Deep Rocked

by Clara Bayard

  “Do they want you to come?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Are you going to go?”

  “To Bristol? Yeah. No. I…I don’t know.”

  I put my hand on the side of his face and made him meet my gaze again. “Dex, you should go. See him.”

  “I know,” he said, voice low and soft, so young. “But how can I? What do I say? Goodbye? I love you? Some other bullshit from a movie? That’s not me.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know. You’ll say what you say. But you need to see him.”

  “I…I don’t know if I can. I mean we’re four hours in the opposite direction.”

  “Hey,” I whispered, placing a finger over his lips. “Let me worry about that. I’ll find a way to get you there.”

  “I’m still not sure I should go. Not sure I want to.”

  The pain in his face and voice made me ache. All the anger I’d felt melted away. “Do you trust me, Dex?”

  “Of course. You’re the amazing Becca Hall.”

  I smiled and stood up, holding out my hand for him to join me. He did, slowly.

  “Then take my advice. Go see your dad.”

  Dex held my hand a little longer than necessary as I pulled him back towards the bus. With his fingers entwined with mine I couldn’t help but remember the night before. How close I’d felt to him. But that didn’t matter now. He needed my help and I was going to give it. Send him off and take some time to myself to think.

  I wasn’t happy his father was doing poorly, but the timing was pretty good for me, emotionally. I needed some air. Space to breathe where I wasn’t staring at his ridiculously gorgeous face all the time. Last night I’d been rash and let my feelings rule my behavior. No matter what happened with us, that was a mistake I never planned to repeat. Something about Dex made me reckless. It was exciting and terrifying at the same time, but with him gone for a day or two I could get myself back together.

  It was kind of shitty to use the situation to my own advantage, but he’d never know. And what I advised was true. He needed to see his father. In the time since my dad’s stroke I’d wished a lot that we could’ve talked some things out. And I remembered the day I heard what happened. I was so scared he would die. That he would be alone in the end. As imperfect a man as he’d always been, I loved him deeply. And that day I didn’t think he knew that.

  I blinked back tears and shook my head to clear it. Now was not the time to go down that road again.

  When we got to the front of the bus Ryan was there, chatting with the driver and texting at the same time. I stepped away from Dex, afraid that the closeness of our bodies would give away the complicated relationship we’d stumbled into.

  “What’s going on, Dex?” Ryan asked, distracted.

  I noted for the first time that he called Dex by his nickname. Which was strange. To Ryan I was always Rebecca. And even Joe was Joseph. I needed to find out how Dex had managed to avoid that irritating little habit.

  Dex shrugged, pushing his hair out of his eyes. “I need to cut out for a bit, man.”

  Ryan frowned and looked up, finally offering his full attention. “You’re kidding, right?”

  He shook his head. “No. Got a situation I need to deal with.”

  The other man laughed. “Yeah, right. You think I’m stupid? We’ve been through this before. I don’t give a shit about your little benders and lost weekends, but now is not the time. This tour is too important.”

  Dex’s jaw clenched and it was hard for me to keep from reaching out to him.

  “I’m not talking about going off to party. I have a family emergency.”

  The look of incredulity on Ryan’s face made me want to slap him. “Uh-huh. Try again.”

  I stepped in. “It’s true, Ryan. Dex’s father is very ill. He’s only in Bristol. I can get him on a flight today and back in plenty of time for the show tomorrow night.”

  Ryan looked back and forth between us, and in a moment of panic I wondered if he suspected something. But, after a long time he just sighed and nodded. “Okay, fine. I’m still a little skeptical, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. You’ve got twenty-four hours to deal with your business.”

  “All right,” Dex replied tightly. I could feel the tension coming off of him in waves and appreciated his self-control.

  “Don’t get too excited. You’ve got a way of wandering off, and I won’t have that this time. So I’m sending Rebecca with you. She’ll make sure you get back on time. Or both of you will be looking for new jobs.”

  “No!” I said a little too loudly. I barely registered the threat, concentrating on the idea of being alone with Dex for a whole day, away from the rest of the gang. “I can’t do that.”

  Dex looked hurt.

  “I just mean there’s so much to do here,” I continued, pathetically. “Calls to make and such.”

  Ryan shrugged. “If you don’t go, he doesn’t go.”

  Well, great. That pretty much took away that choice. As much as being alone with him was dangerous for me, I would never deny him this chance to see his father. If things went wrong and he didn’t get to say goodbye, I’d never be able to forgive myself. I silently called Ryan every foul name I could think of, but plastered a smile on my face and said, “Okay, then. I guess I can work something out with my responsibilities.”

  “Fine. But no one is going anywhere right now. Can you call about that shuttle? Drivers are starting to stare and I don’t want a press crush out here.”

  I seriously doubted that any press were going to come and rush us on the side of a highway, but there was no point arguing, so I nodded and climbed back on the bus, pulling out my phone to check back in with my contact at the hotel.

  *

  Two hours later I was sitting on a mostly empty train car next to Dex, and feeling incredibly awkward.

  “I-uh, I’m sorry we couldn’t fly. But there aren’t any direct flights and this is actually faster than making the connections that are available.”

  He shrugged. “I don’t mind. Now that I’m on the way I can’t say I’m in a big hurry. I was hoping to have enough time to decide what to say to him. But thinking about it is doing my head in. So I’m going to drink instead.” He smiled humorlessly.

  “Dex, I don’t think you want to show up drunk.”

  “He won’t care. If he even knows I’m there.”

  “You’ll care.”

  He frowned and then smiled, this time genuinely. “Christ, Becca. You get me better than I do. How is that possible?”

  My stomach clenched at his words, but I tried to brush them off. “I’m more sober than you. That helps a lot.”

  Dex laughed and slung his arm around my shoulder. I inhaled the scent of his skin and soap before I could stop myself. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” I said, struggling to keep from moving away from him. “I’m fine.”

  “You’re not. In all the madness today I didn’t get to push the issue. But I can tell something’s wrong.”

  I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter right now. This little trip is about you, not me.”

  “Becca,” he said softly, turning my face to his. “We are going to be on this train for three hours. There’s plenty of time for you to talk to me. Besides, I need a distraction. And you, my friend, are a wonderful one.” His eye sparkled with promise and mischief.

  Part of me wanted to give in, let the pull of him drag me closer to the fire. But I fought it, slipping from his grasp and turning away to look out the window opposite our seats, watching the world go by as we sped towards the south western part of the country. “It isn’t a big deal. I just…after last night I thought things would be different. And yes, I realize I sound like some silly schoolgirl, but I guess I am, in a way. I’ve never told anyone what I shared with you. And I guess I just hoped it would…I don’t know.”

  Dex put his hand on my arm to get my attention. “Hey, look at me.”

  I did, reluctantly.

 
; “I’m really honored that you told me you’re a virgin.”

  I blushed and buried my head in my hands. “Oh god, don’t say it out loud. It sounds so old-fashioned and pathetic.”

  He frowned. “No it doesn’t. And you’ve got nothing to be embarrassed about. I can say from experience that you’re a very passionate girl. Not having ‘completed the mission’ yet doesn’t change that.”

  I chuckled. “Fine, okay. But if it’s all so cool, why did you ignore me today? Why did you turn me into this weepy, whiny mess?”

  Dex’s eyes opened wide. “Fuck. Of course. I should have realized how it might look to you.” He slid a finger around the curve of my ear and over my hair. “Last night did change things for me. For us. It was amazing. And I wanted to get on that bus and yank you into my arms and kiss you breathless. But Ryan would kill you. Both of us, probably.”

  “Oh. I thought you were freaked out or something.”

  “And I thought you regretted what happened.”

  “Never. Well, I did, a little. But only because I thought it scared you away.”

  His lips curled up at the corners. “Not going to happen, love. I’m hooked on you. Just try and dislodge me.”

  “That’s kind of a gross mental image, Dex.”

  “I was trying for sexy.”

  “Oh, you’ve got that down.” I smiled and looked deep into his eyes. How could I have doubted him?

  “You think so?”

  “Mmhmm.”

  “I’m not sure. Let me try something, tell me if it works.”

  “All right.”

  He leaned over and kissed me, pulling my head towards his. When our lips touched I had to swallow back a moan. His kiss was soft and hard at the same time, probing and gentle.

  When his tongue drove into my mouth I wrapped my arms around his neck and fitted my body against his, earning a low growl from his throat.

  Every second we inched closer together, tongues exploring and tangling until I was breathless.

  “Dex,” I said, panting as I pulled back from him. “We’re on a train. In public.”

  He cupped my chin in one hand and slid close again. “Who gives a fuck?”

  The answer to that question was apparently, “not me,” because after a few minutes the entire world could’ve passed through that train car and I wouldn’t have stopped. Dex’s mouth on mine was heaven. Sultry, dangerous, heaven.

  And when his hands slid down my back and under my butt, I sighed and buried my head in his neck. He lifted me onto his lap and I gasped, scrambling in a confused effort to snuggle in closer and get away.

  “Don’t. I’m too heavy.”

  “Shut up. You feel perfect on me. I just wish we were naked.”

  I closed my eyes and gripped his broad shoulders with shaking hands. But any worries I had about my weight or size disappeared under his touch. Dex caressed my ass and hips slowly and rhythmically, like my body was an instrument he loved to play. Under his talented fingers my bottom-heavy shape felt ripe and womanly. Lush and sensual.

  Adjusting my position on his lap, I couldn’t help but notice how aroused he was. It excited me to know I was responsible for that.

  I was prepared to spend the entire rest of the trip there, entwined with him, and, except for a brief embarrassing encounter with a fan who recognized him somehow, and a disapproving older gentleman, that’s exactly what I did.

  Three hours flew by, and before I knew it we’d arrived in Bristol, and the rest of the world began to exist again. Disappointed, we left the train holding hands, both of our lips red and swollen from kissing, faces flushed with desire, and clothes and hair slightly mussed. Ordinarily I would have been mortified, but the heady sensation of Dex’s lips on mine had left me in a haze where nothing could bring me down. For the moment at least.

  Chapter Three

  Outside the train station Dex hailed a cab while I called Ryan to check in. We piled into a car and headed straight to the hospital without even discussing it. I knew he’d be likely to chicken out if we made any other stops and I think we both wanted to get it over with. It was confusing to be so happy that we’d been honest with each other and avoided any further pointless distance, but at the same time I was sad for him and knew seeing his father would be difficult.

  When we arrived, everything moved very quickly. I took our hastily packed overnight bags and followed Dex up to the Intensive Care ward. A woman who introduced herself as his aunt, Karen, greeted us. She looked exhausted and wrung-out. Directing us to a small waiting room, she explained that there hadn’t been any changes, which was actually good news. Dex’s father, Allen, had been moved to the new ward because several of his organs had ceased functioning. His whole body was shutting down. But every hour he remained in the same condition was a blessing. She asked if Dex wanted to talk to his father’s doctor, but he refused.

  “I just want to get in there. Get this over with.”

  “Sweetheart,” she replied, “don’t be that way. He’s your father. Your blood.”

  “Karen, please don’t lecture me right now. I came. I’ll go see him. Don’t ask anything else of me.”

  She pursed her lips and nodded. “Go on, then. Your friend will have to stay out here with me. Immediate family only.”

  Dex’s eyes went wild for a moment, but then he let go of my hand and turned to go. His head hung low, and his normal loose, sexy stride was tight and short, almost awkward. Once he was gone I shifted my attention back to Karen.

  “So, you work with Dexter?”

  “Yes. I just started recently. This tour is my first assignment with the band.”

  “Ah, yes. That must be very interesting.”

  I nodded. “Look, I know you must be tired. Don’t feel like you have to entertain me. I won’t think you’re rude.”

  She smiled slightly, the expression changing her pale, drawn face into something a lot more appealing, and I took a moment to really look at her. She didn’t seem to have any physical resemblance with Dex, except for her long, thick dark hair. Barely taller than me, she was of an average build and wearing casual slacks and a light sweater. Standing there, she twisted a wedding ring around her finger over and over.

  “Thank you, dear. I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten your name.”

  “It’s all right. I’m Becca.”

  “Well, Becca, it’s wonderful of you to accompany him here. Honestly, none of us – the family – thought he would actually come. We just called because it’s the right thing to do.”

  “And that’s why he’s here. Because it’s the right thing to do.”

  She nodded. “Well, let’s sit down, shall we? I expect he’ll be a while.”

  “Okay.” I sank down onto a soft chair across from her and looked around. There were a few other groups of people in the room, but none of them seemed connected to Dex’s family. “You mentioned the rest of the family. Are they here?”

  “Not just now. We’ve been visiting in shifts since yesterday. And having to come up with some outlandish stories, let me tell you. They’d have never allowed us in if I told them we were the family of his late wife. But we’re all he has, you understand.”

  “I do understand. Dex told me a bit about the situation.”

  She sighed and sat back in her seat. “Allen isn’t a perfect man. And I don’t blame Dexter for hating him a bit. But he loves his boy. And he loved his mother, too. My sister is long gone, but having Allen in our lives made it a little better. We helped him and he did the same for us.”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “Exactly so.” She eyed me thoughtfully. “You’re not just a friend and co-worker, are you?”

  I blushed and shrugged. “I’m-uh, that’s complicated too.”

  With a slight smile she leaned forward. “I see. And may I say, I’m glad. He’s a lovely boy, but prone to excess, like his father. And spending all his time living it up with his musician friends isn’t good for him. They bring out the worst. I’ve seen the stories and art
icles.”

  I felt strangely compelled to reassure her. “Well, many of those things are exaggerated. They want sales more than accuracy.”

  “Perhaps. But you look like a girl with a good head on her shoulders. Like a real person, not one of those stick insect modelly types.”

  “Thanks,” I said blandly.

  “Don’t get me wrong, dear. You’re quite lovely. But in a regular way. Dexter’s life is full of phony, now. Something, or someone regular, normal, is good for him. Really good for him.”

  “Thank you. That’s kind of you to say.”

  “Of course, dear.” She patted me on the hand and then sat back again.

  “Well,” I said, feeling suddenly restless. “I need to stretch my legs. Can I bring you anything? A beverage or a snack?” Even though I wasn’t really working, it felt natural by now to ask.

  “Nothing for me, but if you want something there’s a canteen downstairs. Follow the signs, you can’t miss it.”

  “Okay. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  I grabbed my purse and walked out, glancing over into the ward as I went, and what I saw through the stopped me in my tracks. Dex was standing next to a bed. The top of it was blocked by a curtain, but I could see him clearly.

  Even without being able to see his father’s face, I could tell they were having a heated discussion. Dex kept swiping at his hair and then crossing his arms. His lips moved quickly and the expression on his face was grim. It was a good sign that his dad was well enough to argue with, but I was sad he hadn’t been able to have a positive experience.

  Having forgotten all about walking around, I went back to the waiting room and stood by Karen.

  “Get lost, dear?”

  “No. I just…um…I was thinking I forgot to get a hotel for the night. I booked a flight, but no rooms.”

  “Hotel? Don’t be silly. You two should stay at Allen’s flat. It’s just down the road. You can walk there in a few minutes. And it’s free. Everything’s in good working order there. Much better than some overpriced hotel.”

  “I…I guess that would be fine.” And cheaper, I didn’t add. For the moment this side trip was going on my credit card. I was sure Dex would pay me back, but hadn’t wanted to bring it up yet. And I wouldn’t have minded paying, but all the last minute arrangements were rather pricey. The train tickets alone were close to two hundred and fifty dollars, if I did the conversion correctly.