The Broken H

by J. L. Langley

  When he reached the landing, he heard the shower, and pictured Gray naked and wet. Oh, yeah, the morning was getting better by the moment. Shane’s braid rapidly took shape as he pushed the bathroom door open with his hip just as the water cut off. He leaned against the door frame and waited.

  It didn’t take long, Gray pulled back the curtain and stepped out, reaching for his towel.

  Damn, but he’d grown into a fine man. Hell, last night it had taken everything he had not to melt at the man’s feet and he’d barely had the chance to really look him over. Now, though, the leisurely sight of that glistening body perked Shane’s cock right up. Wide shoulders tapered down to lean hips and heavily muscled thighs. Gray’s ass made Michelangelo’s David’s look plain uninspiring. Like Shane, Gray had very little body hair, just a bit on his arms and legs and a dark trail down the toned belly that led to his cock. There were a few scars here and there from his days on the rodeo circuit and the bullet scar on his right deltoid, but they were battle scars and served to enhance his beauty.

  Gray ran the towel over his dark hair as his green eyes met Shane’s in the mirror. “Chief.”

  “Grayson.” He dipped his head. “Your Aunt Tara is going to ride to the hospital with us.”

  Gray nodded, then looked away.

  Well, hell! He’d known Gray was going to be bristly, but he wasn’t sure why exactly he’d be that way. Even if he was apprehensive about what he felt for Shane, there had to be something else bothering him for him to hightail it before Shane woke up. “You didn’t have to leave.”

  “I thought you’d want me to.” Gray bent to dry his legs, showing off that fine ass.

  Shane barely held back a moan. The man seemed totally unaware of his appeal and the show he was giving Shane. In fact he looked ... uncertain. “Why would I want that?”

  Gray wrapped the towel around his waist and put his hands on his hips. “You’re telling me you don’t regret it?”

  “I don’t have any regrets about last night.”

  One dark eyebrow lifted. “None?”

  “No. Why would I?” Shane raised a brow of his own.

  Gray shook his head and grabbed the pile of clothes off the counter and started to dress. He was quiet for several minutes while he yanked on a white pullover shirt, red boxers and jeans. He brushed out his hair and brushed his teeth. The whole time there was a fine tension to him that most people would have missed. But Shane knew him, and it gave him an anxious feeling in his gut.

  Gray finally turned and faced him, back against the counter, arms crossed over his chest, brow furrowed. “You don’t like ... I mean you’ve never ...” He took a deep breath and let it out. “You aren’t gay.”

  What? Shane was flabbergasted. “I’m not?” How could Gray not know? Shane pushed off the doorframe and stood in front of the younger man. He reached up and soothed the furrow with his thumb and met those worried green eyes. “I don’t understand why you think that.” He ran the backs of his fingers down one smooth cheek. Grayson leaned in to his touch, closing his eyes for a second before abruptly stepping away.

  Shane let him retreat, sensing his need for space, his need to analyze. Gray had always been that way. On the surface, he’d appeared impulsive, but Shane knew better. Everything Gray did was well thought out. He smiled fondly. “There you go again, pondering things into the ground.”

  “You confuse me, Shane.”

  “You confuse me, too, so we’re even.”

  “You’re gay?”

  “Have been for as long as I can remember.”

  “Why didn’t you ever tell me? I always thought ... You should have told me.”

  The man was going to cross every T and dot every I whether Shane wanted him to or not. He sighed. “Because by the time you were old enough to discuss that sort of thing, you’d already left.”

  Gray snatched a pair of white sneakers and socks off the closed lid of the toilet, then sat down and put them on. Shane didn’t know what Gray was thinking but whatever it was, he knew his future hinged on it. “What do we do now?” Gray whispered.

  “We take it one day at a time.”

  Gray leaned his elbows on his knees and stayed almost motionless for several minutes. Finally, he looked back at Shane. “I need you to be my friend, Shane. I can’t lose that again.”

  Shane’s stomach settled more easily; this was promising. He could deal with this, but he didn’t fool himself into thinking it was going to be easy. Nothing with Gray ever was, but it was a good start. He wasn’t going to push right now, not until they knew Ted was going to be okay and things got a little closer to being normal.

  He smoothed his fingers through Gray’s thick, dark-brown hair. There was just a hint of auburn in this light, but when the sun hit it, it looked almost as red as Kaitlyn’s fiery hair. “I was always your friend, Grayson. It was you who pulled away from me. You’re the one who left and didn’t come back.”

  The sound of the back door shutting was followed by a female voice. “Boys? Where are you?”

  Shane sighed. Damn Aunt Tara’s timing.

  Gray almost looked relieved at the interruption. He stood and slapped Shane on the shoulder. “Let’s go to the hospital.”

  § § § §

  Gray laid his head back and closed his eyes, half listening to Aunt Tara chatter to his mom and Shane. The movement of the truck and the hum of the motor was almost soothing. Today had been another emotionally draining day. Although his dad’s surgery had gone well and he was recovering, Gray’d be lying if he said he hadn’t been worried. He had gotten to see his dad in the cardiac ICU after the operation, but Ted had still been asleep. Then, for a good thirty minutes, he’d argued with his mother about her staying at the hospital. Finally, the doctor had told her she couldn’t stay in Ted’s room, adding that Dad wouldn’t be alert until the morning anyway. Only then had she agreed to go home and get a good night’s sleep. Damn, the woman was stubborn!

  Then there was him and Shane; things between them were still strained. They really hadn’t settled anything before his aunt Tara had arrived at the ranch, and they hadn’t had two minutes alone since then. He had no clue where he stood with Shane, and he’d almost felt betrayed that he hadn’t known Shane was gay. All these years why had Shane led him to believe that he’d been disgusted by Gray coming on to him? Or had he? Had Gray misunderstood? If he were honest with himself, he didn’t remember much about the actual details, just the feelings of rejection and loss.

  “Shane, honey, what is that there in the --” The truck swerved. Both the women gasped while Shane spat out an expletive.

  Gray’s eyes flew open; instinctively, he grabbed the steering wheel to get them back on the road.

  Shane slapped his hand. “I got it!”

  Gray frowned and moved back into his seat after seeing Shane really did have everything under control. “What the hell was that?”

  “Nothing.” Shane grumbled. “Sorry, everyone.”

  Kaitlyn leaned forward. “Shane, are you tired? Why don’t you pull over and let Gray drive the rest of the way home.”

  Shane’s jaw tightened. “I’m okay, Kaitlyn. I just didn’t see it.”

  See what? Gray glanced out the back window and saw the dead cow lying in the road about thirty yards back. “Hell, Shane, I can see if from here. Are you dozing off?”

  Shane’s shoulders were stiff and ... was he squinting? “No, I’m not dozing off. I’m wide awake.” He was squinting.

  Gray checked the path ahead of them and realized they were only about half a mile from home. “You need to get your eyes seen to.”

  A muscle in Shane’s jaw ticked.

  Shit. That hadn’t come out right. “What I mean is, you might need glasses now that you’re older. A lot of people --”

  Shane turned his head and glared at him, eyebrow cocked, eyes narrowed. “Do you want to drive?” His tone made it quite clear that the answer better be no, then he returned his attention to the road.

  Gray
sighed and shook his head. “No.” They were almost home. There was no sense in starting an argument over it now.

  His mother, God bless her, defused the tension. She patted Shane on the shoulder and chuckled. “Well, I didn’t see it either until we were right up on it. Good thing I wasn’t driving, I’d have probably hit it. That wasn’t one of our cows, was it, Shane?”

  “No, ma’am, that was a Jersey; we only have Herefords and Red Angus.”

  Gray barely suppressed a snort. Honestly, she could have been less obvious. His mother knew darned well what kind of cattle the Broken H raised and the woman had eyes like a hawk. There was no way she could confuse those breeds, but he was thankful for her distraction anyhow. For some reason, his eyesight was a sore point with Shane, but someone was going to have to bring it up again. Shane really did need to get his eyes inspected. That cow had been pretty visible, smack dab in the middle of the road as it was. Well, it should have been. Obviously, Shane wasn’t the only one having a hard time seeing it; someone had hit it, after all.

  They pulled into the drive and Shane parked the truck. He got out and opened the door for Aunt Tara and Gray did likewise for his mother. The women soon headed into the house, leaving them alone on the gravel. Gray leaned against the truck, his arms folded across his chest. “So, you want to tell me what that was all about?”

  Shane’s eyes flashed fire at him. “No. I want to take my decrepit ass home and go to bed.” He turned and strode off angrily, leaving Gray to stare after him.

  What the fuck?!

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Shane made it all the way to the front door and had stuck his key in the lock before his brain decided to override his pride. His eyesight was getting bad, but he’d actually been lost in thought and not paying attention to his driving or he would have seen that damned cow sooner. Still, damned if that age comment hadn’t riled him up but good.

  All right. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He was exhausted and on edge from watching the people he loved suffer all day. Ted had looked so old and helpless, not at all like the robust man Shane knew. In the surgical recovery room, he’d been unconscious and on a respirator while Kaitlyn had stayed at his side, holding his hand with tears in her eyes, and described the room and its occupants to the unresponsive man. She’d been strong for all their sakes, but her worry was clear.

  Getting older positively sucked. Seeing Ted and Kaitlyn and Tara had reminded Shane of his own mortality. He could easily picture him and Gray in the same situation, as their age difference was nearly the same as Kaitlyn and Ted’s. He never wanted Gray to go through what his mother had endured today. Shane had determined that he would put everything behind him and vowed to take better care of himself than Ted had. And then Gray had reminded him that he was aging.

  Shane banged his forehead on the door. Twice. Damn it! “Grayson!” He knew Gray hadn’t moved, but he turned from the door to see him.

  Sure enough, the other man was still standing where Shane had left him, staring back at Shane and looking confused as hell. “Yeah?”

  “Come inside ... please.”

  Gray nodded and strode toward him.

  Shane let out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, pivoted to the door and swung it wide. He desperately needed a beer. He crossed the living room, flipped on the lamp by the couch and continued into the kitchen. Grabbing two bottles from the fridge, he tossed the bottle cap from his onto the counter and took a long pull. Resting against the counter, he took another swig, draining half the bottle, then heard the front door click shut.

  Gray appeared in the kitchen seconds later. Shane held out the unopened bottle and took another drink from his own. Gray opened his drink and flipped the cap next to Shane’s on the counter. He swung one of the kitchen chairs backward and straddled it before gulping another drink, then dangling the bottle in his fingers. Resting his arms on the back of the chair, he glanced at Shane.

  Shane heaved a sigh, set down his beer and hoisted himself up to sit facing Gray. He sipped some more beer while gathering his thoughts. It was time to discuss what was between the two of them. Hell, all day they hadn’t had a chance to snatch even a few precious seconds to talk, and that was probably one reason why he was so damn short tempered.

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I had my mind on other things and was only half paying attention to the road. But you’re right, I do need to get my eyes examined.” He pinched the bridge of his nose.

  Gray raised a brow and took another drink.

  “I ...” He what? Didn’t want to be too old for Gray? That’s what it boiled down to, after all. He was getting ahead of himself. “We need to talk about last night.”

  “Yeah. I guess we do, but I don’t really want to.”

  “It’s not going away if you ignore it.”

  Gray snorted. “No shit, chief. I’ve been trying to ignore how I feel for close to twelve years, and it sure as hell hasn’t gone away.”

  Twelve years? What was Gray talking about? “Well, then, I reckon it’s time you faced it. Talk.”

  Gray rested his chin on the chair back, twirled the beer bottle, swished the liquid. He was quiet for several moments, then he looked up at Shane, eyebrows drawn together. “Why?”

  “Why what?”

  “Why everything? Why last night? Why what happened eleven some years ago? Why did you let me leave?” Gray’s voice seemed to tremble a little on the last question. He chugged his beer, clearly trying to pretend it hadn’t.

  Whoa! “All right, I’m lost; you said that like you expected me to keep you here. I don’t understand, Grayson. How was I supposed to do that?”

  Gray sighed. “You didn’t want me and pushed me away all those years ago. So why have you all of a sudden decided that you do want me? What’s changed?”

  “I’ve always wanted you. At first it was just because I loved you. Then, as you grew older, it turned to lust, too. There has never been a day that’s gone by that I don’t want you around.”

  Gray stood, tossed back the rest of his beer, then set it on the table with a thud before taking another out of the fridge. Once he was seated again, he looked at Shane, his gaze hard. “The summer I turned seventeen, we went fishing together. You remember?”

  Shane shook his head. “We always went fishing together.”

  “No, this time was different. We’d been talking. I was telling you about my break up with, oh, hell, what was her name, the little blond. Christy? Yeah, that was it, Christy. I kept trying to tell you why I went from girlfriend to girlfriend, but you wouldn’t listen. You kept interrupting me. So, I tried to kiss you and you --”

  Oh, fuck! Shane dropped his head in his hands. Now he remembered it perfectly. Gray had kept trying to tell him he was gay and Shane had kept trying not to hear. He thought he’d somehow influenced Gray. It had bothered him terribly that Gray had tried to kiss him ... because he’d wanted it so damned bad. He’d even thought he must have manipulated Gray into it, not to mention that Gray had been too damned young to know what the hell he wanted at the time. Afterward, Shane had half convinced himself that it had never happened, that it had all been his wishful thinking.

  Shane dropped his hands and looked up. “And I ignored that, too. That’s why you left?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I ... you were so young, Grayson.”

  Gray’s mouth gaped just a bit, then his jaw clenched and he glared at Shane. “That’s it, isn’t it? That’s what that little episode in the truck was about, too. You think you’re too old for me. Well, fuck you, Shane!” Gray rose and stomped out the back door, slamming it behind him.

  Shane wanted to follow, but forced himself to stay put. They best way to deal with Gray had always been to let him work things out himself. Either he would get over being pissed, or he’d get madder. One way or another, he’d eventually come back. At least, he’d always done so before ... Well, that was then, but he didn’t think G
ray would have changed all that much. Shane sighed. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

  He finished his beer, opened another, then parked his old, tired ass on the couch.

  § § § §

  Son of a bitch! He’d spent all those years away for nothing. Wasted time when he could have spent them with Shane. Damn, Shane anyway! Gray took a swig of beer, then stared at the bottle. He seriously considered hurling it across the yard, but then he’d have to go pick it up, not to mention probably have to fend off his mom and aunt’s questions. He blew out a breath and turned the bottle upside down, letting the drink flow out onto the ground. Suddenly, he just didn’t feel like drinking. He was afraid if he continued, he wouldn’t stop, and drinking never solved anything, especially when you were doing it to drown your sorrows or regrets or whatever the fuck else.

  He stepped off the porch and headed toward the barrels by the barn. There wasn’t any trash service out here so you burned your garbage or recycled. Glasses in one barrel, aluminum in another, paper and perishables in the “burn barrel” and plastics in yet another. What a pain in the ass! He’d never minded going out to burn trash as a kid, that had been fun, but he sure as hell hated having to sort the shit. He found the glass barrel and chucked the bottle in, satisfied with the sharp clink and crash when it broke.

  He wandered over to the fence, listening to the sounds of the night, taking everything in. Even with the sun down it was hot, but there was nice breeze, so it was bearable. In some ways, he’d really missed the ranch. He’d missed the peacefulness, the stars, the sound of crickets and critters at night. The skeeters were probably going to suck him dry, but he didn’t care. He needed to get away; he needed to think.

  He carefully climbed through the barbed wire along the fencing and kept going. With the moon lighting his way, he could see just fine. It really was pretty land. He had no real direction in mind, or so he tried to tell himself. He hated to admit it, but even while riding the rodeo circuit and spending time in San Antonio, he’d been homesick for all of this. Shane and his parents hadn’t been the only things he’d missed.