Everything I want: Will Alfie and Lily's love survive?...

by K. L. Shandwick

  Protecting myself, my arms came across my chest. I was afraid if he touched me again, I wouldn’t be able to remain strong. I couldn’t think of anything at all, except to wonder what was going through his mind. What was he thinking, after seeing me again? When he eventually spoke, his low, rich voice was so soft and tender.

  “The last time I saw you, Lily, I never thought you could look more beautiful than you did that morning.” He sighed heavily. He was taking shuddery breaths, as his dark, sensual eyes ticked over my body. He shook his head from left to right. I wasn’t sure if he was doing this absentmindedly, or because I was really in front of him. I could relate to that, I couldn’t believe it either.

  “You were lying on your stomach, so peacefully asleep. I watched you for the longest time. Your beautiful, long, dark hair was cascading across the smooth, silky skin on your back. And the contrast of it ending just above the sun kissed dimples at the base of your spine was incredible.”

  His eyes shone with love at the memory. It made me want to cry. He tentatively took a strand of my hair between his thumb and forefinger. “Some loose strands of hair were spilled over onto my pillow. The sheet draped across you was barely hiding your butt. Tantalizing me. The crack of your butt was just visible. You think I really wanted to leave you like that?”

  Alfie chuckled softly. “You had a slight smile on your face, lips slightly parted. You looked so peaceful and content. The breaking dawn light made you look so serene, absolutely perfect.” He swallowed hard, and I heard a noisy click in his throat before he closed his eyes.

  From his description of the moment, the scene might as well have been running on playback in his mind. He exhaled very slowly, and his gruff voice was charged with emotion. It almost cracked when he spoke as he began shaking his head again, staring at me eye to eye. “I was so very wrong about that, Lily.”

  His eyes twinkled as a smile reached up into them. “You’re even more beautiful now,” he whispered huskily. His smile grew wider and flashed the dimple in his left cheek. As Alfie’s eyes stared into mine, they were sparkling with vivid flecks of green. The memory he was relaying gave him pleasure.

  Before I knew what was happening, I was being drawn to him, my body tilting toward him, like a magnet being teased toward steel. I caught myself just as I was becoming caught up in the moment. “Don’t!” I stepped to the side and swallowed hard; my mouth was dry.

  My hands automatically rose up to his chest to create a barrier between us, but I instantly regretted my action, as I could feel his warm, hard chest and his strong, rapidly beating heart beneath my palms.

  The band on stage was playing a cover of ‘It’s Not Over,’ by Daughtry. Alfie heard this, nodded his head towards the stage to bring it to my attention and gave me his signature lopsided smile. The smile I always had problems resisting.

  Fighting against this love wasn’t easy, but I dug deep and stood firm. “I made a decision about us, Alfie, and we moved on. Our lives are very different now.”

  Wrapping his fingers around mine on his chest, I felt an instant buzzing sensation and for a second, we connected. I pulled my hand away as if I’d been bitten. The feel of his skin touching mine gave me goose-bumps, and I was swamped by all the familiar feelings of desire along with grief at the same time. Feelings I’d been suppressing since I ran into him before I went on stage. The connection seemed even stronger than I had remembered it.

  “Stop it Alfie. It just wouldn’t work, we’d hurt each other more in the long term. I’m at a crossroads with the band, and you have a fabulous life living your dream.”

  I threw my arms wide. “Don’t do this. Let me walk away. Please don’t make me cry. You’re a great musician. You have fame, and everyone loves you, Alfie. I’m contented with where I am at.” I tried to smile. “I wish you all the best in life Alfie, truly, I do.”

  I could see that what I was saying wasn’t having much impact on him. So I made the decision to talk about his girlfriend. He had been splattered all over the press with a pretty blond girl recently.

  “Why are you even doing this to me again? You’re in a relationship Alfie. I’m glad you found someone that makes you happy, I think it’s great.” I really hoped she would drop dead, but I couldn’t tell him that.

  “I’m happy for you,” I lied. I tried for a warm smile and to make my voice sound sincere. “I really don’t want to be dragged back to our past. So, please just …let me go.”

  Alfie raked his hand through his hair and shook his head. “What if I’m not happy? What if my dream isn’t my dream without you? I love you, Lily. It broke my heart to leave you that morning. Just so we’re both clear on those two points.” He wagged his finger between us.

  “My feelings for you are even stronger than at the height of what we had. You are the first thing I think about every single day, Lily.” Alfie was shaking his head vigorously from left to right, his intense look never breaking his stare. He left me feeling paralyzed again.

  I tried to swallow past my parched throat. It made a noisy, forced sound as I still stared back at him. I couldn’t go through all the horrible feelings and insecurities again with him. So I did my best not to show any emotion.

  Eventually he broke his gaze and inhaled deeply. Before he could say anything else, I tried to shut down the conversation. “I need to go now.” My voice sounded slightly harsher than I’d intended.

  When I was speaking; as if on cue, a knock on the door signaled ten minutes until his band had to perform on stage. Alfie flexed his neck both ways and cleared his throat. “I need to warm up before I go on.” I smiled slowly, how could I not, when I was looking at the man I loved?

  “It really was… great to see you, Alfie.” I said this genuinely. Apart from all the horrible conflicting feelings I had, he still had my heart, and I was definitely still in love with him. The complex situation of our lives and a relationship with Alfie was the only reason we couldn’t be together.

  I stood up straight, and he broke the stare, preparing to leave. Alfie blew out a forced breath and shoved his hands into his jean pockets, his arms stiffening, before he relaxed them, but left his hands in the pockets. His stance and attitude changed, and he became almost arrogant.

  “Sure, I only wanted to say hi. I’ve done that. And to tell you that you’re going to be a star, honey. You and your band were great out there today. You’ve come a long way from the shy, little girl I had sitting beside me on the campus lawn, blushing.”

  Smirking when I looked up at him, his face softened again. “I guess I have, but as for the star part, I have never been interested in fame and fortune, Alfie. I’m already wealthy, and I’m not really one that relishes being in the limelight. It has always been about the music for me, that’s why we would have never worked. I have dreams, too, but in another life… who knows what we could have had together.”

  I turned and pulled the dressing room door open and as I was walking through the door, Alfie’s voice was barely audible, but I heard him say, “I’m never going to give up on you, Lily Parnell.”

  Managing a weak smile at Drew, I dropped my head and hurried back down the dark passage to the exit, sucking up the emotions that were threatening to engulf me. Fighting with every ounce of strength I had in me not to turn back and run into his arms.

  I was physically shaking from the exchange between us, and my body was aching to experience everything he used to make me feel. I was not going to allow myself to do that though. Not when I’d come so far again.

  Running toward the security barrier to take me outside, I felt Lennon’s long fingers wrapped around my wrist. “Drew told me where you were so I waited out here for you. I thought maybe you could use a friend. Digs already left and took the others home.”

  I smiled affectionately at Lennon. Touched. He was still looking out for me. He always seemed to be one step ahead and in tune to just what support I needed and when I ne
eded it the most.

  “Thanks, you’re too good to me, Lennon, what did I ever do to deserve you?” I mumbled as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side.

  We headed over to his car over in the field parking lot. A couple of high school boys came toward us, and one started bouncing on his toes.

  “Lennon, Lily, can we get your autographs, please?” I raked around in my purse and found a pen. I had some post-it notes in my bag as well. “Is this okay?” I gestured at the small lime green pad.

  The taller of the boys grinned. “Sure, anything, Lily, I think you’re incredible,” he swooned and wiped his sweaty palms down the thighs of his jeans.

  “What’s your name honey?”

  I could see he was a little starstruck. It reminded me of when I first met Rick Fars, the lead singer of Cobham Street. His friend nudged him. “Bradley,” he squeaked out, his voice getting caught in his throat, before he cleared it and tried again, “Bradley.” He managed to make it sound lower this time.

  His friend was much more self- assured and cocky. He was smirking. “Bradley here has a ‘thing’ for you, don’t ya Brad?” he teased making quotations with his fingers on the word thing.

  Bradley blushed and held his body awkwardly. “Jeez, Denver, thanks,” he huffed. My eyes glanced at Lennon, who was graciously trying to remain passive about Denver’s admission.

  Smiling warmly at him, “Well, you know Bradley, if I was like about eight years younger, you’d have definitely have had a shot with me.” I winked. I handed the note I’d been writing for him.

  Bradley’s eyes flicked to Denver, a smug look crossing his face as he looked down at the post-it I’d given him.

  To Bradley, you’re going to break someone’s heart with those good looks of yours one day. Thank you for coming to see us play at ‘On the Verge of Fame.’

  With Love

  Lily Parnell xx XrAid.

  A wide grin spread across his face, which was slightly flushed now. “Thanks, Lily.” I leaned forward and kissed his cheek. His hand flew up and caressed where my mouth had been.

  Lennon finished signing his post-it and handed one to each of the boys. “I’ll skip on the kiss if that’s okay with you, dudes,” he teased.

  For Denver, my note was more generic. I just signed my name and ‘watch this space’… He seemed just as impressed with that as Bradley did with his note. Lennon excused us, and we resumed our walk to his car.

  He began to chuckle and nudged me. “What? What’s so funny?” I asked.

  Lennon smirked. “You do realize that kid almost creamed his pants back there with the way you handled him?”

  I bunched my brows. “What do you mean, I thought I was cool.”

  He chuckled harder. “Oh, you were cool alright. Don’t think that’s quite how Brad was feeling. He’s a horny teenager, and you’re a hot rock chic. The little dude will probably be tugging himself off to that post- it note, stuck on his headboard, for months after that little display.”

  I smirked. “You’re horrible Lennon.”

  He nudged my shoulder. “Yeah, but honest, right?” I giggled, and he laughed loudly. “Feeling better?” he asked, looking me in the eye. I had managed to walk away from Alfie this time without shedding a tear.

  “Yeah, it’s all good, Lenny. I have made my choices, and I’m definitely not looking back. Maybe seeing him today will give me closure now. We broke up over the phone, and it’s a long time ago now. It wasn’t as scary seeing him as I thought it would be, but then again, I’ve grown in many ways since then.”

  Lennon nodded and smiled. “You sure have, honey.”

  Chapter 6 – Dilemma

  In the days following my encounter with Alfie, I kept myself really busy. It helped push the thoughts of him further from my mind. After a week, my feelings about meeting with him were under control. I wasn’t allowing them to consume me the way I had in the past.

  I had a distraction, which helped tremendously, in the form of a really hot guy named Luca. He was a friend of my manager Louie. Luca was Italian but had lived in the USA for the past two years. Louie introduced us the day after the festival, and we’d hit it off right away.

  There was something that really attracted me to him, and he was fun to be around. When he asked me to dinner on my day off, I didn’t know why, but I had no hesitation in saying yes.

  Lennon and Cody were flummoxed when I agreed. They had been ready to do their usual routine of putting him off when I smiled and accepted.

  When I told Holly about my date, she freaked out. She couldn’t believe I actually wanted to date him.

  Holly suggested we double date at first. It made sense, because I didn’t know him very well. Although he was Louie’s friend, none of us knew much about him, outside of what Louie knew of him since he’d been in the USA.

  Luca drove us to Fort Lauderdale, and we had dinner in a small, family run, Italian restaurant owned by his uncle, Giovanni. His family was so warm and welcoming, and I felt relaxed in their friendly company.

  His uncle was very complimentary when he spoke about me to Luca. The authentic Italian food, and the rustic presentation, was absolutely to die for and all completely organic.

  When Luca disappeared into the kitchen to thank his cousin Marco personally, Holly squeezed my hand under the table. “Damn girl, when you get back on that horse you do it in style. He’s freaking gorgeous,” she whispered.

  I nodded in agreement and gave her a smug smirk, feeling pleased she approved. What she said was true. Luca was a gorgeous looking man. The added bonus being he looked the opposite of Alfie.

  Luca’s dark brown hair, beautiful almond shaped eyes, and kissable mouth were only a few of the finer attributes of his appearance. It was his mouth that my eyes had honed in on initially.

  He had a very sexy smile. Oh, and the way his tongue kept flicking back and forth between his lips each time he took a drink from the wine glass he was holding. It was such a turn on.

  The unconscious act of flicking his tongue over those plump, deep pink lips, and his slow, sexy smile, which made those chocolate brown eyes twinkle mischievously, were what did it for me.

  Luca was almost as tall as Alfie, but his gentlemanly physique and the way he presented himself could not have been more different. I liked that about him as well.

  After dinner Luca took us to another friend’s club, ‘Clouds’. He strode straight past the long line of club goers, who were waiting patiently to gain entry. He fist bumped a massive, muscle stacked, security guy, who stood in a black suit and bowtie.

  “Jonnie, how are you doing?”

  Jonnie, the door guy, transformed his face from menacing to pleasant. “Luca, welcome back, great to see you, dude.” He stepped aside and nodded at us as we walked past him and entered the club.

  Like Louie’s clubs, this nightclub was a mega- club. The venue was massive with five different rooms, each catering to different genres of music. It was filled to capacity. The throng of party goers had the place jumping.

  Luca told us that they had some amazing acts perform there. Lady Gaga had just performed there in recent weeks.

  As we entered the foyer, a very elegant looking woman in her late twenties approached us. She was exceptionally beautiful and carried herself with such grace.

  Tall, slender, and leggy, she was dressed impeccably in a white, figure hugging dress. She sashayed toward us, her long sleek brunette ponytail swishing from side to side behind her.

  “Well, Well! If it isn’t sexy Luca!”

  A humorous grin spread across his face, as he stooped to kiss her cheek. “Louisa, these are my friends, Holly and Brett, and my date, Lily.”

  Louisa eyed me up and down and extended her hand to me. “You’re a very beautiful girl, Lily. Luca’s a lucky man. Make sure you take care of her.” Her voice had a slight accent,
and she scowled at Luca.

  Luca huffed and shook his head, a smile on his lips. “Lily, I didn’t plan this, and I know it is way too early for you to meet all of my family, but this is my sister. I didn’t know she was working tonight.”

  I snickered at how awkward Luca seemed, as Louisa pulled me toward her and hugged me warmly.

  She showed us to a VIP section. The seating was brilliant white, plush, padded leather and was arranged in a rectangle around a huge low square table.

  There were black drapes on either side, which could be drawn for privacy from the other VIP areas, but with the ability to mingle with the others if we, and the other sections, decided to do that.

  As we were being seated, I noticed that the drapes to the next section were already drawn, indicating that someone important was next to us.

  Each sectioned off area had a view of the main dance floor downstairs as well. There was a central pathway, shared by all the VIP sections, leading to the stairway and restrooms.

  We settled down, and a waitress brought two bottles of champagne in coolers. She set them on the table at the end. Luca leaned in and spoke in her ear, and she nodded, smiled, and headed back to the bar.

  He had invited two other couples to meet us at the club, figuring it wouldn’t be much fun sitting in a cordoned off section with just the four of us. Alexis and Kyle were friends of his from the office. I liked Alexis a lot; she was fun-loving and a little ditzy, but I could see there were no flies on her.

  Another couple, Harry and his wife, Marla, were his close friends and neighbors. They were a little loud, but after talking to them, I figured that they were mainly lacking in confidence, and that was their way of hiding it.

  Conversation was a little strained between all of us at first, but once we found common ground, we all relaxed and began to have a lot of fun together.

  Luca walked over to where I was sitting and looked down at me, flashing his sexy smile. “Dance with me?” It was a question rather than a demand.