The Broken H

by J. L. Langley

  Damn it! Why had Shane let him go over something so stupid? How could the man have possibly thought that he was too old, or that age even mattered? Hell, Shane hadn’t even known why Gray had taken off. All this time, he’d carried around the hurt and rejection and Shane hadn’t even had a fucking clue. What did that mean? Apparently, he wasn’t even worth Shane getting upset over.

  Gray sighed when the stock pond came into view. He hadn’t been here since that day, and obviously the entire event was only a bad memory for him. “Fuck!”

  Something stirred in the grass and moved away. He probably should have brought a gun, but no way in hell was he going back for it now. Snakes and coyotes be damned. The mood he was in he’d just jump on them and rip them to shreds with his bare hands if any decided to bother him.

  Gray sank down to the ground and pulled his knees up to his chest as he surveyed the moonlit water. It was so serene here that it was hard to believe this was the spot where he’d made a decision that had disrupted a large part of his life. Not that it had been all bad. He’d never have gone and ridden bulls if it hadn’t happened, and he damned sure wouldn’t have been a lawman.

  He couldn’t regret those things; they’d helped to make him who he was. He’d really discovered who he was while riding the circuit and he’d made some friends. He’d also, as the saying went, sowed some wild oats. And, of course, he’d won enough money to put himself through college and get a bachelor’s degree in criminal justice. His parents would have gladly paid for his schooling, but he’d wanted to make his own way. He’d tested with the force in San Antonio, then they’d put him through the academy. He’d spent four years there, then he’d returned home, ran for sheriff and, wham, the rest was history. He still wasn’t sure why he’d come back instead of staying in San Antonio. No, that wasn’t true; he’d come back to be near Shane. Not that he’d ever have admitted it at the time, but in the back of his mind he’d always held out hope that someday, Shane would forgive him and maybe even love him.

  Gray snorted and lay back in the grass, staring up at the stars and listening to the breeze move the water. That was his problem, of course; despite his years as a cowboy and, later, an officer, he was a still fucking hopeless romantic. How pathetic was that? Even that frickin’ day, sitting just a few yards away from where he was now, he’d somehow convinced himself that Shane felt the same way he had.

  He’d just caught a fish and started reeling it in when Shane’s hand landed on his shoulder, then his other tried to snag the fishing pole.

  “Quick! You’re going to lose it! Reel it in, Grayson!”

  “I am!” He laughed and kept reeling, then jerked the pole back, but still lost the fish. But he and Shane got a good chuckle out of it on account that Gray stepped back, lost his footing and slid in the mud.

  Shane cackled so hard the man nearly lost his own fishing pole when he got a bite on the forgotten line lying on the bank. He and Shane both fell all over the place trying to get the pole before it disappeared into the water. In the end, Shane lost his fish, too.

  They scooted back up the bank and lay in the grass, side by side, still chuckling. After they fell quiet, he tried to tell Shane he was gay, but Shane kept changing the subject. Gray was frustrated to no end and pretty certain that Shane knew damned well what Gray wanted to tell him, but he let it go.

  He and chief spent most of the rest of the afternoon not saying a word, just fishing.

  Funny how Shane had always been one of the few people Gray could just relax with and not feel uncomfortable or awkward. With Chief, it was more like a companionable silence, like they knew what the other was thinking so really didn’t need to say anything.

  Shane eventually sat up and got them both a Coke from the cooler they’d brought down with them. Somehow or another when their hands had touched as Shane handed the beverage over, Gray had decided to kiss Shane.

  Why had he done that? Gray jerked upright, blindly staring out over the water. He thought hard for a minute, trying to remember things about that day he’d always tried to forget. Why had he felt like it was a good idea to kiss Shane? He closed his eyes, sifting his memories. He could almost picture Shane’s face just as it was that day. Shane had leaned into him first! Indeed, chief had licked his lips and tilted his head just a fraction. Gray’s hands had touched Shane’s chest, caressing just briefly, before Shane had covered his hands with his. For just a second, Gray had thought Shane was holding them there to savor the sensation, then he’d shoved Gray away, a look of absolute horror on his face.

  Gray’s eyes flew open. How had he forgotten that? He’d completely overlooked the fact that Shane had more or less made the first move. Instead, he’d obsessed about what he had thought was Shane’s rejection.

  Shane mumbled an apology as he reared back. But Gray didn’t stick around; he felt like such an idiot. He couldn’t get the look of horror on Shane’s face out of his head. He sprinted back to the big house and locked himself in his room where he made the decision to leave as soon as he graduated and turned eighteen.

  At dinner -- Shane always ate dinner with the Hunters -- Shane asked him if he wanted to go fishing again the next day. Gray got pissed off all over again that Shane had already put the incident behind him. Chief was acting just as he always had, like Gray’s friend, his protector.

  “Shit!” What if Shane’s horrified expression was due to disgust with himself rather than anger with Gray? Gray flung himself back in the grass again, gazing at the stars but not really seeing them. That was it! It had to be. Now things were beginning to make more sense. He ran his hands down his face, relaxing just a little as he remembered a scene from his childhood.

  He was seven, sitting on Shane’s shoulder as they walked up and down the stable aisles at a livestock auction. Chief was nineteen or twenty and had both his hands securely around Gray’s ankles while Gray’s hands were wrapped around Shane’s forehead.

  In one of the stalls, there was a beautiful brown Tobiano Paint. Gray fell head over heels in love. He had to have that horse. He tapped Shane’s head and pointed. “There, chief! That one! I want that one. I’m going to name him Thunder! That’s the perfect horse for a brave.”

  Shane chuckled and went to the stall to have a better look. They got too close and the horse shied away. Shane stepped back, too. “I don’t know, Grayson. I don’t think this horse is broke. Why don’t we look around a little more?”

  “No.”

  “Aw, come on, Grayson. Besides that, this is a mare. You can’t name a girl horse Thunder. Thunder is a name more fitting to a stallion or a gelding.”

  Gray shook his head so hard that Shane squeezed his hands around the boy’s ankles and moved to compensate for the movements.

  Shane sighed again and called out to Ted.

  Dad joined them in no time. “What’s up, Shane?”

  Shane pointed at the mare.

  Gray did, too. “That one, daddy.”

  Ted looked resigned. “I already asked about that one, Gray. She’s a two year old that’s barely green broke.”

  Gray tapped Shane on the head again and leaned down, forcing Shane to grab Gray’s back, lest he fall off Shane’s shoulders. “That one. It has to be that one, chief.”

  Shane turned to Ted. “I’ll finish breaking the horse if you tell me how. I know I can do it.”

  Ted frowned up at his son, then glanced back at Shane. “I don’t know, Shane.”

  “I just need someone to guide me, Ted. You know if I say I’ll do it, I will.”

  Ted looked once more at Gray and sighed. “Katy will have my head if you get hurt, Shane.” He shook his head and walked off, mumbling under his breath. “You spoil that boy.”

  And that had been that. Gray had gotten his first horse, and Shane had gotten to break his first horse.

  He rose from the ground and dusted himself off. Why hadn’t he seen it before? Dad had been right; Shane had always acted as his protector and had spoiled him, too. Looking at their relationshi
p from that perspective, Gray had no trouble seeing why anything resembling intimacy might have been difficult for Shane. It wasn’t just the age difference, of course. Gray had always been Shane’s responsibility, albeit self-imposed, but still ... Shane had wanted him, probably had for a while. Gray no longer had any doubts about that. He knew Shane well enough to know that that day by the pond had likely made Shane believe he was taking advantage of the teenager Gray had been.

  Somehow the thought that Shane had looked after him, had cared for him enough to protect Gray even from Shane himself, made Gray feel much better about the situation. Ironically, what Shane had never understood was that the only person Gray had never wanted or needed protecting from was Shane.

  Gray trotted back to Shane’s cottage, making a trip by the stables to see Thunder, then by the big house to retrieve his clothes for the following day. He wasn’t letting what he thought Shane felt run him off this time, and he wasn’t going to let his own insecurities do it, either. Shane was his, always had been, and Gray was going to make sure Shane realized it as well.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Something disturbed him.

  Shane blinked his bleary eyes open to find Gray removing Shane’s boots as he reclined on the couch. After Gray tugged the second boot off his foot, Shane sat up and yawned.

  “Didn’t mean to wake you, chief.” Gray seated himself on the end of the couch.

  “‘S okay.” Shane glanced at the clock. 2 a.m. About a couple of hours after Gray stormed out. “You want to talk yet?” Shane stretched his hands over his head and twisted side to side, making his vertebrae pop.

  Gray nodded. “I thought you were disgusted when you pushed me away. I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me after I tried to kiss you. I was embarrassed and I guess I let that color my perception.”

  Shane grinned. That was his boy! Always so responsible. He’d never been one to not admit when he was wrong, but Shane wasn’t letting him take this one by himself. If there was blame to go around, then Shane had accept some, too. Probably more than Gray, if truth be told. “It’s my fault, too, Grayson. I could have done a lot of things differently. I should have sat you down and demanded to know what was wrong. I had plenty of opportunity to do so before you left, but I just didn’t trust myself to keep my hands off you. I didn’t want you to do anything you might regret, but I admit I also thought you were going through a phase or that I’d somehow projected my feelings and desires onto you.”

  Gray shut his eyes briefly, a serene little smile on his face, and nodded. After several silent moments, he said, “You aren’t old.”

  Shane wanted to crawl across the couch and kiss that grin from his mouth; instead, he found himself smiling back. That was all he’d needed, to hear Gray acknowledge he understood why Shane had done and said the things he’d did made him feel better about it. “Truce?”

  Those green eyes blinked open, practically dancing. “Truce. Where do we go from here?”

  “Where do you want to go from here?”

  The grin Gray gave him should have clued him in, but Shane was just so thrilled to have that particular look turned on him for the first time in years that he didn’t see it coming.

  “Bed.”

  “Excuse me?” No way could it be this simple. Gray never did anything the easy way. Sure the younger man had always weighed the consequences before he acted, but he still did things his way. Which was not necessarily how others wanted them done, including Shane.

  “Bed.”

  “Bed? As in sex or as in sleeping?”

  “Both, actually.” Gray got up and held his hand out to Shane.

  Shane took it, letting Gray pull him up. He was as confused. He’d been positive Gray would want to take things slow, and he’d resigned himself to it. But damn if the man hadn’t just thrown him for a loop.

  They stood there for several seconds, staring into each other’s eyes, then Gray leaned forward and kissed him. It wasn’t a deep kiss or overly lingering, but Shane was positive he’d never had its equal. Somehow the mood had shifted and everything felt ... right. “Okay, let’s go.” He was surprised, not stupid; there was no way he was going to turn that offer down.

  The smile Gray gave him was blinding. “I feel sticky from being outside. I’ll lock the back door while you go start the shower. I already went and got my stuff and left Mom and Aunt Tara a note saying we’d meet them at the hospital tomorrow around nine.”

  “You’re gonna sleep here?”

  Gray winked. “I plan on it.”

  Damn, that look was enough to give a man a raging case of hormones. Shane silently told his libido to shut the hell up and beamed back at Gray.

  “Be right back ... old man.” Gray hightailed into the kitchen, trailing chuckles behind him.

  Shane groaned and grabbed his boots. The little shit! He should have known better than to confess his insecurity to Gray. Now he was going to have to endure endless old men remarks and jokes.

  He dropped his footwear by his closet, continued on to the bathroom and started the shower. It wasn’t long before he heard Gray fumbling around in the bedroom.

  Shane laid out a couple of towels, stripped and got under the water. He tilted his face up into the spray and was reaching for the shampoo bottle when a small draft stopped him, followed by the snick of the shower door. Two arms soon wrapped around him from behind. Shane pulled his face out of the water and leaned back against Gray’s strong body, which fit against Shane like he was born to it.

  Gray’s hard prick pressed against his butt and his chin came to rest on Shane’s shoulder. Shane reached over his head and wound his arms around Gray’s neck. His own dick stiffened at Gray’s nearness. The very knowledge that he had the object of his lust with him and all the time in the world to explore was a heady feeling. He dropped his head back and pulled Gray forward, then turned his head to kiss him. Gray opened right up, moaning when their tongues touched.

  Gray ran his hands up and down Shane’s chest. Shane closed his eyes and relaxed. His lover’s hands felt so good; he had strong hands, big and calloused, like Shane’s own. They caressed over Shane’s chest and stomach, never quite straying where Shane wanted them to.

  Just as Gray’s fingers skimmed over the tip of Shane’s fully erect cock, he stopped rubbing and reached over Shane’s shoulder, grabbing something off the shelf in front of them. A cap clicked open and the scent of vanilla surrounded them. Shampoo.

  Gray kissed his shoulder and began to soap his hair. He massaged Shane’s scalp, fingers lingering. “Love your hair, Chief.” Gray’s lips met his shoulder again, then he continued to lather up Shane’s hair.

  Shane couldn’t help the moan that escaped. Gray had great hands, gentle and firm at the same time. Even with an erection, it was relaxing. He could almost go to sleep right here.

  “Close your eyes and tilt your head back.” Gray pulled the shower nozzle off the wall and rinsed Shane’s hair, then replaced it before picking up the mesh sponge and shower gel. “Turn around.” Gray tugged on his arm.

  Shane stood there, eyes closed, and simply enjoyed feeling Gray’s hands on his body. The sponge traced his shoulders, pecs and stomach. Gray’s palm followed, exploring, learning.

  “Got a great body, Shane. You always have. I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time. Just run my hands all over you, touch you.”

  Oh, damn, what a confession. Shane moaned, leaning deeper into the caresses. Gray made him feel like a god. Soapy hands slid down his belly, stopping to circle his belly button, then toyed with the dark curls above his cock. “Oh ...”

  The adoration in that voice had Shane’s eyes opening. Gray was staring, apparently mesmerized, his hands roaming restlessly over Shane’s torso. He trailed one finger up Shane’s harder-than-nails prick, then back down before he enclosed his fist over it.

  Shane’s stomach clenched, and his breath hitched.

  Gray’s eyes flew to his: beautiful eyes full of awe. He held Shane in his hand --
not stroking, not squeezing -- just held him. His other hand rested over Shane’s heart. Surely Gray must be able to feel how hard Shane’s heart was pounding.

  Shane reached up, trailing his fingers down Gray’s face. Sometimes it was hard to see the little boy he’d so adored in this adult face in front of him. He could almost forget who Gray was if it weren’t for the eyes. Those green, green eyes. Shane skimmed a finger over the his lover’s eyelids, along straight perfect nose, down to the shallow, barely there cleft in Gray’s chin. He traced his finger over Gray’s bottom lip.

  Gray gasped, bringing Shane’s gaze back to his. He leaned into Shane’s hand, giving Shane no choice but to cup his cheek. When he spoke, his voice a whisper, almost a question, and it was full of wonder. “You think you aren’t good enough for me.”

  Shane stilled. “No one is good enough for you, Grayson.” He brushed a kiss across Gray’s lips. “No one ever has been.”

  Gray moaned and pushed into his arms, pressing his strong hard body against Shane’s, then devoured Shane’s mouth, pushing needy little sounds into it. The hand still on Shane’s prick stroked. Gray pulled back, biting Shane’s flesh between the neck and shoulder. Just like that, they’d gone from a slow, exploratory loving to this heated passion.

  Shane shivered. “Jesus! Let’s get out of the shower before we fall down.”

  Gray continued raining kisses and bites over his shoulders and chest. “Yeah, chief. Yeah. Want you.”

  “Anything you wish, love.” Shane extracted himself from Gray long enough to hose off the remaining soap from both of them and shut down the water.

  Gray opened the shower door and grabbed the towels, swiftly drying himself, then helping Shane dry his hair and body. Shane grinned and let him, watching Gray’s pretty cock bob with every move he made and the flex of those big thigh muscles as Gray bent. “Enough. Come on. We will likely need another shower after we get wet again.”