Pizazz vs the New Kid

by Sophy Henn

  SO…

  Well, I am still 9 ¼, very nearly 9 ½, and I am still a SUPERHERO, and unfortunately my name is still PIZAZZ. Apparently I am absolutely NOT allowed to change it.

  You probably think being a SUPERHERO is pretty cool, but when your whole family are SUPERHEROES it doesn’t feel very cool. I mean, my mum and dad are about the furthest from cool you can get, and Grandma and Gramps are lovely, but cool? I don’t think so.

  RED DRAGON AKA The Most Annoying Little Sister EVER, who only gets top marks and is the chief school councillor and volunteers to teach the little kids to read and makes perfect cakes and is basically good at EVERYTHING… BUT I can burp the alphabet. So who is the real winner here?

  Yep… It’s her.

  If that wasn’t bad enough, I get bossed about by our pet dog. Meet WANDA.

  She came to us from Mission Control. Basically she receives messages about TOP-SECRET SUPERHERO missions, then she bosses us off to deal with them.

  SUPER powers are cool, unless you are me and have the MOST embarrassing SUPER power in the whole universe.

  Then I am always having to dash off to save the planet. And always at the WORST possible moment. UGH.

  AND guess what? I have to wear a stupid SUPERHERO costume the whole time.

  So now you know. Being a SUPERHERO isn’t as good as you probably think it is. And I am stuck with it FOREVER…

  … SUPER.

  AWESOME SPACE ACADEMY

  Even though I am a SUPERHERO, who saves the world more often than she is allowed ice cream, I still have to go to school. And not some sort of awesome SPACE ACADEMY SUPERHERO SCHOOL with hoverboards and neon lighting and teachers with LASER EYES. I have to go to normal school, with normal kids who have normal names and normal clothes. So I blend in perfectly.

  Well, not everyone is completely normal. I mean, there is Susan Briggs and she can dislocate her thumbs just like that. And then there’s Freddie Hayes who can eat fifteen strawberry yoghurts in a single lunchtime, and also Mr Jones the PE teacher – he is definitely not normal …

  And I suppose Serena and The Populars aren’t exactly normal. I mean, they are in lots of ways because they don’t have anything even slightly unusual about them. But somehow, by being EXTREMELY normal, they are SUPER popular and everyone wants to impress them. And even then Serena always looks like she has just smelled something very unpleasant, like DABOMB’S STINK-BOMB STINK (which of course she hasn’t because I deal with that so she doesn’t have to).

  Plus Serena manages to look really bored at the same time. It’s like she’s thinking, ‘Ugh! What’s that smell? It’s REALLY disgusting but also REALLY boring.’

  I am actually secretly impressed by it.

  My friend Ivy and I both said that while it might be nice to be popular and have everyone practically worship you and be able to do anything you wanted and have the BEST COLLECTION OF SLOUCHY SOCKS EVER, there is no way we would be as snooty and mean as Serena is. Ivy and I said you would have thought that being super popular for doing almost nothing would make you happy and nice, but no. And Serena absolutely never ever does anything for anyone else or uses her popular powers for good. Ivy and I said we totally would. If we were popular. Which we aren’t.

  Well, Ivy said all that and I agreed.

  Strongly.

  Anyway, ever since I stopped Serena’s dad, Mr Piffle, from bulldozing the park next to school by using my jazz hands/glitter storm super-power move (SOOOOOO embarrassing), she has had it in for me more than EVER.

  AND WHILE…

  … I am not exactly thrilled at all that laughing at me, I try to distract myself by thinking about far more interesting things like doughnuts, my new hobby of putting googly eyes on EVERYTHING and the rumour that is all over school about a NEW KID starting in MY YEAR. This is actually quite exciting for lots of reasons…

  I will no longer be the NEW KID. HOORAY! I mean, technically both me and my sister, RED, were NEW KIDS together about five months ago when our parents made us move here so we could be nearer Gramps and Grandma. But OBVIOUSLY RED fitted in straight away so being ‘the NEW KID’ was left to me.

  They could be less cool than me and might make me look a bit cooler.

  They might like me. I mean, they MIGHT.

  They might bring doughnuts. Which, thinking about it, is exactly what I should have done when I started.

  I mean, who doesn’t like the person with the doughnuts?

  THE ECO COUNCIL

  I had a lunchtime meeting with my best friends Ivy, Ed and Molly, otherwise known as the ECO COUNCIL because guess what? I save the planet when I am at school as well as the rest of the time. I KNOW! It’s just non-stop! We were discussing how on earth we could sort out a compost area for the school canteen food waste when Molly said she had some exciting news that wasn’t ECO-COUNCIL related and if she didn’t tell us she would burst. We took a vote and unanimously agreed that none of us wanted Molly to burst, so then she told us that her mum’s sister’s husband’s best friend’s brother does house-decorating, AND that he was decorating a house nearby AND that the house happened to belong to a certain NEW KID and their family. Then she said we would NEVER guess what?

  Well, we all tried to guess.

  I guessed they ran a doughnut shop. Ivy guessed the entire family were all published novelists. And Ed guessed that they were a family band and each member played a different brass instrument.

  Amazingly none of us were right. So Molly told us…

  … the new family were all

  SUPERS!!

  Even though we had all sworn on Ivy’s lucky biro to keep this news top secret, SOMEHOW it had sneaked out (Ed, definitely Ed – he is the WORST with secrets), and by the end of school everyone knew that a new SUPER was coming.

  As we walked home I told Ivy I wasn’t at all sure how I felt about this. While I definitely hated being the only SUPER in school (as I said, my SUPER annoying sister who fitted in perfectly in NO seconds doesn’t count), I wasn’t at all sure what it would be like to have another one in school. As in, what would it be like for ME? I decided I needed to have a really good think about this and was just wondering what colour to paint my nails because painting my nails helps me think (current favourite colour… Slimelight). But then I stopped thinking quite suddenly because my face landed on the floor. After a second of feeling very confused I realised I had tripped over. This sort of thing seems to happen to me a lot, and I think it all stems from the time I was hit on the head by a LLAMA (long story). Of course, Serena and The Populars were all there to see this and kindly showed their concern by laughing hysterically.

  And when I looked to see what I had actually tripped over, it turned out to be WANDA…

  When we got home, Dad cooked spaghetti with EXTRA CHILLI, which was surprising to literally no one because, while he makes it sound fancy by saying it’s his SIGNATURE DISH, we all know it’s the only thing he can actually cook. So that left no time for thinking… just dinner and homework.

  I was super tired after dinner, but still a bit bothered about the NEW KID, so I went and got BERNARD from her (yes, HER) cage and sneaked her upstairs so we could talk it all over. She is actually a very good listener for a guinea pig. This might be because she can’t talk back, but I really honestly think she understands what I’m saying, even if it looks like she’s just eating my school books.

  I told BERNARD about the NEW KID and how they were SUPER too and how they would be in my year at school, and how I wasn’t sure I liked having another SUPER in my school and how this was VERY confusing as I also didn’t like being the only SUPER in my school, but maybe that was because I just didn’t like being a SUPER at all, which was partly down to Serena picking on me, which was mainly down to me b
eing SUPER… And then I stopped talking to BERNARD, partly because that was possibly the longest sentence I had ever said and I was a bit out of breath, but also because I realised right then that I had to make friends with the NEW KID so I could save them from being picked on by Serena, just like I had been. And still was.

  I KNOW! I just can’t stop saving things.

  THE NEXT DAY…

  It was extremely hard to get out of bed the next morning on account of staying up late and chatting to a guinea pig, so I got ready in a bit of a rush (actually, it was a personal best of 6 minutes and 42 seconds – thanks). When I eventually got to class and everyone seemed to be staring at me more than they usually do, I had a bit of a panic, so I went through my checklist…

  So what was wrong with everyone? Ivy came over as soon as she saw me, with a face that sort of looked worried and really, really happy all at the same time.

  Ivy told me that the NEW KID was starting today, and then her face just looked worried, so I told her about my chat with BERNARD and how I had realised that actually we should definitely make friends with the NEW KID, because if anyone knew what it was like to be SUPER around here it was me. And then Ivy looked just happy and told me that was a relief as the NEW KID was going to be in OUR CLASS. Well, this was FANTASTIC NEWS. Not so much for the NEW KID, as they would be right under Serena’s slightly upturned nose, but great for me as I could be their ‘buddy’ and look after them. Like Mrs Harris had made Serena look after me when I started. Except I would actually look after them and not try to lose them around school.

  The bell went and Mrs Harris rushed into class with a yellow flash trailing behind her. The yellow flash turned out to be the NEW KID, who stood at the front of the class looking like she wanted to be beamed up anywhere, even onto a gunk-o-tron alien space ship, and we all know how disgusting THAT can be. REALLY DISGUSTING. And quite GUNKY.

  I remembered my first day when I was standing up there nervous, in front of the whole class, and I actually felt quite excited that I could help the NEW KID with settling in and everything. I looked over to see what Serena was doing, but it was like she hadn’t even noticed the NEW KID. I am not sure even her nails are THAT distracting. Then Mrs Harris took the register and then she dropped her diary and then she picked it up and then she picked up all the tiny pieces of paper that had dropped out of her diary and then FINALLY she got around to the yellow flash.

  The NEW KID was in actual fact called JETT, and she had moved here from another school. Then Mrs Harris told us that JETT was a SUPER, which we all knew anyway because:

  Molly’s mum’s sister’s husband’s best friend’s brother told Molly and then she told us and then Ed told EVERYONE.

  She was wearing a capelet (why couldn’t I have one of those? You would have to try extremely hard to trip over that) and a SUPERHERO eye mask and everything she was wearing was YELLOW. Really, really, REALLY yellow.

  She was hovering a foot above the ground.

  Then Mrs Harris asked for a volunteer to be JETT’S ‘BUDDY’, and I put my hand straight up and was feeling very good about myself as a nice, kind and thoughtful person, ready to take this NEW KID under my wing and show her the ropes and make sure she didn’t suffer the same humiliation I had and then… I heard Serena say she wanted to do it, and Mrs Harris say ‘OK, JETT, who do you pick to be your BUDDY?’

  And

    JETT

      picked

    Serena.

  And then I

  thought…

  WHAT?

  REALLY?

  YES.

  REALLY.

  I was surprised at how disappointed I felt. I mean, I didn’t even know JETT, but then I tried to feel pleased for her as she had had two people volunteer to be her ‘buddy’, and one of them was the most popular person in school.

  But unfortunately I couldn’t concentrate on that as I kept wondering how come Serena actually WANTED to hang out with JETT? And how come JETT hadn’t picked me to be her ‘buddy’ – I mean, what’s wrong with me? And how come she had a short practical capelet that probably never got soggy because it never dragged in puddles, and not a STUPID LONG CAPE that always did?

  OH, AND…

  HOW COME EVERYTHING’S SO COMPLETELY UNFAIR???

  When I got home, Dad was making spaghetti with EVEN MORE CHILLI AGAIN, RED was busy baking a cake for her next school council meeting and Mum was fixing the washing machine (so far, so boring), BUT, brilliantly, Aunty Blaze had popped by with Uncle Titanoooooo (yes, there are that many ‘o’s).

  They had just been sorting out a squabble in the outer reaches of the galaxy and had been passing by so stopped in. It’s really exciting when they come over; they are so snazzy and whizzy and always having REALLY exciting adventures. Mum said she and Dad used to be like that too, before they had me and RED, but I just can’t see it myself.

  Anyway, Aunty Blaze and Uncle Titanoooooo asked me how my day was, and I told them all about JETT and how Serena had actually volunteered to be her buddy, which might seem like a nice thing to do, but this was Serena and she didn’t really do ‘nice’. And, anyway, I would have made a much better buddy, but JETT had picked Serena, and I was trying not to feel upset about it. But I did a bit.

  Then Aunty Blaze told me why JETT had moved to our town – she knows stuff like that as she has a super important job at Mission Control.

  I said I guessed that explained why JETT might not pick me as her buddy, but now she had picked Serena, who is actually the person most likely to pick on anyone for anything! Uncle Titanoooooo told me that SUPERS look out for one another, no matter what, and as a fellow SUPER I had to try to keep an eye out for JETT, even if she hadn’t picked me. Then Aunty Blaze said maybe I should try to talk to JETT about it, and everyone pretty much fell off their chair because Aunty Blaze is not usually one for chit-chat, being more of an action-type person. And then she said,WHAT? I can do chat-chitting!’ And we all laughed because she couldn’t even say it, let alone do it!

  After Aunty Blaze and Uncle Titanoooooo had zoomed home, I went to my room to have a good think and to let my mouth cool down because Dad’s CHILLI use is getting waaaay out of hand.

  OBVIOUSLY I started to paint my nails, what with the thinking and having a new colour to try out (Witch’s Hair), and OBVIOUSLY as soon as I had finished the first hand WANDA came in and told me that we had to go on a special mission, and before I could even ask she said NO, there was no time for my nails to dry…

  Why does the world always need saving EVERY SINGLE TIME I start to paint my nails (well, almost)? There are NEVER any missions that need my urgent attention when I am in the middle of a telling-off from Mum or Dad, or when I have double homework. Typical.

  THE NEXT MORNING…

  What with staying up saving the world and smudging my nails the night before, I woke up late and my morning was all muddly.

  I was sooo muddly and late that Dad gave me and RED a lift into school, and as we got near, Dad did the really awful thing he always does and turned up the music in the car, which he thinks makes him a super-cool dad, but obviously it doesn’t because there is NO SUCH THING…

  Then, of course, Dad pulled up RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE SCHOOL. This was bad enough, what with his ‘tunes’ blaring out, but then he held his hand out for an actual high five like we were buddies or something. Then I got so flustered with the awfulness of it all that I managed to accidentally headbutt his hand. Like a high-face-five or something equally COMPLETELY EMBARRASSING.

  And as I have the worst luck in the world EVER, Serena was there with The Populars and JETT, and they all laughed so much their hair clips slipped. (Well, not JETT’S. JETT doesn’t wear hair clips – why would she when she has sports hair? You know, the sort of hair that is perfect for sport, all swingy but not so swingy that it would get in your eyes, and no matter how much whizzing about you do, it just swooshes back into place.) And she wasn’t exactly laughing quite so hard as The Populars, not quite. />
  As I walked to class I saw JETT go into the bathroom on her own. Maybe this was the perfect moment to have that chat-chit (HA HA) Aunty Blaze talked about. I couldn’t go straight in with SUPERS having each other’s backs and whatnot, that would be TOO MUCH, but maybe I could warn JETT a bit about how Serena could actually be a bit mean, and let her know I would still be her friend if she wanted. I had to start somewhere, so I followed her inside.

  I didn’t want to look like a COMPLETE WEIRDO, so I went up to the mirror and tried to think of a reason to be there and all I could think of was lip balm. Obviously I didn’t have any actual lip balm – I don’t know what it is about lip balm but it’s like it just WANTS to get lost. Anyway, I did have an eraser that was the same shape as a lip balm (well, lip balm-ish). So I found that at the bottom of my bag and pretended to put it on.

  JETT came over to the sinks to wash her hands and I tried to smile, but I almost swallowed the eraser so I gave up with the smiling and went straight into chat-chitting. I started with ‘Hello’, a good solid start, but then suddenly my head emptied of EVERYTHING and I couldn’t think of a single thing to say, so I offered JETT some of my lip balm and, when it was far too late, I remembered my lip balm was, in fact, an eraser…