Everything I want: Will Alfie and Lily's love survive?...

by K. L. Shandwick

  “We’ve been moved up to sixth now.” Cody looked at me, and I tried hard to appear unaffected. Damn, it was too close to Alfie’s slot for comfort.

  I schooled my face, smiled, and put on a brave face. “It’s fine guys, I’ll do my bit, but I’d appreciate if you would grab my stuff afterwards. I’ll just head out as soon as we’ve finished playing.”

  Lennon nodded. “Sure thing, honey.”

  Chapter 4 – Bumping chests

  The festival itself had a fantastic buzz. There were all kinds of people, young and old, and the music was extremely loud. We walked around, checking out the competition, and I actually began to enjoy myself.

  Maybe I was relaxed because, in the back of my mind, I knew Alfie would never be out here among the crowds of people. He was far too famous to do that. He would get mobbed.

  Lennon and the others were happy to hang out there with me until we had to check in backstage. We made arrangements, with the production team, to be in our dressing room thirty minutes before our set. They knew we were there, and what we were doing.

  In my mind, it was less likely I’d have any awkward moments coming face to face with Alfie, Drew, or any other Crakt Soundzz band members.

  I stood out front watching the band before us. They had an hour set as well. The daylight had faded, and it was dusk by the time they had started.

  I was pleased we were getting to perform outside in the dark. I had only ever done that once before, at a beach party, when I performed with Will when I first came to Miami.

  I had loved the atmosphere that night. I smiled to myself, thinking I had come a long way from the innocent little girl I was then.

  Glancing at my phone, I saw it was almost thirty minutes until we were up for our set. The guys left me ten minutes ago and headed back there to give me a buffer before I joined them.

  I headed to the side of the stage and wiggled the backstage pass on my lanyard at the security guy. He was standing guard at the barriers, which separated the public from a huge set of black curtains. They provided a screen to protect the artists from the crowd.

  He moved the metal barrier and smiled as he waved me inside. I asked where the XrAid dressing room was, and he pointed to an area with makeshift dressing rooms that were painted mainly black, like plywood encased porta-cabins.

  On the door was a laminated name tag, which bore our familiar logo in black, white, and silver; XrAid.

  I pushed the door open and saw Shawn pulling up his pants. He’d obviously just been changing into them. “Argh, quick get me some bleach for my eyes,” I shouted, pretending to be blinded.

  “Didn’t someone tell you that it isn’t the army you signed up for? It’s a band, Shawn. You’re not a commando. It is okay to wear briefs now and again you know.” I smirked and pretended to look disgusted.

  Cody and Digs chuckled and quipped in unison, “And she’s back!”

  I had long ago forgotten about modesty when I was dressing in front of the guys. I pulled my t-shirt over my head as I walked over to the suit bag in the corner.

  Pulling out a little jade green, leather thigh length dress from it, I pulled it over my head and smoothed it down the front of me.

  “Fuck,” Lennon grunted.

  My eyes flicked to his. “Do we really need to go there with my outfit again? Now? Today?”

  He shook his head, and I took my black patent six inch stiletto heels out of my bag. “Fuck, I know you’ve heard this before, but damn you have hot legs in those,” Digs muttered.

  “Digs, shoes don’t keep your legs warm… they keep your feet warm honey.” I smirked and continued to slip the second shoe on. Cody snickered but said nothing, and I turned my head to Shawn. “Comments?”

  He shook his head. “I’m quitting while I’m ahead… I am ahead, right?”

  I chuckled and pulled on the door handle, just as the five minute knock came. “If you say so, Shawn.”

  When I opened the door and began to stride out I walked straight into a solid wall of muscle. His body heat instantly radiated toward mine as soon as our chests collided.

  His smell instantly drew me in, and I had a tingling sensation inside of me, which coursed through my veins, as his hands gripped the bare flesh on my arms. His touch ignited a rash of goosebumps over my flesh and a pool of moist, wet, slick juice trickled into the thin material between my legs.

  Outwardly, the effect of him being there almost paralysed me. Even after a year or more, the sight and smell of him affected me so much. It was truly a heart stopping moment as I stood there feeling dizzy, my throat constricting, and I found swallowing impossible. I looked up slowly. Just seeing the silky skin of his neck made me want to press my lips to it.

  Alfie was standing right in front of me. A ghost from my past. He looked perfect. His tongue darted out, making his plump lips look positively edible. “Hey,” he cooed, his eyes lighting up as he saw me. I froze completely, stopped in my tracks, and my eyes were instantly locked into his.

  “Two minutes guys, you need to be up front right now,” the stagehand called. I couldn’t move. I just stared at his face until a hand slipped into mine, gripping it tightly. It was Cody.

  He pulled me past Alfie and began tugging me along. “Keep it together, Lily, you can do this,” he whispered into my ear as he hauled me in the direction of the stage. “We’re on. You need to let it go for now.”

  I shook my head as I rushed along the dark passage and up the stairs leading to the stage. “Please give it up for XrAid,” the emcee announced. I had no time to dwell on anything. I had a job to do.

  The crowds at the festival were insane. The noise and buzz were like food to us, and it helped me push past what happened right before we went on stage. We couldn’t have wished for a more rowdy and enthusiastic bunch of people. They were so supportive.

  As bands go, we played flawlessly. I had found myself playing my guitar with an aggression that worked great for the band, but only made me feel more frustrated with myself for allowing Alfie to affect me this way again.

  Despite Alfie’s presence, everything was going great with our performance, and I coped much better after seeing him than I thought I would.

  We only had three more numbers left of our set, and I would have been able to get the hell out of there. Far away from Alfie. I wasn’t relishing the thought of making small talk and acting like we were okay. I just knew I couldn’t have stood around pretending like that.

  Just being so close to him even for a few seconds, had made my body hum. When my eyes had connected with his, after the initial shock, my heart had begun to race and my body spontaneously reacted to the chemistry we had.

  From the brief, close-up glimpse I caught, he looked even more stunning than he had when we were together. His scent was like a warm blanket that I wanted to snuggled into. Alfie was still both dangerous and irresistible. Hence, my emotional conflict, as far as he was concerned.

  His wealth and fame suited him. He appeared a little more mature but even better looking. Just thinking about him again gave me an instant feeling of heartache. I missed him desperately. After more than a year apart, then seeing him again, I realized the despair for my loss of him was as strong as the day we parted.

  The next number was one that Lennon and I sang together. Cody played keyboard for us. It was a slower rock ballad, and one of my favorites. Lennon wrote it, and it was about a guy who caught his girlfriend cheating. The words were pretty dark, but it was full of emotion. I had a hunch that it was a personal experience of Lennon’s. He always connected instantly with this song and had a troubled, far- away look in his eyes whenever he sang it.

  Lennon also had a lot of issues with women. He was a stunningly handsome, tall, slender guy, with mussy, sandy brown hair. His deep brown eyes and sallow skin caught the eye of all of the women he came into contact with. He could flirt easily enough, and hook up wi
th girls, but he never let them get close. I wondered if he’d been burned by a girl in his past. He was polite and respectful but never allowed any girl to get close to him.

  During the song, I turned to walk to the edge of stage left. Alfie was standing there in the wings. He was watching me intently, his arms folded across his chest. His confident stance added a dangerous ‘bad boy’ vibe to his aura. His face was serious. Unsmiling. I couldn’t allow my eyes to linger on him. Just the briefest glimpse left an ache in my heart.

  My feelings were too painful to deal with. I changed direction and walked over to the right, getting as far away from him as possible. I usually walked back and forth across the stage this way, during this song, but I found myself hanging out over the other side of the stage from where I usually stood for the remaining time I was up there.

  Cody squeezed my hand before the last number. “Are you holding up okay, babe?” His voice was full of concern of how Alfie being there was affecting me. Cody’s eyes flicked to the left, where Alfie was still standing, as he spoke.

  “Yeah, no sweat, don’t worry.” I forced a smile and hoped it appeared genuine.

  As we finished the last number I waved to the crowd, and they cheered appreciatively, but as soon as Cody had secured my guitar in his hand, I left the stage to the right. Running down the dark passageway, I passed by a constant stream of people. There were technicians and roadies, wardrobe people, and musicians. I dodged them and the equipment as I headed toward the general public area.

  When I reached the security guys near the exit, I remembered my purse was in the dressing room. I asked one of them to go back and grab it for me, explaining that there was someone I needed to get away from. Without it I didn’t have any money to get home.

  This was the flaw in my plan to escape without running into Alfie. I knew I couldn’t face going back there. So I stood for about five minutes and realized that the big bearded guy I had asked to help me probably wasn’t coming back.

  I felt sick at the thought of going back in there, but I was feeling more confident, because enough time had passed, and Alfie had probably realized I’d left. Besides, I thought his band would be preparing to go on stage by then.

  I walked back slowly retracing my steps in the direction of the dressing room assigned to us.

  As I neared the door, I heard Cody’s voice sounding slightly raised. “Leave her the fuck alone, dude. She’s been doing just great without you.”

  Lennon’s voice interjected. “Alfie, she’s gone, doesn’t that tell you everything you need to know? She didn’t want to see you.”

  Someone cleared their throat, and I heard Digs add, “Sorry, dude, you’re too late to want to talk to our girl.”

  Alfie chuckled. “Will you listen to yourselves. ‘Our girl?’ She collectively belongs to y’all now? All I want is to talk to her, make things okay between us.”

  Cody’s voice sounded impatient with him. “She. Doesn’t. Want. To. Know. Besides, dude, it isn’t all about you. This is about Lily, and she’s doing what’s best for her now. The fact she’s left already makes me think her not talking to you makes things okay with you both in her world.”

  XrAid’s dressing room door opened, and I ducked between two roadies and several groupies that were milling around. I swallowed noisily as I hid myself while Alfie stormed past them.

  I quickly scooted across to the dressing room and rushed inside, banging the door behind me, and leaning against it. “Lily!” Shawn’s eyes were wide, and Lennon’s head snapped around, his eyes connecting with mine.

  “What the fu…”

  “I forgot my purse, and my money is in it.”

  Cody jumped to his feet and tugged me in for a hug. “He was here looking for you, just now.”

  I nodded, and the look on my face told him I already knew this. “Yeah, I know, I almost walked in on you all.”

  “He’s gone back to his dressing room now, quick give me my purse, and I’m gone.” Digs swiped it off the table and tossed it at me. I caught it, and Lennon came alongside.

  “You want me to walk you out?”

  I shook my head. “He’ll be busy now. I’ll just sneak past, and I’ll be gone in a few minutes. Don’t worry. I’m fine. I just need to get out of here.”

  I pulled the door open and ran past Alfie’s dressing room with my heartbeat pulsating rapidly in my neck. I headed for the dark passage again that would connect me with the general public.

  The corridor was nothing more than some chipboard painted black, but it separated me from the backstage army working on the other side of it.

  The jungle of metal poles, holding up the makeshift stage, made the space under the stage as big as it was above. There was a network of people weaving in and out of the scaffolding poles as they laid cables or moved equipment.

  The backstage and technical crews worked with a sense of urgency to support the acts. Although the talent of the artists was what the crowds came to see, without the crew’s support, the magic above there on stage wouldn’t happen.

  Adrenaline pumped through my system. My senses were finely tuned. My nerves jangled and my senses were on high alert as I fled the backstage area. My heart was pounding in my chest and restricting my breathing at the same time. I felt slightly dizzy with the fear of being caught by Alfie. I really didn’t want to face him again.

  I was almost at the end of the passage and could see the security detail when someone swung around one of the scaffolding poles holding the stage structure up. He came out of nowhere, swinging into my pathway, and slammed straight into me. He knocked me on my ass and totally took the wind out of me. A strong arm swept under my shoulders, while his other hand snaked around my waist, pulling me off the ground.

  A familiar electrical current ran through my body from his touch and his scent was so…him. My mouth went dry, and I swallowed hard. “Sorry, darlin’ I didn’t know anyone was there.”

  His voice was overwhelming and melodic. Tears pricked in my eyes and I fought with myself in the dark, not to allow him to affect me, not to let him fill me with sad feelings again.

  “I’m fine. Let me go. I’m in a hurry. I need to be somewhere.”

  I heard Alfie exhale heavily. “Lily? Is that you? God. Are you okay?”

  His hand tensed on my waist. I tried to take a step back. Pressure gripped at my shoulder and he tugged me closer into him. I nodded in the dark. “Yeah, sure I am. I need to go, Alfie.”

  Alfie’s voice came back sounding agitated and abrupt. “You can’t even speak to me? After all this time, we’re just going to be what… strangers now, Lily?”

  I sighed heavily, and his grip landed on my wrist. He still knew me well. He was preventing me from running away from him. “Of course we can talk, but I’m late. I need to run,” I lied.

  His presence totally unnerved me. My heart was beating erratically as I fought for control of my emotions under his touch. Alfie drew a deep breath and grabbed my other hand. He began pulling me back in the direction of his dressing room.

  “That’s a crock of shit, Lily. You can spare me five minutes at the very least.” Still holding my hand, he flung the dressing room door open. It bounced off the wall, and he stopped it by slamming the palm of his other hand against it.

  All the guys’ heads turned, their eyes flew over in the direction of the noise and settled on me. Des’ eyes widened. “Shit.” The word was forced out.

  “Get out! We need privacy,” Alfie barked at Drew, Des, and Andy.

  Drew stood up and glanced at me with concern. “You okay with this, Lily?”

  I didn’t get to answer. “Mind your own fucking business, Drew. Out.”

  Alfie sounded major-league pissed. His mood wasn’t lost on his bandmates either. The whole time he was talking to them, his eyes never wavered from mine.

  Des walked across and put his hand on Alfie’s sho
ulder. “Come on, dude. Don’t do this now. We’re on in twenty minutes,” he warned him.

  Alfie broke his gaze to glare at Des. It stopped Des from commenting further. Des threw his hands up. “Fine. Ten minutes, Alfie. Then whatever the fuck is going on is forgotten. We’ve got a gig to do.”

  Des walked out the door, banging it hard behind him. Andy picked up a towel. He draped it over the back of his neck and opened the door, shaking his head.

  Drew stared Alfie down. “Why can’t you just leave her alone, Alfie? Can’t you see what this is doing to her?” Drew gestured him to look at me and shook his head. He gave me a sympathetic look. “I’m outside if you need me, Lily.”

  I could see Drew understood how difficult this was for me. I had always suspected Elle had probably spoken to him about how I was feeling at the time when Alfie and I split up.

  Chapter 5 – Coincidences

  Once we were alone, his breathing seemed ragged as he continued to stare into my eyes. I was as nervous as hell, and the ache I had inside from missing him was back in full force.

  It was absolutely torturous for me to be near him and look at him so closely again. The fleeting encounters I had with him had attacked my senses and brought back so many memories of our time together.

  Reaching forward, Alfie clung to me. His strong arms held me tightly, like he might never get the chance to do this again. The front of his hard body came flush with mine. I could feel he was aroused as he tilted his hips into mine. My body went stiff, and I fought with everything I had inside me to resist him, even though I still craved this closeness with him.

  Alfie let out a heavy breath and kissed the skin on my neck before drawing his nose the length of it and letting me go. In my head I was telling myself to get out of there before something happened between us. Because if it did, I knew I’d be lost to him all over again.