Loving Rowan

by Ariadne Wayne

  “I thought maybe we could play hooky tomorrow,” I said, “and spend the day at home together.”

  She grinned.

  “Perhaps you should say that to her when you’re not in front of the boss,” said Dad. He laughed. “Enjoy a day off together, you two. I think you’ve earned it. Just drop the van back at some point.”

  I nodded. “Thanks, Dad.”

  Rowan climbed into the van. I turned to Dad. “I’ll see you some time tomorrow.”

  “Take your time. Your wife needs you, Kyle. She’s more important than anything else.”

  It was a quiet drive home, and the large front seat of the van came in handy as Rowan snuggled up as close as her seatbelt would permit.

  “You okay?” I asked her, just wanting to get home and cuddle up in bed together. I hadn’t realised quite how tired I was until we’d left.

  “She’s really pretty, isn’t she?”

  “Who?” It took a moment to click as to what she was talking about. “Amy?”

  “Yes.” There was that little voice again. I knew her so well now that I recognised she was upset about something, or that there was something she was worried about bringing up.

  “I guess. Not as pretty as you.”

  She rubbed up against me, and I knew she was holding back.

  “Rowan, if you are bothered by her, don’t be. She’s nuts. If I never see her again, I’m not worried.”

  She put her hand on my arm. “I know.”

  I slowed down as we pulled up to the house, turning into the driveway. Removing my seatbelt, I put my arms around her. “I love you.”

  “I know,” she whispered.

  “Wanna make out in Dad’s van?”

  She laughed loudly, and I stroked her face, tilting it towards me so I could kiss her. “I think we should go inside and order pizza. We can eat it in bed and watch some junky television show,” she said.

  I pouted.

  “Oh, and make out.” She grinned before pursing her lips for a kiss.

  “Anything my wonderful wife wants.”

  I made sure to slip the old tongue in for effect.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  Kyle

  I thought we would have a few months to get over what had happened, get ready to move on, but Rowan was pregnant again in the first month.

  Rowan’s pregnancy was a thing of beauty, at first, at least. She had minimal morning sickness, and although she worried after the miscarriage that she would have problems, everything went smoothly.

  I watched my wife develop curves where she’d never had them before. She was beautiful regardless, but I loved watching the changes in her as our baby grew.

  Before she got too far along, we found a house. My apartment wasn’t small, but it wasn’t the best place for a baby to live. Dad had promised to help us out, and despite being resigned to maybe taking months to find something, Rowan found the perfect place pretty much straight away.

  There were four bedrooms, a big garage and backyard. But the thing that really sold her was the apple tree in the middle of the back lawn. I think it reminded her of her own childhood. She was happy, and that was all that really mattered.

  Her proudest moment was finishing the nursery, ready for the little girl we were having. Rowan had been the one who’d wanted to find out what we were having. I didn’t care, but the thought of having a daughter as amazing as her mother kept an almost permanent grin on my face.

  In the evenings, we would sit together on our couch, while Rowan knitted tiny booties and mittens. Life couldn’t get any sweeter.

  The first two trimesters were fantastic. Rowan bloomed, glowing with good health and happiness. After the first few months had passed and we were out of the danger zone, she relaxed into it. I’d never been so much in love with her.

  Towards the end, Rowan began to struggle. All the energy seemed to drain out of her, and she often just wanted to sleep. Dad saw how tough it was, and told her to finish up at work early. Always stubborn, she pushed on, and despite her protests, I installed a couch in her office. It wasn’t long before I found her in the middle of the afternoon, fast asleep.

  Her feet were so swollen at the end of the day, and she would grumble while I made her sit with them up in the air. I kept her wanting for nothing, although it frustrated the hell out of her that she couldn’t do more.

  Finally, with escalating blood pressure in the last few weeks, the doctors told her to stop working and put her feet up. Her arms were so sore, and the knitting she’d loved in the early days now made her hands ache. She had pregnancy carpal tunnel, and some of the things she’d been working on for our baby now sat unfinished, her hands too painful to continue.

  She had gone from this happy, glowing woman to cranky and miserable within a few weeks. I hated what this was doing to her. Worse yet were the new body issues she’d had. Always so sensitive about her thin frame, now she would rub her belly and complain about feeling fat. But then, she was swollen from retaining water and didn’t look much like herself anymore.

  When she woke up with blurry vision three weeks before the baby was due, that was it. She was straight in to hospital where they could evaluate her for induction. As far as I was concerned, the sooner this baby was out of her the better. She was far enough along that it didn’t matter, and all I wanted was for them both to be healthy. Right now, I was scared.

  I paced the room, while Rowan watched me, bemused. “Shouldn’t I be the one stressing out?”

  “What?”

  “Well, you’re the one getting wound up. I’m the one sitting quietly here.” She smiled.

  “I just want them to make a decision. I want you and the baby to be safe.”

  She held out her hands for me to take. “Kyle, I’m in the best possible place to be taken care of. Come and sit down. Hopefully they’ll decide to induce and we’ll meet our little girl soon. I really don’t think I’m going home without her.”

  I squeezed her hands, taking a deep breath. “You’re right. You’re always right.”

  Rowan laughed. “I don’t know about that, but I do know that the only thing we can do is wait.” Even at this point, she was somehow the more logical and calm of the two of us.

  As if on cue there was a tap on the door, and the doctor came in, Rowan’s chart in hand.

  “We have the blood tests back, and they all point to pre-eclampsia. So, the next course of action is induction. Let’s get that baby out and get you back to being healthy.”

  She smiled at us and Rowan leaned her head on my shoulder. “See? It’ll all be over soon.”

  “Yes, oh wise one,” I said, bending my head to rest on hers.

  The whole procedure seemed pretty straightforward, but it still took time. I sat at Rowan’s side, giving her sips of water, talking to her, and wiping her brow for hours. She was stronger than I’d ever seen her, braving every contraction with the determination I loved.

  From the evening when they started, she went all through the night. I could see her struggle with the pain, and grit her teeth, determined to just get through it. I would have given anything to take the hurt in myself, to ease her burden, to give her peace for just a little while.

  And right at the moment I thought she couldn’t be any more brave, I had two girls to love and take care of as Rowan gave birth to our daughter.

  Our daughter.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  Kyle

  I was so overwhelmed seeing her pain and joy at the birth of our child, all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and kiss her. It wasn’t my turn, though. Our baby was placed on her chest, with warm towels to cover her up, and Rowan and I both fell in love.

  She was beautiful, with big blue eyes and tufts of blonde hair. Somewhere deep down inside, I fought the thought that she wasn’t mine, that somehow Andrew had fathered this child. Where had the blonde hair come from? The thought of that made me sick to my stomach, but I swallowed it as I kissed Rowan and this beautiful little newcomer to our lives.<
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  Rowan was so affectionate. She stroked the baby’s head while squeezing my hand, saying all the right things, like how much she loved both of us. How we were a family.

  Were we? Was there something she hid from me? I knew I was her first, but had he squirmed his way back into her life behind my back? I didn’t want to be suspicious, but I couldn’t help it. He was like this insidious parasite, ready to latch on as soon as he had any opportunity.

  “Kyle?” Rowan looked up at me with so much love in her eyes, I felt guilty for ever thinking that way. Today we had become parents. Holy crap, I was a dad. I don’t think anyone ever thought I’d have kids, let alone be married and blissfully happy about it.

  The nurses took us to a private room, where the three of us could spend time together to bond. Rowan was just amazing. I’d gone to ante-natal classes with her, but she was on a whole other level to me. She knew just how to hold the baby, and with some help, feed the baby. I watched as she rocked our daughter in her arms, instinctively knowing just what to do. In comparison I felt clumsy.

  “You should hold her, Kyle. I’m sure she would love a cuddle with Daddy,” she said, smiling at me.

  Still unsure, I held my arms out and she passed the tiny bundle to me. Those big blue eyes looked up at me now, and I smiled as I studied the little face. She had a tiny button nose; it was just too hard to not fall in love with her.

  She was so precious, so small and fragile, and she captured my heart. Just as her mother had.

  Are you mine?

  I felt so guilty even thinking that.

  “She has your eyes,” Rowan said.

  “Don’t all babies have blue eyes?”

  She laughed. “I don’t know if all do. But I think she is going to. Just like her daddy.”

  ~

  Her parents arrived later in the day, and I excused myself to get some fresh air. My mind kept going back to the blonde hair, just like Andrew’s. She was a baby, though; maybe that was something she would grow out of. I didn’t know, it was all so confusing.

  I stopped to get a cold drink before finding a seat outside the hospital. I watched cars pull up to drop off patients, and parents leaving with their babies. It was a beautiful sunny day with just a hint of a breeze, and the fresh air was helping clear my head.

  Surely Rowan would be honest with me if this baby wasn’t my child. She’d spent her whole life wanting to be with him; if she’d had the opportunity then why did she marry me?

  “Kyle.” Rowan’s dad came up behind me. “I figured I’d leave the ladies to talk and get some fresh air with you. Are you okay?”

  I didn’t know what to say. “I’ll be fine. It’s just been a long day, and we have so much to think about now.”

  He sat down on the bench beside me. “That little girl up there is very lucky that she has two parents who love each other as much as you and Rowan. I have to admit, when we first met, I wondered what a big city boy wanted with my girl. She’s so sweet and naive at times. You’re a good man, Kyle Warner. I couldn’t ask for anyone better to love her.”

  I looked up at him, and he had this big grin on his face, as if he’d won the lottery.

  “This is your first grandchild.”

  He nodded. “Sure is, from my youngest girl. How backwards is that?”

  “That’s really cool.” I couldn’t tell him what I’d been thinking. Everything seemed so screwed up. I looked back down at the juice bottle in my hand. I should grab one for Rowan on my way back.

  “There’s something bugging you. I could see it when I walked in that room. What’s going on, Kyle. Are you two okay?”

  “It’s just stupid. I never thought our baby would be blonde. Maybe if she had married Andrew instead …”

  He nodded, slapping me on the back. “Do you know that when we had Rowan, she had all this fine, blonde hair? I was sure I had a cuckoo in my nest. She grew out of it, and so will that little girl up there.”

  I laughed. “Thanks. I really needed that.”

  “She’s not the type to cheat, Kyle. No matter what happens. I’ve never seen her so miserable than when you two were apart. You don’t have anything to worry about from Andrew Carmichael. Rowan wouldn’t look twice at him now.”

  “I love her so much.”

  “I know you do, Son. When you two are together, it’s written all over your face. That’s why I trust you with her heart. I know you won’t put her through more crap. Now, come on, let’s go see this daughter of yours again.”

  We walked back up to the ward in silence, no more words needing to be said.

  Rowan’s mother stood in the hallway, baby in her arms, and a look on her face that I’ll never forget. I ran to her, looking into the room as she did and seeing the medical staff surrounding Rowan’s bed.

  “What happened?”

  She looked at me, tears on her cheeks, and I felt my stomach sink into my knees as she tried to find the words.

  “We were just sitting talking, and Rowan said she felt funny. She had some type of fit. I called for help, and one of the nurses fetched a doctor. I came out here to get out of their way.”

  I walked through the door and the doctor looked up as I entered the room. He opened his mouth to say something.

  “I’m her husband,” I said, making my way to her side. Her eyes were closed and my heart skipped a beat looking at her, she looked as though she was sleeping quietly. “What’s happened?”

  “She’s had a preeclamptic seizure. We’ll monitor her and get her onto some medication to help prevent this happening again,” the doctor said.

  She looked so peaceful, and I felt like crap for leaving the room, especially over something so stupid. There was no way she would ever be with anyone else. Not my Rowan.

  Her eyes flickered open, and she looked confused by the people around the bed. She squeezed my hand. “What’s going on?”

  “Rowan, you had a seizure. We’ll be keeping a close eye on you, and giving you medication to prevent it from happening again. You’ll be in hospital for a few more days at least, and when you do go home we’ll organise a care plan for you.” The doctor smiled at her. “You’ll be well looked after, even though I know you must want to go home now.”

  “My baby,” she said, trying to see where the baby was.

  “Your mum has her; she was in the corridor when I came back in. She’s safe, babe.”

  “I want to see her.” She was struggling to push herself up, desperate to see our daughter.

  I went out to the corridor, smiling at Rowan’s mum. “She’s had a preeclamptic seizure. She’s fine now, but she wants to see the baby.”

  She held her out to me, and I took my precious little girl in my arms. She gazed at me with those big blue eyes—my eyes. As if she could ever be anyone’s but mine.

  “Hey you, let’s go see your mum.” I looked up at Rowan’s parents. “Once that lot have cleared out, come back in. There’s not much room in there right now.”

  Her mother breathed a sigh of relief, closing her eyes as Rowan’s father put his hand on her shoulder. This whole thing must have been as terrifying for them as it was me.

  I kissed the baby on her forehead. “Come on, princess.”

  Rowan lit up as I sat back down beside her. “There she is,” she said. “She looks content in your arms.”

  “She’s so new, Rowan. She’d be happy wherever she was.”

  “What are we going to call her?”

  The doctor, midwife and nurse filed out, leaving us alone for just a moment.

  “I don’t know. We made that huge list.” I nuzzled her nose with my own. This beautiful creature we had made.

  “Look at you, Mr I’m So Staunch I’m Not Going To Fall Apart When I See My Child.”

  Her mum and dad rejoined us as the three of us cuddled together. This was just awesome.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  Kyle

  Leaving her in the hospital was hard. Her parents went to our place to settle in for a few days, w
hile I stayed as late as I was allowed to. I had hoped that this would be the only night we’d be apart, but it seemed we’d have to wait a few days to be at home together.

  I got home, ready to collapse into bed, and the house smelled of dinner. Rowan’s mother had cooked, and was waiting to feed me. I loved being part of her family. My father was in the living room with Rowan’s dad; they were laughing together like old friends, and I stood and watched them for a while before joining them.

  “How’s it going?” Dad asked. “How are Rowan and the baby?”

  I grinned, pulling out my phone to show him pictures. He smiled, shaking his head at the screen. “She looks like a real mix of you both. I’m sure that’s Rowan’s nose and your eyes. Look at all that hair. She’s beautiful, Kyle. Well done.”

  “You have to come and see her at the hospital. They won’t be home for a few days, so go and see Rowan. I’ll probably be there every waking moment anyway.”

  “That’s why we need to keep you fed and looked after.” Rowan’s mother came in with a huge plate of food, and I stuffed myself silly while they all talked and fussed over the photos.

  Rowan and I hadn’t spent a night apart since our wedding. The bed was so empty. I missed being curled up with her, her warm body pressed against mine as we spooned all night.

  I even missed her cold feet against my calves. I just missed her.

  There was nothing more I wanted now than to grow old with Rowan, surrounded by our children. I guess seeing the birth of your child makes you sentimental in that way. That’s what it did for me. I had a cold bed, but a warm heart, filled with love for my wife and child.

  I couldn’t wait for them to come home, to hold Rowan in my arms at night again. My phone vibrated on the nightstand and I grinned as I saw what Rowan had sent me.

  It was a selfie of her cradling our baby with one arm, breastfeeding her as she smiled for the camera. I didn’t know if she was showing off her newfound abilities or just letting me know they were okay.