Dying to Return (The Station #3)

by Trish Marie Dawson

  “Good, good. It’s been business as usual here at the Station. You were gone for some time though, I was beginning to wonder about you,” he says.

  “Really? It wasn’t long on my side. I mean, it didn’t feel long. Days, a week maybe?”

  “I couldn’t tell you exactly from our side, dear. As you have pointed out many times, we have no clocks here. But your friends, all except for one, have each been on multiple assignments. At least this time when they return, I won’t have to dash their hope that you are waiting for them.”

  Several assignments? Even if each case was a bare minimum of three months, which is unlikely, that could easily be a year’s worth of time.

  How long did it take for me to travel back and forth with you, Rush?

  Time doesn’t turn here, you know that.

  Yeah, I get that. I mean, the time I’m used to, on Earth…even Ryan said it had been years.

  He stiffens beside me just as we leave the narrow hall and merge into the larger one, where people bustle about in every direction.

  Let’s not talk about him. I’m still angry you wouldn’t allow me to snuff him out of existence.

  It’s not your way, and you know it. Now, answer the question. Please.

  I ignore his piercing gaze and smile at the people I bump shoulders with. Each passerby looks over at our trio quizzically with their minds wide open, wondering who I am and why I’m smiling at them. These are my people.

  Piper, I’m not sure. I guess it would be something like seven of your years, if I’ve done the arithmetic correctly, but much time had already passed before you left with me.

  “Seven years?” I’ve stopped dead in my tracks to gape at Rush.

  You really want to have this conversation out loud right now, right here?

  I give him my best Piper-glare and bite my lower lip. I slam my mind up and bolt down the entrance like Fort Knox, efficiently restricting him access. An iron taste fills my mouth and I reach up to find the inside of my lip bloody. Quickly I suck the blood away, hoping Niles won’t notice. I’m not ready to explain the whole ‘out of body, back in body’ experience to him. Especially since I’m not exactly sure how it happened myself.

  “So, Niles,” I shoot Rush a warning to keep his mouth shut, “What have you all been up to?”

  “Well, Mallory and Sloan implemented a system watching the departure room for you. I was actually taking up my own shift when I walked in. So, Sloan should be somewhere around here. I don’t imagine he went too far. He’s not taken an assignment since you left, you should know.” His faded grey hairs shift slightly forward as he leans toward me while speaking and I want to reach out and ruffle them.

  “Why not? Didn’t you say some time has passed?”

  “He was afraid you would return while he was out. So, after a considerable amount of time spent sulking, the other Mentors agreed that we should give him an alternate task here. Temporarily, of course. Ah, this way,” he says, steering us toward the Admissions Department.

  We step inside and make our way into the main lobby of the building, which has a large room of empty chairs except for three. My heart tightens as I look at the backs of the new arrivals. Today will be the worst day of their after-lives. Then I cringe, because Tight Bun Lady is behind the desk, shoving papers at a woman just a few short years older than I was when I died. The room chatters with thoughts, mostly coming in fractured pieces from the three newbies. Pain. Confusion. Anxiety. But even as the chatter reaches near-concert levels in my mind, a sultry voice finds its way through the noise.

  Sloan.

  He sits behind the furthest side of the desk, stamping documents in a daze. The thump of the little stamper echoes in my mind and I push the other speakers away, sorting them into a different part of my mind so I can focus only on Sloan. His thoughts aren’t muddled or frazzled. Just one question repeats itself over and over inside him, and tears instantly spring forward.

  ‘Where is she?’

  I’m here, Sloan. Right here.

  Niles is speaking to Rush when Sloan’s hand freezes mid-air and his head slowly lifts to look across the room. In the next second, he scrambles ungraciously over the desk and runs across the room, his face a myriad of heightened emotions. But just before we touch, before my arms wrap around his neck where I so badly want them to be, our eyes meet. It’s fleeting, the look of doubt he gives me, so brief that the others probably missed it, but I didn’t. For just a moment, Sloan knows Rush has changed me. That a small piece of me won’t ever return to him.

  ***

  First kisses can never be repeated. The butterfly sensation in your stomach, the happy panic that teases your nerve-endings, the wonder about what the taste and feel of the other person’s lips on yours will be like; none of it can be reproduced for a second time. But kisses that reunite lovers are almost as good. There’s a promise in those kinds of kisses, a promise that the kiss is only the beginning, and that more will follow. Unlike the first kiss, there’s no doubt or fear, just love. And a promise of more to come.

  That’s the way I feel when I finally pull away from Sloan. Our lips are flushed with that promise, our breathing is rapid for both of us, though for me it’s a real possibility that I might pass out from lack of proper oxygen.

  With our foreheads touching, Sloan whispers against my parted mouth, “Don’t ever leave like that again. I missed you so much, Piper. It almost killed me…a second time.”

  CHAPTER 13

  All along, I knew more about love than I thought. I’m not really sure what to think about the fact that I might possibly care for two different men so intensely. One that makes me feel safe and one that makes me feel alive. It’s as if seeing Sloan again confirmed two things: that I do love him without doubt, and that leaving Rush, or him leaving me, will hurt because I don’t want him to be gone. And I don’t know how to feel about that. Love is hard, even in the after-life.

  As Sloan and I catch up between kisses and hugs and laughs, Rush has vanished. He found something of importance to do with Niles and the other Mentors. So he wouldn’t have to see Sloan’s mouth on mine or his hands in my hair, I’m sure.

  “Piper, so much has happened here. I don’t even know where to start. But I want to know everything. What did he make you do?” Sloan’s blue eyes threaten to suck me into their depths, so I blink and look up at his dark waves instead.

  With a smile, I keep my voice calm, “He didn’t do anything to me that I didn’t want to do, Sloan. Sure, I didn’t want to leave at first, but where Rush comes from, what he is and the way his people are…I’ll forever be grateful for what he’s given me.”

  “Aside from that,” Sloan points at my one icy-blue eye, “What else has he given you. You aren’t engaged or something, are you?” Though he smiles, I know part of him is terrified I might just answer that question with a yes.

  “You know he wanted to train me to become a Seer, right?”

  Sloan nods, shifts around so he’s sitting more comfortably on the fountain ledge, and plays with my fingers in his hand.

  “Well, that’s what I did, though obviously the days there aren’t the same as they are here. I mean, I swear I was only on Dhara for a week or so.”

  “What’s Dhara?” Sloan asks.

  “Where Rush is from. And he’s not all bad, Sloan. I think he’s tough here because he has to be. But back home, he’s a normal guy. Like you.”

  “Ha. There’s nothing normal about that guy,” Sloan grimaces.

  “But he is. And he’s kind, and thoughtful, and really intelligent. Plus he’s right more often than he’s wrong. Which is infuriating, of course.”

  Sloan lets go of my hand and leans back an inch or so. “Do you like him?”

  “I don’t hate him anymore,” I smile, but it’s a weak gesture. “Look, Sloan, before we keep talking about this, I have to tell you something…well, more like explain something to you.”

  “I won’t like what you have to say, will I?” He inches even further awa
y.

  “The training worked.”

  “The Seer stuff?”

  “Yeah, it worked. The way that Rush can read our minds…that’s something I can do too. I’m not going to walk around advertising this. I just want you to know. And I want you to know I won’t violate you that way. Not again. At least not without your permission.” I sit still and wait for his reaction.

  “My permission? I don’t understand. Are you…in my head right now?”

  “No, that’s what I mean. I’ve shut you off, but it’s hard to do. The longer we’re together, the weaker my control gets. I guess I need to work on that. And I need to teach you to keep me out.” I laugh, as if Sloan will understand the humor. He clearly doesn’t.

  With his arms crossed, he frowns. “So he did do something to you. You’re like him now.”

  I shake my head, and when I lean toward him with my hand, he backs away, standing up from the fountain before I can touch him. “Sloan…wait.”

  “I can feel it, you know, his energy around you. It runs through your skin like a live wire. For some reason I thought that might be, you know, residual crap from traveling through space or something ridiculous like that. I can’t even believe I’m saying these words out loud, Piper. None of this makes sense. None of it.”

  “It’s a lot to take in, I know. Just give it some time, okay?”

  “Time? What do you think I’ve been doing here? Haven’t I already given you enough time?” He spins around and glares down at me. The feeling of anger from him pushes down on my mind. I told him I wouldn’t intrude, but I so badly want to hear his thoughts, his real thoughts right now.

  “This is what I’m meant to do. This is who I’m meant to be.” My voice is quiet, barely audible over the bubbly sound of the water behind me.

  “I thought you were meant to be here. I thought…I thought we were meant to be together.” A light fades from his eyes and I look away from him. I won’t cry. I won’t.

  “I am here. I’m back now. This is where I want to be.”

  “And what about him? Is he going to stay or go back to wherever the hell he’s from?”

  Now both of us stand with our arms crossed. It’s become a stare down. Defiance and confusion and irritation twirl around us like angry spirits. After several moments, I realize neither of us is willing to crack first under the pressure, so I nod at him and turn to walk away, saying over my shoulder, “I have things to do. I’m sure you do as well.”

  And then I walk away from Sloan with my head held high. He’ll never know about the tears that blur my vision. Never.

  ***

  I find Niles in the Consignment Department. He’s off in a corner talking to a group of boys in their late teens. They look too comfortable to be newbies, but whatever Niles is saying has their attention, so I don’t interrupt. I wander over to the enormous assignment board to check out the volunteers that are out on assignment. I find Mallory’s photo right away and my heart pinches. Kerry-Anne isn’t on the board, at least from what I’ve seen. I wonder where she is as I glance around the room.

  The buildings look nearly identical to the other Station, but the feel here isn’t the same at all. There are more familiar faces milling around than I thought I’d ever recognize, and though some smile at me and others frown, one constant emerges – each of them knows I’m different now. Not only can they sense it but they see it too. Though my aura is nothing as bright as Rush’s is, it shows here. I could see the slight shimmer of energy in my reflection at the fountain. As if my skin is brighter and outlined by sunlight. I feel the same when running my hands along my skin, and when I look down, there’s nothing unusual to see, but it is definitely there. A warm glow that I can’t wipe off.

  “That would be remnants of the bridge rubbing off on your now very active brain,” Rush whispers into my left ear.

  “Damn, don’t sneak up on me,” I gasp.

  “Sorry. But you were quite enraptured with checking yourself out,” he laughs.

  “I was not checking myself out…that sounds horrible.” I throw up a defiant face but that only makes him laugh harder.

  “I meant no harm. Things are new for you. It will take time to readjust.”

  “Time. That word means nothing and yet everything, doesn’t it?”

  With a side tilt of his head, Rush peers down at me, narrowing his eyes and working hard to get inside my mind. “What’s happened?”

  “Time,” I say sarcastically.

  “Is that all?”

  The tears won’t stay put, despite my persistent blinking, and I start crying. Right in the lobby. Rush takes me into his arms and lets me drain on his shirt. “Rush, I’m afraid he won’t want me anymore. He doesn’t like who I am now,” I sob into his chest.

  “Then he’s more of a fool than I first thought.” His words come out in puffs of air, like it hurts him to say them. But it hurts more to hear them.

  ***

  I sense Kerry-Anne before I see her. Rush has me wrapped tightly in his arms when the sisterly bond that I’ve formed with her warms me up, and then I hear her squeal in delight. Rush actually jumps against me, startled by the shrill outcry from across the room.

  “Kerry-Anne,” I whisper against his chest.

  “Piper?” She squeals my name while pushing past curious onlookers.

  Separating from Rush, I turn to see her arms outstretched, just a few feet away. The sight of her happy yellow dress and dark bob swells my heart. I know I missed her, but my tears bring on new meaning when we touch. Happy tears stream down my cheeks and land on her shoulder as we hug.

  “I knew you were here, I just knew it,” she says quietly.

  “I told you I’d come back.”

  Her glossy hair smells of the Station’s native fruit, and I resist the urge to stroke her head. So I bury my nose into her hair instead.

  When she looks up at me with her large almond-shaped eyes, the brown reflects some of me back in them. “You were gone for so long!”

  “I know. I’m sorry.”

  “Are you back now? I mean, for good?”

  I laugh, “For now.”

  “Yay, because I have to tell you something. And then you can tell me about that weird eye thing.” She pulls me aside and walks me out into the hall, and all I can do before we disappear is send a glance at Rush over my shoulder.

  Don’t leave, okay?

  I’ll wait here for you.

  His smile says it all. I have no doubt he’ll be standing in almost the same spot after Kerry-Anne and I have had a chance to catch up. The reality that Rush wants to wait for me, and Sloan walked away is conflicting. So I push it aside and enjoy the feel of the petite hand in mine and the constant babble of excited teenager-speak next to me as we wander toward the fountain. My head snaps down when Kerry-Anne pauses and mutters something under her breath.

  “I’m sorry…did you just say you’ve met someone?”

  She nods, trying to suppress a giggle.

  “Who?”

  I sit down hard on the fountain ledge, grimacing at the sting on my backside as Kerry-Anne fills me in on the time I’ve lost. She’s met a boy. A boy one year older than she, with short brown hair and coal-black eyes and a soft voice. She says his smile lights up whatever room he’s standing in, and that people stop to smile back at him. He’s kind and thoughtful and takes being a Volunteer seriously. And he has kissed her on the cheek twice now. Even in death, the innocence of first love has found her.

  Since words seem too hollow a reply, I hug her instead. She’s found happiness of her own here, something I could only wish for her. In the same thought, I realize Kerry-Anne will never grow up, not really. She’ll be stuck in her young teen body forever. Kisses on the cheek and holding hands while walking around the Station might be the extent of love for her. Never becoming a woman, never entering adulthood, never truly growing up, staying a kid for all time. Does she know this? Does she care? Should I?

  “What’s his name?”

  She bea
ms up at me, her cheeks flushed, her eyes wide and lively as she takes a deep breath, “Will.”

  And there it is. Kerry-Anne’s future, wrapped up in a name. I can feel the love, however young, oozing from her, even without reading her thoughts. In a way I want to meet him, so I can interrogate him, ask what his intentions are, just like an older sister would. But things are different here. It’s not my place. It’s not anyone’s place.

  “I’m so happy for you,” I say, embracing her in another hug.

  “So…are you going to tell me about what you did while you were away? Sloan was a mess, you know. He hasn’t taken any assignments, so he got stuck behind a desk. Oh my gosh, have you seen him yet?”

  I nod. “I have. It didn’t go so well.”

  “Oh.” Kerry-Anne hangs her head a bit, and picks at the bottom hem of her skirt. The thread is worn thin but won’t deteriorate here. Our clothing, just like our bodies, is meant to be in a forever state of sameness. Uhg.

  “It’s okay. I’m sure everything will be fine.”

  “I like your clothes,” she changes the subject.

  “They’re royal,” I laugh.

  “Royal?”

  Her eyes widen and I laugh. “Yep. Rush never told us he’s royalty. He’s like a prince. His sister dressed me.” I rub my hands down the soft material, missing Della.

  “He has a sister?”

  “Yep, and where he comes from there’s more than one sun, moons so close you can’t see all of them at one time and even a lake that changes color. People live hundreds of years and all have some sort of gift we would consider extraordinary.”

  “Like what?”

  “Mind readers, empaths that can control your feelings, telekinesis, all sorts of things really. I wasn’t there long enough to meet everyone,” I laugh.

  “But you were gone for so long!”

  “Time moves slowly on Dhara. And I guess traveling between here and there eats up a lot of time as well. If your head hurts, that’s okay. I was actually there and some of it still confuses me.”