Past Transgressions: A Russian Roulette Love Story

by Janae Keyes

  With a breath, I wiped my tears away and expertly moved to not wake Rae as I placed her head on the pillow. She shifted and her arms wrapped around the pillow snuggling her face onto the soft cushion.

  I escaped the room and went into the bathroom. My fingers flicked on the light and saw my reflection come to life in the mirror. Standing shirtless, I admired myself. I stood with my tattoos looking back at me, a reminder of my past transgressions. There were roman numeral numbers across my chest. They wrapped around to my back. These figures represented each man I’d killed in the name of the family, twenty-six in all. I’d add twenty-seven for Katya, twenty-eight, and twenty-nine for the men on the train. Last, thirty, for even though Rae wasn’t dead, I’d killed a little something inside of her that could never come back to life.

  I turned on the faucet and cupped some of the cold water in my hands before splashing my face. The nip of the cold water shocked me awake and back into my reality before I turned off the tap and took a towel into my hands. As I dried my face, I heard the distinct sound of a cell phone, the phone.

  Rushing back into the bedroom, I first looked to Rae who remained fast asleep, unaware of recent developments, and I needed it to stay that way, she needed her rest. Rae had been exhausted from the past day’s events, and she’d been ill, constantly complaining of nausea, and she’d vomited a few times.

  I retrieved the phone and found a message waiting. My instructions were simple enough, go to a restaurant at noon and tell the hostess I had a reservation under the name Adam Petrov.

  The thought did come to mind from Rae’s earlier question, could it be a trap, was Vadim playing me and sending me on this crazy chase, but that couldn’t be Maxim wouldn’t set me up and he’d never stoop down to working with Vadim.

  Rae moaned and turned over. She’d moved onto her stomach, her delicious ass in the air. Once I went to the meeting, and it was all set, I’d be sending her directly to the embassy. It was time for our goodbyes.

  Checking the clock, it was only after seven in the morning, and there was time for more rest, more time with my Kisska, and time to revel in those final moments of peace.

  I laid down in the uncomfortable and small bed before pulling Rae into my arms. She sighed, her nose pressing against my bare chest before her lips planted a soft kiss that sent a shiver down my spine. That girl was my life, my death, and my eternity.

  “Get more sleep, Kisska,” I whispered into her curly hair. She nodded and kissed my chest once last time.

  “It is coming to an end soon, isn’t it?” she asked, her small voice filled with anxiety.

  “Yes, I’m...sorry,” I whispered, my voice cracking. It was cruel of the universe to bring us together only to tear us apart.

  Rae had one simple instruction, don’t leave the hotel room under any circumstance. She had food, water, and a gun in case she needed it. I told her if she had to shoot, do it and run as fast as she could go.

  I thought of her as I stepped from the taxi and in front of the restaurant I was instructed to go to. I wondered if the kiss I gave Rae before I left would be our final one. Would I see her again? Would I love every bit of her at least one more time?

  There was something familiar about the place. It took me a moment before it struck me, my dad would bring me to this very restaurant as he conducted business. I was a innocent child, naive to the dark dealings that were happening around me, but as I got older, I grew wise.

  It was my mistake, foolishly wanting to follow in his footsteps. I could have lived a different life in the end. I could have gone to university and become a doctor, something admirable. I paused in my thoughts, yes, I could have been a different person but taking the path I decided on was how I met Rae. My path was meant for me, meant for Rae and I in the small moments we were able to share.

  Stepping inside, I smelled the comfort of home. This place sold homemade Russian cuisine. The aromas reminded me of growing up and visiting Babushka. My favorite part of going to see her was all the delicious foods she’d cook up. There was never a shortage of it, and I’d always leave with a full stomach.

  “May I help you?” the hostess questioned from her podium.

  “Yes, I have a reservation under Adam Petrov,” I noted to her. She looked me over for just a brief moment before motioning me to follow.

  I went behind her, weaving in and out the tables of the busy restaurant before we reached a red door in the back, she knocked twice before she opened it and motioned for me to step inside. Hesitant, I stepped into the room, which held a large table surrounded by chairs and there was one seated man.

  Seated was a man I thought was dead. There were stories about his death, about the day that Vadim personally took him down, but there he sat with a sly grin on his face.

  Oleg Chaykovsky motioned me to the table. I swallowed at the door behind me closed, and I was alone with the man who was Vadim’s biggest enemy for more than two decades. The men ran opposing organizations and were always in a battle to takeover the other.

  “Alexei Stepanov, the man of mystery in the flesh,” the older gentleman at the table said in his gruff voice. “Sit my son, we have many things to discuss.”

  I wasn’t a dummy, I sat down, but didn’t say a word. When it came to a legend like Oleg, one did not speak unless spoken to. I’d spent enough time in the mob life to know the rules and know traditions. I grew up around men like him, with power and prestige beyond measure.

  “I knew your father. Though we were on opposing sides, I had great respect for him,” Oleg mentioned as he took a sip of coffee. “Maxim sent you to me. I know you must be in shock as I’m supposed to be dead. I did die, the man I used to be died and in replace of him is a man who wants to do the right thing. Right now, to do the right thing, I need your help.”

  “Yes sir,” I answered, finally speaking as I knew it was the right moment to do so.

  “Vadim is shaking, he has his lap dog with him here in Moscow. They know of your arrival, the airwaves are going crazy, the whispers are everywhere.” Lapdog, he must have meant Igor. I balled my fists. As much as Vadim was responsible for Katya’s death, it was Igor who pulled the trigger, and I would pull the trigger on his the first moment I got. I would enjoy that death the most.

  “Maxim mentioned there was a girl?”

  “There is, she is safe.”

  “American, I hear.”

  “Yes.”

  Another knock came at the door, twice as before. The door opened and a man stepped inside. He was average height, medium build, and wore a suit. He spoke to Oleg and crossed the room to greet him, practically ignoring me before he took a seat next to the old man.

  The men spoke in hushed voices, all in Russian, and I was shocked when the man looked up, and perfect American English came from his mouth.

  “I hear you can help me,” he said.

  “I suppose,” I answered.

  “My name is Jaxon Reedman, D.E.A, United States Drug Enforcement Agency.”

  Chapter 21

  Rae

  Yes, I had something for criminals.

  “The one’s who get you pregnant,” I said aloud to myself as I sat on the edge of the bathtub. I stared down at the two pink lines on the pregnancy test I held in my hands.

  I wasn’t supposed to leave the hotel, but I had to. There was one thing I knew from the moment I woke up, I was pregnant. I tried to ignore the symptoms of the fatigue, nausea, my missed period. I tried to believe it wasn’t true when it was.

  That was an adventure, miming out that I needed a pregnancy test to the woman behind the counter at the pharmacy. That was the shit thing about being in a foreign country and not speaking the language, things get interesting. Eventually, she understood, and I left the small pharmacy across the street from the hotel with a pregnancy test.

  The instructions for the test were in Russian, luckily taking a pregnancy test was fairly straightforward, and one line meant not pregnant, while two lines meant pregnant. My two lines stared me in the
face as I sighed.

  I’d come to the conclusion that I wouldn’t tell Alexei. First, I didn’t want to worry him too much and second, what good was it? We would live in two different countries, and I would raise our child. There was one thing different this second time, I would be keeping the baby.

  Taking one last look at the test, I wrapped it in toilet paper and tossed it in the trash the same way I’d done the box.

  I returned to the bedroom and sat with my hand on my stomach. I made a promise to myself to learn Alexei’s song, his family lullaby. I would sing that song to my child every single night. We’d keep that bit of Alexei with us forever.

  The door to the room came open, it startled me before I realized it was Alexei returning from his meeting. I was anxious to know about it. When he left, I was afraid for his safety, and I wondered if I’d ever feel his touch on my skin again. Lucky for me, he was back.

  “How was it?” I asked anxiously as Alexi closed the door behind him, took off his winter clothes, and came to the bed.

  He sat and pulled me into his lap. I snuggled my head on his chest before I looked up into his face to know the answer.

  “There was much information. Tomorrow you go to embassy. You will leave as we talked. Everything is set with me, but you are priority until with ambassador or someone to keep safe,” Alexei explained to me. I wanted to fight him, tell him no, but I knew he wouldn’t back down.

  There was a plan, and we were sticking to it. Tomorrow was Christmas in Russia, January 7th.

  He tangled his fingers into my hair and began to hum the lullaby. I sighed and listened as I tried to block out the voices. They were screaming at me.

  ‘Tell him about the baby!’

  ‘Tell him you won’t leave him!’

  ‘Make him go with you!’

  I shook my head, silencing them. Tomorrow it would be finally over. My strange mix of a dream and a nightmare was ending. I would no longer be in imminent danger, but I’d be saying goodbye to the man that grabbed my heart out of my chest and claimed it for his own.

  “What is wrong, Kisska?” Alexei asked me before I tilted my head up and peered into his eyes. I shook my head.

  “Nothing, nothing’s wrong,” I choked, my obvious lie apparent to him. He bent to me and gave me a chaste kiss on my lips.

  “When I was little boy I had many dreams. There was want to be a fireman, maybe lawyer. When I was man I have change in dreams,” Alexei started as he tangled his fingers into my hair. He was distracting me from my sorrows. “As man, I dream of big future with beautiful woman. I wanted home with dog and children running through.”

  I closed my eyes. He wanted what I could give him. His child was already growing in my belly. We could live that life together and make a home together. We could raise our child and get a dog. That dream as possible and not at the same time. I knew for my safety and the safety of our child, I had to leave him and our love behind.

  “What happens for you tomorrow?” I asked, changing the subject. There was no use dwelling on what was not possible.

  “I take you for embassy. After, I meet with men I met today. A meeting will be set with Vadim, and I take him down. I no give details, but I save life and life of family,” he explained without too many words. “Igor is here,” he snarled.

  “Here, in Moscow?”

  “Yes, with Vadim. Nasty rat, I will with hands when chance is mine.”

  I felt him tensing, he was serious and after seeing him kill two men, I knew Alexei was capable of anything and would go through with his promise. That was another subject I wanted to avoid. It was our last night together, and I wanted it to be filled with happy memories, or as happy as I could get them on Christmas Eve.

  “What do you do here on Christmas Eve and Christmas?” I asked him, determined to make something out of the holiday and some memories through our last hours.

  “Same as America, we have time with family. Many go to church to pray. Tonight, we will have meal and stay inside. I was warned of much danger. I have priority to keep safe until you are in hands of safe people.”

  I sighed in response as I’d decided to not respond. The plan was set in stone, and I knew there was no changing Alexei’s mind about it. I had to face my future as a single mother and face that I would be leaving without telling him about his child.

  “You give much quiet,” Alexei stated as he continued to play with my hair. I shrugged. What else was there to say?

  “Kisska, I don’t want to let go but I know I have to. Please, let go with me.”

  I nodded and refused to let my emotions takeover. I had to keep my strength for myself, for Alexei, and for our child. I’d be strong in every moment.

  Maybe it was time to let go.

  I awoke in the dark room. Alexei was how he’d been when we fell asleep. His arms were wrapped around me, and he held me with every bit of strength he had even through his slumber.

  Allowing my eyes to adjust to the dark, I observed the lines of Alexei’s face. Our love could never be replaced. Maybe I’d try to move on and find someone to hold me at night and keep me happy. Only one problem presented itself. Nobody could ever hold me and keep me happy the way Alexei did.

  It was time. I knew it in an instant and though I wanted to spend more moments with him, I couldn’t.

  I carefully pulled my body from his arm but froze as Alexei inhaled. I watched him as he repositioned his body and the moment he settled I used the opportunity to leave the bed behind.

  My jeans were crumpled on the floor. I quietly slipped them up my legs and grabbed my coat from the dusty armchair in the corner. I stole a look at Alexei, he was still fast asleep. I sat down and pulled on my boots and zipped them up.

  “Kisska,” a voice called into the darkness. It was Alexei. I refused to peer up at him but continue on my way. There was no life with him, and I had to go forward with it before I went back on my promise to myself.

  “I’m going,” I whispered.

  “It is much early. Wait with me.”

  “No Alexei. I can’t just wait with you. I can’t stay here anymore. I need to go and leave this behind. I need to leave you behind for good.” I stood and rushed to the door, but Alexei was faster. I’d only just managed to open the door when he slammed it shut with the palm of his hand.

  “You will not go.”

  “Like hell I won’t. Alexei stop and just let me fucking go!”

  “Stop shout,” he demanded with his firm voice that always sent ripples through my nervous system.

  I gasped but fought past my building emotions and shoved at his arm that barely flinched. Alexei was like bricks, and his muscle filled arm didn’t budge a bit with the force I tried to exert on him.

  “Alexei, let me go,” I insisted as I fought back tears while I stared directly into his blue eyes.

  “Net!”

  “Yes!”

  With a final shove, Alexei moved his hand from the door and took a step back. I saw a single tear leave his eye. The man that held the strength of an ox was crying for me. I inhaled sharply to keep myself from joining him with my own sobs.

  “I want to go with,” he calmly said to me, and I shook my head. It wasn’t going to happen. It would be too hard for me and for us to endure. “I will go, give moment.”

  Alexei turned away from me to grab his things. I used that moment as my chance. The door handle in my grasp, I swung the door open. The cold air rushed in, and I ran for it without taking a look back at the man yelling out my name for my return.

  My feet crunched in the snow as I sprinted with everything I could into the freezing cold Christmas morning. I held my breath to keep my lungs from burning but kept my stride.

  “Rae!” Alexei’s voice called after me. I kept forward. I didn’t know where I was going in the darkness, but it would be away from him and forcing myself to start over.

  Tires screeched in my ears. Had I nearly been run over? I hadn’t taken the time to look back before hands grabbed me. Had Alexe
i caught up with me? I got my answer as soon as I was shoved into the back of a van.

  “Help! Alexei!” I screamed as I flung my arms in fear of whoever had grabbed me. The door slammed shut as the popping of gunshots struck me. I flung myself onto the floor of the van and covered my ears at the loud explosions. The men that grabbed me were shooting at Alexei, and from the pings between shots, it was clear Alexei was shooting back at them.

  My heart pounded in my ears as the screeching of the tires returned, and my body rapidly flung with a thud across the vehicle to where I slammed into the other door. I swallowed as the face of a man came directly in front of mine.

  “Pretty,” he grumbled as his finger touched my temple. He slowly ran that finger down my cheek, to my chin, down my neck to my collarbone, and over the swell of my breasts. The balding man grinned, and I only saw pure evil in his green eyes. “I taste later.”

  I shuttered at his words. Instantly, I was cursing myself, I should have never left Alexei behind. How could I have been so stupid? I’d put my life and the life of my baby in more danger than I should have.

  Alexei was my—our—only hope.

  Chapter 22

  Alexei

  I dodged a the last bullet that came barreling in my direction as the black van that took my girl turned sharply around a corner. Fuck, there was no way I could keep up, and it happened so incredibly quick that my reaction time had been thrown.

  In the purple glow of the early morning, I rushed back toward the hotel room as fast as my feet would carry me. I slammed the door behind me, and upon entering the bathroom, my foot kicked the trash can. I sent the plastic can flying across the room and it smashed upon contact with the wall, the contents of which flying everywhere.