by Nix Knox
“Do you realize what this means for us?” His father’s voice was soft but still reflected his fear.
“I do. That’s why I’m moving.”
His mother burst into tears and resumed her frantic praying.
“If I stay, you’ll only get hurt worse. If I go, you’ll be able to tell everyone that I left to attend school.”
“School?”
“I want to study aviation.” Noah had already decided to follow his bliss. “I remember the night we huddled around the computer, looking at college majors. That was the one that caught my eye. I’ve thought about it off and on over the years. It’s what I want to do.”
“I’m not going to lie to cover up your sins,” his father said hotly.
“Then don’t.” Noah stood. “I’m done lying. I see no reason for you to start.”
“You’re just going to go after dropping this on us?” His father stood, too. He looked worn and exhausted.
“I’ll stay if you want to talk further, but you’re not going to change my mind. It’s a lot to take in. I know that. I’m sorry it all came out at once, but I couldn’t sleep another night with this on my chest.”
“So you put it on ours.”
“I’m sorry if that’s the way you see things. My intention was to come clean with you. I feel like I’ve been lying to you since eighth grade.” Noah remembered his first dance and how he’d been unable to find a date. His cousin had gone with him. Ironically, it was the only date he’d had until another girl took pity on him. Noah didn’t really count either event as a date. “I don’t want to lie to you or myself anymore.”
“Are you—is there someone?” His mother looked horrified that the answer might be yes.
“There is.”
His mother cringed. Noah saw himself in the gesture.
“His name is Ronan. I think—I think I love him.”
“Think!” His father cried. “You only think you do? You’re throwing your life away on thinking you’re in love with this—this—”
“Man. And I’m not throwing my life away. I’m finally embracing it. And I say think because I’m not going to tell someone else I love Ronan before I tell Ronan directly.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Noah knew he was in love. It had happened fast, but that made the feeling no less valid. “I’ve never felt as comfortable and content with anyone in my life. With Ronan, I can be myself.”
“You can be yourself with your family.”
“But only if I do as you want me to.” Noah felt saddened by the circular nature of their argument. “Please, I need to go. I want to talk more. I do. But I think you need time to think about what I’ve said.”
Noah and his father had talked a bit more after that, but his mother had stayed on the couch, crying and praying. As much as it hurt him to see his mother so upset, he wasn’t going to go backward. Telling them the truth had tumbled a huge boulder off his back. After putting in his notice at work, his apartment, and now with his family, Noah finally felt free. When he stepped outside, he didn’t feel prying eyes judging him. He didn’t wonder what the neighbors would make of his scratched car. With Ronan’s help, he was able to understand that he had no control over what other people thought or what they did. The only person he had control over was himself, and it was high time he stepped up to the plate and took care of business.
Returning to his apartment was far less stressful than it had been yesterday. Since he’d gone to his parents’ house right after work, the sun was still up and his parking space was empty. He pulled in, shut off the engine, and opened the door.
Noah heard a cry and turned toward the sound. All he saw was a fist flying at his face, and then he felt hot asphalt against his body. Screams filled the air. He struggled to stand up to see what was going on, but then realized he was the one making all the noise. Mercifully, darkness overcame him.
Chapter Seventeen
Ronan struggled to hold off on calling Noah. He thought Noah was going to call him after work, but that was hours ago. They’d made a tentative date to watch television together while they chatted on the phone, so Ronan was waiting for the show to start. When it did and Noah still didn’t call, he called Noah. There wasn’t an answer. It rang six times, then went to voice mail. Ronan sat down and watched the show with partial attention. He kept his phone in his hand, watching the little digital clock count off the minutes until ten had passed. He hit redial. This time there were only two rings before he was dumped into voice mail.
“Hey, it’s me. I’m sitting here watching television. I just wanted to talk to you about your day and see how you are. Call me.” Ronan disconnected the call. He felt anxious. The jittery feeling was one he didn’t have very often. He realized he was only worried now because Noah was eminently dependable. If he said he would do something, he did. There was no way he would delay calling, not when he knew how concerned he was about the whole Keith affair.
That made a new and far more troubling shiver crawl over his skin. What if Keith had been bailed out? Noah was supposed to be notified, but sometimes things happened and promises weren’t kept. After three more unanswered calls spaced exactly ten minutes apart, Ronan knew he had to do something. Even if Noah were working late, something he said he never did, he would still answer his phone.
Since he was never going to get comfortable, Ronan left a message for Noah that he was on his way to his apartment. If he got there and Noah wasn’t home, he would figure out his next move at that point. “Just call me as soon as you get this message. I’m worried about you.” Ronan wanted to add that he loved him, but he wanted to say that to Noah’s face.
Within minutes, Ronan was on his bike, heading toward Provo. Traffic was ugly, but not as bad as it was during rush hour. He made it to Noah’s apartment in less than forty-five minutes. What he saw as he turned into the parking lot amped up his adrenaline to a terrifying level. Noah’s car was surrounded by crime scene tape, while a group of people stood nearby, talking with two uniformed officers. When he drove up, every gaze swung his way. In that moment, he understood exactly how Noah felt sometimes when he thought everyone was looking at him and judging him harshly. Almost as soon as Ronan got off the bike, an officer was asking him who he was and why he was there.
After pulling off his helmet, he said, “I came to see Noah Cameron.” Ronan glanced toward Noah’s car. Since there wasn’t a car parked next to him, Ronan was able to see that the driver’s side door was open. He also saw what looked like stains on the ground, but the blacktop was fairly well marked with all kinds of spots, marks, and debris.
“He’s a friend of yours?”
“He’s—yes.” Ronan had been on the verge of saying that Noah was his boyfriend but stopped at the last second. Ronan was proud of that fact, but he didn’t think Noah wanted his orientation broadcast to everyone who lived near him. Unfortunately, Ronan’s slight hesitation caused the officer to narrow his gaze. Suddenly suspicious, the officer seemed to focus his attention even more fully on Ronan. To cut him off, Ronan said, “I called him several times, but he never answered. I knew he was having a problem with one of the tenants here, so I came over to make sure he was okay.”
“What problem?”
Ronan told him everything he knew. When the officer wrote everything down but didn’t say anything, Ronan asked, “Is he okay?”
“He’s been taken over to UVRMC.”
After a moment, Ronan realized that was short for Utah Valley Regional Medical Center. His heart did a series of somersaults. There was a LifeFlight helipad there that could take Noah to another facility. Just how badly was Noah injured?
“Is he—please tell me he’s okay.”
“I don’t know.” The officer consulted his notes. “Tell me more about the person he’s been having problems with.”
“There’s not anything else to tell. He’s the one who vandalized Noah’s car. He was supposed to be in jail.”
“Uh-huh.” The officer was back to writing again.
“Please, I need to go and see him.”
“You need to stay and answer my questions.” This time, the officer’s eyes narrowed, and he stepped into Ronan’s personal space. It was an aggressive move meant to establish dominance. In any other circumstance, Ronan would have used his own body to intimidate the officer, but he feared being held longer if he did. The officer was middle-aged, short, and clearly used to swinging his weight around. Even though Ronan’s earlier hesitation had prompted suspicion, he was glad he hadn’t said Noah was his boyfriend. This man struck Ronan as the kind who would take delight in tormenting him strictly for the fact he was gay.
After what seemed forever, the officer eventually let Ronan go. He wasn’t sure exactly where UVRMC was, but one quick check on his GPS brought up the coordinates. The hospital was massive. Ronan parked and placed his helmet in the trunk. Since he didn’t know exactly what had happened, he thought the place to start was with the emergency area. When he stepped inside, chaos greeted him. Most of the chairs were filled, yet the nurses on duty didn’t seem to be flustered. He imagined this was the norm for a hospital this size.
When his turn at the counter came, he explained he was trying to find his friend. He told the rather disinterested woman that there had been an altercation of some kind, and he was looking for Noah Cameron.
She did what he feared she would. While she confirmed Noah was a patient, she couldn’t give out any details about why he was there or where in the hospital he was. The only other bit of information Ronan was able to glean was that Noah had been unconscious when he’d been brought into the hospital.
“Are you his emergency contact?”
“I’m sure his parents are.”
“Are you family?”
“I’m his friend.” Ronan was certain she was repeating her questions as a way of testing his honesty.
“I’m sorry. You’ll have to contact someone from his family.” She was looking down at something on a chart, but Ronan couldn’t see it.
“Did you call them? I don’t want to duplicate your efforts. Or worse, be the one to inform them Noah’s in the hospital, since I don’t know what’s going on.”
“You knew enough to come down here.”
“I went to his apartment, and the police sent me here.”
“You’ll have to contact his family directly.” The nurse looked past him. “Next.”
As much as Ronan wanted to argue, he knew there was no point. She wasn’t going to tell him anything else. All he could do was move aside and try to regroup. It seemed to him hours went by without any grand idea coming to mind. In his agony of not knowing, he looked up and fixated on an older woman with the same corn-silk hair as Noah. When Ronan looked to the man beside her and saw Noah’s blue eyes, he figured he was either hallucinating or these were Noah’s parents. Given the stricken expressions on their faces, whatever they’d been told to get them down here was not good.
Moving with subtle intent, Ronan got close to them as they came up to the counter. He was careful to be as nonchalant as he could. Unfortunately, being big and tall made stealth impossible. The nurse noticed him, but Noah’s parents didn’t.
“We’re Mr. and Mrs. Cameron? We were called about our son, Noah Cameron?” Everything the man said came out as a question.
Much to Ronan’s dismay, the nurse didn’t tell them much more than she’d told him. She asked them to take a seat and that the doctor treating Noah would be with them shortly. Noah’s mom burst into tears as her husband led her away from the counter and toward two unoccupied chairs.
Unsure what to do, Ronan stood, taking surreptitious glances at them. Ronan didn’t want to do anything that would make their situation more uncomfortable. Looking down at himself, he wondered if he could pass for one of Noah’s coworkers. Since he only knew that Noah was an accountant for a construction firm, Ronan thought he could fake his way through if he had to. Realizing Noah might be in critical condition was what finally got Ronan to take a seat near them.
“Mr. and Mrs. Cameron?”
They both looked over, hope turning to confusion when they realized he wasn’t a doctor. “I’m a friend of Noah’s.”
“Do you know what happened?” Noah’s father asked.
“I went over to Noah’s apartment. The police were there, but they couldn’t tell me anything other than Noah had been brought here. From what the nurse said, he wasn’t conscious when he came in.”
“It’s that man,” his mother said. “Noah wouldn’t do something, and he beat him up.”
“Keith?” Ronan leaned closer. “Did he get out of jail already?”
“That’s the fellow he had the car trouble with?” Noah’s father asked.
“Yes. Keith Kellerman. Was there someone else Noah was having problems with?” Ronan and Noah had talked at length. If there were another man hassling him, it certainly would have come up.
Noah’s parents looked at one another, then down at the floor. In a rush, Ronan realized he was the other man. Apparently, his mother thought he was a bully who had lured her son to the dark side of homosexuality and then punished him for some slight. Her attitude made him wonder what kind of horror stories she’d been told.
“How did you say you knew Noah?” Noah’s father asked.
“He’s my friend.”
“You’re Ronan?”
“Yes.”
Noah’s mother leaned back, her eyes wide. The expression on her face was one of outright terror.
“I’d appreciate it if you’d leave.” Noah’s father clearly struggled to keep his voice civil.
“I didn’t do this to Noah.”
“How do we know that?” His father darted his gaze around the room, obviously concerned that other people might be listening in. Now Ronan could see where Noah got his painful self-consciousness. No one was paying them any attention, since everyone was there because they were sick or the person they were with was sick. No one gave a crap about them.
“If I had, would I be trying to find out how he was? I’d know, wouldn’t I?”
“Maybe you’re one of those abusers who feels bad afterward and then tries to get the other person to lie so you don’t get in trouble.” Right after spewing that in Ronan’s direction, Noah’s mother turned away as if she expected Ronan to stand and decry her as a bad mother.
“I’d appreciate it if you’d leave.” This time, there was more of an edge to Noah’s father’s tone.
“I’m not going.” Ronan didn’t want to hurt Noah’s parents, but he wasn’t about to walk out just because they were uncomfortable. He did, however, move to another section. He kept the Camerons in his sightline, waiting for the doctor. As he waited, he felt them staring at him, then looking away. He didn’t mind. They were curious and scared. What impressed Ronan was that Noah had finally come out to them. It must have been so difficult for him to do. Ronan wondered why he hadn’t told him what he was going to be doing, but then he decided that Noah might have been afraid of chickening out. Obviously, if Noah didn’t come out, he didn’t want Ronan to know. Ronan wouldn’t have berated him if he had. Coming out was difficult even with totally hip parents. That Noah had managed to do so with his clearly misinformed parents was a testament to Noah’s strength.
Since Ronan had nothing to do while he sat there and waited, he tried to put together the chain of events. Noah must have gone to his parents’ house right after work to tell them he was gay. After that encounter, which must have taken at least an hour if not two, he’d gone to his apartment. Since his car door was open, it was likely whoever attacked him did so as soon after Noah pulled up. By a rough calculation, Ronan figured Noah had been in the hospital for less than an hour.
When a woman in garishly bright scrubs approached the Cameron’s, Ronan rose and moved closer.
“You’re not welcome here,” Noah’s father said.
“Sir?” The woman, a doctor, eyed Ronan suspiciously.
“I’m Noah Cameron’s boyfriend.”
&nb
sp; “Will you keep your voice down?” Noah’s father again scanned the room, just like he had before. No one was looking at them then, and no one was paying attention to them now.
Lifting her hands to them, the doctor said, “I’m not getting in the middle of this. Either you all hear what’s happened, or I can insist on some kind of official order before I proceed to tell any of you.”
“But he’s our son.” Noah’s mother sounded horrified that she could be cut out. Now she knew exactly how Ronan felt.
“He’s my boyfriend.”
“You did this to him,” Noah’s mother accused.
“He did not do this to him.” The doctor pointed to Ronan’s hands. “He doesn’t have any fight marks. Trust me. If he was the one who beat up Noah, it would show.”
Feeling vindicated, Ronan realized that though the doctor cleared him using irrefutable logic, that didn’t mean Noah’s parents suddenly welcomed him into the fold. He could save them both from a burning building and they would only be suspicious of his motives.
“Look, folks, it’s been a long day, and I’m in no mood for people who think they’re more important than my patients.” The doctor eyed everyone in turn. “So do we want to hear, or do I walk away?”
“I want to hear.” Ronan held his breath. After what seemed forever, Noah’s father finally nodded.
“Noah was beaten up pretty badly. He has a concussion, a broken nose, an orbital fracture, numerous contusions, and lacerations.”
“Will he live?” Noah’s mother finally braved the question.
“He will, barring any further complications. But he’s going to need a lot of support.” The doctor again cast her gaze over everyone present. “I don’t know his personal story, because what I do is take care of my patient’s body. But if you people want to help him, then get your crap together somewhere away from him. The last thing Noah needs is drama from the very people who are supposed to love and care about him.”
