by Jim Ladd
Comet swelled with pride. “Well, I do think a little bit of rest and relaxation would do us all the world of good. Ain’t that right?” he blustered. “Set course for Bowlopia!”
Barney and the others started dancing around the deck singing, “We’re going to Bowlopia!” at the top of their voices.
Sam seemed to be the only one who was disappointed. “Oh, don’t worry!” Comet told him. “It’s only one day off course. We’ll be there for a day at most and then we’ll get back on track. And who knows, with a fair solar wind we’ll probably actually make up time!”
Goldstar grinned, the occasional gold tooth visible in his wolf-like smile. “They say you’ve never truly bowled until you’ve bowled the ring of Bowlopia.”
Barney raced over to Sam, a huge smile plastered across his face and a tankard of grum clutched in each of his tentacles.
“Is it just me, Barney, or is there something a bit odd about Goldstar?” Sam asked. “Did you see his face when he looked at the map?”
“He seems pretty cool to me,” Barney replied. “And he’s taking us to Bowlopia! Here, have a grum – enjoy yourself.”
Sam took the grum and watched Goldstar as he wandered around the bowling deck, laughing with the crew, slapping them on the back, shaking hands. Everyone else seemed to love him. But there was something about that wild black hair that bothered Sam… His hair? Sam suddenly shook his head, feeling bad. He couldn’t decide he didn’t like someone because of their hair. He’d been worrying about his parents too much. Maybe a day at Bowlopia would be just what he needed. Sam took a swig of the grum. Yes, it was definitely time for some fun!
The closer the Jolly Apollo got to Bowlopia, the more excited everyone became. By the time Vulpus, the lookout, caught sight of the planet, the ship was buzzing.
Sam raced to look over the side. Bowlopia was a huge blue planet, with three dark patches on the surface like the finger-holes in a bowling ball. Around it looped a shimmering golden circle.
“See the ring around the planet, me hearties?” asked Goldstar. “That’s a giant bowling lane, the longest one in the universe! Your ball goes all the way around the planet!”
Sam felt his mouth drop open in amazement. All around him everyone else was staring open-mouthed as well. Piole’s twelve mouths were making a puddle of drool on the deck.
“Before we get to the bowling, what say you we have a go on the funfair first?” said Goldstar.
“That has to be some funfair to beat bowling around a planet,” said Pegg sceptically.
“Oh, but it is – look!” said Goldstar, as the largest funfair any of them had ever seen in their lives came into view.
“It must be the size of a city,” said Legg, the other head of the first mate.
“Well, what are we waiting for?” Comet said grandly. “Prepare to land!”
“I’ll fly us!” said Pegg.
“No – I will!” Legg wrestled the steering wheel away from him.
“I will!” Pegg growled.
While Pegg and Legg launched into one of their usual arguments, the Jolly Apollo was heading full speed towards the planet.
“I like a crew that’s keen!” Goldstar chuckled nervously. “But should we be slowing down?”
“I’m sure they’ll stop eventually,” said Comet. “They usually do.”
“Erm, we are getting a bit close,” Sam said anxiously.
“Reverse thrusters!” Comet yelled.
Pegg and Legg jumped, and turned to see a huge neon sign rushing towards them. It was an enormous picture of a bowling ball and ten hoverpins, with WELCOME TO BOWLOPIA! written across it.
They flipped on the thrusters, and the Jolly Apollo creaked and groaned under the strain as the engines tried to pull the rusting hull in the opposite direction to the one it was travelling in.
Sam grabbed the ship’s wheel and turned it sharply. The ship lurched to one side, but it was still travelling too fast.
“Batten the hatches!” shouted Comet, diving for cover. “She’s going to crash!”
With a horrible wailing of engines, the Jolly Apollo ploughed side-on into the massive sign. Huge hoverpins pinged off everywhere as the Apollo ground to a halt. Finally it stopped on top of the flattened sign, lying at a funny angle on mangled metal, thin wisps of smoke coming from the thrusters.
“Now that’s what I call a strike!” shouted Goldstar, roaring with laughter.
Sam was still clinging on to the wheel, his knuckles white from holding on so tightly. Close by he saw Comet peering from his hiding place inside an empty grum barrel.
The captain patted himself over to feel for any injuries, and satisfied all was well, clambered on to the listing deck. He nodded with approval. “Well, I’ve had worse landings, I must admit. Nice work, Sam,” he said.
“Don’t mention it,”
Sam smiled.
Pegg and Legg started arguing about whose fault it was, but Goldstar interrupted grandly. “Look at it, me hearties!” he crowed. “Like I told you, pirate paradise!”
The crew looked on in wide-eyed amazement. All around them were the twisting tracks of the hovercoasters, whirling antigravity rides, bright coloured lights and pirates from all over the seven solar seas. The competing sounds of music playing from different rides filled the air, along with the sound of the crowds cheering and screaming, and stall holders crying out their wares. The air smelt of supernova floss, hot Wumpfle dogs and grum.
“Come on then, lads,” shouted Goldstar, “it’s fun time! Follow me and I won’t let you down!”
“Captain, we’re only going to spend one day here, aren’t we? My parents still need rescuing…” said Sam, but Comet was already half way down the gangplank, following in Goldstar’s wake.
“What was that? Parents? Yes, yes, whatever…” he called back, not bothering to look at Sam.
Sam wasn’t convinced, but before he could complain Barney grabbed him by the arm, pulling him along.
“Come on, Sam, don’t worry so much. We’ll be back on the search for Planet X before you know it. Last one to the antigravity dodgems is a loser!”
Sam woke up as the movement of the ship made his hover-hammock swing. “Bleurgh!” he groaned, grabbing his stomach. He’d eaten far too much supernova floss yesterday. They had stayed at the funfair all day and most of the night. Sam glanced around at the rest of the hammocks in the crew’s sleeping quarters. Vulpus’ fur was still plastered back from riding the comet coaster so many times, Zlit’s hammock was stuffed with toys he had won on the laser-blaster ranges, and there was a faint moaning from Piole’s hammock. He sounded as sick as Sam felt.
Sam dragged himself out of his hammock.
They had to get going.
“Rise and shine,” he said, trying to sound cheerful. “If we get started soon we’ll be able to catch up on the time we lost yesterday.”
The response was a grumbling from the hammocks.
Just then Goldstar burst into the room with Captain Comet staggering behind him. Goldstar looked no worse the wear for a night of supernova floss and grum. His eyes flashed, his gold teeth glinted and his cape shimmered in the light. Comet, however, looked like he’d been dragged though a wormhole backwards.
“Yo ho ho, me hearties!” Goldstar boomed. “What say you we take a turn bowling round the planetary ring?”
The crew cheered and Sam’s stomach fell. They’d never turn down a day’s bowling. To his relief Captain Comet spoke up.
“Sorry, Goldstar, but I made a pledge to Sam that we’d set sail today for Planet X. A pirate’s word is his bond, you…”
“Yadda, yadda, yadda,” Goldstar said, waving his hand in front of his mouth like he was yawning. “What’s wrong, Comet? Think the bowling will be too tough for ye?”
Comet bristled at the insult; his moustache twitched, his face turned red and his eyebrows beetled. Sam groaned, but not with sickness this time. He knew his captain could never turn down a challenge.
“I’ll have you
know,” Comet said in a strained voice, “that I’m an excellent bowler – in fact I hold the Apollo record for the most points scored in a game – it’s just I said to Sam…”
“Oh, a star bowler are ye?” said Goldstar. “Then perhaps you and me ought to have a little competition?”
All the crew cheered; they loved a good bowling contest.
“Don’t do this!” Sam hissed at Comet. “He’s trying to wind you up. Think about how impressed the other pirates are going to be when you’re the one who discovers Planet X…”
“Yes, yes, quite right.” Comet raised himself to his full height and tried to look as noble as possible while trying to ignore Goldstar’s taunt.
“This isn’t the time for competitions,” he muttered. “After all, we are on an important mission…”
“Not turning a bit Pangolian chicken on me, are you, Comet?” Goldstar mocked, giving the crew a conspiratorial wink as he flapped his arms like wings. They chuckled. Comet’s face turned even redder and he started huffing and puffing like he was trying to blow out a fire on the end of his nose. Sam slapped his hand on his face in despair – he knew what was going to happen next.
“Surely,” Goldstar continued, “all those stories they tell in the grum bars in the pirate ports about ‘Cowardly Comet’ can’t be true, can they? Not scared of a little bowling game, are you, Captain?”
“Of course I’m not! I’ll beat you any time, any lane!” Comet exploded.
“Excellent – that’s settled then!” Goldstar smiled. “Let’s hit the bowling ring right now!”
“Hooray!” Barney waved his tentacles in the air excitedly. “Let’s bowl!”
One by one the pirates rolled out of their hover hammocks and followed a grinning Goldstar and a bemused-looking Comet to catch a grav-lift out to the planet’s ring.
Sam shook his head as he followed the others. Trust Comet to fall for Goldstar’s quick talking. All he could do now was follow the rest and try to get them back on board the Apollo as soon as possible after the game.
As he got off the grav-lift, Sam couldn’t help but be amazed by the view. The ring was a thick golden strip that disappeared into the distance as it stretched right around the planet. Sam looked over the edge and his knees went weak. The only thing he could make out on the planet below were the flashing lights of the gigantic funfair.
All around them was deep, dark space. Ahead lay the biggest bowling lane Sam had ever seen in his life. He watched as a nearby pirate released a ball out on to the ring. The ball disappeared at great speed and a short while later had sped right round the planet and smashed into the hovering pins behind him.
“Shall I start?” said Goldstar, heaving his golden bowling ball out of its bag. It was so shiny that Sam could see the reflection of Comet’s worried-looking face in it – perhaps he had forgotten how good a bowler Goldstar was.
Sam watched as Goldstar brought his arm back and fired off his bowling ball. The ball disappeared at lightning pace down the lane and was soon lost from sight. Sam turned round to look at the pins behind him – just as Goldstar’s ball sped around the planet. With a clatter all ten pins were scattered across the lane – strike! Goldstar flashed Comet a confident, gold-toothed smile before bowing to the cheering crowd. Sam sighed. He had been hoping that Goldstar had been lying about being a bowling champion and that Comet would win. Goldstar might be a smug idiot, but he was really good at bowling.
Eventually, with a clatter of pins, Goldstar got his last strike and won the game by a mile. Even all Comet’s cheating hadn’t been enough to beat him. Comet had tried every trick in the book – as well as some he’d made up on the spot, like trying to replace Goldstar’s bowling ball with a moon rock when he wasn’t looking – but it was hopeless. Goldstar got a strike every single time – even with the rock.
Once, Goldstar had flung his ball straight up in the air and Sam had been pleased, thinking that the pirate had finally made a mistake. Comet had hopped up and down excitedly – but then there was a strange whistling sound behind them and the ball boomeranged around the planet and smashed back down, knocking all the pins over. Comet had looked like he was about to cry. Distracted and upset, his next ball had flown right off the ring, missing all the pins, and kept on going, floating out into space.
As the Apollo’s crew mobbed Goldstar, Comet looked utterly miserable.
“Three cheers for Goldstar!” Romero bellowed, lifting the smug castaway on to his shoulders. “Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray!”
As the pirates carried Goldstar off, Sam tried to console Comet. “Don’t worry, Captain; he is an intergalactic champion after all.”
“I don’t mind losing,” Comet replied.
Sam raised his eyebrows.
“OK, I do,” Comet admitted, “but what makes it worse is all of that!”
He looked at Goldstar laughing and joking with the crew as they headed back to the ship. Comet and Sam trudged the rest of the way behind them in silence.
No sooner had they got on deck than Goldstar yawned extravagantly.
“Well, I think I’ll go for a little nap. You don’t mind if I take your cabin, do you, Patches?”
Without waiting for an answer he marched into Comet’s cabin and shut the door. Captain Comet stood opened-mouthed, then, realising the crew were watching him, tried to laugh it off.
“Yes, yes, of course,” he called, “just like we agreed earlier…” Comet was trying his best to sound convincing.
Sam looked at his captain. “I reckon he’s up to something,” he said.
Comet nodded vigorously. “Aye, me heartie,” he said. “I’ve always thought there was something strange about him.”
Sam rolled his eyes. Comet was only suspicious now Goldstar had beaten him at bowling!
“Pity there’s no way of spying on him,” said Sam.
“Oh, but there is, me hearty,” said Comet, with a wicked smile. “I’ll show you.”
He took a quick look about and cleared his throat.
“Ah, Sam,” he said, just loud enough for other people to hear. “I, er, require your assistance to check the hold – make sure we’ve got enough grum and all that.”
“Aye, aye, Captain,” Sam replied and followed Comet down to the dark, dingy room at the back of the boat where they kept all the grum.
“There’s a secret passage from here to my cabin,” Comet explained. “It’s handy if I ever get thirsty in the middle of the night.”
“But the grum store is meant to be triple locked – no one is allowed in here by themselves!” said Sam.
Comet froze for a moment. “Erm, did I say ‘thirsty’?” he stammered. “I meant to say ‘worried’. You know, that someone was breaking in to, er, steal some. Slip of the grum – I mean tongue. Yes. Slip of the, er, tongue. Anyway, shall we get on?”
Without waiting for an answer, Comet went over to a barrel in the far corner of the room and popped off the top. Then he climbed inside and disappeared. Sam peered in and saw that inside the barrel was a hole, just big enough for Comet to squeeze through. He clambered inside and followed. There was a narrow tunnel ahead of him, mainly filled with Comet’s disappearing bottom. Sam crept forwards until he reached the captain. Above him was a trapdoor, which Comet carefully prised open a notch. A slither of light illuminated his face and the sound of Goldstar’s voice filled the tunnel. Sam squatted below the captain, looking up.
“What’s going on?” Sam asked.
“I don’t believe it!” Comet hissed as he peered into the room.
“What?” Sam asked in a whisper.
“He’s got his muddy boot on my pillow,” Comet grumbled. “And he’s wearing my dressing gown. And he’s got my ceremonial wig on!” Comet was outraged. “That’s for captains, that is!”
“But what’s happening?” Sam asked again.
“He’s talking to someone on my holoscreen,” said Comet. “Here, have a look.”
Sam tried squeezing alongside and for
an uncomfortable moment got his face wedged in Comet’s armpit. Eventually he managed to catch a glimpse into the cabin. He could see Goldstar’s boot and peg-leg propped up as he lay stretched out on Comet’s bed.
“I reckons you’re right, big brother,” Goldstar replied. There was a laugh from the holoscreen.
Sam thought there was something familiar about that laugh. He was sure he’d heard it somewhere before. It was a horrible, cruel kind of a sound.
“Who’s he talking to?” asked Sam.
“I don’t know, I can’t see the screen,” Comet hissed in reply, “but I don’t think it’s good – my moustache is starting to twitch.”
Sam cautiously pushed the wooden trapdoor a little higher. A familiar face filled the huge holoscreen.
It was a great bearded pirate, with a foul beast, half-spacerat, half-parrot, perched on his shoulder. Behind him stood a tattooed, one-horned Minocerous.
The Minocerous was huge. He wore a scary-looking necklace made from the bones of some poor creature, an open waistcoat over his bare chest and he was carrying a large, gleaming cutlass.
Comet gasped loudly, and Goldstar turned. Sam quickly dropped the trapdoor.
“Was that…?” Comet whispered.
“Yes!” Sam nodded. “Goldstar was talking to…”
“Black-Hole Beard and his evil first mate, Yarr!” they said together.
Sam and Comet crawled backwards as fast as they could until they were back at the grum store. Suddenly everything became clear to Sam.
“I knew there was something about his hair – it’s exactly the same as Black-Hole Beard’s beard!” he said.
“I can’t believe it,” muttered Comet. “Goldstar is Black-Hole Beard’s little brother! You were right about him all along. That slimy star-swindler! That galaxy gnuggleshooter! Well, we’ll teach him to mess with the Jolly Apollo!”
