Deep Rocked

by Clara Bayard

  “I insist,” Karen continued. “In fact, why don’t you head over there now. Open the place up and drop your luggage. Then come back to wait, or I’ll send Dexter over. You both could use some rest I imagine.”

  She wasn’t even my aunt, but her voice carried such sweetness and authority that I didn’t dare argue. “Okay, good idea. And it’ll give you and Dex some time to talk.”

  “Yes. Some of the others should be swinging by soon. They’ll love to see him.”

  “Of course. I know he doesn’t get down here often.”

  “Almost never. We mainly hear about him from gossip websites and the few family members he does spend time with.”

  She said that last like he was engaged in evildoing with them. But, I supposed, wild partying might seem that way to someone unaccustomed to the lifestyle Dex led. And I was sure she knew, as I did, that a lot of his partying was to hide from exactly this situation. The stresses and pain of his childhood. The things he couldn’t grow out of. The secret aches we all have and deal with differently.

  “All right. Well, I will head out. Tell Dex to call me when he’s done here?”

  Karen nodded. “Certainly. Here is the key, and I’ll just write down the address and directions for you. Is this your first time in our fair city?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well don’t worry. It’s easy, especially when you only have to go round the corner.”

  *

  What greeted me when I made my way to Allen’s apartment was incredible. The building itself was nothing noteworthy. Older, but with recent upgrades, it was suitable for living, but certainly not stylish. And the apartment itself was furnished much like my own, with a combination of thrift-store finds and cheap put-it-together-yourself cheap stuff.

  But what was unique and grand, was the artwork. The whole place was a shrine to Dex. Posters of him with the rest of Dream Defiled were framed in the living room. Blown-up covers of their two albums were hung under lights in the hallway. And covering a corner of the dining area, there were piles and piles of magazines, recorded DVDS and all sorts of other memorabilia. There was even a box of photographs of Dex with other bands from years ago. It was almost obsessive, but touching. Whatever pain and distance existed between father and son, it was invisible here. Allen lived surrounded by his son’s every success. Dex’s sly smile and flashing eyes staring down from every wall.

  I was still wandering around, poking through piles when someone knocked on the door. I opened it and found Dex there. He was pale, his hair a wild snarl.

  “Are you okay?”

  He shook his head and brushed past me, shoulders slumped. “Please tell me you found the liquor cabinet in here.”

  “No. I was looking at…” I shut the door and gestured at the walls. “All of this.”

  Dex barely glanced up. “Well, shit.”

  Another look at him prodded me into action. “Why don’t you sit down. I’ll find you something to drink.”

  “Thanks.” He plopped down on the sofa and put his feet up on the coffee table, nearly knocking over a pile of CDs.

  I rummaged through the kitchen cabinets but only managed to come up with two dusty bottles of red wine. It was better than nothing and I needed a little something too, so I grabbed two juice glasses and was looking for an opener when Dex came up behind me.

  “You know you don’t have to serve me, right? Ryan made you come with me, but you’re not working now.”

  I turned around and smiled at him. “I know that, but thanks for saying it. I…I don’t know what to do to help you through this, so I fetch. It’s kind of my thing.”

  “I get it. And I’ll take it.”

  “Good.” I found a corkscrew, opened the bottle and poured two large servings. I handed one over and kept the other. Raising my glass, I asked, “What should we drink to?”

  “To getting through this day.”

  “Fair enough.” We clinked glasses and both took long drinks. Once the wine began to warm my belly, I felt ready to speak. “So, did you know about all this stuff he had of yours?”

  Dex gulped down more wine and shrugged. “No. But I’m not surprised.”

  “You’re not?”

  “No. I’m sure it made him feel great. He could show it off, act like a good father. Make up for being so rubbish my whole life. But it’s bullshit, like everything else.”

  “Dex, maybe he’s just proud of you.”

  “I don’t care. He’s a right bastard, always has been, always will be. Even on his fucking deathbed he has to get his little digs in. Try to grind me down to nothing.”

  My heart ached. “Honey, I’m sorry. I wish it had gone better.”

  “Like I said, I don’t care.” He downed the rest of his wine and reached for the bottle.

  “You do care. And you don’t have to pretend otherwise. Not here. Not with me.”

  He sighed and released the bottle. His eyes slid up to my face and locked on mine. One corner of his mouth curled and he leaned towards me. “You just called me ‘honey’”.

  I grinned. “Don’t change the subject, Dex.”

  “I’m not. I was just making an observation.” He picked up the bottle of wine, took a swig and stepped closer, bumping my hip with his. “If you want all the miserable details I’m going to need to finish this bottle and start on another.”

  I rolled my eyes and hid a smile by turning to grab the other bottle. Dex headed back into the living room and I followed. He ended up back on the sofa and I climbed up next to him.

  “All right. You’ve got all the wine, now. Tell me what happened.”

  His expression was flat, but I could see tension in his shoulders and arms, muscles bunched tightly as he held the bottle. “It wasn’t the heartwarming scene you probably imagined.”

  “Hey. I am not some wide-eyed idiot. You know that. I’m very aware that illness doesn’t suddenly make all the problems between families disappear. Nor does it turn the patient into a saint.”

  “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m going after you for no reason. I guess, somewhere inside me, I was hoping it would be like that.”

  “That’s understandable, too.”

  “Is it?”

  “I think so. As much as I try to tell myself to accept my dad for who he is, and that I’ve made peace with who he isn’t, there’s always a small part of me wishing for a miracle. That something could erase the past.”

  Dex nodded knowingly, put down the bottle and leaned against me, the long length of his body molded to my side. “I should thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For reminding me I needed to come here. And for making it happen.”

  “Of course.” I tugged on a lock of his hair and smiled. I said, “I’d do anything for you,” before I could stop myself. Shit.

  Dex’s smile was suspiciously close to a smirk.

  “Shut up. That’s not what I meant.”

  “I didn’t say a word.”

  “Yeah, but I can read your mind.”

  “Is that right?” He turned his torso to face me and cupped my chin in one hand. “Then what am I thinking?”

  “Dirty, terrible things.”

  “That’s true. Downright filthy. But are they really so terrible?”

  “Nope.” I pushed forward and planted a kiss on his lips. “Not terrible at all.”

  Chapter Four

  Dex turned my sweet little kiss into something dark and deep. His tongue thrust into my mouth, dancing over every inch. He placed a hand at the nape of my neck and squeezed, forcing me closer. He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth and bit down lightly. The short, sharp flash of pain was exciting and I made a sound low in my throat.

  The noise spurred him on and he held me tighter, and then tugged at my tightly wound hair until it hung in a golden sheet around me. He shoved both hands in and pulled back to stare.

  “Fuck, I love your hair. Why don’t you ever wear it like this?”

  “It’s too long,” I replied, not r
eally in the mood to chat about my grooming habits. “Gets in the way and I’d always be messing with it.”

  “That’s a crime.” He buried his face in my neck and inhaled. “It’s so thick and smells so good. The whole world should get to see it.”

  I shook my head. “I doubt the world is that interested in my hair.”

  “Mm. They would be if they saw it like this. Wavy and tousled and sexy.” He paused and nibbled on my ear. “Now that I’ve thought about that, I change my mind. Better to hide it away. Let me be the only one who sees this side of you.”

  “What side?”

  He turned my chin with a finger and sucked at my neck. “This sex kitten side. You’re like one of those sexy librarians. All business until they let their hair down. Then look out. She’ll seduce you in a second.”

  I giggled at that. “How much wine did you have? I think you’re hallucinating.”

  Dex smiled and planted a light kiss on my lips. “Nope. I see it. I remember it. You’ve got a placid surface, but beneath there’s a volcano of desire waiting to erupt.”

  Blushing, I looked away from him. “That’s what you see when you look at me?”

  “Mmhmm. And I remember how you felt and sounded when you came for me. When you let go of everything and just gave in to pleasure. I was hooked right then. I want to be the one who makes you feel that way. I want to be the man who brings that out in you.”

  I knew he was talking about sex stuff, but in truth, he’d done that for me in other ways too. With my hands on his arms to keep him from touching me, I licked my lips before speaking. “You are that man, Dex. You make me different. Reckless and wild. My god, I made out with you on a public train. That’s insane. And wonderful. You scare me. This scares me. But at the same time, I’ve never been so excited to see what comes next.”

  “You don’t need to be scared, Becca. You’re still you. Amazing, and smart, and resourceful, and beautiful, and sexy. So fucking sexy I can barely keep myself from taking you right now. You don’t even know. When you look at me all I think about is touching you. Tasting you.”

  I gasped at his words and my core clenched. “Dex…”

  “Wait. Don’t mistake me. I’m not trying to push you into anything. I’m just telling you how I feel. I can wait until you’re ready for…new things. As long as you let me kiss you, be close to you, I’m the luckiest man in the world.”

  I buried my face in my hands. It was all too much. His low, melodic voice saying such beautiful things overwhelmed me.

  Dex grabbed my hands and moved them away. I looked up into his eyes.

  “Don’t hide from me. Not ever. You’re the one who started this. Who ripped away all the bullshit. Turned me into some romantic idiot just waiting for one look, one kiss from you to make everything okay. Even in the middle of this…this shit storm, I’ve never been so happy. And I’m not even drunk. Well, not drunk on liquor. I’m gone over you. Drowning in you and I never want it to stop.”

  Tears stung my eyes and I needed to shut him up. It was too intense for words. I kissed him again, this time aggressively. Stealing his breath and fisting my hands in his hair, I climbed on top of him, pressing my body tightly against his. I could practically feel his heart pounding against my breasts where they grazed his chest. My softness against his hard strength was intoxicating.

  He shifted under me and grabbed my ass, grinding us together over and over with slow, sinuous motions. My whole body was tingling, coming alive from his touch. I held on tight and deepened the kiss even more, sucking, nibbling, devouring hard enough to bruise.

  I wanted him desperately. Even locked together like this wasn’t close enough. Dex had invaded every cell of me, and each one was crying out for more. Hunger like I’d never experienced before. Deep, soul-wrenching need. And as much as the passion consumed me, it was his words that echoed in my head. The raw honesty. The trust and vulnerability.

  And then I knew. Calling it a decision would be wrong. It was a realization. Accepting something I wouldn’t before. Couldn’t. I’d been so scared he’d be a typical guy that I’d created the thing I wanted to avoid. Dex was giving me everything. All of him, without hesitation. And I wanted to do the same. Not for him – not just for him. I wanted it. Needed it for myself. To let go and be the Becca he saw. The girl – no, the woman I could be with him.

  I broke off the kiss and held his face in my hands, panting. “Dex.”

  “What?” he asked, voice husky. “What’s wrong?

  “Nothing. Everything is amazing. Almost perfect.”

  “Almost?”

  I nodded. “I want you.”

  “I’m right here, baby. You got me.”

  “No, I mean I want you for real. All of you. I want you to have all of me.”

  His heated gaze bored into my soul. “What are you saying?”

  “I think you know.”

  He ran his fingers through my hair and down my back. “Becca, you don’t have to do that. If this is to make me feel better or…”

  “It isn’t pity or solace or anything like that. I just realized I was being stupid. I spent so many years thinking avoiding that one thing would save me. Protect me from getting hurt. But just a few hours of not talking to you nearly destroyed me this morning. I’m all in here and didn’t even notice.”

  “That doesn’t mean we have to. I…your first time should be perfect, not in this dingy apartment in the middle of this madness.”

  I laughed. “This isn’t a movie, Dex. I don’t want flowers and candles and fucking smooth Jazz. All I want, all I need is you. And you’re right here. So it is perfect.”

  “Christ,” he replied, sliding his hands up the back of my shirt. “I know I should keep trying to talk you out of this, but I don’t think I can. My brain is going to explode.”

  I arched an eyebrow and grinned, pressing my lower body against his. “That isn’t your brain, buddy.”

  He let out a guffaw. “See? I told you. Sex kitten. Now come over here and purr for me.”

  I didn’t purr, but I did moan when his fingers came around to the front of me, playing lightly over the undersides of my breasts, sneaking beneath my bra.

  Dex’s mouth took mine, sucking at my lips and tongue hard and wild. It was like no kiss I’d ever experienced. A full assault of sexual delight that left me aching and panting as he started tugging at my clothes frantically.

  Within a moment we were both topless, bare chests pushed tightly together. Dex’s hands were on my hips, moving me in tiny circles that made his manhood pulse and my breath catch. It was pure carnality, frenzied but controlled, as if he struggled to keep from doing more. But this was not the time for holding back.

  “Take me to bed,” I whispered against his mouth.

  He surged to his feet, holding me steady until mine were under me. Dex’s hair was in his eyes but I could see them flashing still, hot enough to burn. We raced to the bedroom, shedding more clothes as we went.

  By the time we landed on the perfectly made bed I was only in panties and he was completely naked. And glorious. Not that I was an expert on the nude male form, but I was sure his was by far the best. A stunning combination of lean length and wide, strong muscles, every bit of him was firm and gleaming.

  And between his thighs, the hard, thick length of him was intimidating and arousing.

  He saw me gawking and smiled, wrapping the fingers of one hand around the base. “You’re staring, Becca.”

  “You’re beautiful, Dex.”

  He chuckled and smirked. “That’s my line, love.”

  “I don’t know how someone like you could ever want someone like me, but I don’t care.”

  Dex’s jaw tightened. “Don’t say that.” He ran a finger over my breast and down my belly, skirting over one hip and down my rounded thigh. “You’re perfect. Every inch of you. Soft and sweet. Smooth and sexy.”

  I shook my head and leaned closer to touch him. I pressed my hand over the flat muscles of his chest, feeling his heart
beating under my fingers.

  “If you won’t listen to what I say, pay attention to what I do.”

  “Huh?” I asked, distracted by his hot skin.

  Dex shifted me onto my back and slid his hips between my thighs. His mouth came down on my chest, kissing between my breasts and then sliding over to each one in turn, sucking lightly as he went, leaving warm heat behind.

  As my nipples pebbled he paused to roll each one between his fingers while his tongue laved the pale flesh underneath. My hips lifted unconsciously, reaching for him, but he’d only just begun to torture me with pleasure.

  Dex left one hand to tease my breasts but moved his lips further down, stopping first at my belly button. He flicked his tongue inside the indentation and then sucked at it. Hearing about such a maneuver would seem silly, but feeling it was incredible.

  I sighed with delight and grabbed a handful of his hair, trying to anchor myself in the moment.

  He moved on, kissing softly out to the wide swell of my hip and then across the band of my panties to the other side before going back again and again, the feather-light pressure of his lips ramping up my desire.

  After a few minutes of this he started moving again, but instead of honing in on my sex, he lifted one of my legs and kissed down the inside of my thigh, running his fingers over the back of my knee and over my calf.

  I looked down and saw him sucking and nibbling at a freckle on the inside of my leg and smiled. He glanced up at my face and returned the expression.

  “I never noticed this before.”

  “Most people don’t, it’s very pale. You can’t see it unless you’re really close to my leg.”

  “Mm. All mine, then. If I ever let you get dressed again I’ll think of this freckle. Our secret.”

  I laughed. “Some secret.”

  “We will have plenty,” he said softly before turning his attention to my other leg. He lavished it with the same care and attention and I wondered how my entire body had turned into an erogenous zone.