Holly Farb and the Princess of the Galaxy

by Gareth Wronski

  The alien exploded into a cloud of dust. Holly gasped, recoiling. Acrid-smelling smoke hovered in the air, stinging her eyes. Through the smoke strode a tall, lanky human holding a gun. He twirled it around his index finger and slid it into the holster on his hip.

  “Howdy,” he said, sitting down at their table like they knew one another.

  Holly, Jalya, and Mr. Mendez stared at him.

  “Name’s Toshiro,” said the man. He had jet-black hair under a sandy, wide-brimmed hat. His intense eyes studied each one of them. “Apologies for dustin’ him like that, but he didn’t seem like the reasonable type.” He motioned to the two-headed bartender. “A round of drinks for my friends here.”

  “Who are you?” Holly blurted out, then regretted it, not wanting to offend this terrifying man.

  “Like I said, name’s Toshiro.” He took off his hat and placed it on the table. “I’m a bounty hunter. You’ve probably heard of me—I’m the guy who took down six of the Seven Marauders after they ransacked all the planets in the Tantylon System. Only could take two of ’em alive, though. Shame.”

  Holly felt Jalya slide closer to her. She knew they were both thinking the same thing—if he was a bounty hunter, he might be after the Princess. Holly swallowed, trying to remain calm.

  The bartender shuffled over to their table, eying Toshiro like he was a wild animal that might suddenly lash out. She placed down a tray of drinks and left. No one drank. They sat, tensely staring at Toshiro.

  “Are you a human?” said Mr. Mendez.

  Toshiro nodded. “As human as they come.”

  “And you’re a bounty hunter?” said Holly. She wondered how a human could become an intergalactic bounty hunter, though she was too afraid to ask. “What sort of bounties?”

  “Criminals mostly. Some politicals. The random domestic case.” His eyes fell on Jalya. “The odd missing person.”

  Holly’s stomach tightened. She glanced at Mr. Mendez, who shifted uneasily in his seat. Holly eyed the exit, which was across the room—and probably too far away to run to.

  Jalya straightened herself up. “If you’re threatening me—”

  “If I wanted to threaten you, Your Highness, I’d have dusted your friends when you walked in here.” He leaned forward and smiled. “I came over here to warn you. This ain’t a good place for royalty. This ain’t a good place for anyone. There are over eleven murderers in this room, and those are just the ones I’ve heard of.” He motioned toward the clear blob Holly had bumped into. “See her? You don’t even want to know what she gets up to.”

  Holly tried to nonchalantly glance at the blob.

  “Why are you telling us this?” said Jalya.

  Toshiro smiled. “Because my current contract is the Pirate Lord. TopsuTrex Industries is payin’ a hundred million credits to anyone who stops him. Reckon we can help each other out.”

  Jalya frowned. “How will you help us?”

  “The pirates are after you. I’m after them. We join forces, we have better odds. My only condition is when we find ’em, I get the Pirate Lord. With him gone, you’re in the clear. And I get a lot of money. Everyone wins.”

  Holly crossed her arms. “We’re not going after the Pirate Lord. We’re going to see the President of the Universe to get him to stop the pirates with the Galactic Armada.” She couldn’t believe what she was saying.

  “Even better,” said Toshiro. “Let the Prez do all the work and I’ll get the credit. And more important, the credits. I’m already headin’ that way to drop off a bounty. How does a big-time Earthling such as yourself plan to get there?”

  Holly glanced at Jalya, who was clearly considering this offer. “He’s—”

  “No,” said Jalya, “he’s right. We need a proper ship to take us there. If he can help us defeat the Pirate Lord, we need him.”

  Mr. Mendez frowned. “It does seem like a, um, rather risky plan. . . .”

  “It’s less risky than you wanderin’ around the galaxy,” said Toshiro. “Besides, a quick space flight to see the President of F.O.U.P.S.P.O.—that’s easy. We zoom over there, sort this out, I get money from TopsuTrex, and you can live a carefree life full of merriment.”

  “And how do we know we can trust you?” said Jalya.

  “Oh, you can trust me. I have a reputation to keep. It’s bad for business to have people not trust me. That’s my offer. Take it or leave it. But I guarantee it’s a better deal than anyone else in here will offer.”

  Jalya and Holly looked at each other. Jalya slowly nodded, and Holly knew what she was thinking.

  Holly sighed. She downed her Boko juice and wiped her mouth. “Fine. Let’s go to the President of Foopspy. But first things first. How do we get out of this worm?”

  “The worm breaches the surface every hour and lets people out through the mouth.” Toshiro stood up, scanning the patrons around them. “There’s another way out, but you’re probably not gonna like it.”

  * * *

  After exiting the worm, the group stood in the sand, contemplating matters at hand. Everyone looked a little shaken.

  “Well,” said Mr. Mendez, “that was certainly an interesting experience. . . .”

  “It was disgusting,” said Holly.

  Jalya nodded. “I hope I never see another giant worm ever again.”

  Toshiro nodded, putting his hat on.

  “Fact,” said AsTRO, saying nothing else.

  They wandered back through the blistering desert. Both of the suns were low in the sky, creating dueling shadows stretched out along the ground. Holly trudged through the sand, her feet feeling like they were made of stone. She was so tired. Every footstep was like going up a huge staircase. A huge, hot staircase.

  When they arrived at the parking lot, Holly gasped.

  All of the ships were shattered to bits and smoldering, like something out of a war zone. Thick black smoke billowed out of the wrecked spaceships. There was only one ship remaining—a galleon. The wind roared and the smoke cleared, revealing . . .

  Pirates. All around them were pirates. Their top hats cast long shadows in the sand like outstretched fingers.

  A gust of wind whirled sand through the parking lot, stinging Holly’s eyes. Jalya looked at Holly, who glanced back at the desert, wondering what their chances were if they ran. Probably not good, she thought. Mr. Mendez exhaled. AsTRO’s fan whirred.

  Toshiro put his hands on his hips. “Well,” he said with a shrug, “this is a setback.”

  9

  DREAM A BIT FARTHER

  Holly tensed as the pirates stared greedily at them like a pack of hungry animals. There were big ones, little ones, wide ones, thin ones. Some had arms, some had tentacles, some had arms and tentacles. The bizarre assortment of pirates had only three things in common—each wore a top hat, each was holding a sword, and each had vivid red eyes. The metal galleon loomed nearby, casting a dark shadow across the sand. A cold wind howled and red dust clouds swirled around them.

  Toshiro’s hand crept up to the collar of his black jacket. “Friday,” he muttered, “spool up the engines and open the back door.”

  “Um,” said Mr. Mendez, “who are you talking to?”

  “Don’t worry about it,” said Toshiro, smiling.

  “How do you plan to get out of here?” whispered Holly.

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  The pirates cackled and stalked toward them. Holly stepped back, her foot catching a jagged piece of destroyed spaceship. With a pang, she realized it was the little ship they had traveled to Desolate on. It was broken in half and smoldering. They had no way to escape.

  A message blared out from the galleon. “ATTENTION,” it boomed, “RESISTENCE IS NOT SCIENCE. YOU HAVE NO ESCAPE. SURRENDER THE PRINCESS OR DIE.”

  Holly swallowed. She glanced at Jalya, who was looking nervously at the galleon. Mr. Mendez raised his hands. AsTRO sat in the sand, doing nothing.

  Jalya bowed her head. “If it means saving your lives, I’ll turn myself in.”r />
  “No!” said Holly. “There must be a way out. We’ve come too far to give up.”

  “Yeah, Your Highness,” said Toshiro. “We ain’t nearly dead yet. You can do the self-sacrifice thing some other time.”

  The pirates advanced. Holly turned. The only thing behind them was a vast expanse of desert stretching to the horizon. There was no way out. Wind threw sand in Holly’s eyes and she blinked.

  “Get ready to run,” said Toshiro calmly as the pirates marched forward.

  “Run?” said Holly. “Run where? Tell us more information!”

  Toshiro touched his collar again. “Friday, drop the cloak.”

  Off to their right, the air shimmered and crackled. A big, sleek spaceship suddenly appeared on the ground. Holly’s mouth fell open. It hadn’t been there a minute ago—it was invisible, and the pirates must have missed it when they destroyed the other ships. The ship was shaped like a large V, and the engine at the rear was glowing. A door in the side hung open, with a ramp extending down to the sand like a long metal tongue.

  “Go!” said Toshiro. He raced toward the ship and everyone followed. Holly darted after him as the galleon’s cannons opened fire. A big boom shook the ground. A searing-hot laser blasted the area just in front of Holly, and the sand turned into a rough sheet of glass. She stumbled and tripped, falling forward into the sand. Another blast turned the patch of sand behind her into glass. She scrambled to her feet and ran into Toshiro’s ship.

  The door hissed and slammed shut behind her. Toshiro was waiting with his arms outstretched and a proud expression on his face. “Welcome,” he said, kicking a pile of trash out of the way, “to the Gadabout.” The ship shook as laser blasts pelted the hull. Toshiro paced to the front and sat at the controls. “You might want to buckle up.”

  Mr. Mendez and Jalya were already seated, strapped in with seat belts in a row of three chairs along the wall. AsTRO was on the third seat, two seat belts knotted and holding it in place.

  There was nowhere left for Holly to sit.

  “Uh . . . ,” she said.

  Something clattered behind her. A huge, furry white alien was crammed into a cage, its purple eyes glaring at her. “Hey, human child,” it said, revealing pointy teeth, “why don’t you let me out. I have all your favorite varieties of candy. Come a little closer, eh?”

  “Ignore the bounty,” said Toshiro, not looking up from the console. “It’s eaten more people than I can count.”

  The alien reached through the cage and grabbed at Holly, who stepped back, just dodging a clawed paw. “I will eat you!” it roared. “Don’t think I won’t!”

  “Friday,” said Toshiro, “full power to engines.”

  “Gotcha, sir,” responded a chipper woman’s voice. When Holly saw who she was, her eyebrows shot up. There was a desk at the front of the ship where a shimmering blue hologram was seated, one leg crossed over the other. Friday swiveled in her chair and her fingers started typing rapidly. Except she wasn’t typing anything—she was just miming it.

  Before Holly knew what to do, the Gadabout blasted off the ground with a thunderous roar and she stumbled backward, nearly tripping on a crumpled can. She grabbed on to Jalya’s seat as her stomach moved up into her throat. The edge of the seat dug into her ribs. She groaned.

  Laser blasts rocked the ship. The galleon clearly wasn’t going to just let them fly away.

  Friday shouted, “Sir, shields at sixty-four percent!”

  Toshiro cracked his knuckles. “Friday, gimme a geological survey of the planet.”

  “Sure thing, sir,” chimed Friday. She pretended to type. “Whatcha lookin’ for?”

  “Volcanoes.”

  “Active or inactive?”

  “Active.”

  Friday typed some more. “Sendin’ the coordinates your way, sir.”

  Toshiro brushed crinkled wrappers off the beeping console and studied the information. He glanced over his shoulders at Holly, Mr. Mendez, Jalya, and AsTRO. “Reckon this might get dicey,” he said. “Hope you don’t mind turbulence.”

  He turned the wheel and the Gadabout swerved right. Holly’s sweaty hands slipped from the chair and she slammed into the wall, groaning. The alien prisoner reached through the cage and grabbed at her, but she scurried away. “I will eat you!” it roared.

  “Friday,” said Toshiro, “put forward shield power into the rear shields.”

  “Gotcha, sir. Rear shields now at seventy-six percent.”

  Toshiro examined the shimmering map in front of him. He pulled up on the wheel, and Holly could feel the ship rising. Her ears popped. On the display screen above Toshiro, a little V-shaped ship was quickly approaching a little M-shaped mountain.

  They were approaching the volcano.

  “Friday, get ready to put all power into the bottom shields.”

  Friday swiveled in her chair. “All power, sir? That doesn’t sound too swell.”

  “All power.”

  “Even the artificial gravity?”

  “Even the artificial gravity.”

  “Even the engines?”

  “Even the engines!” Toshiro slammed down on the console and the ship shot forward. Holly’s head whirled. She crawled toward the chairs, desperate to grab hold.

  “But, sir!” said Friday, her face in an exaggerated expression of surprise.

  “You’re cutting power to the engines?” said Jalya. “Do you even know how spaceships work?”

  “Great galaxies,” muttered Mr. Mendez, “I must say, that doesn’t seem like the most sensible idea. . . . Also, perhaps we could have a moment to discuss the sanitary conditions on this ship.”

  “I know what I’m doing,” said Toshiro, sounding slightly defensive. The volcano was getting closer. Holly inched along the floor, trying to find something to grab on to. The row of seats was just a few feet away. She had a bad feeling about what was going to happen.

  “Friday,” said Toshiro, letting go of the wheel. “Now.”

  The lights shut off. The engine stopped humming. Friday flickered and vanished, muttering, “I am. I was.” Holly suddenly felt like she weighed nothing. She floated off the floor, her hair flailing around in weird tendrils. A can tumbled past her face in slow motion. She waved her arms, straining to grasp on to anything.

  The Gadabout arced through the sky, still moving forward from pure velocity. It crossed over the craggy mouth of the volcano as an eruption of lava burst out and hit the bottom of the ship. The shields crackled, turning it into vapor. The pirate ship followed straight through the lava and burst into flames. It veered sideways and spiraled out of the sky, leaving a mad squiggle of black smoke before crashing into the sand.

  “Friday, put the power back into all systems.”

  The engines roared. The lights flickered back on and Holly slammed into the floor. She groaned. Her whole body seared with pain. She was getting tired of slamming into things.

  Toshiro grabbed the wheel and brought the ship up, soaring through the stratosphere and out into the black void of space. He leaned back in his chair and chuckled.

  “Too easy,” he said.

  * * *

  When they had put some distance between themselves and Desolate, Mr. Mendez approached Toshiro at the front of the ship to discuss health and safety codes, leaving Holly and Jalya together in the row of chairs. AsTRO, who had been untied, was hobbling around in little circles on the floor, enjoying his freedom.

  Holly tried to nonchalantly stare at Jalya. It was still hard to believe Chester was not only a girl, and not only an alien, but also a princess. Holly couldn’t imagine that someone would reject being the most important person in an entire galaxy. Would she have done the same? No, she thought. That’s silly. She would have made an excellent princess. Holly hesitated, then asked the question that was on her mind.

  “So . . . why did you run away from Quaffle?”

  “I’m from Quartle,” said Jalya. She glanced down at the floor. “After my parents died, I was forced to be rule
r of the Quartle Empire. I didn’t want to be. My only choice was to flee.”

  “How did your parents die?” said Holly, immediately regretting asking this. She realized it was insensitive.

  Jalya’s eyes followed AsTRO moving in a circle. “Quartle is well known as a planet of scientists and inventors. My parents were two of the brightest minds the planet had ever known. But . . . my father grew arrogant. He was unsatisfied with the normal problems that plagued Quartle’s scientists. He wanted to do something great. He wanted to reprogram robots.”

  AsTRO stopped moving and emitted a low beep. Jalya bowed her head solemnly. Holly raised her eyebrows.

  “Is that bad?” said Holly.

  “Oh yes,” said Jalya gravely. “Once a robot is first programmed, it has one function. You can’t change it. Everyone knows that when you reprogram a robot, it develops all sorts of problems. But my father thought he could do it. He became obsessed with developing the technology to easily reprogram robots to do whatever he wanted. Refurbishing, he said. Reusing assets. He claimed he had finally done it.” Jalya sighed. “To demonstrate it, he reprogrammed the palace vacuum cleaner.” Her expression darkened. “The robot went mad and killed my parents.”

  Holly stared at her, mouth agape. “Your parents were killed by their vacuum?” She realized this sounded harsh, so she added: “That’s terrible.”

  “Yes. My father’s arrogance got the better of him. The vacuum’s reason for existing was to clean, and suddenly its reason for existing changed. He never should have done that.”

  AsTRO beeped. “Fact: Your father was a war criminal.”