Deepest Book 2 ebook EPUB

by Thomas, C. M

  “No, make the statement. Then I hope that we can have some time to get to know each other again. And for you to get to know Alana. I want this and you. But I just don’t think I realized just how much our world would change.” She closed her eyes. I held her close to me and gave her a hug.

  “It’s okay to be scared. I’m kind of used to seeing my face or my brothers on the front of magazines. I never read them or the comments, because I’m sure that not all of them are pleasant. And I know that the press will spin the story so they make more money. So just promise me that if you read something, to come and ask me first. Don’t make assumptions just from what the press says or writes.”

  “I promise. It’s not like I’ve believed much of what they have written about you before. I know you, and your brothers. I know the person behind the facade. At least, I used to.”

  “Hey. I haven’t changed that much. I’m still me, just richer and better-looking.” I grinned and winked at her.

  “Shut up.” She grinned and slapped me on the chest. But I made her laugh, which was the goal. I hated seeing her this sad and scared.

  “Sorry to interrupt, but I think Alana is getting tired.” I looked up at my mom. She was standing by the door with Alana in her arms. Alana was almost asleep. We got up and said a quick goodbye to everyone before we walked back to my house.

  “I don’t want to wake her up,” Evie said while looking down at Alana. We stood outside my house beside her car. Alana was sleeping in her stroller.

  “Then don’t. Stay here tonight. I will make up the guest room for you if you want. Or you can have my bed and I will sleep on the couch.”

  “Don’t you think it’s too soon? I mean, what will she say when she wakes up here, with both of us?” She looked up at me.

  “I don’t think she would mind. And if it’s too soon, then that’s okay too. I just wanted to give you the option.” I wanted her to stay here. Wanted to hold her while we slept. But I understood if she was not ready. I wasn’t even sure I was. I just knew that deep down I wanted her to stay and I wanted Alana to stay.

  “We will stay. But don’t think that I will kick you out of your bed. You can sleep there, and I will take the couch.” That was not going to happen, but I didn’t want to argue with her out here. We walked inside, and I moved Alana’s stroller down to the room next to the master bedroom. The room I wanted to be hers. The bed, which my dad found in the attic earlier today, was already in the room. Zane and Caleb had it with them when they came here this morning. I found some blankets before I lifted Alana out of her stroller and into the bed. She stirred a little, but she didn’t wake up. I walked out of the room, leaving the door slightly open. That way we could hear her if she woke up.

  When I walked back into the living room, Evie was standing looking out the window. I just stood by the door looking at her. Admiring her. She was going to be mine again, and this time for forever. I tried to tell myself to take this slow, but I wanted her more than anything. I wanted the three of us to be a family. For us to build a life here, together. Too much time had already been taken from us; I didn’t want to miss another day with my girls here.

  She would be mine again, sooner rather than later if I had anything to say about it.

  Chapter 11 :

  Evie

  After Liam took Alana to her room—he called it that—I walked over to the big windows in his living room and just looked outside. Not at anything special, I just let my mind drift. So many things happened the last month, I just couldn’t keep track anymore. I felt so overwhelmed and scared, that I didn’t know what to do. Liam kept telling me that everything would be okay and that he would be here. And I knew he was telling the truth.

  Then how come I don’t really believe him anyway? I asked myself. He had the band, and everything that came with that, good and bad. The whole thing about the paparazzi scared the crap out of me. I knew the band had a team of professionals around them to help in situations like this. But how would it affect us as a family?

  Pull yourself together, Evie. You, Liam, and Alana are not a family, at least not yet. I wanted it more than anything, but I just wasn’t sure Liam wanted it. Even though he kept telling me he wanted us to be a family, my lack of confidence was holding me back from believing what he was telling me over and over again.

  He didn’t need me anymore. I was not the same girl. The girl who had a great body with no curves. While I knew that I wasn’t near perfect before I got pregnant, I knew that my body was much trimmer and prettier before. Now I had more curves, the skin on my stomach was a little looser, I still had stretch marks, and my breasts were not as firm and in place as they were before.

  I was just not the same anymore. I was a mom first. Always. I just didn’t want to fall in love with him all over again, and then have him leave me because I wasn’t pretty enough or just not good enough for him. I always thought that I was not good enough for him, so that was nothing new. But I didn’t feel pretty anymore, at least not like I used to. I didn’t give a shit about how I looked, I just wore what felt comfortable. I really was nothing like a potential girlfriend to a rock star.

  I tried hard to not get any feeling for him. But I already knew that I loved him as much as I always had. I knew he could break my heart. And he would. Because I didn’t believe that I would ever be enough for him. Not anymore. He would have Alana in his life, always. But at some point he would find someone else. I was sure of it. I was kind of surprised he hadn’t already. It had been three years.

  “What are you thinking about so hard, Sunshine?” I didn’t even hear him come into the room. I turned around and saw that he was standing by the door, looking at me.

  “You. Me. Us. Alana. Everything,” I said, trying to be honest with him.

  He came over to me and gave me a hug. “Want to talk about it?” he asked while still holding me in his arms. His chin rested on my head.

  “I don’t know. You might run away if you hear it.” I closed my eyes and rested my head against his chest. This was what I was afraid of. Opening up to him, telling him how I felt. What if he didn’t feel the same? What if he really didn’t want to be with me? I knew he said he did. But I still didn’t believe that.

  “I won’t. How about we go over and sit on the couch, we can watch a movie if you like. Or we can talk. It’s up to you.” He looked down at me, smiling.

  I took his hand and started walking. But I didn’t want to talk in the living room. I walked down the hall to his bedroom; I wanted to be close to Alana. And to him. I let go of his hand and went over to the bed. I sat down and rested my back on the headboard of the bed. Liam stood for a second looking at me. I smiled at him, and that was everything it took for him to come and sit beside me on the bed. He pulled me close and wrapped his arm around me. I rested my head on his chest. I felt home here, safe.

  “I’m afraid,” I blurted out. It pretty much covered everything.

  “Of what, Sunshine? Me? Us? The press? Please talk to me.” His hand was stroking slowly up and down my back. It relaxed me.

  “All of that. I’m afraid to fall in love with you again. That you won’t feel the same. That I’m not good enough for you anymore. That you want Alana in your life but not me. I’m jealous of my daughter because she gets your attention and love.” I started crying. I hated crying and it seemed like all I did was cry, at least for the last couple of days. Actually, I’d cried a lot since the moment my parents took me to Crossroads.

  “Why wouldn’t you be good enough for me? I though we worked past that years ago. And I’m pretty sure that I feel exactly the same for you that you do for me. I haven’t been with another girl since you. Never wanted to. I wanted you, Evie, not anyone else. So please believe that you are everything I want.” He kissed my forehead and held me close.

  “But I changed. My body is not the same as before. I have stretch marks, curves, and just not the same trimmed body that
I used to. I don’t look as pretty anymore; I’m not giving any thoughts to what I wear. As long as I’m comfortable. I’m just not a pretty girl anymore.” You would think that at some point there would be no more tears, but I didn’t think my body would ever run out of tears.

  “Come here.” I looked up at him. He gestured for me to come sit on his lap. I did what he wanted; I moved over so I sat sideways on his lap. He held me close, one arm around my back and the other resting in my lap, holding my hands. I rested my head against his chest.

  “I don’t care how you look. And the changes to your body are because of that beautiful little girl in there.” He pointed to the room Alana was sleeping in. “Don’t say you’re not pretty anymore. You are. Actually, I think you’re gorgeous. I don’t care what you wear, never did, never will. I want you to be you, not some doll who just dresses up to please everyone around her. If you want to dress up, that’s fine with me. But it has to be because you want it.”

  “But you haven’t seen my body since I gave birth to Alana. It’s changed a lot,” I argued.

  “I’m sure it has. But again, I don’t care. I want you. All of you. Just the way you are. I want the mother of my girl. I want Evie. I want you, Sunshine.” I looked up at him. “And just so you know, I would take all your clothes off right here right now if I knew it would help convince you. But I know it won’t. I know you. You need time to process this, and that’s okay too. But can I hold you tonight? Sleep next to you?”

  “I would like that.” I smiled at him. He gave me a small kiss on the top of my head. I didn’t know how long we sat like this. But at some point, we got up and got ready for bed. I borrowed one of his T-shirts to sleep in. Just lying in bed next to him was amazing. I just hoped we could work through all my insecurities. Together. I wanted us together, to be a family, the three of us. I fell asleep quickly, maybe because I felt safe. I don’t know.

  “Mommy,” I heard Alana scream. It took me a second or two to figure out where I was. In Liam’s bed.

  “I will get her, stay here.” Liam was already out of bed before I got a chance to say anything. I’d slept in Liam’s bed last night. In his arms. I couldn’t help but smile. I didn’t think I’d slept this well since I gave birth to Alana. Who was I kidding? I hadn’t slept this well since the last time I slept next to Liam.

  “See, baby girl? Your mommy is right here,” Liam said when he walked into his bedroom again, now with Alana in his arms. She almost jumped out of his arms and down to me in the bed.

  “Morning, baby. You sleep well?” I kissed her and held her close. Liam came back to the bed too, lying down beside us.

  “Yes. Mommy sleep here with Daddy?” Alana looked from me to Liam and back again.

  “Yes, Mommy slept here with daddy. Is that okay?” I asked her. She moved around between us before she sat down so she could see the both of us. She rested her head on Liam’s hip. He was lying on his side, facing us.

  “Mm. ‘Kay.” She looked like she was thinking really hard right now. She was adorable when she did that, with her eyebrows slightly raised. “Me sleep here too?”

  “Yes, you slept in your new room in daddy’s house,” I said. Liam just looked at the two of us with a smile on his face. His hair was a mess, and he still looked tired. I guessed he had to get used to getting up this early in the mornings. I didn’t know what time it was, but knowing our daughter, it was probably around six in the morning. “What time is it?” I asked Liam.

  “Almost eight. I though you said she was an early riser?” He raised his eyebrow a little.

  “Seriously? I don’t think she has ever slept that long in the morning. It was the same thing yesterday. Normally a good day is if she first wakes up at seven.” I looked at Alana. “I guess they really did use up all her energy last night. You have fun, baby girl? At Grandma and Grandpa’s?”

  “Yea. Where is Bear?” Alana looked around in the room. Bear did not sleep in here last night. I didn’t know where he was.

  “Bear,” Liam called out for him. Moments later, Bear came walking into the bedroom. He came over to the end of the bed and looked up at us. “He isn’t allowed to come up on the bed, but I guess this is a special day. The first morning with my girls.” Liam smiled and winked at me. “Come on.” He clapped on the bed and Bear took that as a sign for him to jump up to us. He really was big when he came up on the bed like that. Alana was thrilled. She grinned and moved towards Bear and hugged him.

  “Morning, Bear,” she said, kissing him on the top of his head. She was so little beside him. But she didn’t seem to think so. She just crawled to him and rested her head against him. “Mommy. Me love Bear.”

  “I know. I think he slept in your room last night?” It was more of a question to Liam than to her.

  “He did. I almost fell over him when I went to get her before,” Liam said.

  “I though he always slept in here with you.”

  “Normally, he does. But I guess she is more important than me now.” He tried to look sad, but failed. He was just one big smile.

  “Maybe so. But you are kind of important to me and her, just so you know.” I smiled at him.

  “You two are kind of important for me too. You sleep okay?” He took my hand. I didn’t think Alana even noticed that we just lay here talking. She was busy talking to her dolly and Bear. I was sure their conversation was very interesting.

  “I did. I haven’t slept this well in what seems like forever,” I said honestly.

  “I’m glad. I really slept well also. No nightmares.” I looked at him. I didn’t know he had nightmares.

  “You normally have those?”

  “I do. Since you left.”

  “I’m sorry.” I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to cause him any pain.

  “Don’t be. Not your fault, Sunshine. Do I get a morning kiss?” He winked at me. Before I got a chance to react, Alana came crawling towards us and gave him a big kiss.

  “Morning, Daddy.” She looked at me and gave me a kiss. “Morning, Mommy.”

  “Morning, baby girl,” I said one more time. “Guess you got your kiss.” I grinned at him.

  “Don’t think so. Come here.” He reached over and gave me a kiss.

  “Again, Daddy.” Alana grinned and clapped her hands.

  “I guess I didn’t do it good enough the first time.” He smiled before he kissed me again. “Morning, Sunshine.”

  We stayed in bed for another hour. Alana was watching some cartoon and petting Bear. Liam and I just sat and talked. It felt like we had done this always. Not at all like it was the first time. Liam’s phone rang, and he looked at it.

  “I got to answer this. It’s Anna,” he said before he answered the phone. “Good morning, Anna.” I rested my head on his shoulder while he talked to her. His body tensed, and I looked at him. “Hold on, I’m just putting you on speaker.” He put the phone on speaker. “Continue.”

  “I don’t know how this happened, Liam, but someone leaked the story to the media. They don’t know Evie or Alana’s names. But it’s all over the tabloids that you are a baby daddy.” I looked over at Alana. She didn’t hear this, thank God.

  “How is that even possible? The only people other than family that knows this are Logan’s people. Did you talk to him?” Liam tried not to let his anger out on Anna. But he was angry, I could feel the way his hold on me was tightening.

  “I did. He is looking into it as we speak. But we need to make a statement fast. I still think we should do what we talked about last night. I’ve already written it; do you want to read it before I send it out?”

  “As long as my name and Alana’s aren’t in there, I don’t need to read it,” I said while looking at Liam.

  “What about you, Liam?” Anna asked.

  “Just send it out. But I want to know who did this. It’s one thing to spread rumors and stories about me and my brothe
rs. But this is my child. I don’t care that the story is true. I want to know who did this.” Liam was angry. And I understood him. I should be too, but I thought I was in shock.

  I really thought that the plan we made last night was good. And of course, it still was. But who would do this? I knew that none of the Camdens did it. I had no family left, so it didn’t come from there, either. The people back at Crossroads didn’t know who Alana’s father was. Nor did his name appear on her birth certificate. I wanted to change that. But when she was born, my dad told the doctor that she didn’t have a father. They didn’t ask me about it after that. The only thing they didn’t get to decide was her name. That was all me. I didn’t think even my parents knew her full name. Neither did Liam. I would wait until he asked.

  “I know. Zane is really angry too. But I will do what I can. I do think the leak is from Logan’s office. But I will see what he says when he calls me back. I will talk to you later.”

  “Okay. Thanks for calling,” Liam said.

  “Of course. See you around. Give Alana a kiss from me and Zane.”

  “Zay.” Alana jumped over to the phone when she heard his name. “Zay, Zay.” I heard some crinkling through the phone and then Anna saying something to Zane.

  “Morning, pretty girl,” Zane said.

  “Morning, Zay.” Alana grinned and took the phone out of Liam’s hand.

  “Did you sleep at daddy’s last night?” he asked her.

  “Yea, Mommy did too.”

  “She did?” I could hear the joy in his voice. He was so nosey.

  “I did,” I said. Liam held his arm around me and pulled me closer.

  “Told Cole you two couldn’t stay away from each other,” Zane said.

  “Toddler present, brother,” Liam snapped. That just made Zane laugh even more.

  “I know. Why do you think I wrapped it in like that? Remember who I am. I would have used some other words if it were just you and me.” I was sure he would’ve.