Pizazz vs the New Kid

by Sophy Henn

  I was all ready for JETT to start laughing again and I could feel my cheeks going SUPER red, but she didn’t. She just smiled and said no thanks, and not even in a sarcastic way and I wondered if maybe, after all, we might be friends. Suddenly I thought of lots of things to say, like ‘Nice capelet’ and ‘Isn’t being SUPER a bit rubbish sometimes?’, but then Serena walked in with The Populars and asked JETT who she was talking to because all she could see was NOBODY, and JETT looked at the floor and I felt my cheeks go even redder, which I wasn’t sure was possible but it turns out it was, and they all left the bathroom.

  Then I wanted to be beamed up. Yes, even onto a gunk-o-tron alien space ship, but there was no time for that because then the bell went for register.

  All morning Serena and The Populars and JETT were whispering and giggling and I felt all uncomfortable and hot, which was probably mostly down to my BRIGHT RED cheeks, but also because of feeling like a total nitwit and being a bit confused. JETT had almost been friendly, but as soon as Serena walked into the bathroom, that all seemed to change.

  All I had wanted to do was be friendly. I REALLY tried to remember what Uncle Titanoooooo and Aunty Blaze had said, but now I felt far too embarrassed to want to be at all nice. UGH, why was everything so completely impossible?

  After spending the whole morning practically itchy with embarrassment, I was worried I wouldn’t be able to face lunch, but then I remembered it was pizza day. HOORAY! Finally, something to be happy about. As I walked through the canteen with Ivy, Molly and Ed I felt even happier. I had three great friends. AND PIZZA.

  In fact, everything was going brilliantly-ish, until I was walking back to our table and my stupid long, flappy cape got caught on one of The Populars’ backpacks. Of course it had to be one of the Populars’ backpacks and of course it would happen right in the middle of the canteen and of course I went flying and of course my whole tray of milk, pizza, salad, yoghurt and cookies went

  straight

  in

  my

  face.

  Of course.

  That would NEVER have happened if I had a capelet.

  As I lay on the floor and felt the milk oozing through my hair, I blinked away the yoghurt and thought about how things like this ALWAYS happen to me. I think it’s because my balance is a bit rubbish and has been ever since I was hit on the head by a LLAMA (it’s still a long story). That and my completely and utterly useless FLAPPY CAPE.

  Just then my thoughts were interrupted by Serena’s spiky laugh, HA! HA! HA! followed by the laughs of The Populars HA! HA! HA! HA! and then… JETT laughed too.

  Ivy helped me up, and Ed and Molly put everything (well, what was left of everything) back on my tray. And Serena leaned over to JETT and LOUDLY muttered (this is muttering but in a really obvious loud way that everyone is supposed to hear) that she was pleased there was at least one SUPER that was ACTUALLY SUPER in our class now. That really hurt, especially as I had saved the planet only hours before and she didn’t even know it, and even if she did, I very much doubted she would have said thank you.

  I turned round and said that actually, while I might not be brilliant at wearing a cape and carrying lunch at the same time, I was actually SUPER and was about to mention the world-saving the night before, but I didn’t get to that bit because Serena started laughing a little bit like a donkey. NO ONE else in the whole school could get away with laughing like that without being teased. And then I realised why Serena could… because she’s the person who does all the teasing, and that made me even crosser. Then before my brain had the chance to properly think it all through (darn that LLAMA!!) I just blurted out that I WAS SUPER… Just as super as JETT… Maybe I was EVEN SUPER-ER. Suddenly the donkey-laughing stopped and an evil glint shone out of Serena’s eyes, as evil as any baddie I have ever met. Right then I would rather have been anywhere else in the entire universe. Even in an enclosed space with FARTERELLA.

  Serena looked at JETT and asked if she was going to let her (me) talk about her (JETT) like that. JETT stopped laughing and looked a bit uncomfortable. Then Serena asked again and the evil glint spread into her voice, and it felt like the whole canteen was holding their breath. JETT looked up just as a blob of yoghurt dropped off the end of my nose, and she said she supposed not.

  ‘Well,’ Serena said, far more loudly than she really needed to (DRAMA), ‘I guess that means we should have a SUPER-OFF!!!

  Apparently that way we would find out who actually is the MOST SUPER SUPERHERO in our class. And of course everyone seemed to agree with Serena that this was an excellent idea, because of course they would.

  I lost my appetite after that, which was no bad thing as there wasn’t much left on my lunch tray on account of me wearing most of it. Ivy came with me to the bathroom to help me mop the yoghurty pizza and everything else off.

  As we were mopping I told Ivy I was really glad it wasn’t a very hot day as when old yoghurt gets warm it smells like baby sick (I *might* have accidentally left one on the radiator at home for a few days once). Ivy laughed and said yes but we had PE later, so I was sure to stink after that and I wondered why Ivy has to tell the complete and utter truth THE WHOLE TIME.

  I mean, it’s not like I want her to lie, but maybe I don’t need ALL the truth sometimes.

  The bell went and we ambled to class for the afternoon register (I didn’t want to walk too quickly and overheat myself, yoghurt-stink-wise). Mrs Harris was a bit late, and Serena used this time to make an announcement. I couldn’t wait to hear what she had to say…*

  *I REALLY could

  Obviously Serena had put herself in charge of the SUPER-OFF, and I couldn’t help but feel that this was pretty unfair as she was not even trying to hide who she absolutely wanted to win (Clue: NOT ME). But there was nothing I could do about it because it was out and all over school, and there was nothing else for it but to see it through to the end. Whatever the ‘end’ was. UGH.

  Serena marched up to the top of the class and one of The Populars called for quiet and everyone stopped talking waaaaay faster than they do for Mrs Harris. Except for Karl Cuthbert, but he literally NEVER stops talking. Ever. Then Serena did a funny little cough and told everyone that there would be three SUPER-OFF contests and whoever won the most would be the winner. Then she said everyone should come and watch the first SUPER-OFF, which would take place TODAY on the field at last break, and it would be…

  And then the whole class actually applauded.

  I mean, really?

  I looked over at JETT, who looked back at me and we both sort of shrugged like we didn’t really care, but I knew I really did. And I thought JETT probably did too.

  Then I felt very STRONGLY that today was probably not going to be my day …

  The next lesson took FOREVER and also FLEW BY all at once, just like a mission I went on when I got stuck in a time vortex on the outer reaches of the WONDER GALAXY, trying to defeat the Time-a-nator.

  It was FRENCH, and my tummy was making REALLY loud noises, so loud that at one point Mr Petit (which is classic because he is actually the tallest person EVER) thought I was asking a question. This made me wonder whether my tummy had a better FRENCH accent than me, and I thought the answer was probably OUI.

  I wasn’t actually sure whether it was rumbling because I had worn my lunch instead of eaten it OR because I was getting a bit worried about the SUPER-OFF after school. Ivy snuck me a cereal bar and it was still noisy after that, so I reckoned it must be the worry.

  It was bad enough that I had to do this stupid contest without ever even being asked if I really wanted to or not (I DID NOT), but having to do it AT BREAK was just too much. I started to tell Ivy it was SO UNFAIR that while JETT was technically the NEW KID, she was somehow already cooler and way more popular than me and—

  Ivy put her hand on my shoulder and said that I really shouldn’t worry. Sure, JETT had a more practical cape… sure, she had been befriended instantly by the most popular girls in school… and sure she had REALLY
great sports hair, BUT she, Molly and Ed would always be my friends and loyal ECO COUNCIL members (ahem, I was technically in charge, being eco monitor) no matter what, and that they thought I was SUPER in lots of ways. And then I was really glad that Ivy only ever told the truth. So glad I only did a tiny because, I mean, COME ON, my hair is AWESOME too. Right?

  Finally, it was break time and my cape was actually starting to smell like baby sick, which was making me feel sick too. So I wondered if I was actually just too sick to do the contest and then I realised if I didn’t do it today it would still be there tomorrow and that made me feel EVEN SICKER. BLEURGH!

  Ivy, Molly and Ed had come with me for moral support, which I really appreciated as it seemed like the whole rest of the school was there too, and they all seemed to be supporting JETT.

  I’m not sure why I thought that…

  Serena, The Populars and JETT were nowhere to be seen, which I thought was extremely rude as it was all their idea in the first place. Then I wondered if it had all just been a joke, or maybe JETT had sprained her ankle and couldn’t make it, and I was just starting to feel a bit more normal when I saw them all walk round the corner of the science block, and my tummy dropped down to my toes.

  Everyone went quiet and Serena declared the first SUPER-OFF would be a

  I didn’t think it needed saying at this point, but even so, Serena stood on the wall outside the science block and announced JETT was the winner. JETT looked happy as everyone cheered (yes, even me, Ivy, Molly and Ed, because you have to be a good sport no matter what) and I didn’t blame her. I think I would have been happy and pleased if I had won, so I couldn’t be cross with JETT. I did wonder whether the lap of honour and high-fiving everyone as she ran past them was a bit much. When she did a back flip, then the robot and then a knee skid, I thought that was just getting to be a bit showy-offy.

  But it was when JETT looked over at me with my stupid long cape in a knot, covered in lunch, smelling like baby sick and she laughed along with the others, that’s when it felt the most horrible, and I wondered if maybe she had gone to

  THE DARK SIDE.

  So much for SUPERS having each other’s backs.

  After school, Ivy walked home with me and tried to cheer me up. This was really nice of her, but what with my total SUPER-OFF defeat, PE/yoghurt stink and Ivy only being able to tell the absolute truth, it was a bit too much of a challenge so we mainly walked in silence. But that was OK.

  When we got to my house, I was about to ask if she wanted to come round for dinner, when WANDA trotted over blurting out a mission. Of course she couldn’t have done that at last break to save me from complete embarrassment in front of EVERYONE, OH NO!

  When we got back, Dad asked why on earth I was still wearing my STINKY cape and why wasn’t I in the bath? I wanted to say because first of all, I had to take part in a stupid SUPER-OFF, during which I got to be humiliated in front of the whole school, then secondly I had to go and save the world as soon as I got home with no time for even a tiny snack and then thirdly, I was busy having a lecture about STINKY capes!

  But I didn’t because I was too tired.

  So I just went and ran a bath.

  After I DE-STINKED myself in the bath I called Susie. She went to my old school where I used to live, and I was missing her and Tom (my other best friend there) a lot. Being a SUPERHERO was still super annoying in my old town, but it was never this bad. I was saying all this to Susie and she started laughing, which I thought was a bit mean… You know, my life was in ruins and everyone – well, nearly everyone – at school thought I was a loser.

  But as Susie is extremely nice, she apologised straight away and said that while she was sorry for me (and it did sound pretty pants), how could I have forgotten all the other times I had ended up in a pickle…?

  I said that I guess that was JUST MY LUCK and all that proved was that I was DOOMED wherever I lived, and then Susie started laughing again. REALLY? But then she reminded me of all the times she had got into a pickle herself, and Tom too, and even one time RED did.

  I was thrilled she had reminded me about THAT because I had forgotten all about it, and now I could ‘mention’ it the next time RED went from being just extremely annoying to extra extremely annoying.

  THEN…

  Susie pointed out that we all had our moments. There were Serenas everywhere, and there wasn’t much we could do about that. But what we could do is decide how we react to the Serenas. And then I remembered why Susie was one of my absolute best friends ever – her excellent advice. That, and how we both love marzipan when almost no one else seems to.

  Then we talked about her school show (she’s in charge of lighting and Tom is painting scenery), how unfair homework is, how annoying little sisters are (she has one too). Then RED came in and told me it was lights out, like the complete goody-goody she always is. I was ignoring her very successfully and then Mum yelled up the stairs that I had to listen to my sister. It’s all wrong – I am the BIG sister here, how come she gets to do the bossing about?

  Susie said she had to go too, and wished me luck for the rest of the SUPER-OFF but also pointed out that I shouldn’t worry about it too much because it would all be ancient history in a couple of weeks, and I sort of agreed, then I hung up and tried to get to sleep…

  I WOKE UP because I smelled the most DISGUSTING smell in the whole world (and I have smelled one of DABOMB’S SUPER-STINKY STINK BOMBS AND Dad’s socks). It turned out to be WANDA’S breath. And the reason I could smell WANDA’S breath was because she was standing on my chest, licking my face! Apparently, this was to wake me up because – joy of joys – we had a mission to go on… BEFORE BREAKFAST.

  I saw that Mum had put out a new cape for me, and I hoped this one actually fitted, but no. There was still plenty of room for me to grow into it.*

  *TRIP OVER IT.

  On the way home, Dad told me that he’d bumped into the new SUPERS in the supermarket – no, that’s not a market for SUPERHEROES, it’s just a normal supermarket where you buy food and stuff. Dad said they seemed really nice and so he’d invited them all over for dinner tonight. I asked him if he meant all of them and not just the grown-up ones, and he said yes, and I said ‘great’ in a way I really hoped let everyone know just how NOT GREAT I actually thought it was. Then I zoomed ahead of everyone else because… UGH.

  By the time everyone got home I was halfway through my second bowl of FURIOUS CHOCO POPS. The CHOCO POPS themselves weren’t furious, but I was. I mean, REALLY? It just felt like everyone was on Team JETT – Serena, The Populars, the rest of the WHOLE school (minus Ivy, Molly, Ed and possibly RED) – and now my parents had invited her round for DINNER!

  It felt super unfair that I had been here the whole time (well, since Mum and Dad made us move here), trying my best (ish) to be the SUPER that I am supposed to be, then JETT comes along and straight away, without her even trying, everyone thinks she’s amazing. I really tried to remember what Susie had told me on the phone the night before, I really did, but when your own actual parents aren’t on your side, it’s just TOO much. Then I remembered I hadn’t actually told my own parents what was going on, but shouldn’t they have guessed or even sensed it? I mean, one of them has mind-reading as a bonus SUPER POWER, for goodness’ sake.

  As they walked through the door, I guessed that RED had told Mum and Dad everything because they were looking at me in that funny way parents do when they are trying to be nice but usually looks a bit creepy. Mum said that having the other SUPER family (including JETT) over might actually be a good thing, and I wondered if she had been hit on the head by a LLAMA too (that LLAMA has A LOT to answer for). She said if I gave JETT a chance she might actually turn out to be nice and we might even end up being really good friends because we had so much in common. Then I asked her why for someone who could read minds (a side effect of having LASER EYES, apparently) she managed to have ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE ABOUT MY LIFE WHATSOEVER?

  She replied saying something about respe
cting my privacy (er, maybe try knocking before you barge into my room, then) and not knowing what she might find in there (charming).

  Despite my very best efforts (which were not helped by RED singing along to her favourite annoying boy-band the whole way there), I was even crosser by the time I arrived at school. I just wanted to get this stupid SUPER-OFF over with, then things could get back to normal. I would be a super loser, and Serena and JETT would still be super popular and that would be FINE.

  When I got into the classroom I was just in time to hear Serena announce that the next SUPER-OFF would be at lunchtime on the sports field. GREAT.

  Every single lesson that morning seemed to go on forever, and I really couldn’t concentrate on anything much as I was trying to work out how on earth (or in outer space) I would be completely humiliated this time. I tried to talk about it with Ivy in physics because we were lab partners, but I got told off by Miss Walker who said we really should actually pay attention as we didn’t want another repeat of ‘the egg experiment incident’. And she was right – we really didn’t… but that wasn’t only my fault, the laws of physics were also to blame.

  THE EGG (BEFORE THE EXPERIMENT INCIDENT)

  BUT we did manage to discuss it during drama. Well, we mime-discussed it because it was a mime class… and it turns out that SUPER-OFFS are actually pretty hilarious when you mime them…