by Nix Knox
“I’m going to let go now, Noah.”
Noah tightened up, even though it was difficult for him.
“Relax. Your parents are here. They want to see you, too.”
But I have two hands. That’s what Noah wanted to say, but he couldn’t. Horrified, he thought maybe he no longer had two hands. He struggled to move his fingers and nothing happened. Raw terror made him struggle to hang on to Ronan.
“Relax, Noah. I’ll be back. You’re going to be okay.”
Noah tapped twice.
“Yes, you will.” Ronan leaned over and kissed the back of Noah’s hand. In a soft whisper that Noah could barely hear, Ronan said, “I’m learning to share you with your parents.”
That struck Noah as impossibly sweet.
Ronan let go. This time, Noah didn’t fight him. Again, time got all strange because it seemed to take forever for him to feel another hand take his. Even without looking, he knew it was his mother. When she almost instantly burst into tears, he had all the confirmation he needed. While his father tried to comfort his mother, Noah was simply relieved that both of them still cared about him. As he’d left their home, he hadn’t been secure in their affections, not the way he was before coming out. They might be confused and even angry with him, but when things were the bleakest they’d ever been, they came through for him. That told him everything he needed to know about how much his folks loved him.
His parents assured him everything was going to be okay. No one had yet to tell Noah what was happening in regards to tracking down the person or persons responsible for his assault, but Noah decided that didn’t matter right now. Healing was his one and only priority.
Over the next few days, his face slowly drained of fluid. He was eventually able to open one eye. What he saw terrified him.
“Double vision is normal in a case like yours. Please don’t panic, Noah. Remember that your eyes have suffered a tremendous trauma. That you’re able to open one of your lids is nothing short of miraculous.”
Noah doubted that, as it didn’t feel like a miracle to him at all. “I’m used to blinking a million times a day.”
“Once you heal up, you’ll do so again.” There wasn’t any doubt in Doctor Naddleback’s voice. Noah believed her. She’d been right about everything else so far. Naddleback was a quiet woman with a soothing voice, but when she said something was going to happen, it did. It hadn’t taken long for Noah to realize he could trust her completely.
“Did that officer have any news?” Noah had become convinced his parents were heading off the police before they could talk to him. He was certain they were doing so in a misguided effort to protect him, but Noah felt what they were inadvertently doing was giving the criminals a chance to get away.
“He didn’t.” She patted his hand. “I know you want to see them punished, but that’s not really important right now.”
“Getting better is. Right. I know. But I don’t want them hurting someone else.” After talking with the officer, Noah knew it was Keith and friends who’d attacked him. The officer couldn’t make that assumption, but Noah could. Still, it seemed more likely than not that Keith and pals had committed the assault. The police knew robbery or carjacking wasn’t the goal, because all of Noah’s possessions were on him, including his phone and wallet. His car keys were still in his hand and the car was still where he’d parked it. That made the goal clear. Whoever attacked Noah had been out to hurt him. Also, Keith had been released only hours before the assault. Noah was supposed to be notified, but the officer who handled those calls was out sick, and the person backing him up had dropped the ball.
Noah was angry, but he realized things happened. He should have been more vigilant when he pulled up to the parking lot. Daylight wasn’t a magical shield against criminal activity. He’d just had a false sense of security. Not that it mattered. Affixing blame wasn’t important. He wanted to get better and move forward. Ronan agreed with that notion and his parents…well, they wanted him to get better, but they were still pushing for him to reconsider coming out. Frustrated with their inability to believe what he’d said was true, Noah simply stopped talking about the subject with them. When they brought it up, he simply told them he refused to discuss it anymore. Eventually, the truth had to sink in.
From the injuries Noah had sustained, the officer estimated at least three people were involved in the assault. Noah had fist-shaped bruises and shoe-shaped bruises that backed up the officer’s suspicions. Also, there had been skin under Noah’s nails. When they caught up with the offenders, it was going to be a matter of matching the DNA to the perpetrators. From what the officer said, Noah had scratched at least two of them, if not all three.
Unfortunately, all efforts to locate Keith and his buddies had failed. Noah was anxious they would come to the hospital to finish the job, but since Noah was in ICU, they wouldn’t be able to get in. Even when his family and Ronan visited, they had to show identification and gain admittance to the ward. Noah found it depressing that he wasn’t the only one who’d been put into ICU by violence.
“Sadly, it’s just part of life. People beat up other people. We then have to protect them while they heal. Right now there’s an officer on duty in this particular wing.”
“For me?”
“For you and two other patients.” Doctor Naddleback had moved on from that disheartening topic to a far happier one. “How would you like to get out of bed today?”
Noah was practically in tears, he was so excited.
“I’m going to have your catheter removed, and you can take a short trip down the hall and back.”
“It’s so you can race me, isn’t it?”
She laughed. “Shh. I don’t want the nurses to know I have a ringer.”
Noah tried to hold on to his laughter, but he wasn’t able to once he actually got out of bed. Each step brought new agony. Places he didn’t know were injured seemed to be screaming from the simple exertion. By the time he made it ten steps away from his room, he was in tears and ready to go back.
“It’s okay, Noah. You’re healing, and the fact you can walk at all is—”
“Nothing short of miraculous.” Right after Noah cut her off, he felt like a jerk. “I’m sorry. I just—I didn’t think it would hurt this much.”
“It’s okay. I understand. But you have to understand that you’ve been through a terrible beating. You could have lost organs from what happened to you.”
Rather than sit and bemoan his fate, Noah thanked his lucky stars his injuries weren’t worse. There was a woman across the way from him who’d been beaten so badly she lost one of her kidneys and one of her eyes. From what he gathered, her husband had attacked her over her inability to get him a beer fast enough. That ripe slice of nasty was in jail, but he had friends just like Keith. Noah was pretty sure the officer was here to protect her. What amazed Noah was that abusive jerks managed to have friends. How did that happen? Did they attract other dysfunctional jerks? Or were they nice to their pals but found a target to release their rage on so they could keep some kind of balance?
“Hey.”
Noah looked up. Ronan was in the doorway. He wore faded jeans, a green T-shirt, and engineer boots. Noah’s heart started beating faster and his entire body energized as soon as he saw him. Nothing in the world could make him feel as good as Ronan did. “Hey.”
“Naddleback said you took your first steps.” Ronan came over, pulled up a chair, and sat down. As soon as he was seated, he took Noah’s hand in his and started tracing patterns on the back with his other hand. It was amazing how soothing Noah found that simple gesture.
“I did.” Noah nodded enthusiastically.
“Did it hurt?”
“Not too bad.” Noah didn’t want to talk about that, not when he had Ronan here. “Any news from the police?”
“Nothing.” Ronan kept right on swirling his fingertips against Noah’s skin. Somehow, that stroking seemed to amplify and spread over his entire body. “They’re looki
ng for Keith and company. The fact that they’ve all mysteriously disappeared speaks volumes.”
Noah nodded.
“Let it go, Noah.”
“I’m not holding on to anything.”
“You are. You’re blaming yourself.”
Noah startled. “I’m not.”
“You are. It’s in your face.”
“How can you see anything in my face below all the bruises?” Noah had finally gotten a look at himself. He looked like something out of a horror movie. A huge bandage covered most of the right side of his head. His right eye was completely swaddled up. The left side was nothing but bruises. When he’d finally seen what he looked like, he understood Naddleback’s praise for him being able to lift his eyelid. It was so puffy and dark, it was a wonder it worked at all. His vision was still messed up, but he was able to see clearly for longer periods.
“I can see, Noah.” Ronan sighed gently as he continued to trace patterns on the back of Noah’s hand. “You think you should have been more vigilant.”
“I should have.” But how did Ronan know that’s what he’d been thinking? Maybe all his experience as a Dom made him incredibly perceptive.
“I’m sure they were lying in wait. You could have examined the parking lot in detail and still not seen them. They wanted to hurt you. They would have found a time and place no matter what you did. Just let that go.”
Noah nodded, but he didn’t see how Ronan actually expected him to do that. He began to wonder if he ever could. “I’ll carry the mark with me for the rest of my life.”
“You will. That you can’t change. But you can change how you look at it.”
“I don’t see how.”
“You can look at any scars as marks of their hatred, or you can see them as proof of your strength.”
Noah hadn’t thought of it that way. He’d been terrified to have the bandages come off and discover some horrific scar across his face.
“You control your thoughts, Noah.” Ronan’s voice was deceptively soft. Deceptive because what he was saying was powerful. “You can’t change what happened. You can’t change the fact that Keith is a damaged soul. You can’t affect the outcome of his punishment. The only thing you have control over is your own healing and how you’ll view this event in the future.”
It sounded so simple. Change his mind to change his feelings. Could it really be that easy? “I was afraid when the bandage came off, you’d be gone.”
“Why?”
“Because I won’t be handsome anymore.”
“You’ll always be handsome to me.” Ronan kissed the back of Noah’s hand. “It’s not just about your physical appearance. Every time I look at you, I’ll see your strength. I already do, but any marks you gain while we’re together will only remind me of that fact.”
“So I can take a beating. Whoopee.”
“It’s not that. Not at all.” Ronan peered into Noah’s eye with such intensity he was unable to look away. “I see a man who came out despite the fact he was terrified to do so. That took unimaginable strength and personal conviction. You had the courage to change your life—not just little pieces but the whole thing—and that takes astonishing courage. I admire you, Noah. I’m proud to call you friend and even more insanely happy to claim you as my partner.”
“I thought I was the lucky one.”
“I’m honored you feel that way, because I know I’m lucky. I found you when I wasn’t even looking.”
“If you don’t kiss me, I think I’m going to go crazy.”
“Can’t have that.” Ronan proceeded to give Noah the softest, sweetest kiss he’d ever experienced.
Noah finally broke eye contact. When he looked up, he realized his parents were standing in the doorway. Had they just heard and seen all of that? Noah was aware of the tension between them and Ronan. He didn’t like feeling caught in the middle. Ronan seemed to be bending over backward to accommodate them when they weren’t doing the same. If anything, his parents seemed determined to exclude Ronan. It was almost as if they hoped Noah would change his mind about being gay if Ronan were out of the picture.
And then something seemed to change in their faces. Noah almost thought it was a trick of his screwed-up vision, but there seemed to be a new softness in their features. They were looking at him and Ronan together with more tolerance. It was a subtle change, but it was enough of a start that Noah felt some of the tension he’d been carrying relax from his shoulders. He didn’t think he’d ever get his parents to embrace his choice, but if he could get them to tolerate his decision, he would be more than happy with that.
Chapter Nineteen
When Ronan saw the tension seep out of Noah, he knew something had changed. He hoped he’d gotten through to him about how his injuries and any resulting scars weren’t going to change how Ronan felt about him. “I’m going to keep reminding you how strong you are until you believe it.”
“Thank you.” Noah squeezed his hand. “I need that right now.”
“Happy to help.” Ronan leaned close. “I love you.”
Noah’s one open eye widened, then tilted up at the corner when he smiled. “I love you, too.”
Ronan leaned forward and kissed Noah again. He was careful not to apply any pressure. His kiss was more a brushing of his lips to Noah’s, but it was enough for now. Ronan was simply happy to be with him. Holding his hand and talking quietly were richly satisfying. When Noah’s gaze darted to the doorway, Ronan realized his parents were there. He wondered how long they’d been waiting, then decided it didn’t matter. If they’d heard him giving a pep talk to their son, good. They should be doing the same. And Ronan would happily tell everyone in the world that he was in love. Still, to be kind, he let go of Noah’s hand. It was their turn to visit, and he was respectful of that.
“I’ll check in with you later.”
“Okay.”
When he turned to the doorway, he was surprised to discover his parents weren’t giving him that look. Usually, they gave him a modified stink eye that said they were only tolerating his presence because they had to. Noah had made it clear that if they tried to interfere in his relationship with Ronan, he would exclude them from his visitor list. They’d been civil, but it was such a thin veneer of civility that Ronan—and anyone with half a clue—could easily see the swirling hatred below. Yet today, they were…softer toward him. Could it be they were finally starting to grasp he actually loved and cared for their son? Maybe. But Ronan wasn’t going to push his luck.
He nodded and greeted them in passing, then left the ICU for the little restaurant he’d found nearby. It was a two-block walk, but Ronan didn’t mind. He needed movement to clear his head, and it gave Noah’s parents plenty of time to visit. Ronan didn’t begrudge them their time at all. Noah needed everyone’s support. When his brothers had stopped by, Ronan was happy to step aside so they could visit, too. He didn’t feel entirely welcome by Noah’s family members, but he wasn’t shocked by his brother’s awkward stances when they saw him. Having a gay brother was probably making them question a lot about themselves. Mainly, Ronan was pleased they hadn’t abandoned Noah altogether. He’d heard of that happening. Some families just couldn’t make peace with the information.
What truly impressed him was that, after a bit of a struggle, they put Noah first. The other issues took a backseat to getting him well. To Ronan, that said Noah wasn’t in danger of losing his family ties. He was relieved. That was something he wouldn’t wish on anyone. Family mattered. Even if he didn’t always see eye to eye with his family, he still needed their love and support. Noah wasn’t any different. And right now, while he was on the cusp of making tremendous changes, he needed them more than ever.
After a leisurely dinner, Ronan returned to the hospital. Noah was asleep, so Ronan settled into the chair and just sat by his bedside until visiting hours were over. When the nurse came round, Ronan was up and to the doorway before she spoke so she wouldn’t disturb Noah.
“He’s beat,�
� Ronan said.
“He did his first walk down the hallway today.”
“He do okay with that?”
“He did. But Doctor Naddleback and I think he needs a little more pushing.”
“And you’d like me to do that?” Ronan guessed.
“Patients often respond better to loved ones.”
“I’d be happy to.”
She seemed surprised.
“Oh, trust me. I know he’ll get mad at me, but that’s okay. He needs to move to heal. That’s really all I need to know.”
“You’re a brave man.”
“Thank you.” Ronan looked back at Noah. “But he’s the real brave man. He’s been through a lot. And not just this.”
Over the next two weeks, Ronan was at the hospital twice a day to help Noah walk the hallways. He complained, but he did the work, especially when Ronan found the proper motivation. “I can’t very well have you in my playroom again if you can’t walk.”
“I don’t see why not.”
“What would be the point of tying you up?”
“I see.” Noah had laughed then. “I’m getting my legs back so you can tie me up and spank me. I like your motivation style.”
When that no longer worked, Ronan switched tactics. “When you get to the point you can walk the circuit without leaning on me or the wall, I’ll give you the best blowjob of your life.”
Noah was so inspired, he pushed himself harder than ever. He wasn’t able to walk unassisted yet, but he was well on his way.
“I don’t know what you did to motivate him, but it’s working like a charm.” The nurse beamed at Ronan.
“I just know how to push.” Ronan looked over at Noah, who was blushing. What Noah didn’t understand was that it was a double motivator. Ronan wanted to give him that reward as much if not more than Noah wanted to get it.
“Well, give me some tips so I can help my other patients.”
Noah’s eye went wide.
Ronan didn’t tell her to offer blowjobs to her patients. He just gave her the advice to find something the person wanted. “Like the battered woman. Does she have kids?”
