

  What? She thinks that’s my name? Thankfully, she’s set my document down to help the next customer. I pick it up, verifying that my name is correct, Eleanora Boone. My mouth drops open and tears instantly flood my eyes. My name appears nowhere and in fact, says “resume” where my name should be. My phone number isn’t even listed.

  I can’t help the tears. They’re flowing when the manager comes out. He stands there, looking confused. “I’m sorry.” I wipe as much as I can away and take a deep breath, forcing a smile.

  “Name’s Zeke.”

  “Hi, I’m…” I pause when it comes to my name. He has no idea what it is and right now I don’t feel like being proper. This doesn’t mean I’m about to shave half my head and dye my hair different colors like the cashier, but I’m going to let loose and live my best life while I’m here. “Nola,” I tell him, reaching for his hand. “I apologize for the error in my resume. I take full responsibility.”

  Zeke motions me to follow him. We sit at a corner table, with me looking out over the sidewalk. I can see now why someone would sit here, the people are fascinating.

  “Where ya from?”

  “Idaho.”

  “They have a southern accent in Idaho now?”

  I duck my head, feeling my cheeks flare. After regaining my composure, I make eye contact with him. “Originally, I’m from South Carolina, but have recently moved here.”

  “Do you have any experience waiting tables?”

  I shake my head. “I’m sorry, I don’t, but I’m a fast learner and I can work any hours you need.” Although, the thought of working late scares me.

  “Look, you don’t have the experience… none at all really, but I’m short staffed. Here’s the deal, I’m going to give you a test run on Friday night. It’s our open mic night, we’re busy so wear comfortable sh
oes. The attire is black shirt. I don’t care what you wear for pants. Hair must be up.” He glances at the counter where the clerk is waving her finger at him. He sighs and turns back to me. “If you can hack it on Friday, the job is yours.”

  “Thank you. What time should I be here?”

  “Four works. It’ll give you some time to train with the other waitress before the rush starts.”

  I reach my hand out to shake his. “I won’t let you down.”

  Once again, he looks at the counter and shakes his head. “Yep, I’ve heard that before!”

  Zeke excuses himself and I use this opportunity to stay and observe, watching the people come and go, learning how this place operates and taking notes on how I’m going to succeed. Failure is not an option.

  7

  Quinn

  Over the past few days, I’ve done everything I can to ignore my sister, and she’s done everything she can to not only drive it home that she’s not going to give up but to also annoy the crap out of me. Elle has even gone as far as not only telling Peyton that I’m being unreasonable but to send a singing clown to my door, who rattled off some jingle while making me a balloon animal hat. Honestly, I got a kick out of the hat and wore it around my apartment. The freaky ass clown I could’ve done without.

  My home away from home, my sanctuary, is this little hole in the wall coffee shop turned dive bar called the Bean Song. I’ve never really understood the name and often thought about asking the manager, Zeke, the idea behind it, but it never seems to come up in conversation.

  When I arrive for my set, Zeke is showing, who I suspect is the new girl, around. The turnover rate here is ridiculous, but honestly, that’s Los Angeles. Most of the people who stroll through are looking for their big break and most realize after a few weeks that working here isn’t going to pay the bills. Even for me, if I didn’t have my trust fund to rely on, I’d have to get a real job, and with no qualifications, that would be hard. That being said, I tend to stay away from the waitstaff. There’s no point in getting to know someone, only to have them leave. Most of them have been nice over the years, making sure I have what I need. That’s the extent of our relationship, oddly enough, I’m okay with it.